Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

Rafe hadn't slept.

He couldn't, not after what happened between himself and Lily hours earlier in the library. He had been so sure he knew how the world worked, and suddenly everything tilted the moment he slipped that ring on her finger.

Because it had felt right.

Not bringing her to Cliffstone to marry his brother.

But marrying her himself. Which in itself was absurd because he had sworn off marriage and women. He didn't need those complications, and love was complicated.

"Please don't wait so long to visit again," his mother said, kissing his cheek. She stuffed a full basket of food into his hands. "Fresh scones for the journey."

"I will be leaving shortly after we arrive at Cliffstone. I have business in London to see to, and if there is time, I will return before I sail again."

The seagulls cut through the bright summer morning sky outside the cottage. Lily walked with Mari, examining the pots of flowers.

Lily in the sun, in the summer. The beautiful green of her dress matched the softly swaying grass leading around to the path to the ocean. She hadn't so much as looked at him during breakfast. But he couldn't take his eyes off her or the way she floated about this morning, totally at ease at his favorite place on this earth.

"You will be returning to London?"

He tore his gaze off Lily to study his mother. "Yes," he said curtly.

"Mari and I would love for you to visit again and, perhaps, stay longer if you're able. Henry wrote to me about a promotion to captain, so I understand. The Navy is a demanding mistress."

Rafe nodded, narrowing his eyes out on the horizon. "There is no need for me to be there once Lily and Henry are settled. I will have done my duty, and I think it is time I face what I left behind in London."

"That is admirable."

"Ma, I don't have time for a lecture, and I'm sensing you want to give one."

"No, no lecture." She reached up and patted his cheek. "You will learn for yourself, and that will be heartache enough. Come home when you can and be kind."

"To who?"

She stepped back and clasped her hands. He hadn't noticed until now how the years had etched themselves upon her face. The way her laugh lines had deepened, the way her hair had silvered, the way her shoulders rolled forward slightly as if the pressure of bearing it all had finally forced her to buckle.

"Miss Abrams."

Of course, he would be kind to her, he lo?—

He cared for her. That is all.

He cared for her and would see that she would be settled into a safe life, where she would publish her scientific texts without censorship or judgment.

She deserved that much in this life. To be her own, to follow her heart.

He didn't wish to leave, but he called out, motioning for her so they could be on their way. Two more days, God willing, and they would finally reach Cliffstone .

Mari wrapped Lily in a hug first before Finn bounded over.

"I'm afraid I must go, dear fellow, though I wish I could take you with me. I fear Mari would miss you, so stay you must." She bent down and scratched Finn's ears and gave him a big kiss on the head.

Rafe had never been so jealous of a dog in his life.

"Miss Abrams, I am so glad to have met you, and I must say, though early, welcome to the family." His mother drew Lily in for a hug as he climbed into the carriage and reached back for her.

"I adore it here. Thank you for allowing me to stay and for being so welcoming."

"I have packed plenty of scones and some fruit, so Rafe won't be so peckish."

Lily giggled, hesitating by the carriage door.

"Lily, it's time to leave."

"Unfortunately." She placed her hand in his, then gasped. They both looked down and spotted the ring on her finger. She hadn't taken it off. And he hadn't noticed, hadn't even checked the ring box since last night.

She dropped her gaze, her cheeks pink with the most erotic blush.

He pulled her into the carriage, and she settled across from him on the bench seat before the carriage rattled off. She waved to his mother and Mari until they were over the hill and well out of sight.

Then she settled back against her seat and lolled her head back to gaze at him, a sad, soft smile on her face.

"I will miss it there."

I will miss you, he thought.

But he couldn't start thinking that, not yet.

"You are so far away." Lily reached her hand out. "It is only us until we reach the next stop. Will you sit with me?"

He moved around the carriage and settled into the corner with his long legs stretched across to the other seat. His eyes burned from lack of sleep, but he didn't wish to miss a moment with her.

She settled against him, smelling of lemon curd and the sea, tethering him back to the memories of last evening and how they had played in the surf .

Lily placed her hand on his thigh, and a current raced up his body, thrilled at her touch. Oh, how she completely undid him. And he wanted more.

"I suppose you packed the ring box."

"Hmm."

With a sigh, she rested her head on his shoulder. "I guess I should keep it on until we reach the inn. I don't wish to lose it."

"Right." He leaned his head up against the side of the carriage, her weight resting against him, and they drifted off to sleep.

Lily awoke to the afternoon sun hiding behind dark clouds that were chasing the carriage, then rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Rafe stretched, smiling down at her, so completely at peace. Her heart thumped in her chest at the warmth in his hazel eyes. For her.

