34. Wyatt

December flew by, and before I knew it, Anthony was off for Christmas. Which meant the kitties had a babysitter and we were off to Oregon to see my family.

The drive to Portland wasn’t bad. It was about three hours—closer to four in traffic—but it was fairly scenic in places, especially in that long stretch between Olympia and the state line.

Riding beside Anthony in his Land Rover definitely wasn’t a chore. He had on a pair of wraparound sunglasses, and he was relaxed in the driver seat even when traffic slowed to a grind. For as hot-tempered as he could be on the ice, he was chill as could be on the road, sipping a giant coffee and shooting the shit with me while we crawled down I-5.

As we inched through gridlock in Tacoma, he gestured over his shoulder. “Let me know if she needs to stop. There are some rest areas after we get past Olympia, but I can find a place if she needs it.”

“She’ll be fine.” I glanced back at Lily, who was lying across the backseat, relaxed but alert. “Must be nice having a ton of space back there, huh, baby?”

Her tail thumped on the seat.

Anthony laughed. “Yeah, it probably gets a little crowded when she’s sharing it with the boys.”

“Only because you have two enormous cats.”

“Hey, she’s not exactly a toy breed either.”

“No, but she’s maybe slightly bigger than an average dog.” I picked up my own coffee from the cupholder. “Your cats are large.”

“Pfft. Fake news.”

I choked on my coffee. He just snickered. I rolled my eyes and flipped him off, then took another sip. “And the cats—they’ll really be okay alone in the house?”

“Oh yeah.” He waved a hand. “They’re cats.”

“Yeah, but they obviously like having someone there.”

“They do. They’re used to being on their own from when Simon and I were traveling, though, and this is a fairly short trip.”

There was that. The League’s schedule was brutal, so we couldn’t stay in Portland very long. He’d played a game last night, and he had to be back for practice two days after Christmas. He’d offered several times to get me a train ticket and pick me up at the station if I wanted to stick around for a few more days, but I’d declined. I didn’t need him spending more money on me, and anyway, my mom had her hands full enough without me overstaying my welcome. As it was, we were staying in a hotel just so we wouldn’t be in the way.

Thinking about all that brought my spirits down a little. I took a deep breath. “Listen, uh… Fair warning? I don’t know how sick my dad has been recently. He’s had some stretches where he’s okay, and others where he’s…” I squirmed in my seat. “Not okay. And it’s kind of hard to see, you know?”

Anthony nodded as I spoke. “That’s gotta be rough for you.”

“It is.” I thumbed the lid on my coffee cup. “I’m not sure I’m ready for it.”

“I don’t think anyone’s ever ready for that.” He glanced at me, and even with his sunglasses on, the softness in his expression came through. “I’ll be there, though.” From the creases in his forehead, I wondered if he was scrambling for the right thing to say. Something reassuring that wasn’t a platitude or a cliché. Because really, who the hell knew what to say in situations like this? I sure as hell didn’t.

I reached across our coffees and covered his hand with mine. “I appreciate it. And I mean, it is Christmas. So I don’t think it’ll be all doom and gloom.”

The tension in his expression eased. “I’m sure it won’t be.”

I hoped it wouldn’t. My family was usually pretty upbeat, especially around the holidays, and I didn’t imagine even my dad’s illness would kill that completely. Not when this might very well be Dad’s last—

I cleared my throat. “So, uh, will it be weird if I introduce you as my boyfriend?”

The question seemed to catch Anthony a little off-guard. He tensed slightly, glancing at me. “Uh. I mean, I’m not sure what else you’d tell them. I’m assuming not ‘booty call’ or ‘fuck buddy.’”

I snorted, grateful for the levity. “No. Definitely not.”

He chuckled, but then he sobered, shifting in his seat. “We, um…” He swallowed. “All joking aside, do you think… Do you think ‘boyfriend’ is accurate?”

I studied him. Something about the way he said it made me think he was hoping I’d say yes. “I… Well, it does fit?”

Anthony glanced at me, the corner of his mouth curling up slightly. “Yeah?”

