2. How To Foot In Mouth

Joey panicked. "Those are not panties!"

The police officer blinked. From the top of his head, he plucked off one bright pink handful of lace.

He stared at the lace. And shot Joey a very dry look. "What's this, then?"

The man had a smooth, rumbling voice that stroked down Joey's spine like a caress. His eyes were a shade of reddish-brown like expensive wood, crinkled at the corners. Strands of grey dotted his lush chestnut hair. And his full lips—those were pulled into a half-smile that stole Joey's breath away.

As though all that wasn't enough, his shoulders were broad, muscular. Hell, his biceps strained against his sleeves, his pecs filling out his uniform. The seams at his thighs stretched like they were about to burst.

Joey had to tear his eyes away from the sizeable bulge between his legs.

"Th-that's a washcloth," Joey blurted, his cheeks burning. "You scrub your face with it."

The officer raised an eyebrow. He shook out the panties and held them up by the corners, so their triangular shape made it extremely obvious what they were. "Washcloth?"

"Yes! You use it like this!" Because he never admitted to any wrong, Joey snatched the panties out of the officer's hands, and scrubbed it all over his own face.

The officer stared.

Joey stared back, feeling like a complete idiot. "Uh, it feels good. You wanna try?"

Before the man could respond, Katie broke the awkwardness. She grabbed a fistful of Joey's shirt and smiled gummily. "Ma ma ma!"

"Hey!" Joey smiled brightly at her, thankful that she'd saved him from the pit of shame. "Feeling better?"

The officer's judging gaze seemed to soften. "What's your baby's name?"

"Katie," Joey said. He'd given her the name because her kidnappers had called her ‘it'.

"Katie, huh?" The man leaned in so he was closer to Joey and Katie's height. "Hey, kiddo."

Katie stared at him with large black eyes, reaching out with her tiny hand.

The officer gave her a finger, and she held onto it. The man grinned.

Joey watched him suspiciously, wary that the officer might try to take Katie away, too. At his stare, the policeman pulled his hand back.

"Are we safe?" Joey asked.

The officer grimaced. "They escaped. I'm doing a sweep of the place to make sure none of them are still around."

Joey's heart sank. "Oh."

"Are you afraid?" The officer seemed concerned. "You can wait with my patrol team if you'd like. They'll protect you."

Well, no. Joey had gotten in trouble with the law a few times. Some of the officers knew him by sight, and some of them treated him like he was the scum on the bottom of their shoes.

If they saw him, they'd probably tell this officer all about Joey's miscreant ways, and he'd never look so trusting around Joey ever again.

That, or if he found out that Katie didn't actually belong to Joey.

"I'm fine," Joey said.

The officer scrutinized him like he knew Joey wasn't being entirely honest. "Need some help getting out of there?"

Joey was about to decline when he realized he wanted the man to stick around for a while longer. "Yeah."

The man offered a large hand. Joey took it, but he needed more support to get his legs under himself.

He placed his other hand on a pile of panties...

... which promptly gave out under him.

Joey slipped forward so fast, his face hurtled toward the officer's bulge.

A sturdy hand caught him right as his nose brushed warm fabric. He accidentally inhaled some musk. Along with a very faint trace of smoke.

The officer straightened him up, staring a little too intently at Joey. "I'm sure you didn't mean to do that."

But Joey couldn't help looking back at where he'd almost landed.

That was the officer's bulge.

Joey's nose had touched it.

He had smelled it.

It smelled like... the officer had been jerking off at some point, because that scent had been strong.

"I don't know what you did," Joey squeaked, trying to push those mental images out of his brain. But his face just kept burning and burning.

"What I... did?" The man frowned.

"Never mind," Joey all but shouted. Katie began to cry. Joey hurriedly rubbed her back. "Oh, gods. I'm sorry, Katie. I'm a fuck-up."

"Here."

Before Joey knew what was going on, the police officer had slipped his hands under Joey's arms, and lifted him out from under the table. He set Joey on his feet.

Joey realized suddenly just how big this man was.

Up close, the officer towered over him, two heads taller and twice as broad. He was quite literally a giant next to Joey, and...

Suddenly it made a lot more sense why his bulge was that big.

It would never fit inside me,Joey thought, at the same time heat swooped into his gut.

Not that the man would want him or anything. Especially because Joey was twenty-two, skinny as a twig, and still a virgin.

