Chapter 29

twenty-nine

“What are you doing here?” Savannah asked.

Once again, Fallon stood outside Savannah’s door with a bag of groceries in her hand. Mother’s Day. She’d never thought she’d celebrate this day again, but here she was, planning a Mother’s Day for Savannah. She probably should have snagged Brinley’s phone number so they could discuss what she wanted to do for her mom more than the other week, but it had seemed inappropriate, so she hadn’t.

“Remember I told you about that thing with Brin?” Fallon gripped the tote bag tighter.

“Brinley’s not here. She’s with her father.” Savannah didn’t hesitate in letting Fallon inside this time though. Not like the last.

“Oh.” Fallon’s stomach tightened. “She’d said… Never mind, maybe she didn’t know the schedule at that point.”

Savannah scrunched her face. “Yeah, we can go with that assumption, though it’s probably wrong.”

“What I’m saying is she probably didn’t realize the dates coincided.” Fallon walked directly toward the kitchen and set the bag onto the countertop. “I can come back when she’s here.”

Fallon immediately started putting the food she’d brought into the fridge, not wanting to trek it back to her apartment and then back here. She finished up and folded the tote bag into a small square, straightening her back and finally looking Savannah over.

“Just don’t go trying to figure out what food I had planned to help her cook.”

“Cook?” Savannah’s brow furrowed. “She asked you to help her cook?”

“For Mother’s Day.” Fallon’s expected tension at the phrase didn’t appear. She’d thought she’d be put off by talking about that, but she wasn’t. Instead, she was intrigued with the way Savannah’s eyes watered, the redness to her nose and cheeks.

“She knew for weeks that she wouldn’t be here, Fallon. She made a big deal about the schedule and asked if I could rearrange it, but Kevin said not to poke the bear so I told her no.”

“Weeks?” Fallon’s stomach plummeted. “Maybe she just didn’t tell me the right day. When will she come back?”

“Tomorrow night.” Savannah wiped her eyes, pulling the tears that had started to form away from her skin and wiping them on her thighs.

“Oh.” An awkward tension moved over them. “So do you want me to come back tomorrow?”

“Yeah, or Tuesday actually. I don’t know how she’s going to be after being with Forrest all week, especially since I’ve changed the rules of his game.” Savannah glanced at the refrigerator. “She wanted to make me dinner?”

“Yes.” Fallon definitely wasn’t going to tell her the second part of the plan. Brinley deserved to have some surprises left for her mom if she could. Fallon got the sense that it wasn’t often that she was able to do something nice for Savannah.

“Conrad used to come over and help her clean the entire apartment and then he’d cook a huge meal for me and Kyla, ply us with drinks and run after the kids while we sat around and were treated like queens.” A tear escaped the corner of Savannah’s eye.

Now it made perfect sense why Brinley wanted to do that. It’s what she’d been taught to do for her mother.

“You didn’t want to spend Mother’s Day with Kyla?” For some reason, Fallon didn’t want to leave just yet. It wasn’t just Savannah’s sadness that kept her there, it was something else, something she wasn’t quite ready to name yet.

“No.” Savannah shook her head. “She invited me, but I couldn’t bring myself to go. I think Holli was doing something nice for her since it’s her first Mother’s Day without Conrad, but really her second because he couldn’t do anything for that last one.”

Fallon nodded slowly. “I haven’t celebrated Mother’s Day since I was nine.”

Savannah’s chin immediately jerked up, their eyes locking, and in that moment, Fallon knew that Savannah understood exactly what she wasn’t saying. “So today…”

“Wasn’t hard until I agreed to help Brinley,” Fallon finished for her.

“And she’s not even here.”

“No, she’s not.” Fallon twisted the bag in her hands. “I’ll come back on Tuesday.” Fallon turned to leave, but Savannah’s hand on her arm stopped her.

“Will you stay? Just for a bit?”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Fallon didn’t want to leave, that much she knew. But without stating explicitly why, she knew nothing would be resolved. And the ball was in her court. She had to be the one to take that step or not. “When I told you that I couldn’t be friends with you, I meant it.”