“Well, yeah.” I shrugged, grinning myself. “We’re not just screwing, you know?” I had a split second to panic, thinking I’d read way too far into everything.

But that smile… oh my God.

He reached across the console and laced our fingers together. “No, we’re not just screwing. We can figure out all the details as we go, but… ‘boyfriends’ works.”

I almost laughed. Not because it was funny, but because I was just so blown away that this was real. This man who’d scraped me up off the street and was now taking me to Oregon to see my parents thought this thing between us actually had some legs. Holy shit.

“I agree,” was all I said, and his smile made my heart flutter.

We drove in comfortable silence for a mile or so. Then he glanced across the console at me. “So does your family have any weird Christmas traditions I should know about?”

I chuckled. “Like what?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “One of my teammates said his grandma gives everyone—and I mean everyone—underwear on Christmas.”

I burst out laughing, which felt fantastic. “Seriously?”

“Yep.” Anthony chuckled. “I don’t know what the deal was, but my teammate said the first year he brought his wife home, she was like…” He made an exaggeratedly confused face.

“Oh, man. I can’t decide if that would be super awkward or hilarious.”

“Well, for his teammates, it was fucking hilarious.” He shrugged. “The wife? Eh, you’d have to ask her.”

“Wow. Okay, I can promise my family doesn’t have any secret traditions involving undergarments.”

“Good, good.” He glanced at me again, one eyebrow up. “So what traditions do you have?”

“Hmm.” I quirked my lips and patted his hand, which was still clasping mine. “They might be more fun if they’re a surprise.”

“Wyatt…”

“I’m just saying.” I put up my free hand. “The whole point of weird traditions is to spring them on new people and see how they react. If I spoil them, then…”

“Oh, God,” he groaned, shaking his head. “I’m so fucked.”

“Well, yes. You will be. But that’s you and me at the hotel, so don’t change the subject.”

Anthony actually shivered. Squirming in the driver seat, he glanced at me. “Oh yeah? So we’re going to make full use of the room’s amenities?”

“Are you kidding?” I squeezed his hand before letting go and reaching for my coffee. “I’m staying in a nice hotel with a hot guy. You better believe we’re using those amenities.”

He fidgeted again. “Goddammit. Are we there yet?”

“What? Are you getting impatient already?”

“What do you think?”

“Okay. Fair.” I exhaled. “Damn it, now I’m impatient, too. Fuck.”

We exchanged theatrically pained glances.

And yeah, seriously—were we there yet?

In retrospect,spending an hour in our hotel room before we headed to my parents’ house was a damned good idea. After three solid hours of winding each other up on the road, we’d both been too keyed up for polite society, and it had taken two orgasms apiece to take care of that.

Now that we were dressed and driving over to my folks’ place, I was glad we’d taken a little time to ourselves. I was wound up, both with excitement and nerves, and I would’ve been an absolute wreck if I hadn’t blown off some steam with Anthony. I wouldn’t call myself anything close to calm, but I was a hell of a lot better than I would’ve been otherwise.

And at a little past five, with my heart in my throat, I gestured up ahead of us. “That’s the driveway. On the left.”

Anthony craned his neck as he eased off the gas. “That one? With the black mailbox?”

“Yeah. You should be able to park in front of the garage.”

He nodded and pulled into my parents’ driveway. As expected, there was room in front of the closed garage, and he eased to a stop. After he’d shut off the engine, he turned to me. “You ready?”

I looked up at the house and swallowed hard, both excitement and dread twisting around each other in my stomach. I wanted to be here. I’d ached to see my parents for a long, long time, especially knowing that time was running out. But that ticking clock didn’t exist in a vacuum, and my mom didn’t like worrying me, so I had no idea how my dad was really doing. What we were walking into.

Behind me, Lily’s tags jingled, and the seat creaked with her movement. She nosed my shoulder and pawed my arm.

I took off my seat belt and twisted around. “I’m okay, baby.” I didn’t know why I bothered lying to my dog or my boyfriend. God knew they could both see right through me.

And we weren’t going to spend the whole trip sitting out here, so I rolled my shoulders and inhaled deeply. “I’m ready. Just…” I lowered my gaze. “This is probably going to be hard.”

