Chapter 23

23

Lauren heard a knock at her front door and shouted, "Go away!" into her pillow. She knew it wasn't going to do any good. Her bedroom was far enough from the front door that she could've screamed it at the top of her lungs and the Jehovah's Witnesses or Avon lady or vacuum cleaner salesman or whoever it was at the door wouldn't hear her.

Her face crumpled. Vacuum cleaner salesman. Ben used to be a vacuum cleaner salesman.

She buried her face in her pillow, collapsing into a fresh torrent of tears, and sobbed quietly.

The knock came again, more forcefully.

"Leave me alone!" she wailed into the air, knowing full well that whoever was at the door had no idea she was saying it. It just felt good to say.

A third knock followed on the heels of the first, this one bordering on pounding. God, who is that? She thought angrily.

She sat bolt upright.

What if it was Ben?

Oh, God.

He couldn't see her like this.

She'd been awake all night long, sobbing for the better part of it. She could tell from the raw, itchy way her eyeballs felt that they were bloodshot and red.

She put her fingers to her face, exploring the skin around her eyes. Yep. Puffy, and almost certainly fire-engine red as well. Which, she knew herself well enough to know, meant that so was her nose.

She continued the exploratory mission of her hands up to her hair. Oh no. Ratted strands were coming loose from a sloppy topknot—just as she had feared.

She looked down at her body. Her vague memory of what she'd thrown on the night before was proved correct. Mismatched flannel pajama bottoms and top paired with—purely for the sake of emotional comfort—her ratty, old, terrycloth bathrobe and bunny slippers from high school.

In short, she was a damn hot mess.

Before she could wrestle her brain into coming up with a solution for this problem, she heard a key turn in the lock and the front door opening. What the... Ben didn't have a key.

She heard the alarm code being disarmed. He also didn't know her code.

So it wasn't Ben.

She knew she should feel relief, considering her appearance, but what she actually felt was soul-crushing disappointment.

Helping her appearance not at all, this disappointment triggered a new bout of tears, which she buried her face back into her pillow and indulged.

She heard someone step into her bedroom, but she couldn't summon up enough interest to even lift her head and see who it was.

"What in the holy hell is this?"

"Go away, Karina!" Lauren moaned through her tears.

Lauren heard another set of footsteps coming in behind Karina and then a shocked gasp.

"Oh, my God, Lauren! What's the matter? Are you hurt?" Amanda cried, rushing across the room and jumping into bed with her, wrapping her arms around Lauren and stroking her hair.

"Yeah, are you hurt?" Karina asked. "Like, did something injure your eyes before you got dressed for bed last night, for instance?"

"Hush!" Amanda said indignantly. "Who cares what she's wearing? She's obviously in pain!"

"I am," Lauren agreed through tears, raising her head just in time to see Sam walk in, take in the scene, and walk right back out again.

"I'm making the coffee," she announced over her shoulder.

"You might want to add a splash of bourbon," Karina called after her down the hall. "Or maybe more than a splash. Maybe just make bourbon instead."

When Sam returned with a tray bearing coffee cups for all of them, she and Karina piled into Lauren's bed along with Lauren and Amanda, and Karina made Lauren sit up.

"Come on, Laur," Karina said. "I know it feels like the end of the world, but no story seems as tragic when you tell it from a sitting position instead of flat on your back."

Karina turned to Sam. "Write that down for when I have my advice column."

Sam just shook her head, but Lauren complied, rising to an upright position and leaning against her headboard.

She took a deep breath to start relating the story. "I..." she began before she collapsed into tears again. Then she tried to continue, her voice hitching. "I...broke...up...with...Ben...last...night..."

"Okay," Karina said. "That makes sense then. Sue Ann told Ryan this morning that you left upset last night. I would've mustered the troops and come quicker, but Ryan didn't think it was important enough to call me about the instant he heard it. He's so not a girl."

Lauren nodded, wiping tears from her face. "I'm just glad you guys are here at all," she said miserably.

"So what happened, sweetie?" Amanda asked gently.

