35. Anthony

Wyatt warned me when we got back to the hotel that it would probably be a rough night. I wasn’t surprised. Though the time we’d spent with his family had been happy and fun, there was that undercurrent of stress and worry that was impossible to ignore. His dad was sick. His mom was exhausted. And something kept passing between Wyatt and Jon that reminded me of Simon and me—when two people were resolutely refusing to talk about something that was going to fester until they did talk about it.

By the time we made it back to the hotel, exhaustion had been radiating off Wyatt. He’d even given the minibar a longing look, though he hadn’t indulged.

And it was no surprise at all when a nightmare had us all wide awake.

Lily was the first to react. She switched on the light, and she jostled me out of a sound sleep when she ran over me to get to Wyatt. By the time my brain had caught up, she was already on his chest and licking his face.

Wyatt, thank God, was awake, too. His eyes were closed, but he was petting Lily with trembling hands.

I slid closer to both of them. “Hey. You okay?”

Eyes still closed, he swallowed hard and nodded. His voice came out hoarse as he said, “I’m good.”

I patted Lily’s side. Hopefully that wouldn’t distract her, but she deserved the praise.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked, wiping a shaky hand over his face. “I knew this would happen tonight. I should’ve—”

“Don’t,” I whispered, and kissed his temple again. “I just want you to be okay.”

His laugh was bitter and dry. “God, I fucking wish.” He swallowed again, harder this time, and his voice almost cracked as he said, “That’s the one thing I want more than anything in the world—to just… be okay.”

I stroked his hair, not sure how to respond.

“It’s exhausting,” he whispered. “Everything in my life is—I mean, my head’s fucked up, so everything else is too. I can’t get away from it. My dad, my mental health, my financial situation—I can’t sleep. I can’t have conversations without dodging landmines. I can’t…” He sighed, turning exhausted, wet eyes on me. “I miss being okay.”

“I know you do.” I had no idea what else to say, because I couldn’t imagine.

Wyatt gently urged Lily to get up. She reluctantly did, pausing to lick his chin.

“I’m okay, baby,” he said as he patted her shoulder. “You did good. I’m okay.”

Her tail wagged tentatively, and he let a faint smile break through. Well, there was that. I didn’t know what to do or say in these moments, but Lily always seemed to know what he needed.

She finally got up enough that he could sit up, and he pressed his elbows into his thighs as he kneaded his temples. “This fucking sucks.”

I sat beside him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Is there anything I can do?”

He pushed out a long breath as he leaned against me. “There isn’t anything anyone can do. But…” He tipped up his chin and kissed me softly. “This helps a lot. I’m sorry it fucks up your sleep, though.”

“I’ll be fine.” I pulled him closer and stroked his hair. “I’m just glad you have Lily for when I’m not there. She’s good at what she does.”

Wyatt relaxed a little, and as he petted her, he said, “Don’t know what I’d do without her.” After a moment, he lifted his head and met my gaze. “It’s… I’ve weathered this for a long time either on my own or with her. But having you here—that helps too. A lot.”

I managed a tired smile as I carded my fingers through his hair. “Just tell me if there’s anything more I can do.”

He just kissed me lightly and leaned against me again.

I closed my eyes and held him. This hadn’t been the worst night since we’d been sleeping together. Sometimes the nightmares came on so fast and fierce, even Lily couldn’t wake him up before he was thrashing and shouting. She’d been ahead of the dreams tonight, though, and I was grateful for that.

After a while, Wyatt said, “I think the worst part is knowing I’ll never be completely okay. Some things will get better, but other things…” He sighed. “My leg will grow back before some of this other shit ever goes away, you know?”

I grimaced. “That’s a lot. I’m sorry.”

“But I have a lot of support.” He took my hand and met my gaze with a faint smile. “You’ve made a big difference. Today was hard in a lot of ways, but I’m really, really glad we did this. Even if…” He gestured at his head.

“Just say the word if there’s any other way I can help.”

Wyatt was already shaking his head, and his smile came more fully to life. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

He kissed me before I could argue, so I didn’t.

I was glad I could help him through the hard stuff. And I was glad I’d come to Oregon with him, both to support him and just… to be with him.

I couldn’t think of anywhere I’d rather be.

We weren’tdue back at the family’s house until about eleven. Though Christmas morning breakfast was a tradition, his mom had decided it would be brunch this year.

That gave us time to sleep in a little and make up for last night. After all, nightmares never came alone—there’d been three that I could recall. It was for the best we both had a chance to catch up on sleep instead of showing up looking like zombies and worrying the family.

It also gave me a chance to call my parents, who were spending the holidays in Greece. I was thrilled they were finally getting to see the world; though I was often hesitant to spend money on myself, I happily sent them anywhere they wanted to go in the most luxurious accommodations I could find. After all the sacrifices they’d made for me, they deserved it.

“You really need to come here someday yourself!” Mom exclaimed from the deck of their Santorini hotel. “It’s beautiful, and the food is amazing!”

“It’s on my bucket list,” I said with a smile. “That’s why I sent you guys there—so you could tell me if it’s worth visiting.”

Dad tsked. “Ah, there it is. We’re just your travel reviewers.”

With the most playfully indifferent shrug I could muster, I said, “Pretty much, yeah.”

My parents laughed. They regaled me with all the adventures they’d been having, and how they’d met another couple who knew some of the hole-in-the-wall restaurants the locals visited.

“Make sure you write them down for me,” I said. “Those are the best places to eat!”

“They’ve been amazing so far,” Dad said. “Well, except that one place. Ugh. What a disgrace.”

Mom also grimaced. “We should’ve known it was bad when it was empty on a Friday night.”

And of course, the conversation eventually landed in a predictable spot:

“Where’s Simon?” Mom asked. “Aren’t you two visiting his family?”

“We are,” I lied through my teeth. “He’s taking a shower, and then we’re heading over. I’ll tell him you said hi, though.”

“Tell him and the whole family we said Merry Christmas.”

“Will do.”

After we’d ended the call, I indulged in a moment of self-loathing. I hated lying to them. I hated that I couldn’t even tell my parents what was going on with Simon and me. They wouldn’t go to the press or anything, but my mom would worry herself sick over both of us for as long as we had to keep things a secret. It was easier to just let them think everything was fine. Fortunately, Simon and I always stayed in a hotel when we visited his folks, since while they were absolutely lovely people and had plenty of room, they were… a lot. We both needed the escape to a hotel to decompress each night.

Weirdly, I wasn’t hit with much sadness or nostalgia about those trips. I’d adored his family and enjoyed the visits, but I didn’t miss them as much as I was relieved to be done with Simon. Right now, I felt about as sad about losing them as I had a favorite sweatshirt my ex-girlfriend had stolen—kinda bummed, but hardly mourning.

Something told me that meant Simon and I should’ve broken up a long time ago.

I glanced up as Wyatt and Lily came out of the bathroom. His hair was wet and his jaw was freshly shaved, a towel around his waist and all his ink on display.

The melancholy fluttered away, replaced by that little jump in my heartrate that happened every time I saw him.

He met my gaze and paused, eyeing me. “What?”

“Nothing.” I got up and came closer. Tugging at his towel, I murmured against his lips, “Just wondering if I get to open my Christmas present?”

Wyatt laughed softly, sliding his hands up my back. “We need to leave in like twenty minutes.” He nipped my lower lip. “Think that’s enough time?”

I pulled the towel free and let it drop to the floor. “More than enough time.”