Chapter 22

22

The last day of shooting.

It was fitting that it should be in Hope Falls and not on location. Hope Falls was where it had all started. The producers wanted the show to take its personality from Hope Falls. They wanted the small town to be what people associated with the show and Lauren could not be happier about their decision.

It almost felt like the last day of school to Lauren. There was a feeling of nostalgia in the air that Lauren hadn't felt since she'd done theater in college. This felt like closing night on a particularly magical stage production.

Lauren had no idea that she could get so close to these people in such a short amount of time. Normally, it took her months—well, let's be honest, sometimes even years—to form any attachments to people. That was one of the reasons she had come back to Hope Falls—it was a luxury to be around so many people she felt so close to, because there just weren't all that many people like that in the world.

But she'd become close to so many people on the set. Not just Ben, but the makeup and hairstylists, the wardrobe ladies, the craft services guy.

She knew about these people's lives.

She thought maybe it was because, unlike in a normal job situation, so much of the time of being on a set was just hurry up and wait. There was a lot of downtime, and these people were all really passionate about what they did, plus they were smart and easy to talk to.

From the boom operator to the key grip, these people loved coming to work every day. That kind of passion and joy was contagious.

But a niggling doubt in the back of her mind told her that these were all justifications. Is it really just the unusual situation that prompted you to open your heart to these people so much more readily than you normally would have? Or is it that Ben has changed you, opened you up, and made you a better person?

Lauren fought the impulse to get a little misty as she realized that it was all coming to a close. Possibly forever if the pilot didn't get picked up.

They were finishing up their final shots around Hope Falls, and after today, the crew was going to pack up and leave.

Lauren was glad that the schedule was so hectic. Not only did it distract her from her ever more convoluted thoughts, it also naturally made it so that over the course of the whole day, she and Ben didn't have even a second alone. She really wasn't sure how to process all that was going on between them. She wasn't even entirely sure that she liked the person she was around him.

Sure, in some respects, she felt like she'd grown—her increased capacity to connect with the crew was a perfect case in point. But then there were other things she saw herself doing, things like getting so upset about seeing him with the bikini-clad fans that she didn't even recognize herself.

Even take what she was doing right now—analyzing the living daylights out of a relationship and where it was progressing—that was evidence enough that a pod person had taken over her body.

Lauren always had the upper hand in relationships. She never lorded over the person, per se, but she sure as hell never let go of it either. If she felt the tables turning even slightly, she had no compunctions about cutting it off quickly and cleanly. She felt no more regret about doing that than she would have about snipping off a hangnail before it could develop an infection.

That system worked well for her in the past. Well, with one notable exception; her ex-boss, who decided to make life extremely difficult for her, both personally and professionally, when she tried to leave him. He attempted to mess with her system. But in true form to the person she was, she'd made sure that the tables were turned. She alerted the necessary channels about some not-so-legal activities he'd been engaged in and he was currently awaiting trial.

Tables turned. Power restored to its rightful owner. Her.

She never felt out of control in a relationship before, and she was pretty damn sure she didn't like it. Lauren liked to have control over her emotions and her reactions. And around Ben…she had neither.

And after spending the day with his mom and sister and then the night at his house, she was so confused. The stakes felt so much higher now that she knew his history, but she tried her best not to let that influence her thinking.

He just might be the best man she knew, but that didn't mean he was the best man for her or that she was the right person for him.

He'd been taking care of his sister and mom since he was ten, and although Lauren prided herself on her independent nature, around Ben, that seemed to go out the window. She let him cook for her, carry her luggage, and of all things, carry her. And the part that scared her was that she liked it. It was a short, slippery step from liking something to coming to depend on it, and Lauren would be damned if she was going to let that happen.

Normally, she was all for letting the man feel like the man, but in the context that she was consciously allowing him to do so and she still felt like she had the upper hand.

But around Ben, she didn't feel like that. She was starting to feel—as much as it pained her to admit—almost as though she weren't sure what she would do when he left. That she would be lost without him.

And if there was one thing Lauren Harrison was sure of, it was that she didn't need anyone, least of all a man.

Until now? That small voice in the back of her mind asked.

She sighed.

It was as if she were Superman and Ben her kryptonite.

She didn't like it.

--- ~ ---

Ben eyed Lauren across the crowded wrap party at Sue Ann's Café as she chatted and mingled with various members of the crew and production staff. He marveled, as he always did when he saw her interact with others, at her beauty, at her poise, at her charm...at her grace.

Lauren carried herself like a movie star. Not one of the current crop, who were photographed by TMZ in their yoga pants and UGGs while taking out the garbage. No. He was talking about a glamour goddess from the golden age of Hollywood, back when there was a little mystery.

Behind Lauren's placid expressions and enigmatic half smiles was a deep well of thought and feeling, the depths of which he would never get tired of exploring. Every time she opened her mouth to speak, he was on pins and needles waiting to hear what she had to say. She constantly surprised him.

And when she wouldn't open her mouth to tell him what was on her mind, well...that just made him crave the knowledge that much more.

She was a beautiful mystery that he knew would never be solved, not entirely, but he was more than eager to spend his life working on that fascinating and beguiling puzzle.

