40. Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty

Clara

Mornings on the executive floor of Rossi were normally quiet. We all locked ourselves in our offices to fully wake up over cups of coffee and answer emails that couldn't wait. At least, that was what I did.

This morning, Thomas had flagged me down before I could make it past his desk.

His eyes were wide, and for once, he didn't beat around the bush. "Meeting in the conference room starting as soon as you get in there."

I dropped my bag on his desk, grabbing my phone and tablet out of it. "What's going on?"

"No idea, but a team of lawyers went in there with Luca and Sally right before you got here."

I did not like the sound of that. Nothing good could come from an emergency meeting with lawyers at eight thirty in the morning.

I strode into the conference room, scanning the sea of suited men and women. Luca caught my eye and nodded toward the seat beside him. With a curious look, I sat down.

He didn't keep me waiting long. While the others were in the midst of quiet conversation, he leaned over to fill me in.

"We're canceling the deal with Motor Zone."

I almost jumped in shock. "What? Why?"

As far as I knew, it was a sure thing. I'd kept my distance from the intricacies, but of course I was up to date with the proceedings. We were scheduled to sign contracts later this week. Everything was set.

"One of our investigators turned up a recording starting to get some attention."

I nodded, on tenterhooks. Luca was terrible at telling stories. He conveyed snippets and paused for drama. If we were alone, I might've flicked his forehead.

"What is it?" My impatience wasn't very well hidden, but Luca was unfazed.

"Motor Zone's spokesperson, Dallas Fox, is a racist piece of shit. The recording is of him talking about the type of women he likes and the type he…doesn't. I'm not going to go into detail, but it's ugly and disgusting."

I swallowed hard to keep the bile from working its way up my throat. This wasn't what I'd expected to hear. Otherwise, I might've skipped the coffee. My stomach gurgled from the implications of Luca's revelation.

"I don't need those details." That was where the devil was, after all.

Steepling his fingers, he took a deep breath. "Look, I know this might put some strain on your relationship, but there's no way we can go forward with this deal. You know how long it took us to recover from the hit we took after Miller's crimes came to light. We can't take a chance on anything scandalous blowing back on us."

"Of course," I answered immediately, trying not to allow my guilt over my ex-husband's misdeeds and the way it affected our company seep in. Now was not the time for that. "There's no question the contract can't go through."

He covered my hand with his. "I'm glad you agree."

"I'm glad our investigators picked this up before it was too late."

"The owner of the recording is shopping it around and not being quiet about it." His jaw moved back and forth like there was something he wasn't saying. Then he lowered his chin, his eyes locked with mine. "I doubt we're the only ones who know about this."

It only took a moment for his meaning to dawn on me. "You think the Hayes know."

His shrug was slight. "I don't know anything for a fact, but if I were in possession of a recording like that and wanted money, I'd take it to the company that couldn't afford for it to get out. Whether they found out overnight like we did or days ago, I don't know, but I'd bet my suit collection Jeremy Hayes is at least aware."

Luca was careful with his words, but they still knocked me back. My chest went tight, and the possibilities of who else might have known ricocheted around my skull.

I sat through the meeting, gathering myself to be as present as I could be. I told myself this was about someone else and had nothing to do with potentially being deceived by a man I loved once again.

If there was an upside, we were at least ahead of the scandal this time and would be able to remove ourselves from the narrative. The lawyers were already drafting a memo to end the negotiations with Motor Zone they would be sending before the end of the day. A crisis team was working on our response in the case that we were mentioned in the circus sure to begin once the recording was out there for everyone to hear. I felt confident we would get through this without much damage.

At least, Rossi Motors would.

I wasn't sure I would fare so well.

Even though I hadn't confirmed the worst was true, my gut knew it was. Jake's bad day couldn't have been a coincidence.

As soon as I was in my office, I texted him, unable to bear hearing his voice right now.

Me: Did you know about the recording last night?

It took a minute for my phone to ring. I declined it, but he called back three more times before texting.

Jake: Pick up the phone, Clara.

