34. Mutt

I had not known true relief till the day I met Jeffrey. Like there had been something itching beneath my fur my entire life and I had never even known it was there. An uncomfortable ache that always burned. A thirst that couldn't be quenched.

He was tall and muscular, dressed in a hoodie and jeans that clung to his form as he ducked through the rain and hurried into the gas station.

We'd been in Colorado then, only miles away from my home. I often wandered the woods for days, even weeks at a time. Though I returned home for the full moon like clockwork, well aware of the damage I could do. The full moon had been only a few nights previously so I was feeling achy and tired as I stared at the unfamiliar figure through the glass.

He talked to the gas station attendant. He smiled, he laughed. His fingers were long and dexterous and they flickered with a flurry of movement, punctuating everything he said. He was a vision, his hair like a flame on his head as he paid, then headed out into the rain again.

There was something about him that called to me.

That pulled me closer.

Pulled me from the cover of the trees and out onto the pavement.

Pulled me between the gas pumps. Between waiting cars and their owners. I ignored the quiet call of a child saying "doggy!" Behind me as I padded forward, well aware of how intimidating my size could be.

The redhead didn't turn when I reached his vehicle. He just kept humming under his breath, his eyes shut, his finger tapping on his leg like he was playing a symphony as the steady chug of gas filled his tank.

I wasn't sure if I should leave.

There were rules against this.

I was breaking a dozen or more of them now, showing myself like this in public. Anyone who knew anything about dog breeds would understand that I wasn't a house pet. That I was meant for the woods and wilderness, for blood and pine cones. For balance.

Predator and prey.

I couldn't stop myself though. Couldn't turn away. Couldn't even bring myself to breathe for fear of missing a single beat of his sweet humming as the seconds ticked by and the gas siphoning into his car slowed.

He opened his eyes.

Warmth flooded my body as his gaze met mine.

Surprise tinged the air and I couldn't help myself, my tongue lolling happily as I stared at him, trying to make myself as small as possible to avoid intimidating him.

"Where did you come from?" he asked, his eyes wide and soft. Softening even more as he wiped his hands off on his jeans, forgetting the gas entirely, as he took a half step toward me. "Damn, buddy, you look hungry."

I always looked emaciated after a full moon. It took a lot out of me. The wounds my claws left on my body that sometimes stayed for days afterward, and the craving for hot flesh—when left unfulfilled—resulted in my body looking sickly for days till I recovered.

I was not at my best.

A thought that made me self-conscious as the tall man bent close, his hand cupped like he was waiting for me to sniff him. I didn't need to touch him to do it. I'd been inhaling his scent since the moment he parked his car—it's what had driven me closer after all, away from the hunt I'd been on.

Away from the quiet creak of trees and the rustle of wild things.

Where I belonged.

Correction.

Where I'd thought I belonged. Till that moment. Till the moment those fingers carded through my fur and that sweet voice echoed in the air. "Stay here." he'd said, and I stayed. I stayed because what else could I do?

When he'd asked so gently?

When he was everything.

So sweet. So pretty. So wonderful.

So handsome. So amazing.

When he returned with a big bag of beef jerky, a water bottle, and a paper bowl, I couldn't help the way my tail thumped happily against the ground in response. It wagged back and forth, with a mind of its own as my human's eyes grew soft and he knelt beside me.

"It's not much," he said as he filled the bowl with water and tore the pack of meat open. It smelled processed. Cooked. Not fresh at all. But I ate it obediently anyway, lapping at his fingertips every time he offered me a morsel, my heart thudding unsteadily when he laughed—finding my tongue ticklish.

He was kind.

He was kind.

So sweet.

So perfect.

So good, good, good.

My mate.

My perfect, wonderful, sweet mate.

Feeding me because he saw I needed him. Stroking those fingers through my fur till I rolled on my back and offered him my belly—something I'd never done. Not for anyone other than my father. He rubbed me gently there, humming softly under his breath like he didn't even notice as I let him touch me where I was most vulnerable.

My mate.

My mate.

My mate-mate-mate.

My prince.

My fairy tale.

I'd wanted Jeffrey to save me. I'd wanted him to save me so bad—I just hadn't let myself admit that. And maybe…that had been my folly the whole time. Because it was only after I accepted that truth that I realized the truth.