Rafe gazed at Lily with such honest vulnerability. It felt as if he was the only person who ever truly looked at her and saw her for herself, not for someone they wished she was. Not as if she was some burden to hide and run away from.

A clap of thunder rumbled in the distance.

"I hope we are close to the next inn."

She sat up and looked behind them, staring down a powerful summer thunderstorm.

"Lily?"

"Hmm?"

She pivoted in her seat, bracing her hand on the window so she didn't topple completely onto Rafe.

He pushed forward, reaching up to kiss her, well and truly until her arms relaxed, and she did in fact topple onto Rafe as the carriage bumbled over the country road.

"I was dreaming of you," he whispered against her mouth.

"Good dreams?"

"The very best." He kissed that spot just below her ear that made her limbs wobble .

She climbed onto his lap and drew his head around so she could kiss him. She traced her tongue over his lips, sighing as big hands roamed up her body and tugged down the shoulders of her dress.

"You're so soft." He groaned, lightly nipping at the curve of her shoulder.

This was madness with him, and yet she didn't wish ever to stop.

The carriage rattled, hitting a rock as the sky darkened around them.

"It's going to rain," she sighed.

He pulled down her dress and stays, freeing her breasts. He sucked on her nipple through the thin fabric of her chemise. Need flooded between her thighs as it had last evening, except now she had some understanding of what to expect. Which made her all the hungrier.

He pushed up her skirts and ran his hand up the outside of her thigh, rough as he grabbed hold of her hip. Her heart drummed in her chest, excited.

"Do it again. Please."

"Would you like that?"

She kissed him, then ran her hands into his hair and dropped her head onto his shoulder. "Very much."

Except, she wanted more. Boldness struck her, and she reached for him, palming his erection in her hand.

"Please, you helped me, let me… help you," she insisted.

He groaned, reaching around her to undo the buttons down the center of her back.

"Lily, this is?—"

"Madness, I know."

"I was going to say irritating. Too many buttons. But yes, also madness." Steadily, he slipped the buttons free, tugging her dress down her chest. "Undo my trousers," he hissed.

It thrilled her.

As she did so, he pushed his hand under her skirt and slid a finger along her folds in a long, slow swipe. It felt as if he were taking her apart, inch by slow inch .

His erection sprang free. She studied it for a moment, unsure how to proceed. It was so large…

"Touch me."

It felt like a challenge when she could barely remember her name because of him touching her, spinning her body upward again into the most delightful spiral.

She gripped him in her palm, surprised at how soft he was yet hard. Such a beautiful contradiction.

"Like that, love. Up and down."

Rain began battering the carriage as the sky darkened around them, and the thunder boomed.

Her body tightened and tightened as he continued rubbing his thumb around her pearl until, at last, he slipped two fingers inside of her as he had the night before.

Good heavens. She moaned, closing her eyes and tossing her head toward the ceiling of the carriage.

She continued stroking him, even as he groaned and grew harder beneath her touch. She felt so incredibly powerful bringing about his pleasure.

The carriage rattled and jerked to the left, tossing the pair onto the floor, then shuddered to a stop.

Lily blinked, looking toward Rafe as panic filled her lungs. She scrambled off his lap, up onto the seat, and righted her dress. Rafe grinned, tucking himself away, and righting his trousers and shirt. His cravat was as crooked as his charming smile, his hair was curly, and he was perfect.

"Here," he whispered. He gestured for her to turn around, and he quickly made short work of doing up the buttons on the back of her dress.

She was pretty sure she felt her heart explode in her chest as she began laughing, unable to stop herself. He was perfect. They were perfect together.

Even as the thunderstorm raged on, wreaking havoc on the roads.

"How far to the inn?" Rafe asked, pulling down the window to shout at the driver .

Rain splashed inside.

"Oh, another ten minutes or so, sir. But the roads are impassable. We'll need to walk. Best stay here and wait out the storm."

Rafe stuck his head back inside the carriage and grabbed Lily's hand. "Let's go."

"Rafe? What? You can't be serious."

"As the pox."

She whacked his shoulder, laughing. "No, let the rain pass."

"And then we will need to walk to the inn… with the driver."

He tugged her closer, kissing her mouth still full of fire, spinning her head. Then he opened the door and tossed her his coat to hold over her head.

"We will meet you there, sir," Rafe shouted over his shoulder. And they dashed through the rain, slipping and sliding in the mud as they made their way into town, only stopping once to kiss for a few minutes against a very large oak.

Rafe wasn't thinking straight. Was running through a summer storm the smartest idea? No.

But love made a man do stupid things.

And he was.

Rafe Davies was in love.

They burst through the door at the Thimble she was in control.

