39. Chapter Thirty-nine

Chapter Thirty-nine

Clara

Jake wasn't a talkative man in general, but tonight, he'd been quieter than normal. He'd laughed with Nellie, danced to her favorite cartoon, but in between, he was a million miles away, caught up in his thoughts.

My propensity for pessimism reared its ugly head with thoughts I couldn't tamp down.

He's tired of us.

He realizes I'm too old for him.

Too damaged.

Too much baggage.

He met someone else.

He's hiding something from me.

He's leaving me.

All evening, I tried to get a read on him, but it was impossible. The walls he'd knocked down had been resurrected in record time. Just this morning, we'd been thick as thieves, and tonight, I wasn't sure what we were.

I might've been mistaking a bad day for disaster on the horizon. That was distinctly possible. But I'd ignored my instincts with Miller for months while he'd been terrorizing an old couple. If I'd spoken up sooner, I might've saved them some heartache at the very least, if not myself too.

Jake was propped on my bed when I entered my bedroom after tucking Nellie in. He put his phone down when I approached him, tipping his head back to look up at me. I slid my fingers through the top of his thick hair, and he closed his eyes, leaning into my touch.

I refused to let this go on a second longer. "So, what is it? Bad day, or are you sick of me? Either way, I'd like to know now."

His eyes sprung open. "Sick of you? How could you think that? That's not possible."

"It's easy to think that when you've barely looked at me since you got here. You've said maybe ten words and were a million miles away anytime Nellie wasn't climbing all over you. So, I'm asking you to tell me now if you want to leave or are unsure whether you want to move forward. Don't drag it out, please."

He stared at me with an open mouth and furrowed brow as if he didn't comprehend what I was saying to him.

He didn't refute my claim or reassure me. Instead, his arms shot out and grabbed me by the middle. Whirling around, he threw me on the bed and climbed on top of me, straddling my legs. His clenched fists landed on either side of my head, and he glared at me with a tense jaw.

"I love you, Clara."

I swallowed hard, unable to speak from the intensity rolling out of him in thick, cloying waves.

"I'm not done with you. I'm pretty certain I never will be," he gritted out. "If I haven't made it clear how completely in love with you I am, that's my fault. I love you down to the core of me. It came on slow and steady, like a summer rain shower, and before I knew it, I was drenched. My love for you goes so deep it's a part of me now. Even if I tried to carve myself hollow, I wouldn't be able to rid myself of it."

He pressed his fists deeper into the mattress, his nose almost touching mine. "I'm not trying. I won't try. I never want to stop loving you. Being in love with you is the easiest thing I've ever done, and next to having my daughter, the best. So no, I'm not leaving you, and I'm damn sure I want to move forward with you. I. Love. You."

My breath froze in my lungs. Jake might've been on top of me, but he was the vulnerable one. His feelings seeped from his pores as his mouth put them into words I'd never forget.

"Jake…" I wiggled to free my hand so I could touch his tight jaw, "I love you too. Very much. That's why I can't sit by and watch you get lost in your head without feeling concerned. Maybe you need space, I don't know. It's just...I'm so messed up; when you don't speak to me, I think it's my fault."

His sigh was so heavy he deflated, his forehead lowering to touch mine. "No, Clara. Not your fault. I'm really sorry for putting that thought in your head when it's the opposite of the truth. Spending time with you and Nellie has been the best part of my day."

I stroked his jaw, from his ear to his chin and back again. "Then what's going on, baby? You can talk to me."

He collapsed onto his side and pulled me with him, not leaving any space between our bodies. Those beautiful blue eyes of his were brimming with worry and something that looked a lot like pain. He was so good at this, letting me see his emotions, it made it easier to trust him and impossible not to love him.

"Jeremy and I…well, I'm going to have to make some decisions soon. He crossed a line with me I can't get over. I would've said he broke my heart, except you've fortified it so well it's pretty damn solid. He did put a dent in it, though, and I don't think I'm going to be able to forget that."

"What happened?"

He shook his head, his eyes closing. "I'm not ready to talk about it. Soon, I'll tell you everything. I just really need to hold you tonight. Need you in my arms."

"You don't have to ask. I'm here."

For a while, that was all we did. Jake had buried his nose in my hair and trailed his fingers up and down my back. I'd slipped my hands under his shirt, needing to feel his warmth under my palms.

As he held me, trickles of belief pooled inside me. The trail of his fingers on my spine and shoulders told me he loved me. His lips touching every place he could reach proved he wasn't tired of me. The murmurs of my name and soul-deep groans as he tugged me closer and closer, even though I was flattened against him, were echoes of his need for me. Soon, I was filled with belief in Jake and me, my previous doubts floating away with my sighs.

He'd had a bad day. That didn't mean impending disaster. He was human. He could be grumpy and quiet so long as he gave me this and worked through it with me when he was ready.

