Chapter 23

twenty-three

Fallon’s hands trembled. She stood outside Savannah’s door, finally having forced herself to have the courage to show up when she realized Savannah had left. She’d left with Saylor and Tia’s blessing, but that hadn’t made the trip here any easier.

If she didn’t get over herself quickly, then she wasn’t ever going to knock on the door. With one last doubt, Fallon raised her fist and knocked. Now she just had the inevitable wait, wondering if Savannah would be willing to talk to her or not, the fear that she would be told to go in the opposite direction before they could finish the conversation that they’d never fully started.

The lock clicked and the door creaked open.

“What are you doing here?” Savannah’s shoulders were stiff.

Fallon couldn’t tell if that was defensiveness or genuine surprise that Fallon would show up. “I thought we should talk.”

“We probably should have done that weeks ago.”

Fallon nodded, folding her hands neatly in front of her. “You’re right about that. But I’m here now.”

Savannah bit her lip and flicked her gaze over Fallon’s body. “You left the party.”

“They’ll have more fun without me. I’m not exactly the life of the party like Tia is.” Fallon’s body couldn’t wait for permission, and she tried to move forward, but her brain stopped her just in time. She wasn’t going to force her way into Savannah’s apartment.

“Brinley’s here.”

“Oh.” Fallon glanced behind Savannah even though she couldn’t see Brinley standing there. But she understood the warning. Now wasn’t the time for this conversation. But when exactly were they supposed to have it?

“You can come in, I just don’t want certain things discussed in front of her.” Savannah kept her hand firmly on the doorknob. “So we can talk after she goes to bed. It shouldn’t be too much longer.”

“Okay.” A little hope flared in the center of Fallon’s chest. That had been what she’d needed. Confirmation that they were going to at least talk and not just avoid or ignore like they’d done since they’d met. Fallon had been a little too good at talking around the issues at hand.

“Did you eat at the party?” Savannah asked as she opened the door wide enough for Fallon to walk inside.

“I didn’t.” Fallon hadn’t had much of an appetite when she’d seen Savannah, and it had disappeared completely when she’d come out and found out that Savannah had left without even talking to her.

As briefly as she could, Fallon slid her fingers down Savannah’s arm to her hand and squeezed as she walked past. Savannah seemed to relax at that. Standing in Savannah’s kitchen had come to feel almost as natural as standing in her own.

Fallon opened her mouth, hoping that she’d be able to start the conversation, but she stopped when Brinley stepped into the kitchen, her hair wrapped up in a towel and her jammies hanging from her body.

“Fallon!” Brinley squealed. She raced forward and wrapped her arms around Fallon’s waist in a hug. “Mom didn’t say you were coming.”

“She didn’t know,” Fallon answered, squeezing Brinley back. Since when had she become so close to Brinley, or did she act this way with everyone?

“Mom, can I stay up late? Now that Fallon’s here?”

Savannah shook her head slowly, her arms crossed tightly. She glanced at Fallon, checking in, before she focused back on her daughter. “Not tonight, B. Fallon and I need to talk about some things.”

“Bad things?” Brinley hesitated, her voice suddenly sounding scared.

“No, not bad things.” Savannah forced a smile to her lips.

So that was what it looked like. Fallon hadn’t ever been sure she’d see it. But this was Savannah stressed, hands down. She was hiding something from Brinley, and Brinley wasn’t completely aware of that fact.

The pounding on the door startled them. Brinley whimpered and jumped a full foot toward Fallon. Instinctively, Fallon put her hand on Brinley’s shoulder to offer what comfort she could while looking directly at Savannah.

“Forrest,” Savannah mumbled, shaking her head.

“I’ll take Brinley to her room so you two can talk in private.” Fallon didn’t hesitate as she walked down the hallway with Brinley. She kept her hand firmly on Brinley’s shoulder while Savannah stayed put.

This wasn’t Fallon’s fight. She had to remind herself of that. Savannah had to choose what she was going to do and how she was going to handle the situation. Her priority, right now, was to keep Brinley out of it as best as she could. Although in an apartment this small, she imagined that she would still be able to hear every word of the argument.