But did she want him to? That was the real question. And the only way he was going to find out the answer to that one was to ask.

Ben made his way over to where she was standing and asked if he could have a moment.

She said yes and they made their way to the back patio area, which was normally only used by employees.

Ben was surprised to find his stomach a little queasy and his hands trembling as he followed her out the door. He'd been trying to read her all day and hadn't walked away from that endeavor with any more of a clue to her feelings about them than he had that morning before he'd seen her.

It was maddening. She was more unflappable and composed than anyone he had ever met.

He knew that he developed some really strong feelings for Lauren over the past few weeks. Stronger than for any woman he'd ever been with.

And then, the day at the hospital with his mom, he'd fallen completely, totally, and head over heels in love with her. There was no going back now.

She was so strong and capable, so refined and graceful—but then she would drop all that and she would instantly become the sweetest, most softhearted woman he'd ever met. And then, at other times, her cool and calm demeanor would fall away to reveal a white-hot, animalistic passion that was not so much as hinted at on her serene surface.

And for all Ben knew, he had only glimpsed the tip of the iceberg when it came to the multifaceted wonder that was Lauren Harrison.

He knew that he couldn't simply leave Hope Falls without at least taking a shot. He had to, at the very least, see if they could really try this thing, give it a real shot, see where it goes.

Or as his sister Brianna had put it so poetically on the phone this morning, "Ben, Lauren's the kinda girl you put a ring on. You've gotta lock that down. Like...ASAP."

He might fault her form, but he certainly couldn't fault her content.

So now, Ben found himself on the brink of making himself very vulnerable by asking a woman to commit to him. A woman whose feelings he was unsure of.

For the first time ever, when dealing with someone of the opposite sex, he was making a move without being one hundred percent sure of what her response would be.

As they stood on the patio, she wouldn't quite meet his eyes. Okay, maybe not the best sign ever. Still, Ben decided that he had to forge ahead regardless. In about thirty minutes, a car was picking him up and he was headed to San Francisco for the weekend, and then home to LA after that. If he didn't tell her he loved her now, who knew if he would get a second chance?

Ben cleared his throat and Lauren finally looked up at him. In her luminous green eyes, he read hesitation, trepidation...possibly even fear.

Okay, he figured he should add that to the list of things that were 'probably not the best sign'—but he couldn't turn back now. He took a deep breath. Maybe if he backed off on the dramatic declaration of love and just eased into this by seeing if she would consider having a relationship with him…

"Look, I don't know how you're feeling about us, but I really care about you and I would like to see where this goes," he began. Then he was silent, giving her time to process and formulate a response.

Lauren was also quiet for a moment, and then she finally said, "Well, you're leaving, so I'm not sure it goes anywhere."

This wasn't going as well as he'd hoped. Patiently, he explained, "Look. We don't live that far apart. If we wanted to, we could see each other all the time."

He waited for her to answer, and when her lips pursed, frustration shot through him.

"Come on, Lauren. I'm scared, too, but don't use that as an excuse not to give this a shot."

Irritation flashed in those green eyes he loved so much, and she defensively snapped, "I'm not scared."

Ben nodded. "Well, I am. But I'm more in love with you than I am scared. So I want a real relationship. I want to give it a shot."

He saw her skin blanch when he said that he was in love with her. Wow. The list of things in the 'probably not the best sign' column was growing longer by the minute.

Lauren's face hardened. "Give what a shot?" she said, her voice trembling. "This isn't anything. We hooked up a few times, had some fun. That was all this was."

Her statement caused him to step back as if she'd put her hands on his shoulders and physically pushed him backward.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing her say. This couldn't be true.

He said, "Really? Just a hook-up? That's what this was to you? The day in the hospital with my mom, and that night at my house! That was all just a hook-up?"

He saw something skitter across her face, but he couldn't nail down what it might be. When she stood up straighter and looked directly into his eyes, though, he had no problem identifying that expression. It was resolve.

All hint of a tremor gone from her voice, she said firmly, "Yes."

Ben began to walk slowly, but inexorably, towards her until she was backed up against the wall of the café. He slowly raised both of his hands, rested them on the wall, one on either side of her face, and leaned in slowly until their lips were barely just an inch apart.

He saw her pupils dilate as he said in a low voice, "I don't know why you're lying to me. But I do know that you sure as hell don't believe it any more than I do.

"And here's the thing: I don't play games. This hot-and-cold thing you've had going on may work for you and the other men you've been with, but it does not work for me. I'm not some toy you can play with when we're on location and then dismiss when we return to your real life.

"I'm in love with you Lauren Harrison, and you may not be in love with me, but I guarantee you that I am more than a hook-up to you. Aren't I?"

Lauren didn't answer right away. She just stared at him.

He lowered his mouth so that their lips brushed each other as he spoke. "Tell me I am more than a hook-up to you and that you want to see me again."

Her breathing was labored, and he could feel the electricity rushing between them.

She pushed on his chest weakly and with tears filling her eyes, said, "It was fun, but it was just a hook-up."

With that, she ducked out from between his arms and disappeared through the back door of Sue Ann's Café.

Ben felt like he'd just been sucker-punched in the gut.