Chapter 32

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

TAM

78 bobas left until they both die … (the same day)

“What the fuck did I just do?” I murmur, seated on the sofa with a half-empty bottle of wine in my lap. “What the … what the fuck?”

I don’t even know what just happened. Why I said what I said or did what I did. Both sides of me—Thomas and Tam—are horrified. Thomas is wondering how I could’ve been so cruel to such a wonderful woman. Tam is confused as to why, after all this time, I finally let a girl touch me like that.

I have never let a girl do that to me. Why? Because what happens after? They sell footage of it to the highest bidder? Believe it or not, I wanted some parts of me to stay private.

My dick, being one of them.

The idea that the world’s seen it bothers me in a way I can hardly explain.

But Lake?

I sigh as the front door opens and Daniel walks in. Doesn’t even knock. Just comes right in. His boots squeak as he pauses in the foyer behind me. I don’t even look back at him.

“What?” I ask, feeling tired and confused. I need to talk to Lake, but she won’t answer her door. I’ve tried. I’ve been knocking and knocking. I’ve tried calling her. I texted her. But if she needs a minute alone, I can’t take that privilege away from her. I know what it’s like when you try to run and there’s nowhere to hide. I can’t hide anything about my life. Not even my cock. Not even the image of me vomiting. Or passing out.

“I followed your girlfriend down the road to make sure she wouldn’t get eaten on her way back to the city. Please do something about this, so I don’t have to do things in the future that aren’t in my job description.”

I whirl around on Daniel, but he’s already turning and walking away.

My first clue should be that I don’t question him when he says girlfriend. We both know exactly who he’s talking about, and it isn’t Kaycee. I’m such a piece of shit. I just cheated on Kaycee, didn’t I? Though I didn’t mean to. I’ve been trying to break up with Kaycee for days.

And still, I blame myself.

When Lake said that I was grumpy, she’s right. Fuck. Why couldn’t I have shown her who I really am? If I had … things would be completely different right now.

“What do you mean?” I demand, chasing after Daniel as he moves from window to window, checking locks. “Lakelynn is gone? She walked?”

I’m so confused. I saw her go into her room, and I never heard her come down. Why do you think I was sitting on the couch, so that I’d hear her if she tried to leave. And my phone … did she block me?

“Where is she?” I ask, putting my hand on his shoulder. He looks down at it and then gives me a look.

“She’s gone. Her brother picked her up.” Daniel returns to what he’s doing, and I shove the fingers of both hands through my hair.

“Shit,” I grind out, stalking into the living room to snatch up my phone. It’s not Lake that I’m angry with though, it’s myself. But I need to talk to her. Desperately. I stare at my messages and see that I missed a text from her while I was chasing after Daniel.

Joules is on his way, and he’s not happy.

I look up, and I think about why that might be.

Because I insulted his sister, threw myself at her in anger, and then came in her mouth.

Yep. That would be it. And I deserve whatever I have coming.

I move around the sofa and pause by the kitchen island, grabbing my hoodie off of a stool. As I do, I notice all the little foil-wrapped bowls on the counter, and I move around to see what’s in them.

There’s a bowl of grated parmesan cheese, a bowl of zucchini noodles, a loaf of whole grain bread that’s been messily sliced. The blood drains from my face.

My heart hits me in the ribs and cracks the bones.

Lake went grocery shopping for me, and I blocked her. She came here to make me dinner, and I left her alone outside. She came upstairs to bring me tea, and I told her to suck my dick. She was going to cook zucchini noodles for me, and I let her leave thinking I didn’t want her.

It’s the plastic spiralizer that really does it for me, knifes me right in the heart and makes me choke. I lower my head and try to breathe through it.

When I open my eyes and turn my head, I can hear Joules yelling for me from out front.

I’m about to get my ass kicked, and I deserve it.

I head for the front door, stuff my feet into sneakers, and slip out the front door.

Joules is right there, at the edge of the warm circle of porch light. The top of his head is cut off by the light and edged with shadows. He is really, truly terrifying. But I’m a hotheaded idiot, too, so I probably won’t take it lying down. I should, but I won’t. I’m going to make him beat my ass.

“You think that was cute?” Joules asks me, and I wonder what he would be like without the curse. I realize that trying to date Lakelynn Frost is as difficult as trying to date me. To her family, she is Tam Eyre. They worship her, and they don’t give a fuck about me.

That thought makes me smile, which is a mistake considering what Joules just asked me. He curls the edge of his lip and stalks across the driveway, pausing about ten feet from me. His hands are already curled into fists at his sides.

“No, I don’t think it was cute,” I reply gently, “but this is between me and Lake. If you just let me talk to her, I think we can figure this out.” I look Joules straight in the face. “As soon as I break up with Kaycee, I’ll ask Lake out on a date.”