“He’s mad,” Brinley said as she stepped into her bedroom.

“Sounds like it,” Fallon said as she sat on the edge of Brinley’s bed after shutting the door firmly behind her. The more barriers between them and the argument the better. She really didn’t want to be a part of it.

“I know why he’s mad.” Brinley sat next to Fallon, pulling her legs up so she could wrap her arms around them. “He gave me a phone and told me not to tell Mom about it.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound right.” Fallon wished they were doing something other than talking about this. It wasn’t her business, and she’d worked so hard to keep her life separate from Savannah’s. And yet, wasn’t that why she was here tonight? To remove the barrier that she’d put in place and bring them closer together? To be vulnerable with her? Let her in a little more?

“He said he’d be able to see where I was at all times in case something bad happened. And I think…” Brinley paused, jumping when Forrest’s voice boomed through the apartment.

“She’s your responsibility!”

Savannah’s much quieter voice echoed after, but they weren’t able to make out what she said.

“He’s so mad…” Brinley folded in on herself even more. She buried her face in her knees, and Fallon knew she was scared. But of what exactly, she wasn’t sure.

Was it just her father’s anger? Or was she afraid of Savannah being hit? Or afraid of Forrest barging in here and stealing her back?

“He is,” Fallon responded, eyeing the door but keeping as much of her attention on Brinley as possible.

She had to ward herself from the memories popping back into her mind. Of the times she’d hidden Monti away in the back closet, using the clothes on the floor as a blanket to lull her to sleep while their parents yelled at each other for what seemed like hours. She had to protect Brinley at all costs, because neither of her parents were willing to do that.

Not right now anyway.

“He’s mad because I wasn’t home.”

“What?” Fallon turned on Brinley.

“Because I was at Aunt Kyla’s… because Mom wasn’t here with me.”

“She’s allowed to take you other places.” Fallon clenched her jaw, her molars pressing hard against each other.

Brinley didn’t say anything. She continued to look at the door like her father was going to pounce into the room and beat her down. Was he? Fallon’s father certainly would have. When he was done with her mother, he would have come looking for them if he was still mad.

“Are you scared of him?” Fallon asked, not able to force herself to look Brinley in the eye.

“Aren’t you?” Brinley’s voice was so small. She clenched down when Forrest got particularly loud again.

“No.” Fallon straightened her shoulders, determined to tell the truth. “I won’t let him do anything to me, or to you. So no, I’m not afraid of him.”

“That makes one of us,” Brinley mumbled.

Fallon sat in silence for another minute or two before she stood up. Could she really sit here and listen to the two of them argue? But what would she even say? She wasn’t a part of this argument, was she?

Standing in front of the door, Fallon debated.

She had to protect Brinley. With her hand on the doorknob, Fallon looked back at Brinley.

“Stay here. Don’t come out until I or your mother come for you.”

“What are you going to do?”

Fallon shook her head, her gaze downcast. “What I should have done before.”

Stepping through the doorway, Fallon walked down the hallway. Each step was heavy. She could barely even manage to make her feet move. Her steps were silent on the carpet as she went, and she pushed each and every one of those flashbacks of her childhood away as fast as she could.

This wasn’t about her memories.

It was about Brinley, and making sure she didn’t have the same memories.

Forrest was barely out of the entryway. Savannah had her hands on her hips, facing him, and she wasn’t going to give him an inch. The pleasure of seeing Savannah so riled up and ready to attack was beyond what Fallon had expected.

“You again,” Forrest growled.

The hairs on the back of Fallon’s neck stood up. She was about to speak when Savannah charged forward.

“Yes, her again. I can have who I want in my own home, Forrest. Not even you can control that, despite what you might think.”

Forrest snorted and shook his head. “She’s a bad influence on Brinley.”

“I am?” Fallon moved in closer, flanking Savannah. “I think both of you are. You’re arguing so loud, and don’t think that Brinley can’t hear every single word that you’re saying.” It wasn’t quite the truth, but it was truth enough. Fallon wouldn’t have it any other way. They needed to understand what they were doing to their daughter.

