Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

Lily groaned as soon as the sun pierced her eyes. She grabbed the sheet, yanked it over her head, and rolled over to find Rafe.

Who was missing.

This morning was already off to a terrible start.

The sheets were rough against her bare skin, and she was sore, tired, and apparently without her travel companion. And she wished very much he were in bed with her instead of doing whatever the ever-charming Lieutenant Rafe Davies did in the morning.

Which for the past two mornings had been unapologetically… her.

A soft rap sounded at the door. Lily grudgingly rolled back over, peeking out from beneath the sheet to discover the charming naval officer poking his head in with an annoyingly handsome smile stretched across his absurdly perfect face.

"Good morning," he whispered.

His voice in the morning, after such little sleep, felt the same as when his rough thumb stroked her hip. A warm, delicious shiver chased down her spine.

Instead of saying anything, she only mumbled and hid back under the sheets. It was easier when the rain was here. Now the sun was out, and that changed everything .

And after two days of allowing her defenses to soften and learning to lead with her heart, logic had returned in full force this morning with the blasted sunshine.

"It appears the roads are fit to travel at last," he said, closing the door behind him. She watched the shadow of Rafe move through the room, first setting something down on the table by the large window before he kicked off his boots and padded to the bed.

No answer was the perfect answer because, really, why would she celebrate leaving when she had been so blissfully happy for the first time in her life?

"I figure we can pack up and leave in an hour. Will you be ready?"

Lily flattened herself against the mattress and blew out a long stream of air. This had been her plan, and what a fine mess she had made of it. Had she truly saved herself as she had intended?

Rafe sat on the edge of the bed and traced his hand up and down her back in light strokes over the sheet. She shut her eyes tighter as her body responded, craving his skin against hers.

He leaned down and whispered, "I brought something to eat, Lily."

Breaking her fast was the furthest thought from her mind at the moment. The stubborn man knew what he was doing by the soft laugh that followed.

"I don't understand what is so funny."

"Lily Abrams, you are a very practical woman. I admire that about you. And I would also like to point out that you are hiding beneath a sheet right now instead of facing the day. It's very unlike you."

"People change, Rafe."

He guffawed, then peeled the sheet back to reveal her face. She wished desperately he hadn't as soon as his hazel eyes met hers.

None of this was right.

"Thank you for thinking of me, but I am not hungry."

He worried his lip, then reached out and ran his hand over her hair. She nuzzled against his touch.

"We must go," he whispered at last.

Any protest within her withered. She recognized he was right, knew it deep within her, and yet she felt them making their goodbyes in a tiny hundred ways.

She rolled onto her back and snaked her hand up his neck, pulling him closer. How she loved the feel of his thick black hair in her hands. How she loved the way her perpetually cold hands warmed as she touched his body as if he woke her up to the world after years of sleeping. How she loved the gold flecks in his eyes, and the way he studied her as if he didn't want to let go either.

"Kiss me, Rafe. For a little while until I forget about the sunshine."

But almost two hours later, when Lily climbed into the carriage, dread ballooned in her chest. Rafe had taught her how to seek pleasure for herself, and now she would go and marry.

His brother.

"Is everything well?" he asked, settling into the carriage beside her.

"Of course," she lied, grabbing a book from her bag to read. She felt as if she might be sick. Or worse, she might cry.

She despised crying.

There was never a promise between them. It would always come to this end, but the trouble was that Lily didn't wish for it to end. She didn't want to leave Rafe and certainly didn't wish for him to leave. Either to London or farther if he took a new post. It didn't much matter.

Except this wasn't right.

He rested his head against the wall of the carriage. "It will all work out, Lily."

She shut her book with a sigh, glancing over to assess Rafe. He was so sure of everything, so sure of himself, and so ignorant that her heart was breaking mile by mile as they grew closer to Cliffstone Manor.

"Right, because it must."

"Exactly."

Lily wasn't sure how she could love someone so much and yet want to chuck a book at his head at the same time, but she did at that moment. She only wished it were a bigger book.

How would she face Henry knowing what had just happened with Rafe? Keeping Rafe a secret felt wrong, even if being honest meant losing his brother.

