33. Jeffrey

I woke up with a start.

Great, gasping gulps of air. My mouth tasted like ass—in a bad way. My whole body felt bubbly—electric, lighter than ever before. But I could feel the ache there too, veins full of poison, the world swimming in and out of focus. Sounds louder, the crunch of the wheels turning on the asphalt, the snap of a twig beneath the foot of a deer in the woods, the creak of tree limbs, a sparrow flapping its wings high above us. Then all at once they'd fade away again, as memories of Mutt, Mutt, Mutt assaulted me.

Mutt hurt.

Mutt captured.

Mutt dead.

That sunny smile, gone .

"He's awake." I didn't recognize the voice at first, the fogginess bleeding away for a moment as the world overwhelmed me once again. My eyes didn't want to open, but I forced them to anyway. My lids felt heavy—so fucking heavy. Too bright, too fucking bright. I forced them shut again with a quiet whine.

Ow.

Fucking ow.

"Drink this." Something cold pushed against my face, and I squinted, forcing my blurry gaze to focus as I grabbed weakly onto the— oh .

Water bottle.

I tried to jerk the cap off, but I was too weak. Too fucking weak.

The car wheels continued to crunch. Loud. Too loud. The woosh of my companions' breath going in and out. The thump of three hearts, theirs and mine.

Stay open. Stay open, I willed my eyes to cooperate.

Slowly, slowly, the blinding white settled, colors returning, though they looked duller somehow. Less vibrant.

The back of Blair's car seats were cleaner than they ever had been when I'd owned this car. And the orange soda stain from when we were kids was missing. I blamed Richard and his clean freak ways, probably.

"Here." The bottle disappeared, and when it returned the cap was off. I grabbed it, jerking it toward my mouth, sucking it down greedily, the cool liquid soothing my aching throat. The taste of blood slowly disappeared as I chugged, and by the time I finished, I felt at least…marginally better.

"Little one, you have five minutes to wake up," this voice was softer than the other one. Gentler. It hurt, but my head managed to move—at least enough that I could see the owners of the two voices. Everything came back in pieces as I stared at the back of?—

Theo and Butters's heads.

Damn, had Butters's hair always been that yellow?

Right.

We'd been at the cabin—Butters had challenged the hunters—and Theo had jumped in and I'd?—

Fuck.

"Did I…did I die?" I asked, voice cracking.

"No," Theo said at the same time Butters said, "Yes."

One of them was lying. I knew that. I just…wasn't really sure how I knew that. It should've been logical but it wasn't. It was something else. Thump, thump . There was a weird thudding sound echoing around in the back of my head.

"Five minutes…" I shook my head, attempting to sit up—and failing. "Five minutes?—"

"We're going to see Silas."

I didn't know who Silas was.

But Theo did not sound excited.

"Silas?" I frowned.

"To help with Mutt," Theo explained. "If we can get a Pack Alpha to claim him we can buy him some time."

Everything came swimming back into focus.

Clarity hurt even more than the fog had.

"Harry called Dad and he's on his way—but his flight got delayed. There's a storm." Theo continued to explain. "So Silas is our best bet—if we can convince him to take on a feral alpha that isn't even from his own pack."

"We're going to have to be convincing," I struggled up, heart pounding. Mutt. Mutt's clock was ticking.

I should've questioned why I was alive. How I was alive. But for the moment, I remained laser-focused on what was most important.

"Can we bargain?" I didn't know what I could offer. "If he says no. Do we have something we could barter?"

"Not anything that he doesn't already have," Theo grunted sadly. "It's a long shot. But since Harry and Jules got themselves captured, it's up to us."

"I better stay in the car," Butters fretted from the front seat. "I'll fuck it up."

"No, you won't." Theo moved one of his hands from the steering wheel to the back of Butters's neck. "I promise."

"Okay—but—there's a reason I haven't been to any of the other meetings. He hates omegas."

"I know."

"And I just…did the thing that makes most people hate us."

"I know."

"I'll fuck it up."

"You won't."

Gravel crunched beneath the wheels. My head was spinning, and I leaned heavily against the cool glass, watching the trees whip by, my head full of cotton.

I need to save him.

"Tell me what to do," I said, interrupting them. "Tell me and I'll do it. Anything."

"Just stand there and look pretty," Theo laughed, eyes crinkling with affection as he peered at me in the rearview mirror. We were in Blair's car. Which meant Theo and Butters's car had gotten left behind.