"He told me he loved me," Lauren said, despair tingeing her voice.

The three girls looked at her blankly.

Finally, Sam said, "Context tells me this isn't good news? But I'm confused, because it sounds like good news...so...?"

Lauren nodded. "I know, right? You would think I would've been jumping up and down. Screaming. Celebrating."

"Doing him..." Karina added.

"Yeah, there were none of those things," Lauren concluded.

"Why?" Amanda lightly prodded.

Lauren sighed. "I just... It was getting to the point where I didn't recognize who I was around him. I mean, you guys, I found out that his mom is sick, has been almost his whole life. He's been taking care of her and pretty much raising his little sister since he was ten years old. I found myself letting him take care of me as well. Also, I saw him with these girls and he just… It just reminded me of my dad…and I was starting to remind myself of my mom. And I don't know… It was just all…bad."

The girls continued to stare at her.

"You are not your mom and he is not your dad," Sam said with conviction.

"I'm not the kind of person who lets themselves get taken care of by other people! Who would I be if I started depending on that?" Lauren said, tears filling her eyes again.

"Well, you would be a strong woman who was blessed enough to find a good man who takes just as wonderful care of her as she does of him," Amanda insisted.

Lauren looked up, shocked. This concept was a revelation. She hadn't thought of it that way.

But that still wasn't all. "When Ben was signing autographs for these stupid girls in bikinis and he was turning on the charm, and I just... I was...consumed with jealousy. It reminded me of everything I hated about my dad. I don't think I can handle that."

"Oh, girl, please!" Karina said. "You think I don't go through that with Ryan? I mean, I know the stuff about your dad you'll have to work through, but you should do that anyway. And the jealousy? That just comes with dating insanely amazing men."

Lauren couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You get jealous?"

"Hell yes!" Karina exclaimed. "When Ryan and I go out and perform our joint project music in singer-songwriter clubs... I mean, who do you think likes singer-songwriter music? Do you think it's buff dudes that lust after me that would make Ryan feel jealous? Hell no. That crowd is ninety-eight percent females in their twenties, and they spend the whole time lusting after his perfect, ripped, guitar-playing arms, which look pretty damn amazing in those tight vintage tees—"

"Digressing," Sam interjected.

"Right. Anyway," Karina said, shaking her head to bring herself back to the topic. "When we sign autographs and things, do you think they aren't hanging all over him? And, of course, we have a public image, so he has to be sweet and charming to them."

"And that doesn't bother you?" asked Lauren, agony choking her voice.

"Ummm, no. It's not my favorite thing in the world. But, a bit of territorial jealousy is totally natural. I wouldn't worry about that."

Lauren's jaw dropped. She was so sure that the jealousy she felt was the first step on the road to insanity, to complete loss of her sense of self, that it was blowing her mind to find out that one of her best friends felt the same thing—and on a regular basis, too.

"Same with me," Sam chimed in. "When Luke has to be nice to the little snow-bunnies who hang on his every word with hero worship, it definitely makes me want to go pee and mark my territory. I think it's just the competitor in me."

At Amanda's look of concern, Sam quickly added with an elfin smile, "Don't worry, boss. It's just a figure of speech."

"So how do you handle it?" asked Lauren.

Karina shrugged. "I know that Ryan loves me. I trust him. And honestly, I get where those girls are coming from. I mean, if I wasn't with Ryan I would still be crushing on him hard. But, I am. I'm the girl he goes home with. The girl who has his heart. They remind me how lucky I am and it takes some of the sting off."

"That's a good way to look at it." Sam chimed in. "I'm gonna remember that for sure."

"Why? Because if you look at it that way you win?" Karina teased good naturedly. "I wasn't making it a competition, Sam. I actually feel bad for the girls that are head over heels for Ryan."

"Hey, you get through it your way, I'll get through it mine." Sam shot back unapologetically.

"Oh, God. Where were you guys last night, before I let my insecurities and fears ruin my relationship with the man I love?" said Lauren, stricken, realizing the full implications of the situation. "I've fucked everything up so badly. I've said things I can't take back. I told him he didn't mean anything more to me than a hook-up. What am I going to do?"