She attempted to read but couldn't. She attempted to make notes in her manuscript but couldn't focus long enough. It didn't help that her stomach was sour, and an edging fear sank into her bones. Her heart raced, and her palms were clammy.

When she had faced her father that evening before she left, the world had seemed too large and unforgiving. But she still had hope then. Now?

Lily was quite sure she was making a grave mistake.

Perhaps it was because she was too preoccupied with her thoughts, the morning journey passed quickly. When they arrived at port and boarded the ferry to the Isle of Wight, Rafe and Lily hardly spoke to one another. And by the time they climbed into another carriage for the last leg of their journey, Rafe had also lost his chipper attitude, even as he stared out over the impossibly turquoise seas.

"What's the matter, Rafe?"

He shook his head, scratching his brow. "It's only…"

She waited, picking at her skirts. Anything to appear as though she didn't hang on his every word.

Which she did.

When he didn't finish, she turned to the window instead. The blue sky seemed to stretch on as they rumbled over the roads through wide, open fields. As the carriage rocked again, her stomach grew more uneasy at the prospect she would be meeting her future husband momentarily. She wished it would still or at least not toss her from side to side.

As they descended a hill, a vast clearing appeared surrounded by old twisted oaks and elms. The drive smoothed out as the carriage went round a corner, and the top of a brick house peeked up from the trees.

Rafe cursed under his breath. "This is a mistake," he said finally.

She turned to him, her hands clenched tightly on the tops of her knees. "What was that?"

It was a mistake .

She shouldn't be here, about to marry one brother, when she was quite sure she had given her heart to the other.

"No good can come of this. I don't think we should continue," she said. "I can't in good faith marry your brother now… after the events of the past few days."

"Events?" He snickered, rolling his eyes heavenward as if asking forgiveness.

"I didn't wish to be crude. Should I be more specific?" Frustration tinged her words.

"We are at Cliffstone, Lily." He roughly spun the gold ring on his pinky around and around. "What do you propose? We turn around and return to Cumbria?"

"No." Anger bubbled up in her chest. "No, there is no need for that. It is only…"

"If we do not go through with this, then how am I expected to introduce you to my brother? You are unmarried and unchaperoned."

"You are here as well, are you not?"

Rafe waved his hand toward the window. "You responded to an advertisement seeking a wife for Henry. This was your plan."

"Plans can change. And they must now. I cannot marry your brother when I have lost my virtue to you."

He shook his head, leaning forward to meet her glare. She hated him for it.

"I am not going to marry. I was never going to marry you."

She slumped back against the seat, struck by the cruelness in his words. She had always understood, and yet, he didn't have to speak to her with such little care.

"I never… Please don't speak to me like… well, one of your mistresses or whoever you carry on with when you are in London or in one of your seaside ports. I deserve respect. Or so you made me believe."

"Lily," he said, with a sigh. "That is not what I mean."

"It was what you said, and words carry specific meaning. I am not some toy for men to toss about whenever they wish. They have done so my entire life. Please don't be another." Her lip trembled, nearly matching the buzzing energy coursing through her as Cliffstone grew larger.

"Is that what you think? That I don't care for you because I am telling you right now that is false."

She shrunk back and blinked hard. "What?"

"This is a damn horrible idea because we are less than two minutes out from me having to introduce you to my brother, and I don't wish to leave you."

"Then don't. We can tell your brother. I can be honest. There is time. We don't have to go through with this. I don't wish to go through with this. Rafe, I don't want to marry Henry."

"It's too late."

That sounded far too final, and far too easy of an answer for that to be true. "What will he do?"

"What will he do if you tell him you won't marry him?"

First frustration, then anger, and now it was something much deeper within her that emerged. Some sacred feminine rage. Women were never allowed the opportunity to show anger, but she was about to throw her entire life away as she sat across from a man who possessed her heart. And he had no clue.

"Yes, what will he do? Is he so much a villain that he will force me to marry him? I doubt he will want me after?—"

"Don't." Rafe held out his hand in warning.

The carriage rattled to a stop in front of a lumbering Jacobean structure. Patches of ivy clung to the orange-red brick. Small, leaded panes of glass dotted the front of the house. It was not the most welcoming home she had ever seen, but the setting was beautiful.