“You’ll do no such fucking thing,” Joules whispers, and then he laughs at me. “Lake doesn’t forgive easily. If she left here, it’s because she intended to leave. You can ask her out on some cold, impersonal coffee date all you want, but she won’t show.” Joules points at me, and I just know he’s going to bring up the curse. I shouldn’t believe it, but somehow, I think I almost do. I used the curse as fodder to get what I wanted. I don’t think Lakelynn would ever do something like that without the curse. She might’ve wanted to get intimate with me, but my demanding that she suck me off? Like it was nothing?

Stupid as fuck.

“You’re killing her,” Joules tells me, still pointing. “You’re using the curse to kill my sister, and I’m going to make you bleed.” Joules drops his arm, still panting. “You told Kaycee what my sister had confided in you, knowing that Kaycee would freak out. You blocked Lake when you knew it should be Kaycee that you’re blocking. And then you tell my virgin sister to get on her knees and service you?” He sounds like he’s in total disbelief right now.

Fuuuuuuuuck.

I probably shouldn’t say anything at all. Instead, this is what comes out.

“Virgin?” I think even harder about that and realize it was Lake’s first time and mine, too. I’m twenty-six years old. I have been waiting my entire life for the right girl, and this is how I reacted. Because instead of doing what most people do and looking everywhere for the woman of my dreams, all of those women came to me and told me I was the right guy. I had to push people aside rather than search to pull them close. “Where is she, Joules? If you’re here, then she must be close by. Just let me talk to her. I’ll apologize.” I tuck my hands into the pockets of my North Face jacket. I got it for free after an advertisement slot with one of my sponsors, some outdoor goods store that I can’t remember the name of. They gave me the entire outfit.

Joules makes to come at me, and I whip my head up.

Daniel steps in between us, a single palm on Joules’ chest. Joules looks down and he is not happy about being stopped.

“Get the fuck out of my way, so I can teach that prick a lesson.”

Daniel shakes his head.

“I have one job, and that’s to keep Tam safe. I can’t let you touch him for any reason.”

Joules hesitates, like he might step back. And then he feints left and comes right, grunting as Daniel gathers him around the midsection.

“Joules!” Lake is yelling before I even see her come jogging into view, pale face red with the cold and the effort of running, arms covered in goose bumps. She doesn’t look at me, just at her brother.

I want to go to her, but I can’t let Daniel beat Joules up for me.

I rush forward, but they’re really into it. Joules throws punches, and Daniel deflects him before nailing Joules hard right in the face. He stumbles back, and there’s blood everywhere, dripping from his nose, spilling from his lip, from a cut on the side of his face. He reaches up to wipe it off, and then stares at the red on his palm.

“Daniel, stop,” I growl out, sliding between them. Lake gets to Joules at about the same moment. I can see her holding him when I glance over my shoulder. “This is personal, okay? This isn’t related to the job. Just … go. Leave us alone.”

Daniel hesitates, but then he nods, turning and disappearing into the house like I requested.

I’m sure he’s watching though.

I turn around to face Lake and Joules.

“Don’t make any excuses for him,” Joules says, taking Lake by the shoulders. He spits blood at my feet and then uses his red-stained white hoodie sleeve to wipe his mouth.

“I didn’t come here for him; I came here for you,” Lake whispers, turning and reaching up a hand to trace her knuckles down her brother’s cheek, frowning at the blood. “Come on. If you’re nice to me on the drive back, I’ll clean you up and buy you a boba.”

“I already bought you a boba on the way here,” Joules whispers gently, and then he looks at his sister like she is the most precious person in the universe. Who I am, Tam Eyre, means nothing. He truly does not care, and I know yet again that I’ve made as many mistakes as I’m ever going to make with these two.

Whether the curse is real or not, that doesn’t matter. If I don’t change my behavior right now, they will walk away from me, and I’ll wish I were dead because I let Lakelynn go.

“Please don’t leave,” I tell her, but she isn’t looking at me. “I really need to talk to you.”

“Maybe later, okay? I’ll text you.” Lake pulls on her brother’s arm to get him to move, and he only hesitates for a second before he follows. Neither of them even looks at me.

It’s clear to me that Lake has been treated well and loved her whole life. She won’t accept anything less than that.

She is not in a cult.

That much is obvious.

“I’ve reduced our chances of dying from the curse down to eight percent—according to the family records.”

“I know that it came out wrong, me wanting you. I had a bad day, and I took that out on you because I’m terrified that you’re going to turn on me, and that you’re not going to be real. I want you to be real so fucking badly.”

Lake stops walking, and then Joules is the one grabbing her arm and dragging her away.

“I showed you who I am, Tam. Show me who you are.” The soft sound of her voice devastates me.

Lake and Joules disappear into the trees to the right of the driveway.

