Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Liza

My body is shaking in fear as I follow Eli back to my room, having absolutely no clue why there is this sudden shift between us. It was like one minute, he was happy, giving me flowers, and the next, it seemed like I'd told him the worst news ever.

It makes no sense, but I'm terrified to hear why he's acting like this.

He takes a seat and keeps my hand in his as he stares at it like it might disappear if he takes his eyes off of it for a split second.

"Eli, you're scaring me. What's wrong?"

"I love you," he blurts out. "Fuck," he says under his breath more to himself than me. "That is not how I wanted to say that for the first time, but it's true." He sits up taller, inching closer to me. "I love you so much that it scares the shit out of me. For years, every single person I met would ask me about my future—what sport I'd choose or which college I'd attend." He sighs as he looks up at the ceiling. "Sports have been my entire life. And when I say entire, I mean, my entire life ." He emphasizes his words. "It wasn't until I met you that I even thought about what my life should be."

He rubs his fingers on mine, and I place my other hand over his.

"Eli, what's going on?"

"Coaches warned me about girls. They always said girls would be the only thing to derail my career. I didn't see how it would be possible until I met you. But I get it now. I totally get it."

"Eli, I don't want to get in the way of your sports career. Don't think that I'm trying to stop you from playing anything or going anywhere. I'll support you in whatever you choose."

He nods. "I knew you would. That's why I wasn't worried about it. I knew what we had going here was strong enough to withstand wherever I was or whatever I was doing."

"Okay, so what is it?"

He takes a deep breath. "Liza, I'm a student at Leighton River High School. I'm going to be a senior this year."

I feel all the blood leave my face as I let what he just said compute in my brain.

"You're a what?"

"I'm a senior in high school."

I stand, needing space for a second. I think about the past month and what's gone on. How would I not know he's a senior in high school? How would I not know he's that young?

I shake my head, not believing what he's saying. "That's not possible."

He stands and grabs my hands with a sense of desperation.

"I asked if you were still in school," I state, trying to understand.

"Yes, and I told you I was."

"You didn't say high school!" I yell out.

"You asked about school, and I answered. I didn't think right then that it mattered which school I went to."

"Eli! It matters!"

"No, it doesn't. Well, it didn't. Until now. You didn't tell me you were looking to teach high school. I thought you wanted to be an elementary school teacher."

I step away from him, then have a moment of panic. "How old are you? Oh my God. Are you even legal for me to date?"

"Liza, please. Don't go there. I'm eighteen. I turned eighteen the week before we met."

My chest tightens.

One week. He was only one week legal. If I'd met him a week before …

I think back to the times we talked about school or age. I don't know anything about sports, be it high school or college, so I guess I just assumed he was in college. I remember ordering a drink at the restaurant and he didn't.

I cover my mouth as the thought crashes into me. It's because he legally couldn't.

Memories of Matthew telling the kids he's a senior pop in my head, and I start to panic. I thought he meant senior in college, but that means …

"Matthew knew you were a senior in high school …" I say under my breath.

"Yes, of course he knew."

I start to pace, needing space to think. "Oh my God, he must think I'm disgusting. He knows my age. He knows your age."

"Stop." He grabs my hands. "Just stop whatever is going on in your head. I'm still me, and you're still you." He places his hand on my cheek. "And he didn't care one bit either."

I pull my hands away from him. "Oh, he cared. I must have been the talk of the night between him and his wife. I'm sure they were like, Can you believe she's dating someone still in high school? How much older is she than him? Oh God!" I sit down, not sure if I should throw up or have a full-blown panic attack right here in my bedroom.

Eli kneels in front of me. "Don't go there. I guarantee they weren't talking about you or us like that."

I nod my head overdramatically. "Oh, yes, they were! Why wouldn't they?" I do the quick math in my head, then instantly regret it. "I'm five years older than you!" I say a little too loud.

"So what? Age is just a number."

I shake my head. "No, we aren't Aaliyah and R. Kelly. Age does matter."

Eli drops his head with a sigh. "No. We are nowhere near Aaliyah and R. Kelly. She was only fifteen, and he was something crazy, like twenty-seven."