"We are not done discussing this," she said, peeking over her shoulder at him before turning once more to study Cliffstone.

"We have to be. This is goodbye, Lily. But first, I must tell?—"

One of the two towering oak doors opened, revealing a giant of a man. He glared down his long Roman nose at the carriage, dark eyes burning full of fire. His dark hair was brushed back. He crossed his arms, filling up the doorway as if he were dragging Lily through the gates of hell .

This man was to be her husband?

"Bloody hell." Rafe reached around Lily and opened the carriage door. "He's not half so bad. Don't let the menacing death stare deter you."

"That is hardly reassuring." She ignored his outstretched hand as she stepped out of the carriage. If this was truly goodbye, if he was truly meaning to leave her alone with Hades, if he did not care enough… then he did not deserve her touch.

No matter how badly she needed him at that moment.

"You must tell me what?" she whispered to him.

Instead of answering, something flashed in his eyes before Rafe walked around her. "Good afternoon, Brother." He climbed up the side of the carriage and helped the driver, even as a young man raced out of the house to help with the luggage.

"Where have you been now, Rafe?"

Lily swallowed, remaining still in the drive with her hands clasped in front of her.

Rafe snapped at the young man, grabbing back a bag and stumbling a step. "I've come with good news. Don't fret."

Henry did not waver. Lily thought he hadn't so much as blinked.

"I have arrived with your wife."

At that, Henry did move. He dropped his hands and clenched them at his side. "Explain."

"Let me introduce to you, Miss Lily Abrams, lately of Cumbria."

Lily glanced at Rafe, then moved forward and curtsied, "My lord. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Rage filled the unbreakable features of Henry's face as he turned toward his brother. "I am not in need of a wife. We have discussed this, and I was led to believe this foolishness was behind us."

Lily suddenly felt sick. She attempted to keep her composure as the pea stone beneath her slippers rocked. She was arriving with the expectation that Henry knew of this plan.

But he did not.

And Rafe had lied to her. First, he had compromised her, then played off her request to call off the wedding to Henry .

Oh, she wished to thrash him. Her hands shook at her side as she glanced up to the sky, certain she would be sick any moment.

"Miss Abrams, please come inside." The earl gestured for her to join him in the house. "I am sure it has been a long journey, and given that it has been with my brother, I am sure you are in desperate need of a break."

A woman appeared behind Henry, with a crown of red hair piled on top of her head, clutching a book.

"Henry, I think we need to talk. Before you dismiss Miss Abrams…"

"Wait, Rafe!" she hissed between her teeth at him.

Henry held out his hand. "You can stop there, Rafe." He stepped aside and snaked his hand around the woman's waist, drawing her close. "I am not in want of a wife because I already have one."

Rafe shook his head. He hadn't heard right, surely. There was no way on Earth that his brother was married.

Especially to Miss Matilda Brennan, one of London's most popular actresses.

"I'm sorry, I've been traveling for some time, and we have not had the easiest of journeys, but I believe you just announced you were married, Brother."

"He is, yes." Matilda stepped forward. Her warm Irish accent seeped into her words. "You must be Rafe. I was warned about you."

There was a reason London adored this woman. She stood on the stone stairs with her chin high as her fiery orange hair was swept up and hung around her shoulders in loose curls. The dark blue of her dress only magnified the crisp green-gray of her eyes. Matilda was tall, taller in person than when he had seen her once on stage at Drury Lane.

Rafe was speechless. He had played this exact moment over and again in his mind since leaving Cumbria with Lily.

But he had never expected this .

"Come inside, dear," Matilda said, reaching out a hand for Lily. "I think it is best we catch up over tea while the men talk this over."

"Hmm." Henry's glare did not falter.

Rage bubbled up within Rafe. He might have placed the advertisement after a bit too much to drink, but he had been right, Henry needed a wife, and yet his brother was talking to him as if he were a child. As he always had. As if he weren't a Lieutenant in the Royal Navy who had seen more of this world than Henry could comprehend.

Rafe wasn't a child and hadn't been for some time.