He only realized he was staring at the officer's bulge after a while, yanking his eyes up self-consciously. But the officer seemed distracted, turning Joey this way and that, his gaze roving over Joey from head to toe. "Are you hurt anywhere? Did those guys attack you?"

Joey blushed. No man had looked at him so intently before. Even if this was just a well-meaning policeman checking him for injuries. "W-we're okay."

"Tell you what," the officer said. "Do you need a ride?"

Joey tried really hard not to look at his crotch. He nodded.

"Why don't I get one of my officers to take you home?"

"No," Joey yelped. Oh, gods. Did that sound suspicious? "I-I mean, um. I don't feel comfortable with the police."

Did that make him sound even more guilty?

The man studied him thoughtfully. "I understand. But you trust me?"

Somehow, Joey did. His ears burned as he mumbled, "Maybe."

"All right. Why don't you wait here, and I'll take you home when we're done with this place? It shouldn't take too much longer."

Joey nodded, trying not to blush.

"If you need anything, call for Blade," the man said. "That's my name."

"Blade?" That was an odd name. It actually sounded kind of familiar.

"Yeah. What's yours?"

"Joey."

The officer smiled, just a tiny quirk of his lips. "Right, Joey. Hang around here. Don't get into any more trouble. I'll come pick you up when we're sure Ess-Mart is safe."

"Okay." Joey watched the man walk away, helplessly ogling Blade's strong hands, and his gun. And his ass.

He waited until Blade was a safe distance away, when other shoppers had wandered between them, before he whispered to Katie, "I didn't think policemen could be good."

Katie stuck her fingers in her mouth, blowing spit bubbles.

"I guess I'm officially your dad now," Joey continued. "We ran away from home and lost your birth certificate. Or something."

She grinned, and his heart melted.

He brought her back to the shopping cart they'd been forced to abandon when the kidnappers stormed in. Somehow, his backpack was still in there.

As they approached, the shopping cart raced toward them, squeaking its front wheels excitedly. That made Joey smile, too.

"Hey!" He ran his hand along the edges of its steel cargo basket. "Sorry we had to run off. You took care of our stuff?"

The cart raised and lowered its flap like it was proud of itself.

"Good cart," Joey said, patting it.

Shopping carts were his favorite sentient objects in the world. Other metal items weren't quite so friendly—faucets tended to grow teeth and snap at people, and locks were naturally grumpy because they were protecting something.

But carts—carts were warm and sweet like dogs. Once you made friends with them, they wanted to follow you around.

Joey never quite understood how the carts came alive. Magic existed in metals; as metal parts moved against each other, it changed the magical energy into something else. And so shopping carts began to move themselves around, growing attached to people, or the ice cream trucks that played coin-jingling music to lure them back to grocery stores.

Before he'd found Katie, Joey had amassed his own little army of carts. He loved them, and loved collecting them.

Stealing Katie had changed his life, though.

"I definitely don't regret you," he said, dropping a kiss on her fine hair.

She smiled and smacked her hands against his chest, tiny feet kicking.

Joey had to be strong for both of them. "C'mon, let's get us some food, and then we'll go home."

He clung to his shopping cart and peeked around every aisle, still afraid that a bad guy would leap out at him even though Blade had said the kidnappers were gone.

You could never be too sure about these things. Joey had been caught unaware too many times to feel truly safe.

He brought them down the produce aisle and stared longingly at the fresh tomatoes, the lettuce and cucumbers. His mouth watered.

Then he checked his wallet and sighed wistfully. Nope. He couldn't do math on top of watching out for danger, but he was certain he didn't have enough to pay for everything he really wanted.

He pushed the cart and kept on walking, wishing he could crunch on a fresh, cold cucumber. Or bite into a sweet slice of watermelon.

A sudden presence behind him made his heart thump.

Joey whirled around with one hand cupping Katie's head, wondering how he was going to make it all the way to the door.

It was Blade. Blade frowned in concern. "You doing okay there?"

"You scared me!" Joey breathed out his anxiety. "Oh, gods."

Blade's frown deepened. "I'm sorry. I should've announced my presence."

"Yeah." Joey hugged Katie to himself. "Sorry. It's just been a hard day."

Or a hard three months. Joey was so very tired of looking over his shoulder, being on the run, being scared all the time because he refused to let Katie head into a life of beatings.

At least meeting his new friends had helped. Elson, Liem, and Samsen had gotten him into a safe house where he could sleep in peace.

