9. Danny

Chapter 9

Danny

I opened and slammed the front door so Riley would think his ‘hookup' had left, then bolted into his downstairs toilet.

Shoving the tap on, I cupped my shaking hands under the spray. I splashed the cold water on my face. Once. Twice. Three times.

What the fuck have I done?

Upstairs, I could hear Riley humming as he went into his bathroom. I focused on the sound, trying to let it settle me.

Riley's okay. He's fine. He has no idea. He got off, just as he wanted.

It didn't settle me. I didn't think anything could.

I'd fucked him. I'd had sex with my best friend, the person I was closest to.

And he had no idea.

I'd thought I'd remembered everything about that night with him all those years ago, but fuck was I wrong. I'd forgotten how smooth his skin was. The way it pebbled under my touch. How he responded as I filled him. The demanding way he'd push back on me if I wasn't going fast enough.

Most of all, I'd forgotten how good he felt. The intense heat of him around me. How being inside him made me feel more alive than immortality ever could.

No, I didn't think I'd forgotten. I thought my mind had recognised the danger of this knowledge and buried it deep. Now it'd been reawakened, and there was no escape.

I stared at my dripping face in the mirror, trying to recognise the man staring back at me. What kind of person fucked their best friend without their knowledge? Sure, Riley had consented to being fucked by a stranger, but I knew I'd crossed a line. In fact, I'd gone so far past the fucking line, I couldn't even see it anymore.

Then I remembered the man at the front door. His sneering words. The ring flashing on the hand he intended putting on Riley.

The sense of certainty from earlier returned. I'd kept Riley safe. I'd made sure he'd had a good time. He'd wanted to be fucked and not know who by, and I'd given him that.

He'd never know. I'd take this secret to my eternal grave.

My wolf stirred inside me, huffing almost in amusement. I shoved him down, reminding him of his place. He went willingly. To be fair, given how intensely I'd been fighting him earlier, I was relieved he was now being docile. I'd half expected him to raise his head while I was fucking Riley, but he'd been strangely quiet.

Thank fuck.

By the time I heard Riley on the stairs, I'd pulled myself together. Everything was going to be okay. Riley had got what he wanted, and I'd kept him safe. We could continue on as normal.

"Ooh, are you making tea? I'm fucking parched."

I glanced over my shoulder at him and almost dropped the kettle. Riley was freshly showered, rubbing at his damp hair with a towel. He hadn't bothered with a shirt. Why would he? He never usually did.

But usually, I didn't have the memory of him moaning under me fresh in my mind. Usually, I couldn't pick out the fingerprint bruises I'd left behind, peeking out from the waistband of his low-slung joggers. Usually, I couldn't see the stubble rash on the side of his neck, knowing it was my face that'd put it there.

Pull it together, Danny.

"Not surprised," I said, turning to face the cups. Perhaps if I didn't look at him, I'd be able to behave normally. "Amount of noise you were making, must've been some performance."

Why the fuck did you say that? Was I hoping Riley was going to sing glowing praise about my prowess? Talk about making it more awkward.

"It was okay."

Shit. Had he not enjoyed it? I cleared my throat, hiding my hot cheeks in the fridge as I pretended to search for the milk. "Sounded better than okay."

"Are you alright, Danny? Your voice sounds funny."

I closed my eyes and counted to three. "I'm fine."

I finished making the tea, passing Riley his cup. His towel was slung over his shoulder, one of his dusky nipples playing peekaboo. My mouth watered, and I wondered how it would taste. I'd barely got my fill of him earlier, and my memories from five years ago clearly needed some refreshing…

"Dude." Riley flicked my cheek, frowning up at me from behind his glasses. "What's going on with you? Did my hookup say something to upset you?"

"No." I shook myself internally and forced a smile to my face. "Sorry, was just thinking about the latest Skyrim update and if we'll have time to play before my shift."

"Mm-hmm." Riley's dubious look told me he didn't buy it, but like always, he didn't push. "Your shift doesn't start until seven a.m. It's Saturday tomorrow, I can sleep then."