He couldn't look at Lily as she followed Matilda into the great foyer of Cliffstone, leaving Henry staring down at Rafe in the drive.

Once the women were out of earshot, Rafe raced up the stone steps. "What is this? How long have you known?"

Henry held out his hand, staying Rafe. "You left without so much as an explanation. You left and returned with an unmarried woman, unchaperoned. And to what end?"

"You needed a wife! I can't possibly stay here any longer, or I will go mad."

"And you were sane in London?" Henry scoffed. "I have a wife. I had a wife when you placed that advertisement to spite me."

Rafe tugged at his jacket and loosened his damn cravat. "I don't understand."

"We were married over Christmas. There were some matters that needed to be settled privately before I could announce the marriage and move her safely to Cliffstone." He dropped his voice before he continued, "She has a son. We have a son now, who we will soon be sending for to live with us here."

"Wait, a son? We will discuss that later because…" Rafe shook his head, feeling the betrayal of being kept in the dark ripple through his body. "How was I supposed to know you were married?" Rafe bent closer. "And to Matilda Brennan, no less?"

Henry waved his arm toward the open front door with thick, peeling green paint. "I don't wish to discuss this outside. I have set up an office in the library. "

It had been several years since Rafe and his brother resolved an issue with the use of fisticuffs, but he wasn't above it now.

"You are married," he hissed, chasing at his brother's heels. Henry might be superior in many ways, but Rafe was still taller. "You are married and have made a fool of me."

He strode inside just in time to avoid having the door slam shut on him by Henry.

"No, you have done that for yourself, Rafe."

"I don't need another lecture. I thought I was doing you a kindness. A kindness is when?—"

"Listen, you utter cad." Henry dropped his head in his hand and sighed. "I have been put in an impossible position. I am not your father, yet I constantly have to guide you as if I am. You dislike me. It is very clear, so don't waste your breath denying it. And I don't doubt you had good intentions in finding me a wife, you often do, because your fatal flaw is that you have a very large heart that wishes to chase away all the heartache in this world. I am not so unfeeling as to realize that. And yes, I did marry.

"I met Matilda in London last autumn, and when I visited the Duke of Maitland's home for the Christmas holiday, we had an opportunity to reconnect." He held up his hand. "No, I am not finished. Just because you don't wish to live your life any longer doesn't mean I need you to manage mine. I am quite happy, no matter what you believe. And frankly, your opinion doesn't hold any significance where my happiness is concerned."

Rafe clenched his fists and lowered his head. He hadn't traveled from Cumbria in a carriage for the past week and been robbed by highwaymen to be lectured. Admittedly, yes, he had been lost recently, but why should that count against him?

"I went home," he confessed instead.

"You went home? With Miss Abrams?"

"No, I made her stay in the carriage. Yes, with Miss Abrams. Ma and Mari are in good spirits, and the house in good shape. I repaired a leak in the roof before we left. And I needed to retrieve Grandmother's ring. "

Henry pinched his brow. "Rafe, I know you have men's lives who depend upon you and your judgment, but what I don't understand is why you insist on speaking to me as if I'm the enemy."

"Stop!" Rafe closed his eyes before spinning around to face his brother. "You might mean well, but I cannot bring back Father, and no matter how you wish it, I will never be him, and you will never be me."

"What do you mean?"

"You have resented me since I was sent off to be Captain Ackerman's apprentice. Mother made that decision, and I went without question because I was a boy. And you've hated me ever since."

"Then it's time for you to accept that you made a mistake."

He had, and being told otherwise stung. Henry would never understand how deeply Rafe regretted that afternoon with Mari. And now he must face what awaited Lily.

A soft knock rapped at the door, then Matilda poked her head inside. "I've rung for tea."

"In a minute, sweet. We are almost finished."

"Hmm, very well." She glanced between the brothers, then peeked around the office as if she were looking to remove anything that could be used as a weapon. "Please don't destroy the library. We only sorted it yesterday."

The door clicked shut.

"Rafe, I don't wish to lecture you, and honestly, I am tired of it. But I don't know what to do anymore, either. You have ruined Miss Abrams, and something tells me you do not plan on marrying her."

