13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I wasn't taking any chances today. I'd gathered a whole selection of meat-free meal options from the kitchen, and a fresh batch of ojurac that I'd gone home yesterday to get. I'd even filled a clay pot with a lid with boiling water, so I could make us fresh tea.

Everything had to be perfect. I'd missed Meera's company dearly, and I wanted it back. Whatever I had to do to for things to go back to the way they were, I would do it.

Since Meera had cleared the overgrowth, the river was visible from the upper windows of Elverston House. While I'd laid down a blanket next to one of the large trees so we weren't entirely on display, I was very much aware that there were eyes on me from the house.

It was a little unsettling, in all honesty, but I did my best to ignore it. It was important that the new Hunters grew comfortable around Shades, and I felt the weight of responsibility with each set of eyes on me, wanting to model impeccable behavior for them.

"Hi!" Meera said, slightly out of breath as she flopped onto the blanket next to me. "Did you plan a picnic? Verner, this is so nice."

"It's a special occasion."

"Is it?"

"Yes. We're having lunch together again. That's special to me."

I could have sworn Meera's scent turned to liquid so syrupy sweet that I could taste it. It wasn't desire, of course. I knew what that smelled like—I worked for the queen.

It was something nearly as potent though. Rich and bright and addictive. As I uncapped the jar of hot water, tea seemed like a poor substitute for whatever that emotion was.

"Ooh, ojurac!" Meera said, peeking inside the basket. "Verner, you went all out. Thank you so much."

"Of course," I murmured, watching her. "Help yourself to anything you'd like—Calix has been trialing lots of meat-free options."

Something about Meera seemed different. Felt different. It was a little disconcerting to realize that she seemed happier . Had her life been more pleasant without me in it? Or was this joy related to seeing me again? It seemed delusional to hope for the latter.

"How did your conversation at Elverston House go yesterday?" I asked as Meera helped remove the lids from all the bowls, setting them out in front of us and handing me the one filled with roasted meat.

"Good, I think? I went back this morning and everyone had agreed that they were fine with me working in the garden." She paused, her face going a little pink. "They asked that I be the one to go and visit them going forward, rather than Ophelia. I don't know why."

I tilted my head to the side. "I do. You have a very soothing presence, Meera. They may feel that they have to live up to the queen's enthusiasm and that might be difficult for them."

She nibbled on the edge of one of the hard flat breads Calix was so fond of making these days. "Maybe you're right. I used to find it a little overwhelming."

"But you don't anymore?"

Meera frowned thoughtfully. "No, not really. I wonder when that happened."

"Perhaps the time we spent apart was good for you?" I suggested, trying and failing to keep my voice light.

"Absolutely not." Meera gave me a sharp look that sent an odd shiver down my spine. "It wasn't that. Well… Okay, it wasn't because we spent time apart, but rather that I've spent time apart from everyone recently. The others are all getting married off, and they're busy. I've been spending time with Iris, but she's in pretty high demand—she's basically the nicest person you'll ever meet in your life, so of course everyone wants to befriend her."

"Have you been lonely?" I asked, hating the thought.

"I think I knew I didn't have to be lonely, and that was the difference between what I felt here and what I would have experienced in the human realm. At any point, if I'd reached out and said I was struggling, someone would have been there."

"I would have," I said firmly.

Meera nodded. "I know. I'm really sorry I ran. That was cowardly of me."

"I knew you well enough not to take it personally," I said wryly, nudging her leg with my foot. "But I'd appreciate it if you didn't do it again."

She nodded firmly, her expression solemn but her scent still soft and sweet. "Never again."

We ate in silence for a long while and I was desperate to ask about her brief trip to the human realm. From what Evrin had said, she'd saved Tallulah and Austin with her bravery, but he'd also mentioned that she hadn't wanted to talk about it all afterward—even when Tallulah had asked. It was probably the most interaction Meera had had with the Hunters in years, and perhaps the impact it had on her was further reaching than she'd expected it to be.

"Did you visit your parents?" Meera asked, holding up the ojurac.

"Not on that particular trip back, but I did stop by and see them on a different day."

"How was it?" The calm understanding in her voice was everything. No wonder the Hunters still staring at us from the windows of Elverston House felt more comfortable speaking to her than anyone else.

"It was as expected. Though it was illuminating too, I suppose. Speaking of illuminating…"

I pulled a small velvet bag out of the basket, loosening the strings and letting the contents spill out onto the grass.

"Are these… mini orbs?" Meera asked, picking one up and holding it between her fingers. The small orb glowed with a pale silvery light, though it was difficult to see during the day.

"They are," I agreed, clearing a space on the ground for us before drawing a circle with my finger, leaving the faintest hint of a shadow behind. "Do you want to play a game?"

"With the orbs?"

"Sure." I divided them in two groups, pushing one toward Meera. "It's a battle of sorts. We each have one orb in the circle at a time, and we are trying to knock the other's out of the ring."

I demonstrated the motion, flicking the orb with my thumb to shoot it across the circle. "If you knock mine out, you keep that orb. The winner is the one who has most of their opponents orbs at the end."

Meera smiled softly, surveying the game. "Like marbles, I get it. Is this a popular game?"

"Not among adults," I admitted, setting two orbs in the circle so we could begin. "But it is among children. This type of set is probably more popular among children of the nobility," I added, slightly embarrassed of the fact.

Shades from families who weren't like mine probably played with balls made of clay.

"Have you had this set since you were a kid?" Meera asked, angling her hand when I gestured for her to go first.

"Yes, actually. I didn't take much with me when I left Sunlis, but for some reason, I didn't want to leave this behind."

"Maybe it had some fond memories for you."

I watched curiously, expecting Meera's lack of claws to make the movement more challenging, but if anything, it was easier. She got a surprising amount of power behind the movement, and her orb clinked against mine immediately, though it didn't push it far enough to knock it out.

"You get another turn as you hit it," I told her.

Meera glanced up at me with a mischievous smile so bright and beautiful, it could have brought any grown Shade to their knees. "Don't sound so surprised about that. I have good aim, remember? I was great at throwing daggers."

"I remember," I assured her.

Was I broken? The reminder should have cooled my ardor like anything else, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. Time apart hadn't eased my affection for Meera even a little. She was still so…

So everything. So everything .