I'd gone feral.

I had.

And if the memory of him was enough to bring me back from the brink of insanity then that meant…fuck. That meant perhaps we could've bonded all along. Human or not.

For so long I'd agonized. I'd told myself it was impossible. Torn myself apart when the truth was right in front of my face.

Mom and Dad had always told me a mate was a person you chose.

I just…hadn't realized I could choose Jeffrey.

He wasn't a wolf and I'd thought…well…

I'd thought that it wasn't a possibility.

This was my fault.

All along this had been my fault. Because while I'd chosen to stay with Jeffrey, there had always been a small, shriveled part of me that knew my days would end. And that part of me—the part that resented the moon—the part that knew I wouldn't have a happy ending, was the reason our bond had never settled.

Until now.

The silvery threads of our souls twisted toward one another. My wolf stirred beneath the surface of my skin. Harry and Jules were quiet, solemn as they watched the sun sink low behind the trees.

Downy soft, pearly white snow covered the ground, sweeping in through the open garage door. Wispy and chill, it fluttered inside the garage. I was grateful for my fur then, and even more grateful to be a wolf—because we tended to run hot.

If Jeffrey had been here he would've been shivering.

As it was, however, all of us sat still, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

When the hunters returned, they'd see me—in my alphaskin. They'd remember the way I'd torn at the bars. And Harry would only have a few moments to convince them that I was back—and that this was over. I wasn't sure I had another shift in me.

My wolf surrounded me, keeping me safe, my shuddery, broken heart fluttering as weakly as the snow.

The moon rose high in the sky, not quite full, but close enough. I watched her, heart aching.

For so long I'd resented the cool blue of her caress. She'd made me a monster.

But now I…realized how wrong I'd been.

It wasn't my moon mother who had betrayed me.

It was me.

With every negative thought, with my secret surety that things would end bloody and violent. I'd stolen my life away—blaming her for my own transgressions.

For the first time since I was sixteen and lost the moon, her light felt warm.

"Time's almost up," Harry said, voice hoarse. It was the first time he'd spoken in…hours maybe? I wasn't sure. Based on the height of the moon I knew he was correct. "Where are they?"

"Where's Dad?" Jules's voice was small. I twisted to look at them for the first time since I'd fallen to the floor. Everything hurt, but the silvery threads of my bond to Jeffrey were still reaching—and I hoped…I hoped they didn't chase in vain.

"He should've been here by now," Harry chewed on his lip, a dark lock of his hair falling over his brow. He and Jules often looked like twins—though Harry was quite a bit taller than Jules was. They shared the same haunted eyes now, however, as they looked at me.

"Can you shift back?" Jules asked, his shoulders drawn tight. The sweater he was wearing had slipped over his shoulder, the enchanted tattoos that spread across his collarbone stark against his olive-toned skin.

I shook my head. And even that hurt.

It wasn't a body hurt—because that had long healed, though the blood remained clotted on my fur. It was the kind of hurt that aches deep inside your bones. That makes you feel cold even when you're warm. That reminds you of all your fuck-ups. A weight that was cruel, and hard, and unforgiving.

Is this how Jeffrey feels? I wondered to myself, my heart hurting for him anew.

I hadn't had much room in my life to regret. Not because I was perfect, but because I'd always been so frightened of stepping out of line that I hadn't truly lived. At least…not until I moved here. Not until I'd met Jeffrey. Not until I'd seen the watercolor painting that was Maine in the fall, and realized it paled in comparison to the auburn shade of Jeffrey's hair.

Regret was a horrible, awful thing.

It made my mouth dry. Made me feel weak and shaky. Made a pit in my stomach grow lead heavy, burning like silver.

I hated it.

I hated it.

Footsteps sounded, multiple. Muffled voices echoed behind the door that led into the lodge. The large van that had left earlier had not returned. The hangar had been a ghost town for hours now, and the sound of hunters was as welcome as it was terrifying.

"They're coming." Harry sat up straighter, jerking to attention.

"No shit," Jules muttered to himself, like he couldn't help but snark.

"Shut up," Harry hissed back, though his lips twitched into an indulgent little smile.

All of us came to the same conclusion at the same time. I saw the light flicker in both my brothers' eyes, our gazes meeting, before they snapped back to the door.