Me: It's a yes or no question, Jake.

Jake: Nothing is that simple.

To me, it was. His unwillingness to answer was an answer in itself. He'd known. He'd come to me knowing. I'd shared my bed and body with him while he'd been deceiving me.

God, how could this be happening again?

I'd been so careful. I'd gone slow. I'd been wary of every step. Yet, here I was, back where I'd already been—the place I swore I'd never be again.

A drop of water fell on the papers on my desk. I touched it with my fingertip as another fell beside it. Oh, those are tears . I hadn't even realized I was crying. For the longest time, I'd thought I was out of tears. I supposed I'd been wrong about a lot of things.

I had no idea how long I sat there—watching my teardrops dent my papers—until a scuffle and muffled voices outside my office drew me back to the present.

Without warning, the door to my office swung open, and Jake stormed in. Thomas tried to stop him, but Jake slammed the door in his face and locked it.

He stood there, chest heaving as he stared at me. I looked back, too sad to summon my anger, even though it would have been nice right now. Anger, I could have used. Sadness did nothing but bog me down, leaving me immobile.

"You're crying," he uttered.

"Well, of course I am. You've broken my heart." As soon as the words left my mouth, I wished I could take them back.

The speed at which he circled my desk and dropped to his knees in front of me stole my breath. He took my hands in his, holding them so tightly I had no hope of freeing myself.

"I found out yesterday, and I was going to tell you today. I had no intention of deceiving you—"

"But you did. You told me you'd had a bad day while knowing something that would affect not only you but Rossi too. You chose not to tell me. How is that not deception?"

He shook his head. "It wasn't going to go that far. Jeremy asked me to give him a day to put a plan in place. That was it, one day. I told him I wouldn't give him more than that."

"I don't believe you," I stated.

Mouth agape, he fell back on his heels. "I'm telling you the truth. I would never lie to you."

"I don't believe you."

"Clara, sweet—"

"I don't believe you," I repeated with more force. "I can't believe you, Jake. I trusted you and look where that left me. Our team is scrambling to put out fires before everything blows up when you could have given us the knowledge and time we needed yesterday. Why does Jeremy get that courtesy but I don't?"

My Jake was always confident and self-assured. He walked around like he'd found his place in the world and knew exactly what he was doing. The man in front of me was deflating before my eyes. That spine of steel was melting, curling him forward over my lap.

"He's my brother, Clara. I explained our history, and I…I made a mistake giving him that time. I see that now. If I'd thought any harm would come to you or Rossi, I wouldn't have done it."

My nostrils flared, my anger fighting its way to the surface. "I don't believe you."

His head shot up, panicked eyes latching on to mine. "I'm telling you the truth. I would never hurt you. You have to know that."

I reached out to take his face in my hands. "It's funny; you just reminded me of my ex-husband. The two of you couldn't be any more different, but he'd said almost the exact same thing to me when he was arrested. He'd poured out this emotional apology, said what he'd done to those people had had nothing to do with me. Said he'd never hurt me on purpose and loved me very much. Isn't that laughable?"

His fingers wrapped around my wrists, lowering my hands from his face. "I get you're mad and hurt right now, but I'm nothing like that son of a bitch. When you take a step back, you'll see that."

"Will I? I don't know, Jake." I tipped my head back to stave off the angry tears threatening to spill. I was so goddamn sick of crying. "The thing is, I don't trust myself. My gut is a liar, but I thought…"

I rolled my lips over my teeth, biting down to distract myself with pain, but I only succeeded in matching my outside to my inside. Bright, stinging hurt I couldn't ignore. This wasn't supposed to be happening. This wasn't us. It shouldn't have been.

I sucked in a breath lined with broken glass. "After everything, you were supposed to be safe for me. How could I have gotten this so wrong?"

"You weren't wrong, Clara. You were right to trust me. You, Nellie, and Sage are my world."

Oh, this man. He was saying all the right things now. If only he'd done the same thing yesterday.

