43. Chapter Forty-three
Chapter Forty-three
Clara
I had been staring at my phone all day, yet the words refused to come. So far, I'd typed, "Hi." That didn't seem to be enough, and I had no clue what to say after that.
I'd read his texts, though. Over and over.
I'm sorry, Clara.
Don't forget how much I love you.
We need to talk to make this right. Everything's going to stay fucked until we talk.
Gotta know you're all right. Give me something. Anything.
Sage has been asking about you. This isn't fair to her. Not fair to any of us.
I miss you. Miss you so fucking bad, I can't breathe sometimes.
Last night, I heard Nellie's laugh in my dreams. Woke up with tears on my face. I'm breaking here, mama. Something's gotta give.
To tell you the truth, I'm pissed off you're doing this. I love you more than anything, but I'm mad at you too.
Just talk to me.
Not much work had gotten done. I'd sat through meetings and conference calls, spacing out during most of them. Fortunately, the topics weren't in my arena, and Thomas had been there to take notes in case there might've been anything I needed to know later.
I was once again staring at my phone when Thomas strode into my office, a puzzled expression on his face.
"I just received a strange call from security in the lobby," he announced.
I threw my phone down on my desk and straightened. "What was strange about it?"
"They said there's a young girl down there asking for you. A few weeks ago, I would have said Clara Rossi doesn't know any young girls, but given the phone call I fielded, I'm aware of one. Were you expecting a visit from your little friend?"
My brows drew together in confusion. "My friend…is Sage in the lobby?"
Smirking, he nodded. "Yep. What should I tell security to do with her?"
I pushed back from my desk and stood. "Tell them I'm coming. I'll be down there in a minute."
My mom instinct—which I trusted far more than my man instinct—sounded the alarms. How was Sage here? She should have been in school fifteen miles away.
The elevator went at a snail's pace. By the time it reached the lobby, I was frantic to get my eyes on Sage and make sure she was okay. When I found her behind the security desk, spinning on one of the guards' chairs, I nearly folded in half with relief.
"Sage." I gripped the edge of the desk. "Honey, what are you doing here?"
She stopped spinning and vaulted out of the chair. "Clara!" Then she was around the desk and throwing herself at me before I could brace myself. Luckily, she was light as a feather and didn't topple us over when I caught her in a hug.
As I held her, she started rambling. "I'm sorry for just showing up like this, but I haven't seen you in so long, and I really wanted to talk to you. My dad said you were taking space, but not from me, so I didn't think you'd mind seeing me. I know I'm not supposed to come to your job, and I'm sorry if I interrupted something important, but I couldn't wait another day."
"Sage" —I pulled back to look at her— "how did you get here? Shouldn't you be in school?"
"Well, yes, but this was important." She bit down on her bottom lip before admitting, "I looked up the bus routes last night. I had to take three to get here, but it was super easy. Public transportation is totally legit in this city."
"Wait, wait, wait—do your mom and dad know you're here?" I had a feeling I already knew the answer, but I needed her to confirm it so I could wrap my head around how much trouble she was going to be in.
"Um…" She dug her toe into the floor sheepishly. "Not really. I was going to tell my dad when I got home."
"Shit." I smacked my forehead. "Okay, here's what we're going to do; let's go sit down over there, have a treat from the coffee stand, and catch up. But first, we have to call your dad and tell him where you are."
I escorted Sage to one of the café tables near the stand in the lobby that served coffee, pastries, and sandwiches. My stomach was a roiling mess when I walked a few feet from her and dialed Jake. I hadn't heard his voice in—
"Clara?" he rasped.
"Hi, Jake. I—"
"Any other time, Clara— any other time…but I can't talk. Sage is missing—"
"She's not missing," I blurted out. "She's here."
"What? Where?"
"At Rossi. She's here with me in the lobby."
He was silent for a long beat, then, in an even tone, he asked, "What is she doing there?"
"She wanted to see me," I admitted quietly. Too quiet for all the background noise around me, but from his grunt, he'd heard. "Tell me what you want me to do. Bring her home?"
"No. I'm coming there. Give me twenty minutes."
"Of course. We'll be waiting."
He hung up without another word, and I returned to Sage. "Your dad's coming."
Her brow crinkled. "Is he mad?"
"I think he's mostly relieved." I nodded toward the cart. "Let's order something. We can talk while we wait for him."
Sage wanted a donut, and I decided I needed one too. We sat down at the small table with our treat, and I watched her dig in, getting chocolate frosting on her teeth and lips. My stomach panged. I'd missed her terribly over the past couple weeks and was just now realizing the magnitude of it.
So, I told her. "I missed you, Sage. I'm sorry I haven't called or texted. I should have, and I really regret not doing that."
She wiped her mouth with a bunched-up napkin. "I thought you would, you know. I guess I could have texted you first, but even though my dad said the space you were taking was because of him, I wasn't sure I believed it."
"He was right, though. You have quickly become one of my favorite people. Not many people know about Brian Kegan and Periodgate. I told you that because you're important to me."
Her stare was long and contemplative. "It doesn't really feel that way."
Oh, my heart. My poor, crumbling heart.
"I'm sorry. I was taking care of myself, and I neglected you."
"Yeah." She looked down at the napkin in her hand. "Are you breaking up with my dad?"
"I don't know what's going to happen with us, but I don't want you to worry about that. You have enough on your plate. Wait a good ten years before you start dealing with grown-up stuff. It's no fun, I promise you."