But the food supply in the safe house was dwindling. Samsen, his housemate, wasn't concerned about what food there wasn't, because he was a vampire struggling to get enough blood to feed himself and his baby.

And Joey had been spending the last bits of his money on formula for Katie.

He couldn't get a job, either, because he didn't feel safe staying in one place for too long.

Increasingly, he'd been wishing for someone to take all the weight off his shoulders. But he had nothing to offer in return, when he was so run-down caring for Katie, and keeping her safe.

When he looked up, he realized that Blade was watching him again.

"You look hungry," Blade said. "Do you need help paying for groceries?"

Joey flushed. "Y-you don't have to. It's okay."

But Blade only nodded at the produce. "Go on. Grab the stuff you want. I'll pay."

"B-but it's expensive," Joey protested.

Blade glanced at the brightly-lit shelves. "Sixty-nine cents for a cucumber? That's not a hardship for me. Grab as many as you want."

The moment Joey wrapped his hand around a cucumber, he knew it was the wrong thing to do.

The cucumber was big and thick and heavy, and he remembered the whiff of musk, the thick thighs bracketing his face.

He accidentally dropped the cucumber. Then his face burned, and he looked up in a panic.

Blade hadn't seen that, right?

But because today was his most unlucky day, it turned out that Blade had been watching him this entire time.

Oh, gods.

"I, uh. It's too big," Joey blurted. "No! That's not what I meant! I meant... I've never touched a cucumber before. Oh, gods. Not that either. Uh."

He scrubbed his face, trying to stop thinking about Blade, but he couldn't.

When he peeked through a crack in his fingers, Blade was still watching him.

Joey's skin prickled under his attention, needing... something.

"You don't have to take a cucumber if you're not ready," Blade murmured.

Joey groaned in mortification.

"It's not that," he mumbled too softly for Blade to hear. "Maybe I want to. Maybe I just don't want to be scared anymore."

Those reddish-brown eyes darkened. "There are ways for you to explore cucumbers safely, if you want."

How had he heard that?

For the first time, it occurred to Joey that maybe Blade wasn't a normal human.

Just like him.

That was more reassuring than he thought it'd be.

"E-explore cucumbers?" Joey squeaked.

Blade's mouth curved into a smile. "There are toy... cucumbers. Or you could have real cucumbers, too. It could be a safe exploration if you trust the... cucumber's owner."

Like you?Joey almost blurted. His cheeks burned and burned. "I-I, uh. I need to think about it."

"All right. We can look at some... aids, later. For now, why don't you get something good for yourself? I meant what I said about the groceries." Blade nodded at the produce.

"Don't you have to be back at the police station?"

Blade checked his phone. "I have a bit of time. I'm taking my break right now."

"You're spending your break on me?" Joey yelped.

Blade smiled. "Is that a problem?"

Joey was never, ever this lucky with anything. He blushed furiously and pushed his cart forward, ducking his head to breathe in Katie's comforting scent.

Then he remembered—Katie. She was his biggest secret, and Blade would take her away and throw Joey into jail if he found out.

But if he didn't, if he didn't know what exactly Katie was, and why Joey had to be careful around Blade...

Maybe things would be okay.

Maybe Joey could catch a tiny break. Just one afternoon with this man.

His heart thumped.

Maybe Blade would take his virginity, and it would be amazing.

"Do you have a—a..." The words got stuck in Joey's throat.

Why was it so difficult to ask?

He grabbed a box of grape tomatoes that were fresh off the vine—he'd stolen some of these last month, and they'd tasted amazing, like they'd been grown in someone's garden.

"A...?" Blade tucked his hands into his pockets, ever so calm.

"A..." Joey tried not to hyperventilate. "A boyfriend. Or girlfriend. Or, you know. Someone like that."

His face scorched, and he would've collapsed if he wasn't holding onto his shopping cart.

Blade's eyes darkened. "You want to know because...?"

"I can't say it," Joey blurted, cringing all over.

The vegetable misters came on with a hiss. Joey jumped a foot into the air. He dropped the tomatoes into the cart and distracted himself by looking at Katie.

Warmth soaked into his side. He realized that Blade had crowded close, almost caging Joey with his body.

Blade took Joey's hand, and pressed into his palm a big cucumber dripping from the mister.

A whimper fell out of Joey's mouth.

