Chapter Fourteen

Ishould feel relieved now that my guest is gone. But I don"t. I just feel . . . edgy. I shrug off the pins-and-needles feeling in my fingers and toes and blame it on the fact I'm still fried from the interaction this morning. I'll feel better once I fall back into my normal routine and recharge my battery.

The next few days move in one slow, giant blur. I have no issue returning to my routine. I hike in the morning, cut down the dead branches off trees around the property in hopes they'll revive in the spring, reread my favorite Western by Louis L'Amour, and soak my sore muscles in the hot springs at night.

The panicked feeling never really goes away, but I'm experienced enough at this point to know to stay away from my triggers, most importantly, fire. I've lived without fire before, and I can do it again.

It isn't until the third night while I'm mid-soak that I notice her neatly folded clothes and winter gear hiding behind a rock.

The guilty ache in my chest is so sudden and sharp, I rub my sternum to try to alleviate the pain. It doesn't help. I wade through the hot water and lean against the edge of the limestone, examining Holly's abandoned clothes. I smooth away the layer of snow covering her coat and boots. Then, just as sudden and unexpected as an avalanche, the gravity of the situation hits me, knocking all the air out of my lungs. Shame and guilt burns through me. I am an asshole. Worse than an asshole.

I kicked her out. Without even a fucking coat. Without boots that fit. Did she even have socks on?! I doubt it. But that didn't stop me, did it? I just shoved a pile of money in her face like some heartless creep. Humans are more vulnerable to harsh temperatures than demons—I should know, I'm a fucking doctor who used to treat humans every night—and she could have gotten frostbite because of my negligence. Or worse.

I was so fixated on not letting anyone betray me like Sasha and my parents did, I turned around and did the one thing I promised not to do to Holly—I hurt her. I slam my fist against the rocky edge, making some pebbles on the ground shudder, as pain bolts up my arm.

"Fuck!"I dip my head down so it's inches above the water. My vision becomes clouded by the steam rolling off the water. I force myself to take a breath. And another. The water around me starts to boil as my hands underneath the surface start to glow. They're underneath in the water, so I won't be able to produce fire if I keep them there, but still, the pull to just let go and give in is seductive.

I grit my teeth until my jaw starts to ache. No. I will not give in. I am in control of my actions.

I wait and breathe and wait some more until the urgent feeling passes. I slump against the rocky edge, letting out a heavy, relieved sigh.

I need to make things right with Holly, but how?

Find her and shove more money into her arms? I try to ignore the sarcastic voice in my head, but I wince. I sound just like Mom and Dad. They believed there wasn't a problem money couldn't fix. It can be a temporary alleviation, sure, but it's never a permanent solution. I look up at her clothes again. I could return her boots and coat so that she doesn't have to buy new ones. But who knows, she's probably long gone at this point. I don't blame her after how I treated her. If I were her, I'd do anything to get the hell out of Winter Bliss and put this whole terrible experience behind me.

There's nothing I could do at this point to make things right. What I did was unforgivable. But I can at least try to get her belongings returned to her, including the most important thing—her car.

I climb out of the spring and quickly dry off, pulling on my jeans, flannel, and boots. I tuck Holly's coat and boots underneath my arm and swing by the cabin. I pick up my stashed cell phone and take the path towards Frostwing Lookout.

When I arrive, I'm surprised to find I already have a missed call from Carl. Looks like he's back from vacation. I dial his number, and he picks up with a cheery, "Hello, Az!"

My face burns. I don't deserve his kindness right now. "Hi Carl, everything alright?"

"Yup! Just calling to check in on you and see how the visit went with the guest."

So Holly hasn't called him yet to demand a refund? I figured the only reason he was calling was to find out what really happened. He's not going to be so cheery with me once he hears the truth. At least now I can save her the trouble of demanding a refund herself. "Carl, have you looked at your booking page recently?"