"That's only four years older than I am now!"

"And I'm three years older than her." He stands, holding out his arms to each side. "Do I look eighteen?"

"That's not the point!" I place my head in my hands and start to cry.

He instantly drops to his knees, placing his fingers over mine, trying to remove them from my face so I can see him. "I love you. And I know you love me too."

Tears just stream down my face. I've wanted to tell him so many times exactly how I feel, but didn't want to be the first one to say it. In all the ways I imagined telling him, this was definitely not one of them.

"Do you love me?" he asks again, his expression pleading for me to tell him what he's dying to know.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath in. Then open them and see him, the man I've come to love so much that it hurts, and seeing him in pain like this only breaks my heart more.

"I do love you," I say through broken words and tears.

He engulfs me in his arms so fast that I drop back on the bed with him wrapped around me. In one swoop, he picks me up, repositioning us so I'm curled in his arms.

"That's all that matters. We'll figure this out. Don't overthink it. As long as you love me, it's all worth it."

I hold on to his arms tightly, needing the comfort he gives me in this moment.

I have no clue what we are going to do, but he's right. I love him so much that it terrifies me. Every day that went by, I felt it more and more. He's it. He's the one for me.

But how? How can we possibly make this work now?

Tears flow freely as I lie, wrapped in his arms.

"Turn around," he whispers in my ear.

I close my eyes tightly, willing the tears to stop and turn around to face him. When I open them and look into his, the tears fall even faster. The pain I see in them I know reflects my own, but seeing it on him breaks my heart even more.

He wipes them away with his thumb. "Please don't cry," he whispers as he blinks away his own emotions. "I meant what I said. I was already thinking about telling you how much I love you on my way here today."

I nod, my voice incapable of words right now.

"We'll figure this out. We have to."

I curl into him, burying my head in his chest.

"I can tell them I changed my mind and I don't want the job," I say more to myself than him.

"Don't you dare. I won't come between you and why you're here in the first place. This is your dream."

I lean back to look in his eyes, feeling better about my decision. "My dream was to teach elementary school. I can ask if they have anything open in a younger grade. We didn't even really discuss it."

He shakes his head while running his hand down my hair, tucking it behind my ear. "No. This is where God put you. Just like he put you in my arms right now. You need to take the job. We'll figure this out." A small tilt grows on his lips. "I just realized I'll be secretly dating the hot new teacher. Every guy is going to want you."

His words make me laugh out loud.

"This could be fun. Maybe we can sneak around in your classroom?" He raises his eyebrows up and down a few times, making me laugh even harder.

"No way in hell." I know he thinks the idea is playful, but it only turns my stomach. "Eli, I can't be that teacher who dates her students. No one can know."

"No one's going to know. I promise. Only my teammates know about you, and none of them live here."

"You haven't told your friends about me?"

Hearing this sits wrong with me. Why wouldn't he have told anyone?

He shakes his head, moving slightly to see me fully. "I told you, I wanted to keep you all to myself. They know I'm a private guy. I'm not one to spill my business, so they don't ask. I'm so busy with baseball every summer anyway, so they haven't even suspected anything."

"If anyone finds out …" My stomach turns again.

"They won't. We only have ten months. That's it. Ten months of sneaking around could be fun."

"Oh my God, your parents."

"My parents already love you. They've told me so. My mom is over the moon that I finally found someone who's special to me. I'll tell them so they know what's going on."

"No, don't tell them." Shame and panic hit me like a ton of bricks.

"I have to tell them, but they'll know more than anyone that our relationship had nothing to do with you being a teacher and everything to do with us falling in love before we knew any of that. It's going to be just fine. I promise."

"How can you promise that?"

"Because it has to be. I can't live without you."

Hearing him say that makes more tears fall, and he pulls me closer to him.

"Please don't cry."

He kisses the top of my head as I curl into him more. He's right. I can't live without him either, but I don't know if I can do this. It's easy for him to say we can keep it a secret, but it's not his life he's putting on the line. If we get caught, he'll be considered the stud who dated his teacher, and I'll be labeled a pedophile à la Mary Kay Letourneau.