Cramped in the back seat, I curled in on myself, focus fizzling in and out as I reached down and laid a hand over my chest. Where the gaping hole in my t-shirt sat. My clothes were still damp with blood, though it was tacky now—like it'd been hours since I'd been put down.

"How long do we have?" I asked, heart thumping.

"Three hours max," Theo grunted.

"We had to drive around for a while to ditch the hunters."

"Fuck." I pulled the bullet hole in my t-shirt wider, staring down at my chest expecting the worst. I had no idea how I'd survived. At least—I didn't—until I moved the fabric aside and saw the smooth flesh where a fatal wound had sat.

My head jerked up and I stared at the two wolves, head spinning. "What?—"

Butters smelled contrite, but proud too. "Look, I know this is gonna be super weird for you."

"What did you do?" My heart thumped. So fucking loud. A rapid fluttering sound. "What did you?—"

"I didn't have a choice," Butters whined, his ears flattening. "It was turn you…or let you die."

"Turn…me?" My voice was reedy soft. "But I thought—I didn't—I mean. I didn't think wolves could do that. Wolves are born. Not made."

"Yeah…" Butters twisted to look at me, lavender eyes swimming with emotion. "It's not exactly a normal thing to do? We're not… supposed to do it. It's against the rules. And there will be repercussions."

"And you…" My head spun. "You did it anyway."

"You're Mutt's mate," Butters said simply, like that explained why he'd break the law for me. Why he'd betray their secret. Why he'd offer me this horrible, wonderful thing—this thing I hadn't even known was an option. "I had no choice."

I think…someone else would've been angry.

But I wasn't someone else.

And the elation that burned through my body sent me reeling all over again.

Because I'd just received the greatest gift I'd ever had.

And now…I might actually have a chance of saving Mutt, and keeping him too.

Butters had been convinced he was going to be the reason Silas turned us away. And that ended up being…entirely the opposite of what ended up happening. Theo went in alone at first. He'd thought that Silas would be more receptive that way.

He'd been wrong.

I could see why—because he smelled like sweat and desperation, and I could imagine Silas didn't want to be responsible for Mutt when his only kin were that terrified. Never mind the fact that we were terrified for him, not of him.

But yeah.

We didn't look like a solid bet.

I went in next.

Butters had offered me his shirt—which I appreciated, as mine was still blood soaked. It smelled funny. Kinda like marshmallows? And it drowned me. I used every bit of Lydia's training I could. I schmoozed, complimented, and bargained—to no avail.

Silas was an asshole.

A tall, dark-haired, blue-eyed prick. His eyes were pale where Mutt's were vibrant. He wore a suit—which seemed out of character for the leader of a pack as large as the Elmwood pack. I associated wolves with easy-to-change-out-of clothing, and shit that looked like it had been bought from a gas station gift shop.

But maybe that was just Mutt and Butters.

Silas was a lot more formal.

Butters was our last straw. And none of us were very hopeful he'd be able to help—especially Butters.

Dejected, shirtless, and needy—he wandered into the room alone.

Fifteen minutes later, Butters returned to the car.

The Elmwood pack wandered around outside, eyeing us curiously—especially when Silas exited the main hall and headed toward his own vehicle. I hadn't been able to hear shit, despite my new super hearing. Everything else was simply too loud, and I didn't have to focus to manage it.

"I gotta go." Butters jerked his shoulder.

"What do you mean you gotta—" I jolted when Theo laid a hand on my shoulder. His eyebrow arched, his head cocking as he stared at Butters.

"Did he say yes?" he asked, voice low, terrifyingly calm. Like he was expecting the worst—but hoping for the best.

"Yes," Butters nodded.

Elation, unlike anything I'd ever felt before flooded my body. Laughter bubbled out of my throat and Theo joined in. He gave Butters a happy shake, making his teeth chatter as the blond grinned, tail thumping.

"What did you do?" Theo asked, dark eyes bright.

"I dunno!" Butters admitted, tail still thwacking. "I just walked in the room—and he looked at me—and he just…kinda stared?"

"Oh shit," I gasped out, jerking back against the seat when I saw Silas approach us. He rapped on the passenger window. Butters pushed at the window button, then made an annoyed sound when it didn't roll down right away.

"You gotta push harder, it's sticky—" I explained.

He pushed harder, and with an awful whirring sound the window began to roll. Very. Very. Very. Slowly. Because it was kinda, maybe broken? And barely worked on a good day. Blair had warned me about it and said he'd been meaning to get it fixed, but Joe had been busy, and he was the only mechanic in town, so it just hadn't happened.