"I didn't know you were married!" Rafe threw back his head and roared. It might have looked ridiculous, but it was likely more suitable than swiping at his brother's smug face.

"You were never around much?—"

"Please, Henry. You act as if I left for days at a time. I spent my mornings down the lane looking in on the Chapmans, and then I would assist a few of the tenants rebuilding stone walls or repairing their wells. That is how I spent my days on this godforsaken island. "

Henry tugged on his jacket, lifting his long thin nose. "That is news to me."

They were at an impasse. Henry would never see Rafe as anything other than an annoying little brother, and Rafe would never see Henry as anything other than a smug arse who preferred law books.

Well, he had.

Now he had a wife.

Fancy that.

Henry married.

Rafe began laughing. It started at his toes, curled up his body, and erupted from his throat until tears formed in his eyes.

"I don't see how any of this is funny."

"You are married." He struggled to catch his breath, then doubled over, his hands clasping his knees. "You are married."

"I am. And you will be, too, because you must marry Miss Abrams."

That sobered up Rafe.

"I can't."

"You can't or you won't, Rafe? You need to make a decision on your next posting soon, and I have talked with?—"

"I don't want to be promoted to captain. I thought a wife would keep you busy and uninterested in my life long enough that I could come up with a plan."

"It will be a mistake to leave the Royal Navy."

Would it? Rafe wasn't sure any longer.

"I never wished for this to be my life, and I have a chance to make it my own. I know you don't understand because you wished it was you who had been sent off to be with Captain Ackerman, but life at sea is far less romantic than whatever pretty picture you have in your head."

Henry stormed out of the room, not interested in hearing his brother's protests. Rafe strode out the front door and raced for the fields, desperate to reach the ocean.

He always felt as if he were drowning while on land, but today, he might have finally slipped below the surface for good.

Lily didn't know if she wished to scream or lock herself away in a closet. She did know that she did not wish to see or hear or talk to one Rafe Davies.

"I take it that Rafe didn't know Henry was married," said Matilda, or rather, Countess Devlin. She was remarkably beautiful. Striking, actually.

Again, if Lily wasn't so beside herself, she might want to have company right now.

"Please," she said, "I don't wish to be rude. I swear it. But I would prefer to be alone."

"Henry and I feared this would happen. Well, not Rafe showing up with someone else for Henry to marry. That, I am sure, has been a shock for all of us."

Lily circled the small reception room. The rugs were tattered, and the silk on the walls was spotted with water damage and mothballs. Everything needed a polish. The outside of Cliffstone might have appeared grand, but inside, the stately home was in terrible need of repair and improvement.

Which would explain the requirement of five thousand pounds yearly. But that would hardly cover what lay ahead for the Davies brothers at Cliffstone.

"Where Rafe is concerned, I have discovered in the short time of our acquaintance, there always is a shock."

She cringed at speaking about him with such familiarity. He proved himself a stranger today. No, he was no longer Rafe or her Rafe. He was never truly hers, anyhow.

She tightened her hands into fists, glancing upward at the water spots and peeling plasterwork on the ceiling to avoid crying.

"Make yourself comfortable. I'm a terrible hostess. I wasn't prepared for guests. I'm sure you understand. I will ring for tea."

"Please," Lily said again, turning toward the large window overlooking the large park stretching out toward the sea. Rafe had lied to her and then chased after his brother like a hound, leaving her there to wither in embarrassment and shame.

He did the one thing she had convinced herself he wouldn't do—he'd left her.

"Very well." The countess turned, then paused, sinking down on the settee. "When I met Henry last autumn, I certainly never thought I would one day be mistress of Cliffstone, never mind his wife. I grew up in Dublin, doing what was needed to care for my siblings. There are seven of us, and we're a rowdy crew, you see."

Lily turned back toward Matilda, crossing her arms over her chest. It was nearly July, and yet she couldn't shake the terrible chill settling deep into her bones. She was alone once more, this time on the opposite end of England far from friends and her family. She had placed her trust in him.

However foolish that was.

Why had she ever believed she was worthy of love?

"Anyway, a horrible snowstorm changed everything, and here I am today. And all that is to say, you never know what waits for you if you keep searching."