I jog to catch up with them, but when I turn the corner, I can’t see them anymore. I scan the trees, and I see a light from one of their phones as they do their very best to avoid me.

Lake is running, and I know … what it’s like to run with nowhere to go. I rub my face with a tired hand. I’ll give her a little bit of space and then … I have to stop running from this woman and chase her instead. I drop my hand by my side, turn, and head back into the house by myself.

I look up how to make alfredo, and I stand there cooking it, alone.

I am alone by choice, but I can change that, can’t I?

I don’t have to be this lonely if I don’t want to be.

That’s a luxury some people don’t have, and I should take it.

77 bobas left until they both die …

Lake has blocked me, so I see now what it was like when I went dead silent in response to her messages. Cute things like, what sort of tortillas are you into? I like ‘em both, but Joules says you want lettuce. I bet you do, huh? Want lettuce. When I hadn’t responded, she sent, Sir Tom, you win. I bought it all. Mostly lettuce.

Of course, I can’t receive the messages that came in while I had her blocked, but Joules sends me a screenshot of her phone later in the night. A middle finger emoji follows. And then he blocks me again. I make sure that both he and Lake can reach me if they need to, and then I head out the door with my suitcase in the morning and leave to meet Kaycee at a restaurant in town.

I’m certain that she’s not going to show up, but she surprises me by coming into the restaurant with a big smile. But then, the cameras are rolling, and there are hundreds if not thousands of eager fans outside. When we lean in to hug, she whispers in my ear.

“You are done, Tam Eyre. We’re done.”

I don’t respond as we draw apart, still smiling at each other.

“I hear your mom’s filing a lawsuit against the influencer who filmed your dick?” Kaycee says, the slightest edge of a biting quip in her voice. I narrow my eyes at her. So she is angry then. I wonder what she knows?

“Yeah, well. I had a reasonable expectation of privacy, in a bathroom by myself. What she did was not only illegal, but a serious invasion of my personal life.”

“Your personal life, huh?” Kaycee asks, and then Jacob appears just out of frame and starts showing me messages on his iPad screen.

Do not go into this here. We’re live!

Things like that.

I redirect the conversation to the tour, to the romantic drama that Kaycee is filming, teasing about my own movie and TV prospects. I pretend like it’s an accident, and tell Kaycee a ‘secret’: I’ve signed up to star as the lead in a romantic drama, too.

The filming ends, the staff retreats, and Kaycee and I are left as alone as we were in the ice cream shop. I know this isn’t the place for the conversation we need to have, but we’re going to have it here anyway. I can’t wait any longer. I’m starting to feel that with each passing day, it’s Lake that I’m betraying and not Kaycee.

“I know you like me, and I’m sorry, but I don’t have feelings for you,” I tell Kaycee as gently as I can. “You’re an amazing woman, but there’s no spark for me.”

“You slept with Lake, huh?” Kaycee asks and then she exhales, gripping the arms of her chair. “Yeah, Joules told me as much.”

“Speaking of, did you sleep with him, too?” I ask, basically admitting to what she just said. I don’t know if Kaycee would find a blow job more or less offensive than other things, but I don’t feel like specifying. I just love that Joules spilled our secret but didn’t bother to give details. Anything to make it seem more sordid than it is.

“No.” Kaycee looks away from me, toward the wall. “But I probably would have if he hadn’t stopped just short of kissing me.”

Silence.

I hear laughter from the staff table across the room, but nobody seems to be looking at us. The restaurant staff have even lowered the blinds so that we can’t be seen from the street.

“I should have just told you that I didn’t want to block Lake when we were at breakfast. And I should never have said anything about the curse. Those were my mistakes.”

“You know that we’re not allowed to break up, right? The label will never allow it. The CEO …” Kaycee trails off and then laughs, putting her hand over her face. “We’re stuck with each other, and I thought you were my friend, Tam. You’ve been entertaining Lake as a possible girlfriend this entire time. That was dishonest, and you owe me an apology.”

“I’m sorry,” I tell her simply, because I am. I’m also a little curious if we might end up as in-laws someday. I have a feeling that burning this bridge with Kaycee is not a good idea. “Truly. I didn’t admit it to myself until a few days ago, if that helps.”

We both go silent, and then it’s time to go and we’re both standing up awkwardly.

“We’ll talk more later. Don’t text me anything about it. I’ll come see you later, so we can hash out details.” Kaycee gives me a quick hug and then she’s out the door, and Daniel is escorting me to the Escalade.

Please talk to me. I miss you already. I send that to Lake, but I think I’m still blocked. I’ve been messaging her all day. Outside the windows of the SUV, people scream my name and pound their fists against the glass, but I still feel alone.

Lake made me feel like I had a friend.

I’ll give her two weeks to the day.

Two weeks.

Then I’m going to start chasing.