Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

Liza

I tossed and turned all night long. Every time I closed my eyes, all I would see was Eli, and my heart would break all over again. I spent the night watching Friends reruns, trying to get my mind off of him, but failing miserably. I turned off my phone because I couldn't bear the idea of him texting or calling. I needed this time to think, but now that it's morning, I know nothing has changed.

I love him.

That's the only thing I know for sure right now.

I love him more than I've ever loved anyone. It's not even a comparison to guys I've dated before.

I've heard stories of people getting married after only knowing each other a week. I thought they were absolutely insane, but now, I get it.

Everything about him and our relationship was different from the start.

But now, this …

Knowing I can't hide forever, I turn on my phone, only to have it ding with text messages from Eli.

Please answer your phone.

We need to talk about this.

I see these messages aren't delivering, and when I called your phone, it went straight to voice mail, so I'm guessing your phone is off. I will respect your wishes that you don't want to talk to me tonight. I'll give you that. But tomorrow, I'll be there bright and early. I'm not letting us just end. Not like this.

I bring the phone to my heart, allowing the tears to fall all over again—and just when I thought I was all cried out.

I crawl out of bed and head to the kitchen to see if my aunt and uncle are still here or if they left for work already. Finding I'm all alone gives me some peace. I didn't have the nerve to tell my aunt and uncle what was going on. Thankfully, they went to dinner last night before Eli left, and then I ended up staying at Tucker and Justine's place until almost midnight, so when I got back, they were already in bed.

Hanging out with Tucker and Justine definitely helped get my mind off of things, but I know I was just pushing off the inevitable.

Before I can even pour a cup of coffee, there's a knock at the door.

Knowing it must be Eli after the message I just read, I steady my breath and head to answer the door.

Seeing him looking just as miserable as I do is like a punch to the gut. Without a second thought, he steps through the door, wrapping his hands around the nape of my neck and bringing my lips to his.

Instantly, I melt in his arms, feeling like I can finally breathe for the first time since he arrived here last night and my world got turned upside down.

He never breaks his lips from mine as he swoops down to pick me up and carry me back to my bedroom. There's no part of me that wants to stop him, so I let him do as he pleases, needing him more than food, water, or air right now.

He lays me down on the bed and is quick to remove his sweatshirt that I wore to bed last night, revealing I don't have a bra on. Reaching back behind his head, he removes his shirt and is back to kissing me with his bare skin pressed against mine.

Needing more of him, I slide his shorts down his legs, taking his boxer briefs with them. He removes them completely just before doing the same with my panties. He kisses up my leg, to my stomach, to my breasts, to my neck. I feel him at my entrance, so I wrap my legs around him, encouraging him to go further.

Propping himself up on his hands, he looks me in the eyes. "I mean it, Liza. I love you with all my heart."

I place my hands on either side of his face. "I love you too."

He leans down to kiss me as he slides inside of me, sealing our fate with a kiss and so much more.

With every stroke, my heart breaks more. With every push, my love for him grows. I have no idea what will happen next, but I know I don't want him to stop.

Not now, not ever.

I know he feels the same way by the way he's taking his time, going so slow, making this feel like a long goodbye. Neither one of us wants this to end, so we keep our pace like this, kissing, holding, grasping on to each other like it will be our last time together.

Who knows? Maybe it will be.

For right now, all I know is, I feel like I've been reborn, and my life will forever be what happened before Eli and what happened after I realized just how much I truly loved this man.

He might be considered still a boy in some people's eyes, but he's all the man I'll ever need in this world.

His pace starts to build, and my body reacts like he's the puppeteer and I'm fully at his command. As he moves faster, jolts of pleasure rip through me. I'm literally doing nothing, one hundred percent at his mercy, yet I've never felt so alive.

I have zero control, but knowing he's got complete power over me, over us, is the most freeing feeling. This is what love is—giving yourself to someone and knowing you have nothing to worry about.

With two more pulses, I feel my body ignite in waves of intense pleasure as he finds his own release, sealing our love for eternity.

We kiss until I feel him slip out of me, and he slides to his back, wrapping his arm around me and bringing me to his chest. Both of our breaths are ragged, but we don't care. For now, all we want to do is hold each other for as long as we can.

Tears prick at my eyes at the thought of knowing what I have to say, but no part of me wants to actually say it.

I finally bring up the courage to whisper, "Eli …"

"I know," he responds, gripping me tighter. "I know. Just don't say it, okay?"

Tears flow from my eyes as I hear him sniff away his own. This was it. This was our goodbye. Even though neither of us wants to, we know this is what has to be done.