"I wasn't looking for Rafe. I wasn't even searching for a husband because I needed…"

She didn't know anymore.

"Well, it doesn't matter. I have been left at the altar twice, and I was brought here because I answered an advertisement for a man seeking a wife, who it turns out, in fact, was already married and wasn't in need of one. And I have destroyed what little shred of dignity and reputation I have left with the ton . I am positive no one will wish to have me in their company, and I must make peace with the fact I am and will be a spinster."

The countess pulled the throw pillow to her chest, giving her a rather girlish appearance. "Twice? Men sure can be a bunch of spineless fools."

"But not Henry?"

The countess threw her head back and laughed. "You haven't guessed from his warm welcome? Trust me, he has his moments. "

She reminded her of Kate. They barely knew one another, yet Lily loved the way the sun clung to Matilda and the lightness of her laugh. She carried herself as if she didn't have a care in the world.

Meanwhile, Lily felt as if she might crack and crumble there on the carpet if one more thing went wrong. She was tired. Tired of holding it together, tired of holding out hope, tired of being foolishly and recklessly in love with a man who clearly did not feel the same.

"I think I will need to return to London tomorrow," she said finally.

"This is a large house, and I am happy to keep Rafe away. Though I feel as if Henry will do the job perfectly."

"I'm alone," she whispered. She glanced toward Countess Devlin. "I mean, I have left everything I knew to marry a stranger across the country because that was my plan. That was my solution to being jilted. I relied on myself, and it has failed spectacularly."

"Life rarely goes to plan."

"It's only that I thought this one would stick."

It seemed as if Lily were to be questioned by everyone. She doubted one afternoon on the ocean was enough experience, but she did wish for Rafe's sailboat, so she could sail away.

Perhaps she could be a companion or a governess. She did so wish to visit Venice one day, and husband or no, she would do it. Charlotte had mentioned opening a school for girls. Perhaps she could teach.

"Would you care for some tea, Miss Abrams?"

She leaned back against the tattered slipcover on the wing chair. It was later in the day now, but by how much, she was no longer certain. She could only see that the shadows on the carpet had stretched as the sun slowly crept across the sky.

Lily wanted to tell her host to leave her be, but instead, she forced the same smile she used with her stepmother and straightened. "Yes, thank you. "

Henry poured, making eye contact before pulling his attention away to the chipped sugar bowl.

"I feel as though I must apologize for my brother. This is an unfortunate mess, and as usual, he is at its center."

Lily grabbed her teacup from Henry, then thought better and placed it on the small table beside the chair.

"He assures me he only had the best intentions, and I must thank you for your interest in being my wife…"

She could feel his uncomfortableness, and perhaps that was why it felt as if she couldn't swallow suddenly. Or perhaps it was that she was no longer interested in anyone's apologies when they served no greater purpose.

Lily held up her hand, stopping Henry.

"Please, Lord Devlin, I understand why you wished to speak with me. But I must confess that I am not interested in hearing an apology. Your brother is twenty-nine, and he is fully capable of taking stock of his mistake and making the necessary apologies."

"Miss—"

"Furthermore," she continued, speaking over him, "he has spent almost his entire life trying to satisfy you. I fear no matter what the solution to this problem may be, you will make sure he will never forget it and will continue to hold it over his head. Rafe is a decent man, which I know you realize. He is not seeking a father, and he doesn't need any interference on his behalf. But perhaps you have been too blind to recognize it."

Henry quietly stirred his tea before setting down the spoon and taking a small sip. "Do you have sisters, Miss Abrams?"

"Four stepsisters."

"Then you must understand."

"I fear I don't. I love my sisters fiercely, in spite of how little they admire me. Still, I would never go out of my way to treat them as you have done with Rafe, whether intentional or not. He lives to meet your approval, and that seems like an impossible standard."

Henry cleared his throat, taken aback.

And for once, Lily did not care if she caused offense .

"I understand… that is, I have recognized what you shared with me only recently. But not in time to stop his latest scheme."

"No matter how disastrous, I wouldn't go so far as to say it was a scheme. He wished to find you a wife in earnest. That was certainly the case when he arrived at Stonehurst and asked to escort me to Cliffstone personally."

