1. How To Bungle Your Meet Cute

The Underwear Section of Ess-Mart.

That was the best place to hide from bad guys, right?

"Shhh," Joey whispered at seven-month-old Katie as he ducked between racks of frilly nightgowns, keeping his ears pricked for angry snarls.

How had they followed him to Cartfalls? He'd made sure to leave no trace behind...

Then again, when you'd stolen a baby guarded by six very fierce supernatural men, chances were, they'd want your hide for it.

What else was he supposed to do? They were beating her!

He cupped her downy-haired head with his hand, holding her protectively against his chest as he half-crouched, half-ran, trying to muffle the sounds of his footsteps.

Thank the gods for baby chest-carriers. And thank them too for the vastness of the lingerie section, because the men seemed to be getting lost in the surrounding shelves.

Ess-Mart's underwear department was made up of tall shelves, mid-sized racks, and some display tables in the middle, with thick, opaque table skirts that concealed a low shelf for extra product storage.

Just as he rounded a rack of large bras studded with pearls, he spotted a burly figure in the shoe section. One of his pursuers.

The man spotted him, too.

Joey's stomach plummeted. He scrambled between rows of silky corsets at the same time the man barreled after him.

Joey was smaller and nimbler on his feet, but he had a baby slowing him down. Katie's kidnapper had massive muscles that probably made him faster.

Right as Joey reached the end of the aisle, another man appeared three aisles over.

His stomach shriveled. He couldn't outrun them when they were closing in from all directions.

He threw himself between some racks and cradled Katie close. Then he focused on the atoms of his body, held his breath, and stepped right through a tightly-packed rack of Halloween nurse uniforms. None of the uniforms even looked ruffled.

He couldn't do this too many times, and he couldn't let his pursuers know about this ability.

Right before he lost the cover of the racks, Joey dropped to all fours and scrambled toward the middle of the low tables. The opaque table skirts concealed them. But they wouldn't help if anyone stepped into the aisle.

Footsteps pounded closer. Joey braced himself and Katie, and phased them through a table skirt.

Seconds later, footsteps thundered right past them, a man snarling somewhere above. "Where the hell did he go?"

Joey held his breath. Also because he couldn't breathe while in his shadow phase, with his body incorporeal and half-submerged in underwear.

Katie needed air, though. She didn't understand the phase shifts, and she was already starting to look uncomfortable.

Very carefully, Joey floated them to the top of the neat piles of panties.

The moment they became solid again, Katie gasped for air. Joey tensed and worried that she'd start crying.

The footsteps came thundering back. "He was just here! I saw him!"

Katie turned in the direction of the sound, her eyes flashing red because she sensed danger.

Don't breathe fire,Joey mentally willed her. I don't know if these clothes will burn.

But he could already imagine the news headline: Thief burned alive by flaming hot panties.

When she didn't burp any smoke, Joey glanced around for something he could use as a weapon.

Light filtered in through the gaps between the table skirt and the table legs. These tables weren't like anything he'd seen before—they had caster wheels, and a low base stacked with all manner of underwear: lace panties, polka-dotted panties, panties with sailor stripes and ribbons and tinkling bells.

He grabbed a handful of something black, only for it to fall apart into several straps, like... black fettuccine.

How did anyone wear that? None of the straps were wide enough to cover... anything...

More voices sounded nearby.

Then a voice boomed through the PA system. "Store guests, stay calm. If you're not a guest but a rampaging criminal chasing down innocent civilians, head to the front of Ess-Mart. We have some friendly handcuffs for you."

Joey cracked a smile despite how precarious the situation was. Maybe they'd get a chance to escape.

But just in case the police hadn't caught the baby-kidnappers, he kept absolutely quiet under the table, rocking Katie in his arms.

For a while, it was peaceful. Joey began to calm down, running his fingers over the delicate, lacy panties. They felt so soft. So comforting.

He picked one up. In the scant light, he realized just how see-through it was.

Did people wear these, too? With their bits all but visible?

Loud footsteps thumped, suddenly. They sounded really close. Joey startled.

There was no way to tell if it was a kidnapper, or a police officer making sure they'd gotten all the criminals.

Except the footsteps stopped right next to his table.

Katie blinked up at him. And Joey knew he had to do everything he could to keep her safe.

The moment the table skirt swept aside, Joey flung a handful of panties at the man's face.

Gods, they weren't enough to stop him, were they?

But the man seemed shocked. So Joey threw three more fistfuls of panties at him, to distract him from attacking.

The man froze.

Wait.

He was wearing a navy-blue uniform with silver buttons. He had a walkie-talkie. And a gun.

He wasn't one of Katie's kidnappers.

He was a policeman.

And Joey had covered him in panties.