"Okay. I get that." She fluttered her lashes at me. "But just so you know, if you guys do break up, I'll probably be deeply traumatized."
A laugh snuck out of me. This kid knew how to dig the knife in and look adorable doing it.
"Wow, if I'd known I was going on a guilt trip, I would have brought my passport."
She snickered. "That's a good one. I'm writing that down."
"You'll have to credit my brother. He said that to me one too many times growing up."
After that, the vibe lightened. We were trading jokes when Jake stormed toward us, long strides eating the distance. Sage's back was to him, so she missed her father's tortured glare. It must've been the sound of her laughter that slowed his approach. His eyes met mine, and while his glare softened, the torture remained.
I had to hold on to the table to stop myself from going to him. He needed a hug, comfort, and it felt incredibly unnatural not to give that to him.
I interrupted Sage's story. "Your dad's here."
She whirled around, and Jake tore his gaze from me to peer down at his daughter.
"Don't be mad." She balled her hands up under his chin, giving that same fluttery-eyed look she'd used on me earlier. "Please, Daddy."
He chuffed. "Oh, I'm mad. Your mom and Mike are beside themselves. I can't even begin to fathom what you were thinking, but we're going to talk."
Her head bowed. "Okay. I'm really sorry."
The next moment, he grabbed her from her seat and pulled her into his arms, hugging her tight. His arms were shaking as he held her and murmured something I couldn't hear against her head. I imagined he was telling her he loved her and that she'd shaved at least a decade off his life today.
I couldn't tear my eyes off them—off him . I drank in the sight of him, wondering how I'd been able to go so long without seeing him.
Strangely, when Miller betrayed me, my love for him had shut off like a valve. One minute, it was streaming freely, and the next, it was cut off, the pipes dry as a bone. That wasn't the case with Jake. I loved him now just as much as I had before I found out what he'd done.
Still, I couldn't bring myself to stand or go to him. My feet were leaden with fear.
He took the choice out of my hands. Pulling back from Sage, he pointed her to a bench a good distance away and sternly ordered her to wait. Once she followed his orders, he closed in on me, taking the chair across from mine.
We stared and stared and stared. He had to be the one to speak first. My tongue was stuck to the roof of my dry mouth, and I couldn't think of anything more than his eyes, his lips, his hands, the beating heart inside his warm chest. Plus, I was afraid if I said something now, it would come out wrong. Desperate. I would latch on to him, not because I had gotten over what he'd done, but because the last two weeks had been hell, and I couldn't stand to let him walk away again.
"You made me a liar to my daughter, Clara."
I jolted, surprised by his growl and what he'd said. "What do you mean?"
"I told her you'd never leave her in the dust like my ex, but you did. You left us both that way." He pressed a hand to his head. "I don't care about me. But that little girl is all I have, and she's hurting. Isn't today proof enough for you?"
"Jake, I—" I licked my impossibly dry lips. "I apologized to Sage, and from here on out, I'll be there for her. I know I screwed up, but she and I made amends."
"Good." He nodded curtly. "If you want out of her life, you'll need to do that with compassion."
I shook my head. "I don't want out of her life."
He stared at me, his jaw working. "How's that going to work? You hang out with my kid without seeing me? Let's be real. I messed up badly, but I can't continue paying for another man's crimes."
My eyes flared. "So that's it? You're giving up on me?"
His brow dipped in confusion. "Don't you want me to?"
"No, I—" I sucked in a deep breath. "I was going to contact you tonight. I promised Bea and Shira I would. You're right; we need to talk. I've wanted to talk to you since the moment you left my office, but I'm scared. Even now, sitting across from you."
He shook his head. "You don't have anything to be afraid of when it comes to me."
My laugh was humorous. "I have everything to be afraid of. If this happens again…"
"It won't."
My eyes burned, which was just great. If I cried in the lobby of my office building, I would have to take early retirement.
"See? This is the part that's scary, Jake. To get past this, I'll have to take your word. And while every part of me is screaming for me to wrap my arms around you, I don't know if I can trust myself . I don't mean to make you pay for another man's crimes. A lot of the time, it feels like I'm the one paying for them. Until you. It felt like I'd served my time, and I was free."
His nostrils flared as he took me in. Remorse carved deep lines between his brows and tugged at the corners of his mouth. But his tenderness for me hadn't been erased. It was there in the sweep of his icy blues and the way his hands slid across the table, stopping just before they reached mine.
"Then I went and threw you back behind those bars."
I nodded slowly. "You threw me, but I pulled the door shut."
I waved him off before he said anything else. I couldn't do this here. It was too big to have over half-eaten donuts with nosy security guards pretending they weren't watching from their desks. "You should get Sage home. I'm sure Carly and Mike want to see her with their own eyes."
He gave me a good long stare before rapping his knuckles on the table. "If I text, will you reply?"
"I will."
Another curt nod. Jake wasn't giving anything away. "I'll be in touch." He didn't say when, and I didn't ask. I'd probably lost that right when I'd left him hanging for so long.
As he got up to walk away, I caught Sage's wide eyes. "Jake?"
He turned back. "Yeah?"
"Go easy on her, okay? I know she scared the hell out of you—"
"Don't worry about Sage. We've got her taken care of."
With those sharp, parting words, he collected his daughter, arm circling her narrow shoulders, and led her out of the building…and what felt like my life.
Before I trudged back upstairs, I grabbed the rest of my donut. This wasn't one of those times chocolate cured everything, but the taste of it brought me back to my mother holding me and telling me everything was going to be all right. I needed a little bit of that right now.