"You are right."

Lily hated silence and ached to fill it but couldn't. Or perhaps she was far too tired to care any longer. Rafe had just ruined her and banished her to spinsterhood. And here she was sharing tea with his brother after telling him, in no uncertain terms, what she thought of his brotherly love.

Let him squirm.

"I will stay out of this matter. You are correct that I have interceded far too often with my brother. But I must inform you that he will not be returning until later this evening."

"I have no further business with your brother, Lord Devlin. Can someone please convey me to the ferry? I will take my leave now that you are no longer in need of a wife. Congratulations, by the way."

"The ferry will not sail again until tomorrow. Please stay the night. Matilda will see that you are comfortable, and I would be honored if you joined us for dinner."

Lily hadn't touched her tea. She doubted she would be interested in dinner.

"I am tired from my journey. Please excuse me, and thank you for being so gracious."

Lily rose, impatient for some solitude.

"My brother doesn't recognize that he is in love with you," he said as she reached for the door.

Lily closed her eyes tight, breathing through the sharp pain radiating throughout her chest. "I agreed to marry you. And as I am no longer needed, it is time for me to take my leave."

Rafe cut through the wave, pushing his body harder and harder against the tide. He couldn't look his brother in the face without wanting to throw a punch. Swimming was a sound solution.

Though fisticuffs likely would feel better.

Henry married? He could have told Rafe. If he hadn't, they likely wouldn't be in this mess now.

Why hadn't he told him?

He closed his eyes and sank back down under the water. He knew why. It just wasn't something he wanted to believe.

Henry didn't trust Rafe, and after the mess he caused with the marriage advertisement, he understood why.

He jumped against the sandy bottom and pushed up toward the surface, kicking as the current dragged him out from shore. He was counting on it and swam the other way, fighting until he found the center on the beach once more.

How long had he been here?

Hours, certainly. He likely missed dinner. His stomach continued to rumble, letting him know. But he didn't care to eat. His muscles burned from exhaustion.

The last few days with Lily had been everything, and if nothing else, they showed him what life could be like if he opened his heart toward love instead of living in fear of it.

The carriage had rattled toward Cliffstone this morning, and it seemed as though everything was right in the world, but Rafe hadn't been able to breathe. He didn't wish to say goodbye to Lily. He didn't wish for their time to end. He didn't think Henry would be a good enough husband.

But it was worse, so much worse.

She hadn't so much as looked at him when she realized Rafe had never told Henry of his plan. He didn't blame her, but he wished he wasn't such a coward. He hadn't sought her out afterward, either. Instead, he unpacked, read through some correspondence with the land agent, and visited the Chapmans, where Mr. Chapman served him soggy currant cakes.

He had attempted to live his day as if Lily was not in his orbit, but she was too powerful. Everything revolved around her now, and he had been too slow to realize it.

No, that wasn't true. He had been too stubborn to believe it.

Rafe swam to shore and dressed, then hiked through the fields as the last of twilight faded into a dark starry night. He raced up the stairs leading up from the fountain, into the reception room, and skidded to a halt as Lily barreled into him.

"Excuse me," she said, righting herself. Lily brushed a hand over her skirts, then smoothed back her hair, all the while keeping her eyes trained on the French doors behind him.

"Lily?"

"Mr. Davies, I have no need for your company any longer."

He bent down to force himself into her view and gently wrapped his hand around her wrist. They must talk. If they could talk, they could figure out some solution again.

"Please let go of my arm so that I may be on my way."

He released his grip, his eyes still drilling into her. "Mr. Davies now, is it?"

At last, she looked up at him, fury blazing in her eyes, a stark contrast to the cold, quiet calm from before.

"I want to know one thing. Was it you I corresponded with or Henry?"

He rubbed his forehead, searching for anything to say beside the truth. She would hate the truth, but she deserved it.

"I placed the advertisement in the newspaper after having a fight with my brother. I thought he needed a wife. When the replies began, he charged me with correcting the situation?—"

"So, he told you the plan was ridiculous?"

"Yes. But he never told me he was married. I only learned of that today, this afternoon with you."