"Is that what you want?" Blade murmured.

"M-maybe." Joey's voice cracked.

"All right," Blade rumbled. "No, I'm not seeing anyone."

Joey swayed on his feet. This was further than he'd gotten with anyone in his life, and he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. "O-okay."

"Grab the rest of the food you want." Blade nodded at the produce. "I'll have to get back to work soon. But... maybe tonight?"

Joey's insides tightened with anticipation. Oh, gods. "Okay."

It was so difficult pulling his thoughts back to the present. Joey made himself look at the groceries so he'd remember what he needed.

He moved to grab a watermelon that looked too heavy, but Blade stepped in and got it for him. Joey added a tray of chicken, some frozen waffles, and some frozen blueberries. And, because Blade didn't seem to mind, Joey grabbed two of the largest tins of formula he could find.

His entire body hummed with anticipation. His stomach, and further down.

Blade steered them to the cookie aisle and dropped a bag of chocolate chip cookies into the cart. "These are good." He added a package of shortbread. "These, too."

Joey hesitantly added a bag of sour cream and onion chips. Blade hummed and brought them to the drinks section.

The moment Joey glanced at the grape soda, Blade put a bottle of that into the cart, too.

"Are you... feeding me?" Joey blurted.

"You need food. Something that makes you happy."

"Why're you being so nice to me?"

"Because you need it," Blade said softly. "And because cucumbers can't be the only thing I'm feeding you."

Joey tripped. Blade caught his arm, holding him upright.

They passed a tall shelf of condoms.

Blade grabbed a twelve-pack of XXL ones and dropped them into the cart, as casually as you'd please.

Joey's head burned so hot, he wouldn't be surprised if steam was coming out of his ears.

After that, everything seemed to pass in a haze. Joey could only stare at the box in his cart, as subtle as the red-and-blue lights flashing on a police car.

Every time they passed by a fellow shopper, it felt as though the condoms were the only thing they saw in Joey's cart.

Blade huffed. "It's going to be okay."

Maybe. But Joey was still so nervous.

Blade added more things to the cart. Then they went through the checkout process, and Katie's tail wriggled out of her baby carrier.

Joey saw it from the corner of his eye right as they were stepping out of the store. He almost swallowed his tongue, grabbing the scaly purple thing and trying to cover it with his hands.

"Joey?" Blade asked.

"Nothing!" Joey squeaked.

He stopped the cart and shoved one hand into his open backpack, yanking out Katie's blanket. With his back turned toward Blade, he wrapped the blanket loosely around Katie, covering everything from her neck down so no one would see any odd bodily changes.

Blade was a policeman and probably trustworthy, but... the less he knew about Katie, the better.

Blade pushed the cart to his patrol car. It was only when Joey was done fumbling with the blanket, that Blade murmured, "You've done that several times before, huh?"

Joey flushed. "Um. Um. She's cold!"

"Uh huh."

"She's a monkey," Joey blurted when Katie's tail slithered under the blanket.

The look on Blade's face said he knew that was a lie. He snorted. "And the pink lace was a washcloth. Who are you, Joey?"

Joey's stomach dropped. Did this mean there would be no cucumbers after all? Was Blade going to arrest him?

"I'm just... me," he said warily.

Blade watched him from the corner of his eye, loading the bags of groceries into the trunk. Then he opened the front passenger door and Joey carefully climbed into the passenger seat, staring at all the screens and buttons in the car.

I've never sat up front before,he almost said.

Thankfully, Blade shut the door on him before he could.

"What's your address?" the officer asked when he'd gotten behind the wheel.

Joey gave him an address three streets down from the safe house, because no one was supposed to know that exact location. Aside from his friends, and the rich alpha-types his friends were dating.

Blade typed in the address on a large screen. Then he tapped a few buttons and opened up a map of their destination, and paused.

"We're going to Wingdom Street?" Blade asked mildly, glancing at Katie in her blanket. "Not Garnier?"

Joey's heart stuttered. How did he...?

Blade must've caught the change in his pulse, because his gaze shifted to Joey's chest. The corner of his lips quirked up.

He began driving. Joey clutched the edge of the seat, wondering if Blade was going to kidnap them, after all.

It didn't take long before they were in the neighborhood Joey was now very familiar with.

Blade didn't even slow down at Wingdom.

He went straight to Garnier Street, and pulled into the driveway of the safe house.

How did Blade know about this place?