Because if these were new hunters—if they hadn't seen when I'd gone feral—maybe we'd have a chance to save this. The others could've told them what happened, sure, but given how quickly they'd left to help the felled hunters the chances of that were slim.

Which just reminded me of Jeffrey again.

Beautiful, wonderful, perfect—murderous Jeffrey.

Pride bubbled up inside me, bright and effervescent as I thought about the fact he'd incapacitated not one, not two, not three, but four hunters, all on his own. Our mate is strong, my wolf preened. He is a good choice. A good bitch and a good hunter. He was a wonder. An absolute wonder. I'd thought so as I watched his weapons display. I'd thought so when he'd chosen to spare me. And I thought so now—aware of the blood he'd spilt, no doubt to protect my family.

Because that was just the kind of man he was.

Noble.

Ready to carve off bits of his soul if it meant protecting his kin.

The footsteps drew closer. All three of us stared at the door, waiting with anxious anticipation. I knew there was a simple solution to our problem. A solution that was visual—and would make it impossible for the hunters to hurt us.

I just needed to shift into my humanskin.

If I could shift they'd have no choice but to acknowledge the second they entered the room that I was back. That I was fine. That they couldn't kill me after all.

But no matter how hard I focused, no matter how hard I tried—I couldn't do it.

Thud, thud came the feet.

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon.

I closed my eyes, focusing everything I had on the tingle in my body—the burn I usually felt as my fur melted away and my humanskin came back into focus. The way I shrunk, my snout shortening, my teeth flattening.

Only…still…

That didn't work.

So I changed tactics.

I used the hope I had—the little resilient sliver that was oddly Jeffrey shaped. I thought about him. I thought about the curve of his smile. Thought about the freckles that decorated the top of his ass. The way he giggled when I bit at the back of his knees. The way his sweet little toes curled when I slurped his cock down. The way his dark eyes were full of warmth. The way he made me feel—whole, strong, appreciated.

Like when he looked at me I was everything I'd always wanted to be.

When the door opened, my eyes opened too.

Harry was laughing, and the sound was relieved-happy-exhausted. And I knew then, that we would be okay. That I would survive this. That I had done what I had to do. There was no denying then, human or not, fated or not—Jeffrey was my mate.

Because my hands were human as I wrapped them around the bars, pressing against them, my heart in my throat.

I sensed him before I saw him.

The silvery threads of our bond reaching toward each other. They wound tight the moment they tapped, braided and thick, twisting, twining—until two ropes became one, and I could…fuck.

I could breathe.

Just like that, my wolf snapped back in my head, its snarling, foaming teeth softened. Gums no longer exposed. Hackles no longer raised. What had been feral grew docile, needy soft.

Because Jeffrey was here.

He was here?—

He was okay?—

He was.

"Hi, big guy." Jeffrey approached the cage first, his hair a blood-sticky, wild mess. Distantly I recognized that he wasn't alone. That he'd brought my brothers with him—Silas too, and my Dad. They'd all appeared at the last possible minute to save me. And I knew that—and I was grateful.

But I only had eyes for one person.

One perfect, wonderful, beautiful person.

He smelled like blood, his and others, and his eyes were bright. But they were different just like his scent was.

The brown was gone, replaced instead by?—

Lavender. Like my favorite blossoms. The ones that scattered along the mountain back home in the spring.

"Jeffrey—" My voice cracked, my hand scrambling through the bars for him the second he drew close enough to touch. "Are you okay? You—they said—I—you look so beautiful. You—Butters? He—You're a wolf—he—what?" My jaw fell open, eyes wide. "What—I mean?—"

"I'm okay," Jeffrey pushed up against the bars, as eager to get close to me as I was to get to him. My fingers curled in the fabric of his shirt. It smelled like Butters but I hardly cared, gulping in great, greedy lungfuls of his scent. I hadn't let myself hope that I'd ever smell it again. "I'm okay."

He smelled different but the same.

Like himself, but more concentrated.

And beneath the zing of orange, and the flavor of home there was the fizzle of magic too. His wolf, still new, hiding beneath the surface of his humanskin. I couldn't wait to see it. Couldn't wait to run with him. To chase him. To listen to the thrum of his paws hitting the dirt and know that he was mine. No injury could take him. And the moon mother would smile down kindly on us both.