"Then why did you reply to my letter?"

He dropped his hand and reached for her, but she recoiled as if his touch would burn. "I must have read your letter over and again for hours that night, trying to reply with an apology, but I couldn't bring myself to let you go. I was curious, and however foolish, you sounded as if you would be an excellent match for my brother."

"Your brother or you?"

If Rafe was anyone else, perhaps he could love Lily the way she deserved to be loved. But he could never allow himself to love her. He could never be her husband when he knew that he would only bring her pain. He let those closest to him down far too often.

"So you wrote to me without his knowledge, then traveled to Cumbria to escort me to Cliffstone without his approval?"

"He never would have approved. He's so damn stubborn. I thought if only he could meet you, then he would understand, he would see what I saw…"

"What you saw in me?" She wrapped her hands around her middle, shrinking back. "We have traveled a significant distance together and have weathered a lot of obstacles. Have you not recognized I am much more than that initial letter?"

"I don't understand."

"No, but I do."

Rafe threw his arms out to his side, his chest almost too tight to breathe. "The closer we were to Cliffstone, the more I wished to tell you. I was afraid of losing you."

"You proved yourself to be no better than any other man in my life." She wiped the back of her hand against her eyes. "And you lost me anyway."

"I—"

"Rafe, I left my family and my dear friends to travel across the country to marry a stranger because I was under the impression he wished to marry me. So imagine my surprise when I showed up at his home, with his brother, unchaperoned, only to discover he was never aware he was supposed to marry me."

"I never thought… I mean, Matilda Brennan! I never would have guessed he would have married, never mind marry one of the most popular London actresses around."

Lily scoffed and rolled her eyes. The room suddenly chilled.

"While that may come as a shock, Rafe, perhaps consider that nothing will change for you because of this mishap. But I am ruined. And I am left with nothing because you couldn't be honest with me or your brother."

"I only meant to help you both."

"You thought only of yourself." She stepped around him, determined to leave. "Good ni?—"

"Wait, where is your telescope? It's a beautiful, clear night to stargaze."

She froze, then spun to face him. Lily swung her arms wide and laughed in spite of herself. "I sold it."

"When? Why would you do that? That is everything to you."

"When I went into the village with your mother and sister. I needed some extra coin."

Once more, Lily refused to meet him in the eye. He clenched his fists, desperate to feel something, anything other than the cold washing over him and the tightness in his chest.

"It doesn't matter now."

Rafe scratched his temple, sure he wasn't hearing her correctly. "When I returned that to you, you told me it was your most prized possession."

"It was."

"I don't understand, Lily. You have worked so hard…"

"And for what? I have been ridiculed and shamed, and I have been disappointed again and again. I have been told that I am too much, and that I should make myself smaller and speak less. My work has value— girls have value beyond their dowries and bodies —but no one will publish my textbook because they don't believe astronomy and math are appropriate academic subjects for females. So I have tried to be good and be what everyone wishes me to be, but no one will bloody marry me either." She tossed her hands up, tears in her beautiful eyes. "Including you, Rafe. I couldn't go through with marrying Henry, and yet you tossed me at his feet without ever telling me the truth."

"You can't leave." Panic clawed at his chest, and he reached for her, but she held her hands out and retreated two steps, shaking her head.

"We barely know one another. "

"Stay. Stay here and we will…"

"I will not be your mistress, and I love myself far too much to stay until you grow bored with me. And you will. No, we must end this. Whatever this beautiful, messy, amazing affair we experienced, it must end."

"You don't mean that. Please, it has been a long journey. Let's rest and talk it over in the morning."

"I will not beg you for your love, nor will I beg you to be my husband. I am exhausted from asking a man to love me as if begging for table scraps. I deserve more." She turned and stalked toward the door, half-enveloped in the dark night. "Don't come out after me. Leave me in peace for once, please."

Lily slipped away, running out into the garden under the protection of night and her beloved stars.

His mind raced for something to say, for some jest to make, so he could see her smile once more. If only he could touch her and make this right, kiss her, and feel her body against his. He reached for his cheek and held out his hand, confused.

His fingers were wet.

And he was crying.