Anthony took my hand and squeezed gently. “Say so if you need a breather or something. I’m following your lead, okay?”

I met his gaze and had to fight hard not to tear up. I had no idea what I’d done in this lifetime or the ten before it to deserve this man. Whatever it was, I’d have done it all again in a heartbeat.

I leaned across the console for a soft kiss. “Thanks,”

A moment later, the three of us were on our way up the walk, my dog sticking close to me as my heart thundered in my chest.

The front door’s hinges gave their familiar shriek, and my brother Jon stepped out onto the porch.

“Hey, asshole.” He offered a handshake-hug, which I gladly accepted.

“Good to see you, fucker.” As he let me go, I gestured at Anthony. “This is Anthony. Anthony, my brother Jon.”

They shook hands, and Jon looked down. “Whoa. She’s bigger than I thought.”

“What’d you think they gave me?” I asked. “A chihuahua?”

He huffed and rolled his eyes. “I was thinking a Lab or something. Not…” He gestured at Lily.

“Yeah, yeah.” I sobered and gestured past him. “How are, um…?”

Jon turned serious too, glancing over his shoulder, and he lowered his voice. “The new chemo isn’t kicking his ass like the last one did. But he’s…” Jon grimaced. “I mean, he’s only going to get so much better, you know?”

I winced. “Do they have any estimate on… uh…”

“How much time he’s got left?”

Gulping, I nodded. Lily pressed against me, and I petted her as I waited for my brother to answer.

He looked into the house again, chewing his lip, before facing me. “There’s really no telling right now. The chemo seems to be working. There’s no new growth. No new metastases. But what he does have, and the drugs themselves…” Jon shook his head.

I expected that much. It was news the doctors had told us all to expect sooner or later—that there would come a point when Dad’s body was just too weak to handle enough treatment to keep the cancer at bay.

“Are they talking about comfort care?” I asked. “Or are they still trying to treat him?”

Jon seemed to think about it. Then he wobbled his hand in the air. “A little of both? There’ve been a lot more conversations about hospice, and about whether the treatments are just giving him more time without helping his quality of life. Right now, they’re still trying to slow things down, but his oncologist thinks his best-case is a year. Probably less.”

I closed my eyes and wavered a little. There it was. A timeframe. A countdown of sorts. We were down to months at best.

In the same moment Lily nudged my hand again, Anthony rested his on the small of my back. I petted her and let myself lean some weight against him.

“He’s not on death’s door,” my brother said quietly. “His spirits are good and he’s not in a ton of pain right now. He’s sleeping a lot, but he’s still here, you know? The long-term isn’t good, but right now…”

Opening my eyes, I nodded. “Yeah. I get that. I’m just glad I managed to get here while things are still… less bad.”

“Me too,” Jon said quietly, and for the first time, he let a note of resentment slip into his tone. His eyes echoed it. He didn’t press, though. Like my parents, he had no idea how bad my situation really was, only that it had kept me away for most of my dad’s illness. If I had to guess, Jon had some feelings and opinions about my absence, and knowing him, we’d be talking about that before this visit was over. Couldn’t fucking wait.

From inside the house, Mom called out, “Jon, would you bring them inside already?”

That snapped us out of the awkward silence, and Jon stood aside to let us in.

I took a deep breath and followed him, Lily and Anthony on my heels. Like Jon had, Anthony took off his shoes; my parents understood it was a lot more comfortable for me to leave mine on with the prosthetic. With shoes dealt with, we moved into the living room where Mom was arranging some water and pills for my dad.

My cheap cell phone had allowed me to keep in contact with my parents, but only via text and calls. Photos and videos just weren’t options. We’d made do, but I’d underestimated how much my parents would change during the two years since I’d last seen them.

Cancer was an evil fucker, and it had aged my father well beyond his years. He’d lost too much weight, not to mention several shades of color. His current chemo treatments apparently didn’t cause hair loss, so his hair had started growing back, but it was sparse and thin, which somehow made him seem even more frail.

I’d expected that much. It was heartbreaking, and there was only so much I could do to prepare myself, but I’d at least expected the disease to have taken a heavy toll.