Whirrrrr, the window continued to roll.

Silas's scent was spicy. That was the best way to describe it. Spicy. His dark hair fell over his brow, his sharp cheekbones cutting as he ducked his head low. The look he leveled Butters was nothing short of hungry.

"Are you coming?" he asked in a low, cultured voice curling down at the end.

"Y-yeah—" Butters nodded, head jerking. "I just—I need to get the address for you."

"I know the address," Silas rose up to his full height, shiny toe tapping impatiently. "I don't have all day." The corner of his jaw jumped. "Unless you'd no longer like me to claim your brother?"

"No! I do!" Butters jerked the door open and it slammed into Silas's side. He made a soft sound. "Sorry. Sorry." Butters stumbled out of the car, clumsy and massive—towering over Silas, looking small despite his bulk.

"We'll see you soon," Theo urged. Butters nodded jerkily, then offered us a wave, before he was bolting across the parking lot to Silas's vehicle in front of him.

Someone opened their door and I flinched, glancing around, trying to figure out where that had come from. "What was?—"

"Don't worry," Theo urged. "You'll get used to it."

"Get used to?—"

"Come up front." His voice was soft again. "I'll debrief you while we drive. There's a lot to go through."

I did as I was told, hurrying into the passenger seat and buckling up quickly. Theo started the car—and I didn't complain. Because I didn't trust myself to drive right now. I felt half drunk, my limbs sluggish, my veins full of acid.

Theo pulled out of the pack grounds and headed onto the interstate, moving west toward our destination. The other hunting lodge was located nearly an hour away from Elmwood. Which meant we were cutting this close.

While we rode, Theo spoke.

He told me about the pack he was from. About the turned wolves he'd encountered there. About the way they were shunned in other packs—so most never left. Apparently it wasn't socially acceptable. So taboo even, that turning a wolf wasn't even something the wolf community shared with others.

"Can I—" my voice cracked. "Am I…"

"You could've always been Mutt's mate," Theo said softly. "A mate is just someone you choose. But yes. If we can get there in time there's nothing standing in your way."

"Oh." My head was spinning. "Mutt said it had to be a wolf. That there was no other option."

"I can see why he would think that," he said softly. "I've never seen anything else. And if I haven't—he sure as hell hasn't."

"So why do you think it's possible?"

"Just a hunch." Theo shrugged, glancing at me. "He…got better when he met you, you know?"

"Got better?" The trees spun by on either side of the windows, a tall spindly blur. Snow had begun to fall, torrents of powdery flakes falling to the ground. It would be just my luck if we got in another fucking wreck.

At least this time I'd heal fast..right?

There was so much to unpack—there was no way I could do it all right now.

But…

I couldn't say I regretted the way things had gone.

There was something inside me—something small and shriveled. A part of me that had always ached for connection, to be nurtured. And it was quaking, growing, extending outward. Out through the wounds, a silvery thread. It twisted, writhed—searching, searching, searching.

Searching for Mutt.

A mate is just someone you choose.

Theo's words rattled around inside my head.

"Before," Theo spoke again, voice low. "It was like…Mutt was fading." His fists squeaked as he clenched the wheel. "Every day he lost more color." His big shoulders curled in tight, blood splattered t-shirt clinging to every muscle. "I've seen it before—when animals get really sick. And none of us knew what to do."

"And then one day he just…changed." His shoulder jerked up. "I think that was the day he met you," Theo's full lips twisted into a wry smile. "He asked to come here, and we were confused—but Dad humored him anyway. Because none of us wanted to see his light go out again."

I reached into my pocket, fingers digging into my guitar pick for strength as I sucked in a breath.

"You gave me my brother back." Theo nodded. "And for that, I'll always be grateful."

My eyes burned and I nodded, chest tight.

"So if you need help—you just ask me, okay? Or any of us. We're pack. And pack is…"

"Is…?"

"Pack is a place to belong. And people to belong to."

I'd never belonged anywhere.

Not really.

Always on the outside.

Always missing pieces.

Awkwardly shaped.

The silvery string that trailed from my heart kept reaching—reaching—reaching.

Because that was a lie.

That was a lie.

I had belonged somewhere.

And I realized that now.

Because Mutt's arms were perfectly shaped, and the bow of my legs was perfectly sized to fit his hips. I belonged with him. I did.

And I only hoped I wasn't too late to tell him.