"What about me?"

Riley rolled his eyes. "You don't need sleep, remember? Anyway, are you honestly telling me you're not going to stay up all night gaming with me when there's a new update?"

I grunted, pretending that losing my sleep was what was making me grumpy, instead of my confusion over everything that had just happened. Things Riley knew nothing about. Things he could never know about.

"So," I forced myself to ask. "Now, you've got it out of your system, can we go back to how it was before?"

Riley paused. "Got what out of my system? Playing Skyrim ? Not sure that's something I'll ever get out of my system, to be honest."

"No, the hookup thing." I gestured blindly at the ceiling. "Now you've experienced the anonymous scene, can we go back to what we were doing before?"

"Fuck no." Riley shook his head adamantly. "I told you, I'm not risking my emotions. I want to get off with no complications."

"But surely it must be more satisfying with someone you know," I said desperately. "Someone whose face you can see."

"Nah." Riley sipped his tea, waggling his eyebrows over his mug. "You might think that but…honestly? It was super fucking hot."

My hands clenched at my sides. "It was?"

A faint blushed grazed Riley's cheekbones. "Some of the best sex of my life."

"I'm wounded." I clutched my chest in mock indignation. In reality, I was trying to cover up the fact that Riley was reshaping everything without even realising.

His gaze met mine briefly. "I said ‘some.'"

My hand dropped from my chest as we stared at each other. There was a pull, a quiet whispering I couldn't quite catch. Or maybe I could catch it, but I wasn't ready to hear it.

Riley cleared his throat. "Let's game. We've got a lot to cover before your shift."

I 'd love to say I didn't think of that night. That I hadn't started looking at my best friend in a way I knew was dangerous. That I didn't replay the memory of his moans every night while I stroked myself to completion.

It'd be a lie though. Something had been unlocked, something I'd kept caged for five long years. If I couldn't force it back into its prison, I'd risk losing my friendship with Riley. And that was the one thing I couldn't risk. I wouldn't.

For the next two weeks, things returned to normal. We both went to work and hung out in our spare time. We gamed, watched movies, went out to dinner with Matty and Seb, and even spent a weekend away with Ferry and Leo.

I was starting to believe I was going to be able to do it. It was like exposure therapy—the more I was around Riley and acting normally, the less chance there was of me wanting him in a way I knew I couldn't.

Everything was okay. It was going to continue being okay.

I was in The Closet, killing time until Riley finished work. An unexpected audit had added yet more hours to his week. I was so pissed off over it, not just because it was cutting into my time with Riley, but because of how he looked when he came home. Exhausted. Wrung out. Drained. Like doing another day of his soul-sucking job might actually end him.

"Do you think I could get away with compelling Riley's boss to cut down his hours while also giving him a pay rise?"

Toby stopped in front of me, giving an exaggerated comical look from side to side. "You talking to me? Or just thinking out loud?"

"Both." I swigged some beer, wondering if I should ask for something stronger. "Depends on the answer you're going to give me."

Toby sighed, leaning his tattooed forearms on the bar. "Probably not the one you're after."

"Spoilsport," I muttered. "I once told you what you wanted to hear."

"And if I'd listened to you, I would've ended up single and heartbroken forever." The vampire gave a soft grin at his mate, Blaise. The mage was sat at the other end of the bar, just as he was whenever Toby had a shift. "Technically, I wouldn't be here at all."

I grunted. Years ago, Toby had told me he was too afraid to be with Blaise as he was dying. He'd told me he'd prefer to die with Blaise hating him, rather than mourning him. With what I'd been through with Sarah and Maria, I'd told him he was right. That if he could avoid that pain for Blaise, then he should. "I didn't mean it maliciously."

"I know." Toby's voice softened. "You couldn't have known what would follow."

No, there was no way I could've guessed that Blaise and Toby would reconnect, with the mage finding a way to save Toby at the last minute. The two had been mated that day and hadn't been apart since.

Toby hadn't held my advice against me. He seemed to see more than anyone ever revealed. He'd never directly asked me who I'd lost, but he knew. Like Riley, he knew.