I hadn’t given enough thought to what it would take out of my mom, though.

My near-black hair had come from her, and I’d joked with her for years that she’d cursed me with impossibly thick hair. Now hers had noticeably thinned, and instead of the immaculately maintained short haircut she’d had all my life, it was now long enough to be pulled back into a lifeless ponytail.

“I hate having to keep my hair this short,”I heard one of my Army buddies bitching a lifetime ago. “Long hair is so fucking much easier to maintain.”

Most of our friends had thought that was counterintuitive, but I’d seen how often my mom was at the hairdresser and how much time she spent getting it perfect every morning. One look at her today, and my heart sank. She’d let it grow out so she could tie it back and be done with it. I could feel it.

As I hugged her hello, I realized she’d also lost weight. She’d gone up and down over the years, sometimes worrying about it and sometimes not really caring, but she felt small to me now. Like this wasn’t the result of dieting or exercising, but of just being worn down by the bitch of a hand life had dealt her.

How much is Dad’s cancer killing you too?

I kept that under the surface, though. She didn’t need to see me worrying or she’d worry herself sick. Letting her go, I gestured at Anthony. “This is Anthony. My boyfriend.”

I got a little rush as I said that, and another one when Mom smiled. It wasn’t quite the hundred-watt smile I’d grown up with, but it was a spark of life that gave me some much-needed hope.

“Oh, it’s so nice to meet you!” She shamelessly looked him up and down, then grinned at me. “You landed yourself quite the looker!”

“Mom!Oh my God.” I laughed, but even as my face burned, I reveled in realizing Mom still had her mischievous sense of humor.

Anthony was blushing bright, too. “Uh. Thanks.” He shrugged and met my gaze. “You’re pretty hot yourself.”

“Of course he is.” Mom patted my shoulder. “I’ve always said my boys clean up good.”

I tried to chuckle, but it took some work, and from the flicker of alarm in Anthony’s expression, he’d caught it, too. She had no idea how much I’d “cleaned up” recently, and God help me, I never wanted her to know how far down I’d been.

I ignored that, though, and quickly introduced Anthony to my dad.

“My boy tells me you play hockey?” Dad asked as he shook Anthony’s hand.

Anthony nodded. “Yes, sir. I play for the Seattle Bobcats.”

“Whoa, wait.” Jon straightened. “You said he was a hockey player. You didn’t say he was a hockey player.”

I laughed. “Do you need me to draw you a picture?”

He rolled his eyes and flipped me off.

Anthony’s career fascinated my parents and brother, and they peppered him with questions while we all sat in the living room by the Christmas tree. I appreciated letting him have the spotlight for a little while, too. What wasn’t to love about my family fawning all over my hot, successful boyfriend?

More than that, though, their distraction gave me a chance to really drink in everything around me.

I didn’t like what I saw. It was hard to see my parents this way, but nowhere was all Mom’s stress more evident than in the house itself. Mom had always been fastidious about keeping everything clean even with three boys. It was never so pristine or sterile that it could go on the cover of a magazine, but she managed the clutter and didn’t let dust accumulate.

My heart sank as I took in the state of the place now. It wasn’t messy by most people’s standards, but all around, there were signs of my mom’s exhaustion. Dust on surfaces, picture frames, and knickknacks. Mail and papers stacked on tables. The clock on the mantel had stopped, which meant it had either broken or Mom had stopped winding it every other day.

Outside the sliding glass door, even with the sun going down and the daylight fading fast, there was more evidence. The lawn was trimmed and the leaves from the old maple tree had been long cleared away. The rosebushes hadn’t been trimmed back yet, though. Hardy weeds had set up shop in amongst Mom’s rhododendrons and hedges, shooting up several inches before keeling over. Mom never used to let them do more than sprout, never mind live long enough to die in the cold.

Someone was keeping the bird feeders full, at least. Maybe Jon had taken care of those. Hopefully the birds still came around as often as they used to. They’d always made Mom happy, and she needed all the happiness she could get these days.