“You’re right,” Savannah murmured, pulling back.

“You don’t have a place here.” Forrest doubled down.

“She has a place here if I say she does,” Savannah reared right back up, her hands balling into fists. “You won’t dictate who I can have in my life.”

“I can dictate who’s in my daughter’s.”

“Not while she’s under my roof.” Savannah plowed back.

The ping-pong match was back, and Fallon now had a front row seat, something she didn’t want. She took a deep breath to calm her racing heart. This was so much like when she was a kid. She couldn’t make either of them see and understand her. But they had to realize how much this was hurting Brinley.

“You need to stop,” Fallon said, but her words fell on deaf ears.

“We’ll see about that!” Forrest yelled. “If I have to take you back to court for full custody, then I will.”

“Then do it, Forrest. Stop threatening, and just do it.” Savannah squared her shoulders, raised up to her full height, and she wasn’t going to back down. Fallon could tell that in an instant. She was ready to fight, and Fallon had never seen her this prepared before.

“I think you two need to have this conversation outside or quieter where Brinley can’t hear you.” Fallon was going to double down on this as much as she could. Brinley didn’t need to know about the arguments between her parents. She didn’t need to know what the problem was. She was nine. She needed and deserved to be protected.

“Shut up!” Forrest yelled.

“Get out,” Savannah growled. “Leave. Now.”

Fallon had never heard Savannah sound like that. All the happiness that she swore was in Savannah’s veins was nowhere to be found, and she was the star of the show fighting right now. She was standing her ground and holding her own with him. Fallon stayed half a step behind Savannah, not sure where she should go.

Leave?

Or go back with Brinley?

“Get out, Forrest. You don’t need to be here. I don’t want you here. I won’t tell you again before I call the cops.” Savannah stayed, her feet planted.

Forrest looked at her, stunned. Had she never stood up to him like this before? Savannah stepped forward, forcing Forrest to take a step back. “You’ll pay for this.”

“I told you to leave.” Savannah stated firmly.

Savannah closed the door as he backed up, locking it immediately. She leaned against it and closed her eyes. Fallon wasn’t sure what to do. Once again she was frozen in place, confused about whether or not she needed to leave or stay or what exactly was expected of her. Surely Brinley could hear the calm, the difference from five minutes ago to now. What would she think?

“I’m going to talk with Brinley,” Savannah said, her shoulders rounded in defeat.

“I’ll just…” Fallon trailed off and stopped. She had no clue what to do. She was never very good at this. Her mother used to leave her alone after the arguments and the beatings.

“Please stay.” Savannah folded her hand into Fallon’s. “I want to talk to you when she’s asleep, but I don’t think we’ll manage before then.”

“Right.” Fallon drew in a deep breath. “I’ll make something to eat. Since I’m sure we’ll be up late.”

“That’ll be helpful. Thanks.” Savannah nodded and took a step, but she didn’t let go of Fallon’s hand. “Do you promise you’ll be here when I come out?”

Fallon stayed still, not quite sure what to say. Had Savannah sensed her fear and her retreat? Was she worried that Fallon would slip out into the night and not come back? Because she wouldn’t lie, the thought had occurred to her.

“Fallon?”

“I promise,” Fallon coughed out. “I promise.”

“Thank you.” Savannah walked away, disappearing into Brinley’s bedroom.

Fallon remained where she was for far too long before she finally forced her legs to move. She shuddered, the memories flooding through her in an instant. She just needed a minute. Or an hour. Something that would stop the memories from taking over.

Something that would pull her out of this.

Brinley raced out of the bedroom, wrapping her arms around Fallon’s waist and holding onto her tightly. Fallon lifted her arms in surprise, and then stared down at the top of Brinley’s blonde head. Savannah stood in the hallway, awkwardly looking at them.

Fallon closed her arms around Brinley’s shoulders, tugging her in close and hugging her.

“It’s over for now.” But who was she saying that to?

Brinley?

Or Savannah?

Or herself?