Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Liza

Eli begged me to come back to his house to talk to his parents about the situation we'd found ourselves in, but I needed some time to process this on my own first.

I thought about calling my sister, then my best friend from back home, but decided against it. Since they haven't met Eli, they won't understand. I can't just break it off with him. There's no way. Just the thought of doing so feels like my world is splitting in two.

How can one person change my life so significantly in such a short time?

I'm too ashamed to talk to my aunt about it. Not yet anyway.

Instead, I grab my keys and head out for a drive, having no clue where I'll go, but needing to do something.

I drive around aimlessly, going over everything in my head.

How could I have not known his age? How come I never asked?

Because it didn't matter , pops in my head, but I shake it away.

It should matter. It does matter.

But he's of legal age.

Yeah, but just barely. What will people think of me? Talk about small-town gossip! I'll be the talk of two small towns, if not the entire state of Montana!

If I don't break it off with him and anyone finds out, I'll never teach anywhere again. All I've ever wanted was to be a teacher.

But I've always wanted to be in love more.

I pull over and drop my head to my hands and cry.

It's true. I've dreamed of what it would be like to fall in love. Real love. The kind that I felt Eli and I were building. I know we have it. That something special was there from the first day we met. The comfort level I have with him is almost like we are kindred spirits who were joined from a past life, meant to be together in this one.

I'm startled when I hear a knock on my window. I turn and see through blinking eyes Justine standing there with a concerned expression.

I roll down my window, wiping my eyes as I do.

"Hey there. Is everything okay?" she asks.

I close my eyes, inhaling as more tears fall. "No."

She bends down so she's more at my level, placing her hands on the window frame. "What's wrong?"

I look around, trying to figure out how she's here right now, then see I parked in front of a park. I glance around and see Tucker pushing Emily on a swing and chuckle to myself.

Of course I would run into her here. In Stockton, I could drive around all day and never see anyone I knew, but not in a small town.

She reaches in and places her hand on my shoulder. "What's going on? I saw you pull over, and when I saw your head in your hands, I knew it couldn't be good."

I look over at Tucker, then to her, realizing their age difference even more in this second. I knew he was a little older, but now that I really think about it, it's obvious he's a good deal older than her. I mean, he has a son who's my age, and Justine is not that much older than me.

"How far apart are you and Tucker in age?" I ask.

She lets out a sharp laugh. "Does this have to do with Eli? He can't be that much older than you."

I shake my head. "No, he's not older …" I leave the rest of the sentence hanging there, seeing if she'll grasp what I'm thinking without me having to say it.

She tilts her head to the side. "Are you older?"

I nod.

"Like how much older?"

I close my eyes, inhaling a long, deep breath.

"Should I get in the car? This seems serious."

I nod again, and she moves to the passenger side, opening the door and sliding in before turning to me.

"Okay, spill it. What's going on?"

I muster up the courage and blurt out, "He's eighteen."

Justine tilts her head toward me a tiny bit, then raises her eyebrows. "And?" she asks like I left something out—which I did.

"And I'm twenty-three."

Justine places her hand on her chest. "Tucker and I are fifteen years apart. That's way different than the five years between you two."

I drop my head against the headrest and sigh.

"Why does that bother you so much? He's of legal age, and he for damn sure doesn't look eighteen."

"I got a job," I say, staring up at the ceiling.

"Why does that not sound like a good thing?"

"Because it's for a teaching position at Leighton River High School, where he is going to be a senior this year."

She purses her lips with a slight nod to her head, like she's fully understanding why I'm sitting here right now. "I take it, you didn't know he was still in high school then?"

I shake my head.

"What does he say?"

"He says we'll figure it out. We'll sneak around until he graduates."

"Well …" she singsongs like she's weighing her options. "You would be McDreamy and he'd be like Meredith from Grey's Anatomy . Maybe have some stolen kisses in the classroom …"

I turn my head so fast that she laughs out loud, holding up her hands in surrender.

"Okay, maybe not." She places her hand on my arm. "It's not as bad as you think."

"If anyone finds out, I'll get fired and never teach again."

"But the damage is already done. You're already dating him. Before you were hired."

I close my eyes and let out a deep breath.

"Come on. I have a really cute little girl who can help lift your spirits—at least for the time being."

I agree that some little kid therapy could help clear my mind and unbuckle my seat belt to go play at the park with Tucker, Justine, and their daughter, Emily.

Eli

I fought back tears the entire way home. Breaking it off with Liza is definitely not an option. Technically, I'm eighteen. I can drop out of school, and then none of this would matter, but even I know that's not the right thing to do. I need a high school diploma, especially if I want to play ball.