And, again like Riley, he never pushed me on it. I knew it wasn't because he didn't care, but because he realised that talking about it was too painful. That it would take me back to a place I couldn't bear to revisit more than once a year.

"Are you sure I can't compel his boss?"

"You can't," Toby said firmly. "Riley wouldn't forgive you for interfering in his life like that."

Guilt twisted my stomach. Compelling his boss had nothing on how I'd interfered in his life recently. "Should've asked one of the demons instead."

Toby laughed, leaning over to clap me on the shoulder. "Yeah, them or Sebastian. Their moral compasses are definitely off kilter when it comes to the men they love."

"I don't love Riley. Not like that, anyway."

Toby winked. "I didn't say you did. Funny that that's where your brain went."

The fucker sauntered off down the bar to serve a customer, leaving me to glare at him.

My phone vibrated on the bar. Riley's name on the screen had my mood leaping…and immediately crashing as I read the rest of the message.

Riley

Got another guy coming over tonight

From the app?

Duh. You don't have to come over

won't lie tho, I'd feel better if u did

Frustration boiled in me. The beer bottle in my hand shattered, drawing many eyes to me. I cursed at the blood now pouring from my palm.

Blaise hurried over, grabbing a towel from behind the bar. "You alright?"

"Yup," I said curtly. I accepted the towel but didn't bother to apply pressure to the wound—it had already healed. Instead, I used it to mop up the mess I'd made. "Sorry about that."

Blaise gave me a small smile. "Not the first time blood has been spilled here, doubt it'll be the last."

Toby bustled over holding a dustpan and brush. "Want to talk about what's got you breaking bottles?"

"Nope." I bent down to sweep up the glass. The whole I time I did so, I muttered darkly to myself. "Definitely don't wanna talk about the fact that it's kind of selfish that he wants me there…but also not at all selfish because he doesn't fucking know what happened. I also don't wanna tell you that I'd fucking riot if he didn't want me there, because that's fucking stupid. He has no idea that anything is going on because I haven't said anything. And now I'm trying to deal with all of that without the one person I usually process shit with."

I stood up to find both Toby and Blaise wearing matching confused expressions. "Did you understand any of that, Tobes?"

"Nope." Toby squeezed his mate's hand. "Then again, I'm not even sure Danny understands what's going through his head most of the time."

I was used to mates becoming lost in one another, but this was ridiculous. "I'm standing right here."

"You are," Toby said, "but from the sounds of it, this isn't where you should be standing. I'm going to go out on a limb and say this is about Riley?"

"It's not what you think."

"Huh." Toby made a great show of turning to Blaise. "Did I say what I thought aloud?"

"Nope." Blaise grinned. "You didn't."

Toby smirked. "Didn't think so. Why's your brain going places without any prompting, Danny?"

I glared at both of them. "You're fucking brats, you know that, right?"

"Actually, only Blaise is a brat." Toby smacked his mate on the arse. "I'm very well behaved."

He stalked off, leaving me alone with Blaise, who said, "He's not as well behaved as you might think."

"Yeah, I don't need to know. I hear too much about my friends' sex lives as it is."

Especially Riley's.

Blaise studied me for a moment. "I don't really know what's going on with you, but I'm here if you need to talk. Piece of advice though, take it or leave it…but stop fighting."

My head jerked around. "Fighting? I'm not fighting anything."

"Yeah, you are." Blaise's gaze found Toby. "Toby fought too. It only led to pain for us both."

"I told you, it's not like that."

Blaise gave me a smile that was far too innocent. "Like what?"

I thought about staying away while Riley went through with his hookup. I even messaged Leo to see if he wanted to hang out so I had a reason to not go over there. That was a no-go. Leo was busy, and all the other supes in our circle also appeared to have plans.

My next stop was the fire station, thinking maybe I could pick up an extra shift. For apparently the first time in history, they were overstaffed.

Fate was fucking laughing at me.