“Does she get along with your cats?” Mom’s voice jarred me back into the present. “How do Dobermans and cats get along?”

“Oh, they’re fine.” Anthony casually took my hand. “Lily is completely chill with cats, and my boys don’t mind dogs.” He glanced at me, a fond smile curling those beautiful lips and chasing away some of the dark clouds. “We really need to get a video of Bear and Lily getting the zoomies.”

I laughed. “We so do. A dog this big”—I nodded at Lily—“and a cat that big? I swear, it the whole house shakes.”

“You don’t mind her chasing them?” Dad asked.

Anthony guffawed. “Half the time, Bear’s chasing her! They don’t hurt each other. They just run around until they pass out on the living room floor.”

Mom laughed, which was so nice to see. “I guess she’s getting plenty of exercise, then.”

“She is. And social interaction.” I almost made a comment about how I’d felt terrible that she hadn’t had opportunities to just be a dog until recently. That would open up Pandora’s box, though. My parents didn’t need to know why Lily and I had spent too much time in survival mode to put much energy into downtime.

“My cats love it,” Anthony said, smoothly picking up where I almost let some awkward silence linger. “They meet dogs all the time when we’re out walking, so they don’t—”

“When you’re out walking?” Jon asked. “Like, on leashes?”

“Oh, yeah. I even take them hiking.” He took his phone out of his pocket. “In fact, I have a video of the first time Bear saw a deer.”

I sat up a little. “You do?”

“Uh-huh. It’s…” He furrowed his brow as he thumbed through something on the phone. He showed the video to my parents first, then turned it so my brother and I could see it.

On the screen, Bear was on a long leash in the middle of a trail, crouched down and wiggling his butt as some deer casually grazed up ahead.

“Is he stalking them?” Jon asked.

Anthony rolled his eyes. “Yep. Mighty hunter, right there.” He put the phone facedown on the armrest. “My ex thought it would be funny as hell if we let him catch a deer. You know—see what he’d do with it.”

Mom scowled. “That doesn’t sound safe.”

“No,” Anthony admitted, “but I don’t think Bear is smart enough to be in any danger of catching a deer.”

I barked a laugh. “You are not wrong.” I patted his leg. “I adore that cat, but he is the stupidest creature I’ve ever encountered.”

Anthony laughed, too. “He did once lose a treat under his own paw, so…”

“How did he do that?” Dad asked.

While Anthony told the story, I leaned against him and tried to relax. I loved watching him charm the hell out of my family like this. They had taken to him immediately, and he was enjoying telling them stories and listening to stories about our childhood, or my nieces and nephews back east, or the funny thing a nurse had said to Dad last week.

I let them all carry the conversation while I just… breathed. Just basked in being here. I was torn between savoring this rare visit with my family and letting shame tear me apart over all the reasons I hadn’t been here in so long. On top of that, I was trying to find my balance around all this evidence of how much things had deteriorated since I’d last visited.

Was this what people meant when they described things as bittersweet? Because I’d never had so many conflicting emotions crashing around inside me all at once.

And I felt guilty as hell because deep down, as much as I planned to cherish every second I was here…

I was relieved our visit would be brief.

I madeit through dinner before the weight of everything was finally too much.

Aside from the conversation with Jon on the front porch, no one talked about Dad’s disease. No one talked about treatments or prognoses. There were some anecdotes about funny nurses and another patient Dad saw sometimes when he went for infusions, but that was as close as we got to the subject of his cancer.

Knowing my family, everything was in a verbal holding pattern until Christmas was over. Mom could compartmentalize like few people I knew, and she could absolutely put a moratorium on discussing anything—financial issues, health problems, family drama—in the name of fully embracing a holiday, a wedding, or anything festive. The more serious the problem, the harder she segregated it from the joy-filled occasions because she refused to let them be tainted by brutal reality.

I wished I knew how she did it, because I spent the whole damn time both grateful for the avoidance and mentally screaming, “Can we please talk about this?”

After dinner and some more visiting in the living room, I finally decided I just needed a moment alone to catch my breath.

Fortunately, I came equipped with the perfect excuse.

“I need to take Lily outside.” I carefully pushed myself up. “I’ll be back in a few.”