Since I was basically an only child for most of my life, my mom and I are pretty close, so I do what I always do when I need advice for something. I go to talk to my mom.

When I enter the house, she's reading a book on the couch. I head straight in her direction and plop down beside her.

She's quick to put down her book and look my way. "I want to say welcome home, but I feel like you need to talk to me. Did something happen on your trip? How come I get the feeling you're going to tell me something I'm not going to like?"

I sigh. "Nothing happened on the trip, but I do need to tell you something. I'm not sure how you'll feel. That's why I need your advice."

"Is Liza pregnant?" she asks, her eyes opening wide.

I let out a sharp laugh. "One, no, she's not pregnant." I tilt my head to the side. "And two, we've barely been together long enough for her to even know if she was yet."

Mom turns to face me better. "Sorry. Panic reaction to the I need your advice talk."

"Because I've had so many pregnancy scares in my life?" I ask, trying to hold back my laugh.

She shrugs. "You're eighteen. I need to mentally prepare for your next steps in life, and, yes, pregnancy can derail a lot of those steps, so don't get her pregnant!" she says, staring at me sternly.

I hold up my palms to her. "Okay, I won't."

"Then, what's going on?" She places her hand on my leg. "Talk to me."

"What do you think of Liza?"

"We like her. A lot. I think you two are good for each other."

"Do you know her age?"

She narrows her eyes at me. "Should I?"

"I don't think it's a big deal."

"But?"

"But it turns out, our age might be a bit of a problem."

"Why? How old is she?"

"Twenty-three."

I watch my mom mull her age in her head and wait for her to fully comprehend and form an opinion about it. "I mean … it's not ideal. If you were the eighteen-year-old girl, I wouldn't have it, but that's for different reasons. You being the younger one, I guess, doesn't bother me that much. You've always been an old soul anyway."

"Exactly. That's why I've never really liked anyone at my school. I needed someone who was more mature."

She nods. "Yeah. I can see that. Then, what's the problem?"

"She moved here to be a teacher?—"

She places her palm out in front of her to stop me. "Don't tell me …"

I raise my eyebrows and wait for it to set in to see if she'll figure it out on her own.

She covers her mouth with her hands. "Was she hired at the high school?"

I nod.

"As a teacher?"

I nod again.

"Oh, Eli." She shakes her head slowly as it fully sinks in. "Eli, you guys can't …"

I stand up and start to pace. "Why not?"

"Eli … that's not okay for so many reasons."

I hold my finger out to her. "Give me one!"

"You're a student."

"I'm eighteen. I'm legal. We even have the law on our side."

"But it's not ethical."

"I get it if I'd met her as a student, but you know we've spent this entire summer together, having no clue this would happen."

"Didn't she know you were a student? Why did she even apply there?"

I drop my head to my chest. "She didn't know I was still in high school."

"Eli!" she says, shame laced in her voice.

"I wasn't keeping it from her! I told her I was still in school. She assumed college."

"But you didn't correct her?"

"It literally never came up! I wasn't trying to keep it from her on purpose. I never thought it would matter!" I sit down again. "I love her, Mom. I really do. I can't lose her."

She reaches for my hand, holding it tightly. "I know you do. I saw it all over your face when she was here. Your dad and I even talked about how much you seemed to like her. But, baby …"

I flop back on the couch with a huff. "But we can't be together."

"Not like this. You have scouts calling you. We have that meeting set up with the agent. Can you imagine the scandal that would cause? For her and you. You don't want something like this to stop your chances of getting drafted, do you?"

My eyes fill with tears that I blink away. "I didn't even think about that."

She places her hand on my arm. "You really need to think this all the way through. If you two are meant to be, then you'll have a lifetime together. But …"

She doesn't finish her sentence, so I look in her direction, keeping my head on the back of the couch.

"But?"

"But I think you need to … not end things, just pause them for the time being."

A tear I can't stop slips out of my eye and rolls down my face.

"Oh, baby." She wipes it away. "It will be okay, I promise. There's nothing wrong with a pause. It'd only be for what, ten months? Think about the military families who deploy for a year or more. At least you'll still get to see her."

"Yeah, I'll get to see her every day, but not get to actually be with her. That sounds like pure torture."

She lays her head on my shoulder with a sigh. "The things we do for love." We sit like this for a few seconds before she continues, "This will tell you just how true your relationship really is though. Eli, you have to realize just what your life will be if you want to get drafted. You'll be gone for long stretches of time. If, in ten months, when the school year is over, you guys still want to date, then I think you'll be stronger for it, which will only prepare you for the future."

I know she's right. She's always right. But that doesn't mean it's what I want to hear. I need to figure out a way that we can still be together. I have to.