Honestly, I didn't need to have plans. I could just choose to not go over there. And I tried, I really did. I sat in my house, staring at the blank TV screen while my wolf howled and shoved at me. My knees cracked every now and then as he tried to force the shift on me.

I tapped my phone against my knee, trying to ignore the minutes ticking by just as I was ignoring my wolf. Soon, a stranger would be rocking up to Riley's house. Would he be a twat like the first guy? Would he make it pleasurable for Riley? Would he hurt him?

It was that final question that had me rising from the sofa and striding for the door.

You're not going to have sex with him, I reassured myself on the drive to his house. You're just going to be there if he needs you. You'll just listen to him in case he says your name.

Listen to him have sex with someone else.

I could do that…right? I mean, I'd done it countless times before. I'd be fine.

My skin rippled as my wolf snarled. I sighed, climbing out of my car. I didn't need to question my wolf this time. We both knew I wasn't going to be okay hearing Riley be fucked by someone else.

The reason why I wouldn't be okay was the part I was going to ignore. I had to. I couldn't have a mate, it was too dangerous. And even more importantly, Riley didn't want a mate.

Recognising and naming these feelings would lead to me losing our friendship, so I wasn't going to.

Simple.

I hammered on Riley's door, not stopping until it opened. My best friend was shirtless again, his face twisted in a frown. "Danny? Why didn't you use your key?"

"Didn't want to interrupt you if you'd already started," I said gruffly, shoving past him and kicking my shoes off. Yep, I was settling in for the duration.

"You do realise that knocking like that definitely would've interrupted me as I would've stopped to open the door."

"You need to choose your partners better then," I said pointedly. "If you were having sex with me, you wouldn't even realise anyone was knocking at the door. And even if you did, there's no way in hell I'd let you leave the bedroom to answer it."

Riley stared at me like I was speaking a foreign language. "Since when was having sex with you on the table?"

Shit. I raked a hand through my hair. "That's not what I meant. It's just, if you're going to have sex, it should be good sex. You can't guarantee that with a stranger."

"I can't guarantee it with someone I know either. Besides." His long lashes dusted his cheeks as he shivered. "That bloke last time knew what he was doing."

Because it was me. I clamped my lips shut, stopping the scream before it could destroy everything between us. "So you're going through with it again?"

"Yup. Didn't know if you'd show up, to be honest. I'm glad you did though."

I couldn't stop myself touching him, just a light dusting of fingers over his shoulder. "I'll always be here for you, Ry, even if I think you're being a moronic twat."

His grin hit a few inches south of my navel. "Being a moronic twat is a requirement of being your friend."

One of us was a moron, and I was starting to think it wasn't Riley.

His glasses slipped down his nose as he frowned at me. "Danny? Is everything okay? You've been acting weird lately."

I stared at him helplessly, hating that he'd noticed. What could I tell him?

Sorry, Ry. It's just, that stranger who fucked you? That was actually me. Now I can't stop remembering it, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to do it again.

Yeah, that wasn't happening.

Riley was watching me, waiting for an answer. I didn't have one. For the first time in years, I didn't know what to say to him.

The knock at the door had both our heads snapping around. Riley recovered first, clearing his throat before stepping away. "The front door's on the latch, so don't worry about letting him in, I'll message him to say to just come up. I'm going to go hide my face like last time."

I waited until Riley was upstairs. Waited until I heard the front door creak open.

Then I was on the move.

My bones creaked with every step towards the front door. I knew what I was going to do. I knew I shouldn't do it, but I was going to. "Leave. Never contact him again."

The middle-aged man startled before his eyes glazed over, the compulsion in my voice making him turn on his heel and disappear from sight.

My conscience chased me up every step of the staircase, but as I walked into the bedroom and saw Riley waiting, his pretty pink hole slick with lube, it fled.

I unbuckled my belt. It was a good thing there was no afterlife for supes, because this behaviour would guarantee me a one-way ticket downstairs.

That didn't mean I was going to stop.

I couldn't.

If Riley was going to keep being an idiot and seeking sex this way, then I was going to be an idiot and keep fucking him.

I just had to hope he'd never find out.