“Okay, honey.” Mom smiled up at me from her chair as I left the living room. As I stepped outside, I heard her say to Jon, “You should tell him about when you played hockey.”

I shut the door before my brother answered, and I managed to chuckle to myself at the memory. Jon had given hockey a try when he was seven or eight, but that had lasted until the first time he was hit by a slapshot. It hadn’t even left that bad of a bruise, but it was enough for him to say, “Nope, I’m done.”

I took Lily out into the yard to relieve herself. We didn’t go back inside afterward, though. Instead, I paused on the deck, gazing out at the yard.

It was dark now, so I couldn’t see the unusually unkempt state of the flowerbeds and bushes. They were burned into my memory, though, along with all the little tells sprinkled throughout the house.

Exhaling into the stillness, I gave up holding back some of the emotions that had been trying to crowd their way in. Grief over what this awful disease had done to both of my parents. Guilt over how little I’d been able to do to help or even show up once in a while. Shame over the reality of my life that I couldn’t tell them about and how it had kept me away from them all.

Lily pawed at me.

“I’m okay, baby.” I wondered if she was any more convinced than I was. Not likely, given the way she was leaning against me. Sighing, I patted her neck. “I just need a few minutes. I’ll be fine.”

I hoped that much was true. I wouldn’t be fine tonight. Eventually, maybe? For right now, I could just pull myself together enough to make it through the visit. Even if it was only enough to get me back to the hotel where I’d be sleeping next to Anthony.

I winced. Aww, fuck. Stress always made my nightmares worse. That meant tonight was going to be awful. Not just for me—for Anthony. As sweet and gentle as he was on the nights I woke us both up, it had to suck for him.

I rubbed my eyes and exhaled into the night. I’d be okay. Just needed to compose myself and remember that I was here with my family. Who loved me. Everything else could wait until I was ready to deal with it. Mom managed to do that, so I could too, right? I just needed to figure out how to—

The sliding glass door opened behind me.

I swore under my breath as I swiped at my eyes and tried to pull myself together. The last thing in the world I wanted was for my family to see me like this.

“Hey.” Anthony’s voice.

Fuck. Okay, the last thing in the world I wanted was my boyfriend to see me like this. Hadn’t he seen me falling apart enough?

But he came closer and wrapped his arms around me from behind. “You okay?”

I wanted so, so damn badly to insist that I was. He’d come out of nowhere into my life and been such a rock for me, and I was determined not to take advantage of that.

But damn it, I couldn’t be a rock right now. I just couldn’t.

“Come here,” he whispered, and gently turned me around in his arms.

Pride and years of “be a man, soldier” wanted me to resist, but they were no match for how much I needed what his gentle embrace offered. I buried my face in his neck and held on to him. I was a little surprised I didn’t break down; I knew to my core that Anthony wouldn’t give me shit for it, and even my pride couldn’t hold emotions back this time.

But as we stood there in silence, Anthony stroking my hair as I leaned into him, I just… breathed. The dam broke in a way, but it was like it had been eroding and crumbling for so long, the release didn’t come in the form of a violent flood. Just a sting in my eyes and a heavy exhalation against his shoulder.

After a long, long time, he broke the silence. “I know it’s hard. But I’m glad you got to see your parents this Christmas.”

“Me too.” I drew back, letting my gaze drift toward my family on the other side of the glass slider. “I don’t think I was as ready as I thought I was.” My own words pressed my shoulders down harder. “I don’t think there’s anything that can prepare you for your parents dying. Especially not dying this slowly.” I shakily wiped my eyes. “I just never thought it would happen while I was so… helpless. I can’t do anything for them. I can’t help them. I can’t even come down here and give my mom a break, you know?”

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, rubbing my back gently.

“Don’t get me wrong, okay?” I wiped a few more tears off my cheeks. “I’m really glad we came. This is—it’s probably Dad’s last Christmas, you know? I’m glad I didn’t miss it.”

“But it’s still hard.” He drew me in a little closer. “And it’s okay if it’s hard.”