I hear him fumble in the background. "No, you know I handed that over to my nephew. I hate dealing with all this internet stuff. It's too confusing. Why? Is something wrong? Give me a moment, I wrote my password in this notebook somewhere . . ." I wait patiently as he searches for his login information and get logged into his computer. "Ah-hah, here we are." There's a long pause, and then under his breath, "That little shit. He just copied and pasted everything from the BZB resort website, including photos, didn't he? I paid him one hundred dollars just to steal from another website. Well, he's going to hear from me—"

"Wait, Carl, before you go, you're going to give Holly a refund, right?"

"Who's Holly?" I'm pretty sure I hear him face-palming on the other end. "Oh right, the guest. Of course! That poor woman. I feel so terrible. After I'm done tearing my nephew a new asshole, I'm sending her a full refund and a very long apology via email."

My shoulders relax. Good. One less thing to worry about.

"Actually, Az, before I go, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about. I've been thinking about it long and hard, and I'm ready to sell you the cabin, if your offer still stands."

I hold the phone away from my face to make sure Carl is still there, and I'm not hearing voices. "Really? What about Tim?"

Carl sighs deeply into the receiver. "That cabin meant the world to Tim and me, and I think the reason I've been hanging onto it for so long is because it's the only place I still feel connected to him. I didn't want to lose the last piece of my husband. But I have to tell you, I had so much fun on vacation. I didn't think I would. I thought I would be miserable doing the things Tim and I always talked about doing but never got the chance to. But you know what? I didn't feel guilty. I felt closer to Tim than I had in the longest time, and it made me realize there are so many other things tying me to him, and he wouldn't want me hanging onto that old cabin just for him. He'd want me to sell it to someone who loves Mount Winter Bliss as much as he did. You're that right person, Az. You love these mountains so much. But I can understand if you're no longer interested. I can hold onto it a little longer until I find the right person."

I can barely speak around the rock in my throat. My eyes burn and it takes me a long moment to find my voice. "I still want it, Carl." I manage to swallow. "Even after the fire, you trust me with your cabin?" I couldn't lie to Carl. He deserved to know what happened to his property. When I told him about the incident, I expected him to kick me out. I wouldn't have blamed him if he did. But as soon as I did, he burst out laughing. It took him a long time before he could catch his breath. When he did, he told me the story of how Tim almost burned down their cabin years ago. He was burning trash in the backyard and laid down in their hammock and accidentally fell asleep. By the time he woke up, their entire backyard and the side of their cabin was on fire.

"Of course I do, son. I'm not one to blow smoke up anyone's ass, you know that. I know the cabin is not in the best shape. We bought her as a fixer-upper and never got around to the fixing part before Tim died. She's been neglected for a long time and needs some serious TLC, and I think you're the person to do that, Az. If you want to tear it down and start over, that's fine. Just promise me you're not going to build a resort there."

"I promise." With the lump still in my throat, we say our goodbyes, Carl promising me he'd have his realtor type up an agreement for me to sign in the next few days. With that item off my list, I dial Chad's number.

"Chad," I say as soon as he answers the phone, "What's the ETA on the road crew clearing the road and excavating Holly's car?"

I hear some papers rustle on his end. "They keep putting it off, holidays and all, but it looks like they'll be here tomorrow morning."

Fucking Chad. He does a good enough job as a park ranger; he just needs to work on growing a backbone. I don't think our campsites would be so littered with trash if he was more stern with the campers. No doubt the road crew has been walking all over him, putting off his request to come clear the roads because they can. I wish he'd grow a pair and tell them to get their asses up here now.

I know Holly's probably long gone at this point, I gave her enough money to buy herself a bus ticket and still have enough money left over to buy her own luxury car, but still, her wallet and driver's license are still down there. It's not like money can help you skip the line at the DMV or save you from the headache of registering a new vehicle. I want to make her life a little less annoying if I can help it.