"You're going to remedy it as soon as possible," Amanda said.

"And, as an aside...ouch!" Karina said. "Remind me not to get on your bad side."

The others, including Lauren, hit her with pillows from the bed they were sitting on.

Sam, always the one among them who favored direct immediate action over anything else, said, "Where is he? In LA? You can't do this over the phone. Let's get your ass on a plane."

"He's at some bachelor auction thing in San Francisco," Lauren replied.

Amanda, Karina, and Sam looked at each other, coming to the same unspoken conclusion.

"Road trip!" all three announced simultaneously.

Lauren nodded, purpose filling her face, and got up out of bed, collecting her purse from the nightstand and heading towards the door.

"Ummm...slow down a minute there, bunny slippers," said Karina, catching Lauren's arm as she passed. "We need to do a little triage first."

Lauren looked down at herself, taking in her disheveled condition. Oh boy.

Karina pulled her phone out of her bag. "Look, why don't you go jump in the shower. It'll do wonders for your puffy eyes, not to mention your jangled nerves. I'm gonna call Bernie and have him get the four-one-one on this bachelor auction. There's not much he can't find out."

Lauren nodded and headed into the bathroom, thinking Thank God for my friends.

--- ~ ---

Lauren's black Mercedes sped down Highway 80, her hands strong on the wheel. Yes. She was driving. She wasn't that evolved yet. She didn't think she'd ever be able to give up enough control to let someone else drive her car!

As they passed through Sacramento, Sam piped up from the back seat, "Let's stop for snacks!"

Karina, sitting in the back seat next to Sam, asked, "Stop where for snacks?"

"I don't know, like a gas station, or a convenience store, or something." Sam answered shrugging.

Karina barked out a quick laugh. "There is not even one thing sold in the entirety of a convenience store—with the possible exception of water—that you would ever allow to enter your super-fit athlete's body. So why do you want to stop for snacks?"

Sam shrugged. "I don't know! In all the road trip movies you see, they're always going into the store at the gas station and coming out with Funyuns or something..."

"Yeah, we're not stopping for snacks," Lauren said flatly.

A small smile played on Lauren's lips as she concluded that Sam must not be able to see where her eyes were pointed underneath the dark sunglasses she was wearing.

It was a welcome light distraction to have the fun of being able to say in a completely monotone voice, "Sam, you do realize that I can see you in the rearview mirror sticking your tongue out at me, correct?"

The flaming red that shot up Sam's cheeks was an indication that, no, she didn't know that—but Lauren was impressed by the way that she still responded in a sassy tone, "Yep. That's why I did it."

A few moments later, Amanda said dreamily, "Man, you guys... Think about where you were and what you were doing a year ago. Would you ever have imagined this is where you would be today?"

"You mean speeding down the highway, trying to chase down the man Lauren loves so that she can apologize for basically calling him nothing more than dick on a stick less than twenty-four hours ago? Nope." Karina confirmed.

"Not this exact day," Amanda chided. "I mean today as in...now, our lives. You guys moving back to Hope Falls, all of us in blissfully happy, settled relationships?"

"Don't jinx it," Lauren warned.

"Okay, mere hours from all of us being that way," Amanda amended.

"I think it was Parker," Sam said quietly, reaching up and putting her hand on Amanda's shoulder. "I think he's been watching over us from Heaven and bringing us happiness and fulfillment because he loves us."

Amanda teared up, as she did most every time she talked about her beloved dad. "He's looking out for us, just like he did when he was alive," she confirmed her agreement.

Karina smiled. "He's our guardian angel."

Amanda smiled back. "I love that idea."

Lauren took a shaky breath, "Here's hoping he's looking down on us today."

"Of course he will be," Karina said confidently. "And this is all going to work out. You want to know how I know that?"

"Very much so," said Lauren desperately.

"Because we're here with you, babe," Karina concluded, "and we're the Fabulous Four..."

All of them took up their mantra, shouting the last part together.

"Nothing we can't accomplish!"