I released a breath. “I know. It’s still…” Then I sighed. “God, I’m sorry. You didn’t sign up for—”

“I signed up for being there for you,” he whispered. “That’s what boyfriends do.”

“I know. But… I mean, you’ve done so much for me…” I ran my fingers through his hair. “This all feels so… one-sided.”

“It isn’t.” Anthony took my hand and pressed a kiss to the middle of my palm. “It doesn’t have to be quid pro quo.”

“But it should be give and take. And all I’ve done is take.”

He was already shaking his head. “No. You haven’t.”

I stared at him. “You took me in off the street. You outfitted me to hell and back so I could go back out there, and then you kept me in your house anyway. And you…” I gestured at my parents’ house.

The soft smile made me weak. “And I enjoy being with you. It might not sound like a lot, but just being there—being my friend, and now this—I can’t tell you how much I’ve been needing that.” He tipped up my chin and kissed me gently. “You think you owe me or that you’re not pulling your weight, but the way I see it, you’re giving as good as you’re getting.”

“How can I be?” I whispered.

His eyes unfocused for a moment as if he were getting his thoughts in order. Then he looked at me again. “Right now, you’re going through a lot of shit. You need more than I do. A year from now, things could be going smoothly for you, and I could be laid up from an injury or something.” He stroked his thumb along my jaw. “Then I might not be able to do much for you, but my gut tells me you’d be there for me.”

“Absolutely,” I breathed.

Anthony smiled again. “That’s how relationships work, you know? Sometimes one person needs more than the other. Then later on, the other needs more. I’m not keeping score. I just… I want to be here for you right now and give you what you need. Because I care about you. Not because I’m expecting you to reciprocate or because I think you owe me. You don’t.” He kissed me again, letting it linger for a few heartbeats. “I’m happy when I’m with you. That’s what matters to me.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in closer. “Being with you is the closest to happy I’ve been in a long, long time.”

“Perfect,” he said, and claimed my mouth.

God, I really was the luckiest man alive.

The thought almost made me laugh, if only because I didn’t know how else to react to it. With everything I’d been through, with everything I was still going through, “lucky” hadn’t been an adjective I’d have picked to describe myself. Not for a very, very long time.

But standing out here in the arms of a man who’d saved my life…

Holding him in the warm light of my childhood home on Christmas Eve…

Knowing my dog and I would be spending yet another night safe, warm, and fed…

Fuck yeah. I was the luckiest man on the damn planet.

I touched my forehead to his. “Thank you again. I know I keep saying that, but…” I ran out of breath. “Just. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Anthony carded his fingers through my hair, which I loved. “I’m serious, by the way. There’s no quid pro quo here. What I want is you, and for you to be happy. Full stop.”

“Is that really enough?” As soon as the words were out, I cringed, because Jesus Christ, that sounded pathetic.

He just smiled, though. “Honestly? It’s exactly what I need and what I want. I’ve been with someone who has money and buys me expensive cars and…” He shook his head. “That’s not what I wanted then, and it isn’t what I want now. I’m getting everything I want and need out of this. I promise.”

I searched his expression, sure there had to be a catch or that he wasn’t being completely honest. But all I found in those beautiful brown eyes was sincerity. “You’re amazing. You know that?” He opened his mouth to respond, but I put my finger to his lips. “Don’t argue with me. You are. So just live with it.”

He blinked, but then he laughed, and he nudged my hand away so he could kiss me again. I grinned against his lips before losing myself in that kiss.

We needed to go back inside and rejoin the family, and we would. A few minutes of this wouldn’t be the end of the world, though, so I wasn’t in any hurry to see this moment end.

Holding him like this with everything he’d said echoing in my ears, I couldn’t help thinking this had felt inevitable from the start. Of course it hadn’t even crossed my mind to hook up with him, never mind start dating him or having all these feelings for him, until we’d known each other a while. Still, in hindsight, it just seemed like this had been the road we were on from day one, even if neither of us had realized it.

It was hard to believe we’d known each other for less than two months. He was one of those people who landed in my life and seemed like he’d been here forever.

And although it was far, far too soon to be thinking about the long term…

I hoped he’d be here forever.