"Thanks Chad," I say before hanging up. I check my watch, it's 9 PM. If I start digging now, I could probably have the car half-excavated by the time the road crew finally shows up in the morning. So, I tuck my phone back into my pocket, and I head back down towards the path to the cabin to grab my shovel and make myself a fresh pot of coffee. It's going to be a long night.

I can see the rusted top of Holly's blue Honda Civic by the time the road crew arrives in the late morning. I lean against my shovel as the winter service vehicle appears around the corner, plowing a wall of snow in front of the vehicle as tall as me. Since I spent all night doing most of the shoveling, it doesn't take us very long to pull the car out of the embankment. But that's the least of my worries right now.

"You might want to call someone to have it towed, because I doubt it'll run," one of the crew members tells me as he unhooks the chains from the Honda's bumper. Shit. I was so focused on digging out her car, I hadn't even thought of the possibility it might not work. I guess I could take all of Holly's valuables and overnight ship them to her address, but I was really hoping to drive her car to her in Boise. One less thing for her to stress about.

I fidget with my hands. I have heard of demons unthawing their vehicles using fire, but I don't know if I feel comfortable.

What if I lose control again?

"You need the number for a tow truck?" one of the workers asks me. "I doubt anyone will answer until after the festivities. But you can always leave them a message."

I grit my teeth. No. That's not good enough. I need to try for Holly.

"Let me try something," I say, rounding the car. "Can you pop the hood for me?"

The crew member opens the driver's door and the hood pops open. I rub my hands together. I'm exhausted, but I try to concentrate my fire as best I can. Mother Darkness, please help me to fix this. Or at least please help me not to destroy Holly's car, I quickly add to the prayer I send to the goddess below. I hold my palms over the engine as a wave of warmth shoots out of my fingertips trying to thaw the engine block. I hold my hands there for a moment and then quickly pull back before I accidentally start her car on fire. I glance up towards the road crew member. "Okay. I think the keys are still in the ignition. Can you try starting it for me?"

He turns on the ignition, and I hold my breath. The car is quiet. Please work. Then it starts, and stops, until finally it revs to life. I exhale a breath of relief and thank the crew members for their help. "I'll take over from here."

"You got it. Have an unholy Advent and a Happy New Year's Eve!" one of them says before climbing back in their giant truck.

Oh crap. I forgot what day it was. While the rest of the world celebrated the new year, demonkind celebrated our most important holiday of the year—The Advent of the Honest. Though I try to avoid the overcrowded festivities, like the Truthfire Festival in Winter Bliss, Advent of the Honest holds a special place in my heart.It's been a long time since I've celebrated The Advent with other demons. And honestly, I miss it. Growing up, it was the only time of year my parents didn't feel the need to talk endlessly to me about my report cards, if I aced that science test, or if I signed up for that after school accounting class because it'll look good on my college application. It was the only day of the year the pressures of life didn't exist. Where we could just have fun and be a family. I was even planning to hold my own private Silent Hour dinner celebration in honor of the holiday this year. It's one full hour of drinking, eating, and no talking.

That's every mealtime for me, but it's the thought that counts.

No demon can lie during the sacred Advent of the Honest, hence the face-stuffing. It's hard to lie when your mouth is full of food. But more than that, it's an hour of self-reflection. The time where you're supposed to be truly, painfully honest with yourself. A time to purge all your bad habits, all the baggage weighing you down, and cleanse yourself with Dark Mother's cleansing embers.

I have to fold myself in half to fit into Holly's driver's seat. My knees almost touch my chest, and I have to lean forward so my horns don't pierce the roof. I sit there for a few minutes, thinking.

As if touched by the Dark Goddess herself, my mind feels clear for the first time since Holly left. I know what I need to do. I had a half-assed plan before—dig up Holly's car, find her address in her wallet, and drop off her car to her in Boise, preferably without her catching me. I am no doubt the last person she wants to see right now.

My path forward is clear. I climb out of the car and grab my shovel, throwing it in the back of Holly's trunk. I'm gonna need that. But before I leave town, I need to make a quick stop at the Truthfire Festival and do some purging of my own.