"That's pretty, but I don't believe you . You chose Jeremy and MZ over us . You lay in my bed and told me you'd had a bad day. That was only a half-truth—another word for a lie."

He winced, but he didn't deny it. "And I'm so fucking sorry for making that choice. In my head, I was doing right by you and my brother, but I know I fucked up. I'm human. Sometimes, I'm gonna do the wrong thing. Mess shit up. I'm here to fix it and remind you we love each other."

"You think I forgot I love you?" My chin wobbled, and I felt utterly pathetic. "God, if only. This would be so much easier if I hadn't let myself fall in love with you."

"I know, mama. I know." He released my hands to wrap his arms around me and press his face to my belly. "You don't have to forgive me today. I'm going to put in the work to get us back to where we need to be. If we have to start from the beginning, we will. I promise you I'll never keep anything from you again."

I wished I could let myself feel what he was saying. If I hadn't gone through what I had with Miller, I would have caved to Jake's desperation and beautiful promises. My instincts screamed for me to believe him, but they had led me astray one too many times.

I touched the top of his head. "History is repeating itself."

"It's not." He raised his head, and my breath caught. His face was flushed, eyes glassy. He looked as ravaged as I felt, and it hurt me. It hurt so badly, but I couldn't be the one to comfort him. Not when he'd put us in this position.

"I'm not letting you go, Clara."

I shook my head. "You made your choice, and it wasn't me."

"No. No. You can be mad at me and disagree with what I did—hell, I disagree with myself—but you are my first and only choice."

I leaned forward, meeting his pleading gaze. "I don't believe you."

"I know. I am really fucking sorry I gave you any reason to doubt me."

"Me too." I turned my head toward the door. "I'd like you to leave."

A deep gust of breath punched out of him. "That can't be it. This isn't it."

I shook my head. "I'm at work. I can't do this now."

"Right." He smoothed his hands up and down my thighs. "We'll talk more tonight. We'll work this out."

"No. I—I need some time."

He took my chin in his hand, turning me back toward him. "What kind of time?"

"I don't know. Enough for me not to be so in the thick of this. My thoughts are too jumbled. I can't sort them out."

"We'll sort it out together, Clara."

I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a hysterical laugh. "I can't sort out my feelings for you with you. I need you to give me space to think about this. If you don't give that to me and force me to answer you now, then we're o—"

His hand slid up to cover my mouth. "No. Don't say it. Those words don't leave your mouth."

I nodded, fresh tears slipping past my lashes. He swiped them away with his knuckles, so gentle and sweet.

Then, for the second time in a very short period, my office door swung open. It wasn't Thomas on the other side, but Luca.

He took a second to assess the scene—me crying, Jake on his knees pleading—then sprang into action. Closing the distance between the door and my desk, he motioned for Jake to get up.

"You need to leave. I'm not having you in my building upsetting my sister." Luca was a thundercloud, looming and dark. "Get up, Hayes."

For his part, Jake barely acknowledged Luca, his attention focused on me. "I'll give you some space, but you can't go silent on me." There was an edge of panic to his plea, and I understood it, but I couldn't promise him anything right now. "The only way we get through this is if we keep talking to each other."

Luca chuffed, his hand landing heavy on Jake's shoulder. "Should've thought about that yesterday. Too late now."

Ice melted in Jake's gaze. "Tell me it's not too late."

Luca's fingers dug in. "Get up and leave, or security will physically remove you."

Finally, Jake rose, but he went slowly, like his bones were old and creaky. As soon as I was free of him, I spun away. I couldn't bear watching him leave. Couldn't bear that it might have been for the last time. I couldn't have that in my memories.

I felt his presence, though. It lingered as my brother grumbled.

It took several long, drawn-out moments before Jake spoke with a clarity and sureness he hadn't possessed until now. "I love you, Clara. To my bones."

Of course it was that. A dagger to my brittle heart.

"Come on," Luca said with a bit of softness. "Let's go, Jake."

After Jake's heavy, plodding footsteps faded, the door clicked shut, and I was left alone with nothing but silence.