"Clara." It was an exaltation—a declaration of desire and love wrapped up in the five letters of my name.

I opened my eyes, finding his already there, locked on me. "Jake."

His answer was a kiss. Long and deep, his tongue plunged into my mouth, laving me, tasting me. Fingers braced on the back of my skull, he held me where he wanted me and took and took and took.

What I'd said to him that night in The Tavern still held true. I liked a man who took what he wanted. Well…certain men who took certain things. Jake was that certain man, and this kiss was that certain thing.

I was breathless and still didn't try to pull away. Even dizzy, I kissed him back, gripping his neck like he might disappear if I didn't.

In between removing my clothes and his, his lips found mine. Each time he kissed me, it was like it was the last time. As if he was leaving for battle in the morning and I might not see him again.

The room spun, and my heart twisted and twirled as his kisses traveled over my skin, devouring me inch by inch. He settled between my thighs and brought me to another planet with his tongue. The obscene yet wholly erotic sounds of him lapping my soaked flesh filled the room, but the volume of my moans nearly drowned everything else out. Jake made me come and come and come. If he'd been determined to wring me out and leave me boneless, he'd succeeded, yet I couldn't ask him to stop. He kept at me until I lost track of my orgasms and sense of self. I'd been condensed into a being who only knew pleasure and love for the man who gave it to her.

I opened my eyes when he crawled over me and pulled me to my side. He moved me how he wanted me, draping my leg over his hip with the rest of me snuggled as close as he could have me. In one long, slow plunge, he entered me and stayed there, rooted at the end of me. Our breath mingled, neither of us blinking or looking away.

"Clara," he murmured.

"Jake," I whispered back.

He moved inside me, only retreating slightly before returning to the place he'd claimed as home. My body was languid, responding to his with rolls of my hips and high, ragged sighs. Jake was as tireless as he was gentle, holding me while he made love to me.

I watched him at times, and he looked at me with such intensity and adoration I almost felt like I was intruding on a private moment. That might not have made sense, but very few of my synapses were awake, so I closed my eyes and let him have his time with me. I didn't need to see him anyway because although my mind was drifting, my skin was alive and aware of everything .

The prickling of Jake's chest hair on my sensitive breasts.

His strong thighs intertwined with mine.

Hot breath on my shoulder.

Strong fingers clamped around my hip.

Thick cock sliding into me until I couldn't breathe, only feel.

Impossibly, my belly grew taut and full. Gripping his shoulders, I panted and keened as another orgasm rippled through me. My inner walls clamped and fluttered around his cock, making him groan and push in harder.

"Clara."

"Baby," I whimpered.

He flipped me onto my back and drove into me with force and purpose. "Look at me. I need your eyes on me right now."

I forced myself to focus on the man above me. He'd given me so much; it was now time for him to take. He was beautiful and fierce, tendons like ropes in his neck, a sheen of sweat on his brow.

"I see you," I said.

"You do. Always." Ragged and broken, he groaned as he pounded me with abandon. Our skin slapped, and I slid up the mattress from the force of it, the headboard stopping me from falling off the end. I braced myself, arms over my head. Jake's eyes dropped to my bouncing breasts then back to my face. He licked his lips and released a feral growl.

Through that, his ferocity and desire, he stroked my hair and touched my face with the reverence he never forgot.

"I love you," I told him.

"Love you so fucking much," he gritted out.

"Come for me, baby." I raised my leaden legs, allowing him a deeper angle. "Fill me up, Jake. I want your cum all over me."

"You'll have it. All over my girl."

He pressed my leg back to my chest and fucked me hard. There was fire in his icy eyes, flames licking to the surface, spreading to his burning skin. Soon, he thrust deep for a final time and stayed there, coating my inner walls with liquid heat. My neck arched with pleasure as he pulsed inside me.

Time passed, the world spun, our breathing slowed. Jake stayed planted, holding me, brushing my hair from my eyes, leaving light kisses all over my face. It was tender and perfect.

"You're making me feel adored," I slurred.

"That would be because I do adore you, Clara. Completely. You know that, right?"

"Mmm." My eyes fluttered open. "I might forget sometimes, but you don't let it go on for long. When you kiss my forehead, I fall right back into the softness of your feelings for me. I can't tell you how much I love being yours, Jake."

"Same way I love being yours." His eyes darted between mine, then he grabbed me, yanking me tight against him. His arms were steel bands around my shoulders. We were so close his thrashing heart pounded through his cage, rattling mine too.

In the back of my mind, I noticed something frantic about how tightly he held me, something unsettled about him in general, but I brushed it away. He'd had a bad day. If he needed me close to soothe himself, I would give him me a hundred times over.

Hopefully, tomorrow would be better for him. If not, I'd be there for him anyway.