My mate, my lover, my savior, my Jeffrey.

"You were hurt—" I tried to shove between the bars, and while my humanskin was smaller than my alphaskin had been, I still couldn't manage it.

Behind Jeffrey the hunters were releasing Jules and Harry into my Dad's custody. Butters was talking to Silas, tail thumping. Theo was hanging near the back, tears running down his cheeks, like now that things were finally over, he could finally let go. Dad was speaking to the head hunter—the one who'd found me in the woods—and I knew I should tune in.

They deserved an apology too, and I'd give it to them. But right now…I couldn't. I couldn't be an alpha. Couldn't be their brother. Couldn't be anything other than what I was. A scared man who had almost lost everything, but somehow gained it all instead.

I knew I should care what was happening, but I didn't.

I didn't.

Because Jeffrey was here. He was okay. He was whole and beautiful, and brighter than the moon that hung outside. Snow drifted in through the open door, scattering across the floor and sweeping across his blood-soaked sneakers.

"Butters turned me," Jeffrey said. "I know that's bad. I know he wasn't supposed to but?—"

"It's okay," I shook my head. "It's okay." I would deal with this. I would fix it. If anyone mistreated him—if SAC came down on us for this, I would deal with it. "It'll be okay."

It wasn't right, and I knew our path would not be an easy one. Butters would be banished now, and Jeffrey would spend the rest of his life shunned by those that didn't know him.

But I couldn't blame Butters.

In fact…I'd never been more grateful in all my life.

I'd buy him all the rocky road he wanted. I'd even brave the grocery store to do it. But more than that, I promised that I would make this right. That Butters would not pay for his choice to save the other half of my heart.

"He didn't have a choice," Jeffrey was shaking, minute little twitches that betrayed just how stressed his sweet body was. I ached to lay him out, to climb on top of him, to protect him from the events of today. To keep him warm and safe and docile sweet.

"I know," I said, shaking. "It's good. It's good he did."

"I can be your mate now—" Jeffrey's voice was shaking, his eyes blurry with tears. "We can bond. Can't we? Officially, I mean. You don't have to leave again—you don't have to choose someone else?—"

"You can—you are —" My voice was rough. "I won't. I don't."

"Good because you fucking…you scared me. You scared me so bad. And you're not supposed to." Jeffrey's words were angry but his scent was happy-sad-needy. "You're supposed to be the one who makes me feel safe ."

I whined, even though he was right. He was right. Of course he was.

"I am sorry," I said, because he deserved an apology. They all did. "I am sorry. I thought there was no other way. And I just?—"

"I know." Jeffrey reached through the bars, warm hands cupping my cheeks. Warm despite the chill, because he was other now, just like I was. My wolf spun in circles, a new kind of hunger floating to the surface. "Believe me," Jeffrey's lips tipped up into a knowing, sweet smile. "I know what it's like to be backed into a corner. We do stupid shit just to survive. And if anyone can understand being a self-sacrificing asshole, it's me," he laughed and I was…

God.

So relieved.

I wasn't sure what I'd expected. I hadn't had much time to anticipate at all. And I hadn't dared let myself hope. Maybe I should have. Because Jeffrey Prince was a good luck charm. Better than a rabbit's foot and an incantation. And he had this uncanny way of making my life better, even in the darkest of times.

I nodded jerkily, sagging into his touch. Pressing kisses against his palms, I ached for him.

"You're not angry?" I asked, my voice hoarse. "That I…left?"

"No," Jeffrey shook his head, forehead pushing against the bars. We were pressed head to toe, with the bars squashed between us. " No ."

"I…"

"How could I be mad at you?" His violet eyes glinted, tears swimming inside them. "When I would've done the same thing."

I had never been so happy to be understood.

When we kissed, it was awkward and disjointed. Hard to reach between the gaps, but not impossible. He tasted like freedom, like happily ever afters, like fairy tales and oranges and happy-happy-happy.

Teeth, tongue, bruising. Biting. Eager. The kiss evolved from soft to needy, to desperate. Neither of us wanted to acknowledge just how close we'd gotten to losing each other. And as the silvery threads of our bond twisted tighter, tighter, tighter, I knew we'd be fine.

I knew as surely as I knew the next moon would rise that Jeffrey Prince was my happy ending.

Only, our story wasn't over yet.