“But I don’t fully understand why.”

Fallon’s heart pitter-pattered quickly. It was now or never, wasn’t it? Savannah hadn’t run off. She’d taken steps that Fallon would have taken to protect Brinley. They were standing here unable to be out of each other’s spheres for longer than even a week. The number of times Fallon had picked up her phone to call or text was impossible to count. Even with the finality to their conversation the last several times they’d talked, they still ended up right here. Standing face to face and wondering whether or not they were going to move forward with any kind of relationship.

“I want you too much.” Fallon kept her distance. If she was to get too close to Savannah during this conversation, then she was liable to touch and kiss, and she really didn’t want to do that before they were ready. Not again. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“You’re obsessed with me?” Savannah’s face pinched.

“No, not obsessed.” Fallon clenched her jaw. That sounded like an attack, and Fallon couldn’t blame her. “Definitely infatuated.” Fallon took a step closer when Savannah’s eyes widened. “Attracted. I happen to think you’re incredibly sexy.”

“Fallon,” Savannah’s voice dropped off, her name nothing more than a breath.

“I can’t be your friend without being sexually attracted to you, and I can’t be your friend if those two don’t come hand in hand with each other.” Fallon took another step, stopping only an inch away from Savannah. If she had the courage, she’d lean down and press their mouths together in a kiss, but with everything they’d been through in the last few weeks, she wasn’t going to do that. Not without some explicit sign from Savannah.

“You still want me?” Savannah sounded so small, like she wasn’t ready to believe Fallon, even with the truth right in front of her.

“Absolutely.”

“I didn’t think…” Savannah stopped herself. “Do you really?”

“Without a doubt.” Fallon’s lips pulled upward into a smile. “I think you’re stunning, not just physically but as a human being. You’re so much stronger than you think you are, so much stronger than I am.”

“Don’t say something you don’t mean.”

“I never do.” Fallon touched Savannah’s arm lightly before backing away. It was clear she’d shaken Savannah, and she wanted to give them each as much time as possible to navigate this.

Savannah drew in a deep breath and held it tightly in her chest. Eventually she let it out slowly and raised her gaze to meet Fallon’s. That incredibly curious gaze, the one that wanted answers. “Why now?”

“Now or then doesn’t make any difference. The answer’s the same.”

“What answer?”

Fallon folded her arms over her chest and steadied herself. Were they finally at the breaking point? “I’m not looking for a relationship. At least I wasn’t.”

“Are you now?”

“No, not really.” Fallon gave her a weak smile, hoping that it would ease some of the anxiety that Savannah was no doubt feeling.

“Oh. Okay.”

Fallon wanted to touch her. She wanted to hold Savannah, kiss her, embrace her. She wanted to make sure that the two of them were connected in a way that would be difficult to separate from. If they were able to accomplish that, then perhaps they’d make it through this conversation and this shift after all. “But I’m not unwilling to be in a relationship. With you, anyway. Anyone else wouldn’t even stand a chance.”

Savannah jerked with a start. “What did you say?”

“I’m willing to be in a relationship with you,” Fallon repeated, making sure that she had been as clear as possible. “But you’re the only exception to the rule.”

“Exception?” Savannah raised an eyebrow. “What happens if I fail you?”

“The rule is still in place.” Fallon tightened her arms against her chest, making sure that she didn’t overstep her bounds or what Savannah might want.

“Why an exception?” Savannah asked, turning her body to face Fallon more fully.

“Because I think you might be worth it.” Fallon smiled. “Not think—I know you will be.”

“You know?” Disbelief filled her voice.

“Yes. I know.” Fallon nodded toward the fridge. “But that doesn’t mean a relationship is going to happen.”

“What? Why wouldn’t it?”

Fallon sighed heavily, knowing that this part was going to be the hardest for them to walk through. She was going to have to be very clear and very precise with her words. And she was going to have to be sure that Savannah understood exactly what she was saying.

“Because Forrest worries me.” Fallon chewed on the inside of her cheek.

“Worries or scares?”

