35. Jeffrey

I had never been as relieved as I was the moment I pushed through the doors into the hangar at the hunting lodge west of Elmwood and saw Mutt standing naked, blood soaked, and shaking inside his cage.

So much had happened before that moment.

The spinning wheels as we struggled up the snow-logged roads.

When we'd gotten stuck, Theo had suggested going the rest of the way on foot.

The blaring lights of a car behind us—a car that ended up being Silas's. Silas who had apparently picked up Mutt's Dad on the way. His pack trailed behind us in the woods, hairy bodies dipping between the trees, the steadily falling snow making them look eerie and beautiful all at the same time.

Silas told us it was for insurance.

And the sick, terrified flip in my gut I got every time I saw the hundred or so massive wolves that trailed like an army behind us was just—yeah. Okay. Yep. If I was a group of hunters I would be incredibly hesitant to fuck with us.

I wasn't sure how I was going to get away with what I'd done.

The shooting.

But I figured…if what Theo said was correct, I was pack now. Pack. And while that was difficult to wrap my head around—maybe it meant I could trust that we'd figure this out. Together.

Mutt's eyes were swimming with tears when I approached.

He looked broken in two, his ribs caved in, blood smeared over this body, fleshy chunks splattered across the floor. I wasn't sure what had happened—but I didn't question it. Not now. Not when I had the opportunity to talk to him, to kiss him, to hold him again—when I hadn't known I'd ever get to do that again.

When the hunters finally let Mutt out of the cage, my heart was in my throat.

And then he was on top of me, pushing me into the cement, his nose at my throat, snuffling loudly, happily, his bloody body smearing all over mine as his tail popped free and it thump, thump, thumped .

My favorite sound in the entire world.

"Matthew," Mutt's Dad's voice was gentle. He jerked his head up, body a warm blanket on top of mine. The cement had skidded across my knees, but I couldn't be assed to care—especially when I felt the weirdest fucking sensation ever as my skin began to knit back together.

"Dad," Mutt trembled. He curled around me tighter, his voice rough. I expected him to pull off of me—or something.

But he didn't.

Instead, he just squashed me tighter. "There's someone I'd like you to meet." His dad arched an eyebrow, blue eyes crinkling with amusement.

"Is there?" he hummed, waiting patiently for Mutt to get off of me.

Mutt's dad was a nice-looking man. His scent was warm and spicy, but in a different way than Silas's was. Or even Mutt's. I was starting to think that fizzle was an alpha thing. He exuded calm, casting an unworried cloud of it in the air that immediately set me at ease.

He had a mustache and wore the most adorable plaid button-up and bowtie combo. Kinda like Santa if he was hot, wore pastels, and kept his hair short.

Mutt jerked to his feet, yanking me up easily, then bundling me in front of his body with a happy hum. He nuzzled the back of my neck, then pulled back to speak. "Dad, Jeffrey. Jeffrey, Dad."

"Nice to meet you, sir," I held my hand out to him, then regretted it—because I'd been hugging Mutt, which meant that I was just as blood-soaked as he was. "Sorry." I rubbed my hand off on my pants, which did absolute shit for cleaning it off, then offered it over again.

"It's lovely to meet you, sweet one." Mutt's dad ducked his head, his eyes warm as he encased my hand in both of his, and gave it a gentle squeeze. I melted immediately, the oddest sense of safe-warm-loved flooding through me. "Thank you for looking after my son."

"He's the one that's been looking after me," I chirped back, because it was true. And maybe a bit of a joke—because of Mutt's stalking. "But uh. Yeah. You're…welcome, man." My cheeks felt hot. "It was my pleasure." I was too tired to filter my words, and I must've looked shocked as hell that that had managed to slip free, because he laughed, and just squeezed my hand tighter.

"I'm sure it was," he laughed, lingering for just a moment longer, his eyes searching mine before he gently released my hand with a soft pat, and took a half step back.

Mutt was staring at his dad with heart eyes. Like he thought the world of him. And that was such a foreign idea it took me a second to wrap my head around it. I'd never had a father figure I could look up to, or parents that cared about me.

Mutt and his father had a conversation with each other without having to share a single word. The older, silver-haired alpha leaned forward, his forehead pushing against Mutt's with a soft hum. Mutt was taller, but not by much. They shared more similarities than they didn't.

It took a solid minute for them to stop their weird telepathic heart-to-heart. A solid minute of warm silence, and the gentle thump of Mutt's tail thwacking my thigh. Without thinking, I reached back to halt it before it could hit me again—only to realize with shocked awe that it wasn't Mutt's tail smacking me at all.

It was mine.

My tail.

My fucking tail.

Because I was a wolf now—and maybe that's why talking to Mutt's dad made me feel like I was wrapped in a warm blanket. Why that empty ache that had sat hollow inside me all my life was full. It was my pack. The bond I had with Mutt—but more than that too.

Mutt's dad only confirmed that when he finally pulled back, turning his attention back to me. And then he dipped down, his forehead brushing mine and warm-happy-family-belonging burned so hot and visceral through my body for a moment I could hardly breathe.

"Welcome to the family," Mutt's dad spoke, breaking the silence.

And then he pulled back and offered us both a sunny smile.