This. With Rafe.

She felt the shiver racing up his spine before he pulled out and spent on her stomach, the two of them chasing their breath for a moment in silence. She tilted her hips, drawing his face into her hands, and pulled him in for a drugging kiss, determined to chase away the fear that crept into his eyes.

This didn't have to end for now .

He slid back inside her and thrusted, in and out, drawing out her pleasure until she shattered around him and pressed her mouth against his shoulder to keep quiet.

"That is what you want from life, Lily. Find that, chase that," he whispered, rising to grab a cloth to clean her up after a few moments.

She smiled to herself stupidly, ignoring the gnawing pain in her chest because she had found it. He was simply too stubborn to allow her to love him.

Rafe shrugged on his shirt and tucked it into his trousers, glancing over his shoulder at Lily as she lay reclined in bed a few hours later. Her dark brown hair tumbled wildly over her shoulders. She clutched a book in her hand. Every now and again, she would peek over the top and gaze at him with the biggest grin he'd ever seen.

It did something funny to his heart.

"Should we see about dinner?" he asked, peeling his heated stare away to focus on the floor.

Rain still pelted against the thin windowpanes of their room, and thunder rumbled on and off in the distance as dusk settled across the horizon.

"And go down together?"

He paused. "Lily, are you expecting me to pull on these boots and run out the door?"

Rafe dropped his teasing tone as soon as he saw worry flash across her face. Christ, he should tell her. The guilt was gnawing at him, especially now.

He cared for her deeply. She would despise him for taking away her choice. Throughout the entire trip, she was convinced Henry knew of this plan and would marry her. And at the start, he hadn't truly cared if she didn't because he assumed it would all work out.

No, he had to tell her. He would try at dinner.

Lily sat up, clutched the sheet to her chest, and nodded .

"I'm not leaving, love. But if I don't eat something, I will be intolerable."

She smirked. "Yes, that's true. I'm sorry?—"

"Don't apologize." He hated the sound of those words out of her mouth. No, she didn't need to make excuses for her assumptions. "Least of all not to me."

Her dark eyebrows knitted together. "Very well. Are you all right?"

He quickly nodded, pulling on both boots. "Never better."

But that was far from the truth. Again, with the lies. He hated the duplicity, but he couldn't stop. He didn't wish to ruin the amazing afternoon they were sharing.

She swung her feet off the bed and allowed them to dangle over the side for a moment. "Will you help me into my dress?"

Rafe grinned, arching an eyebrow as he fastened his trousers. "I would rather take you out of it."

She chuckled. "It must be so exhausting."

"What's that?"

"Being so charming."

"Why do you think I have such an insatiable appetite?"

Lily clutched the sheet to her body and padded over to him, leaning over to drop a kiss onto his cheek before she reached down for discarded undergarments and her dress still damp from the rain.

Steady on , he cautioned himself. One kiss, and she melted any semblance of self-preservation he possessed.

He helped her fasten her dress, and the two of them went downstairs expecting a quiet dining room. But given the rain, a band had set up, and the inn was more than bustling. A fiddler played in the corner as guests cheered and clapped. The barmaid flagged over more help, yelling over the din.

She clutched his hand and leaned against his arm. "I don't know if we'll even have a table."

He leaned down to listen, barely hearing her over the crowd. "I see one, come with me."

They wove through the crowded room and settled in the corner by the staircase, eventually ordering dinner and two pints of claret .

Dinner arrived, and he swore to himself he would confess. But she had smiled, and he had become distracted, and before long, she was tugging on his hand, urging him to dance.

"I don't dance," he declared.

"How boring for you. Please?"

He chuckled the entire way as she pulled him through the crowd, and a country reel filled up the small room.

Perhaps she hadn't discovered his secret yet, but he'd do nearly anything she asked.

They joined the dancing for some time, skipping and turning merrily about the room. And all the while as he watched her laugh, he was thankful for the rain and for their time together. And terrified of what was to come.

"I have to tell you something," he said, ducking his head next to her ear.

"Pardon?"

Rafe pulled her back to where they had eaten, tucked away by the stairs. She spun around, never letting go of his hand before she rested her head against his chest. They slowly rocked back and forth, quiet, as the music continued.

"Lily, I have to tell you?—"

But she reached up and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth, stealing away the sliver of strength he had. No, he would be selfish. He had confessed as much to her while at the beach. Rafe Davies was a greedy man, and if keeping the truth quiet a little longer meant one more moment dancing with her in the crowded tavern, he would do it.

Because for one moment, for this one evening, it was only the two of them in a space they had created for just themselves. And he never wanted to let that go, even though he knew he must as soon as the road cleared.