“A little of both, honestly. And it’s not really because of what he’s capable of, it’s because of how often I’m going to be reminded of my past.” Fallon’s shoulders tightened to the point of hurt. She wasn’t going to manage to keep herself from hurting throughout this, she did know that. But that didn’t mean it had to hurt a ton either. And if Savannah understood where she was coming from, then this would be easier. “He reminds me so much of my father.”

Savannah nodded, compassion in her gaze. Pity was nowhere in sight. “That’s completely understandable. I can see how he would remind you of that.”

“So to be in a relationship with you, which I would like to do, means that I have to suffer through that.” Fallon straightened up. “And that’s been a difficult decision.”

“But you’ve made it?”

“I think I have. Have you?”

Savannah grinned, the smile lighting up her entire face. Fallon wasn’t going to forget that look. If she could make Savannah so happy with just one smile, with one look, with a few words, then she wanted to do that every day. She wanted to be with Savannah every moment if she could receive this happiness in response.

Instead of saying anything, Savannah walked right into Fallon. She slid her hands from Fallon’s wrists to her arms and to her neck, cupping her cheeks next. The grin never went away as she leaned up on her toes and pressed their mouths together.

“I’d love to be with you,” Savannah whispered. “I’d love to know you’re here to support me, through thick and thin, and I have no doubt that once you make a decision you’re all in on it.”

“I am,” Fallon answered, her heart thundering loudly. “I won’t hold back with you. Not anymore.”

“At least you won’t do it on purpose,” Savannah corrected, touching their lips together again. “I won’t forget that you’re not perfect.”

“Good.”

Fallon moved quickly. She threaded her fingers into Savannah’s hair, holding onto the back of her head as she tilted forward. Sliding her tongue along Savannah’s lower lip, Fallon kissed her with everything she had. She moved, she sighed, she held on. Fallon kept close, wanting and needing Savannah to understand how pivotal this moment was. It wasn’t one that she would forget. It wasn’t one that she was going to let go, either.

This was a moment just for them moving forward.

Savannah groaned. She slid her hands around Fallon’s back, sliding her fingers up and under Fallon’s shirt. The sensation of Savannah against her, the soft touches, the heated kisses, Fallon couldn’t keep control of herself any longer. She was ready to melt into Savannah, let Savannah hold her and keep her there, let Savannah take that tenuous control she was so unwilling to give up, even on her best days.

“I don’t take it you brought the strap,” Savannah whispered, her breath hot against Fallon’s ear.

Groaning in frustration, Fallon dropped her forehead to Savannah’s shoulder. “I never anticipate these things.”

Savannah chuckled, her voice low and seductive. “Then it’s a damn good thing that after the last time, I decided to buy my own.”

Fallon’s lips curled. She pressed a kiss against Savannah’s hot neck, her own joy pouring from her body without resistance. Quickly, Fallon flipped them around and pushed Savannah into the counter. She ran her hands down Savannah’s sides and back up, palming her breasts and massaging gently.

“Thinking ahead is one of your talents.”

“Thank God for it.” Savannah kissed her again, this time stealing Fallon’s breath.

They melded together, touching and tasting. Anticipation filled Fallon’s chest, her entire body, and she was ready. Never in her life could she reasonably say that. But she was ready for this. She’d thought about every possibility, about every downside and every fear. And none of those compared to this.

Love.

Pure and simple. Well, not simple, but definitely pure. Fallon wasn’t going to give this up, not just yet. Not until she knew if it would be worth it in the end, whatever that end might be.

“I’m not sorry to say that I’m glad Brinley isn’t here tonight,” Fallon whispered into Savannah’s shoulder as she pressed kisses against the top of her chest, over her voluptuous breasts. Daring a chance, Fallon dipped her tongue out and tasted Savannah’s salty skin.

“Why’s that?” Savannah’s breath came in short rasps.

“I want you to be free to scream.”

“Oh God.” Savannah tossed her head back.

Fallon immediately moved her mouth against the column of Savannah’s throat. She kept Savannah tight against her, touching and tasting.

“Oh God,” Savannah repeated. “Bedroom.”

“Yes.”