"Dad—" Mutt's voice cracked. "I know it's not custom, but I—" Mutt sucked in a breath, chest puffing up as he stood to his full height. "I would like to bond with Jeffrey now. Officially. Please."

"Go ahead," he laughed. "With my blessing."

And then he twisted back around and headed over to his other children to do more of his alpha-werewolf-voodoo. I sagged, skin still buzzing as I tipped my head up to look at Mutt. "Bond with me?" I asked, voice low.

"Yes," Mutt murmured.

"Wolves only mate once," I echoed his earlier words, my heart thumping as erratically as my tail.

"Yes."

"And you?—"

"You are my mate," Mutt's eyes were bright. His expression was solid, sure. He may not have been Pack Alpha, but that didn't mean I couldn't feel the strength behind his frame. The warmth that buzzed beneath my skin just looking at him. "You have always been my mate. And I would like to keep you. If you would let me. I know I have messed up. That I have lied, that I have been stupid and reckless, but I?—"

I kissed him.

I kissed him till his words fizzled out. And when I pulled back I hoped he could see the promises in my eyes. Inside my wolf—the wolf I'd never had before, a foreign entity that felt as natural as breathing—preened.

I felt bubbly and bright.

Happy.

In a way I hadn't known I could be.

Maybe it was reckless, but I'd spent my life carefully living by a plan. I'd been meticulous. Terrified. Paranoid. There'd been an anvil over my head and chains around my ankles, pulling me deeper, deeper, deeper.

But for the first time in my life, I felt no hesitation. I felt no anxiety. Not about this. Not about Mutt.

"Forever," I murmured, voice low and soft. "This is forever isn't it?"

"It is," he agreed.

"Till the day we die." My skin felt tight, and my tail kept wagging. Wagging, wagging, wagging. Mutt's eyes danced. His scent was happy-love-love. I was glad then, that I'd learned to trust him before I'd had these new senses. Because there was trust between us now. Trust that never could've been built without some uncertainty first.

But that didn't mean I wasn't soothed as his scent told me exactly what I needed to know.

Mutt grabbed my hand. He pulled it over his chest, his lovely squishy pec flexing beneath my touch. His heart skipped and danced, throbbing beneath my palm. With his other hand he grabbed my chin, forcing my face up so we were staring at each other all over again.

"I love you," he said, like he thought I needed to hear it.

I'd never said it back.

And I'd regretted that, so much.

Only now I was grateful, because I couldn't think of a better time to lay my heart on the line than right now. With the snow falling in a blanket behind his head, sliding in through the open door, the crisp scent of winter in the air.

It'd been sunny the day I was taken. But the day I found my way home, Elmwood was blanketed in pillowy snow.

I hadn't had many perfect moments in my life.

In fact, I hadn't had any—not until I'd met Mutt.

There had always been a noose around my neck, my heart heavy.

But now I was…light.

Lighter than ever before.

I heard the steady thump of his heart, and knew he was telling the truth. Before, I would've killed to have this skill. To know without a doubt in my mind whether or not someone was lying. To know if Mutt's "I love yous" were sincere.

But…I didn't need to hear the steady thrum of his heart to know that anymore.

It showed in every action he took. In the little glances, the finger brushes, the way he breathed me in like I was enough to sustain him. The way he looked at me, bright and wide, and full of affection. The way he laughed simply because he enjoyed me.

The way he'd sacrificed himself. So terrified of hurting me and the others he loved, that he'd seen no other choice.

For so long, Mutt had given me his love, I'd just been too hurt to see what was right in front of my face. To trust it. To trust him. To trust the thrum of my heart and the love I'd felt bubbling up inside me in return.

I'd thought because I'd never loved before I had to second-guess it.

But I was tired of second-guessing.

I was tired of being scared.

And I thought…if there was one person who deserved my trust, it was Mutt.

So I said the three words I'd never said before.

Said them to the person that made my heart hurt, made my skin buzz, made my belly flip and my stomach tie in knots. Said them to the person who made me feel strong. Who made me hopeful for the future. Said them to the wolf who made me feel like I was whole.

"I love you" tasted like freedom in a way nothing ever had before.

And as Mutt took my mouth with his, his heart skittering beneath my palm, my tail wagging behind me, I knew with absolute certainty that I was lucky after all.

Because while I still had my issues, and those would never go away completely, I had so much to look forward to. No longer stuck in a replay of the past, I was ready to make new memories. To move forward in a way I never knew I could. It would be difficult, I knew. And there would be days with clouds, days when the memories resurfaced and the noose felt tight once again.

But things got better.

They got brighter.

For so long my life had been a tragedy. But one day it wouldn't be. There would be a day when I forgot the pain of what I'd been through, when it would be simply another memory.

Like blood covered by snow.

Buried beneath the happy memories I was determined to make.

I had years and years and years with this perfect, silly, wonderful wolf. Years to rewrite my past, to fill my head with love and my heart with his warmth. And for once, I couldn't wait to move forward.

Because Blair was right that day we'd sat in a graveyard and he'd cracked my chest right open.

He was right.

It was time to move on.

I deserved to be happy.

And Mutt was my hairy, handsome, happy ending.