Chapter Thirteen

"Um, are you able to climb up?"

It's hard to hear the park ranger over the buzzing in my ears. I can see him standing in my peripheral, fidgeting. I ignore him as I stare at the cabin. The front door is closed, Az didn't even bother hanging around long enough to see me climb into the rescue vehicle, and yet I wait . . . for what, exactly? For him to jump out and yell, Surprise! This was just a prank. Sorry, now I realize it wasn't very good. Guess I have been alone on this mountain too long. I've forgotten what's a socially acceptable prank and what's not.

The park ranger sighs. "Sorry, I'm just going to—" And next thing I know, he's hoisting me up by the waist to the arms of the other park ranger standing on the knee-high (or waist-high since I'm a shortie) wheel of the snowcat. Heat creeps up my neck. My cheeks are wet with tears. I'm being manhandled by a man in uniforms. And I should be freezing, but I'm so numb, I don't feel attached to my own body.

It feels too similar to that day security dragged me away right in front Melinda. I thought that was the most embarrassing day of my life, but this? It definitely takes the cake.

I should be grateful Az didn't stick around long enough to see my shame.

"Thank you," I finally manage as the park ranger guides me to my seat. My knees feel so unsteady, I probably would have slipped off the wheel and landed butt first into the snow if the ranger wasn't there to help me. And I would have broken my tailbone in the process, knowing my track record.

"Are you going to be warm enough?" the park ranger asks, giving me a pointed look.

Huh? It takes me an embarrassingly long minute to realize what he's looking at—my clothes, or lack thereof. Or maybe it's the stack of cash bulging from my chest? I guess both are interesting enough to stare at.

Him and the other ranger are so layered up, they both look like the little brother from "A Christmas Story." As they should be, we're in Idaho, on a mountain, in the dead of winter. Canada is literally just a hop, skip, and a jump away.

I curl my toes in my oversized boots that I stole from Az, just to check I haven't lost all sensation down there yet. I'm not even wearing socks. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Because we have time so you can go back and ask Azgoran—"

I pull the flannel tighter around my chest. "I said I'm fine," I snap. I'm sure my face is covered in frozen tears and snot-icicles, but I would rather risk losing a limb to frostbite than face Az right now. I force a smile. "How can I be cold? When I have all this money to keep me warm." I motion to my money-filled cleavage.

The park ranger averts his gaze "Okay." He doesn't sound the slightest convinced, but he closes the cab door and heads to the front where his partner is already waiting.

The snowcat rumbles awake, and I huddle against the door. I absently finger a small hole in the corner of the flannel as the vehicle jostles me in my seat. When I look down to examine the hole, I realize it's a scorch mark. It's big enough that I can fit three fingers through it. I wonder how the shirt was burnt. Was this the flannel Az was wearing when he started that forest fire?

Without meaning to, I take a deep breath through my nose and catch a whiff of the flannel. It smells like a dusty attic, campfire, and honestly, it just smells like him. I don't even have time to catch my breath before I start crying again. Loud, ugly, shoulder-heaving sobs. I don't even have a tissue to wipe my face. All I have is this stupid flannel. I'm just grateful the rangers can't hear me over the engine.

We stop to pick up a demon. He seats himself by the other door, putting as much space between us as possible in the small cab. I don't blame him. Most people are put off by strangers openly crying on public transportation.

We pick up a redheaded human next. She squeezes in right between us. I guess I was cold because when our bodies accidentally touch, I practically melt at how warm she is.

"Hi, I'm Holly," I say to her between sniffles. I know she probably doesn't want to be talking to the strange crying woman, but I'm stealing her body heat. It would be rude not to say hello.

"Noelle." She turns her head to me and smiles. As her warm brown eyes crinkle, I can see they're glassy from holding back tears. Her wet eyes make my eyes even wetter.

I reach out to squeeze her hand, to let her know it's going to be okay, but stop myself when I remember my fingers are basically popsicles at this point.

"Where are you from, Noelle?"

"I'm a local. What about you?"

I sigh internally, remembering Az's hatred for out-of-towners. Hopefully, Noelle won't kick me out of the cab when I grumble out, "Boise."

She nods happily. "Oh, I've visited there before! I love their breweries. Pixie Dust brewery was my favorite."

I let out a surprised, wet laugh. "That's my favorite place too! I love their glitter pumpkin IPA. Were you also renting a cabin for the holidays?"

Noelle shakes her head and her lower lip trembles. Damn my finger-sicles. I reach out and grab her hand, squeezing. She makes a surprised sound from the cold but doesn't pull away. I squeeze tighter because oh my gods, she's sooooo warm.

We sit in silence, but that turns out to be a bad thing for me because even in the cramped cab, everything is reminding me of Az. The demon sitting on the other side of Noelle, staring glumly out the window, has red skin and dark horns just like Az. Even Noelle's curly red hair reminds me of him! A tiny sob breaks loose.

"Sorr—" My apology is cut off as Noelle wraps her arm around my shoulder, pulling me in for a quick hug. I catch the demon rolling his dark eyes at us.

I cover my face with my sleeve as I cry harder. "I'm sorry. I promise I'm not this unhinged." I pause. "On second thought, I am this unhinged. I sob every year I play Romeo and Juliet for my students even though I've seen it a thousand times and even though their death is a cautionary tale no one should get married without a fully developed prefrontal cortex, it still makes me sad and weepy. But I try not to cry around strangers if I can help it. I'm just having a really bad holiday." Noelle is rubbing my back as I ramble, and when I glance at her, she gives me a look that says, "Tell me everything, hunny." So I take a deep shuddering breath, and I tell her everything. How I was scammed by my rental booking, and how the worst trip of my life turned out to be the best, and then the worst again. Most importantly, I tell her about Az and how much he hurt me. I feel pathetic for bawling over a guy I spent less than a week with, but Noelle doesn't give me any indication she's judging me. She seems to understand and nods quietly as I pour my heart out to her.

"I just wish I knew what happened. If I did something or said something that offended him." Or maybe he really did get sick of me, just like everyone else does. The only difference is he figured it out faster than—

I push the thought away. I need to be kinder to myself. Az obviously has his own issues he's struggling with.

"Maybe I could bring him a copy of ‘Maybe You Should Talk to Someone' when the snow clears up?" Noelle offers softly. "I'm the local librarian, and I offer delivery services."

I smile weakly at her. I feel lighter, and I'm no longer sobbing so that's a plus, but there's still a deep ache in my chest. "Yes! Or maybe ‘How to Make (And Keep) Friends'?"

Noelle's face brightens as she nods.

I sigh, as much as I want to believe books have the power to fix my relationship with Az, I have a feeling his issues are a little bit more complex than that.

"So a librarian that delivers? That's unusual."

"Well, I'm doing it as a way to raise money for the library. I take donations for book recommendations and deliveries, but I've also got a big raffle prize I'm giving away at the Winter Bliss Festival on New Year's Eve." She digs into her coat pocket and retrieves a flier. Oh! I think this was the same one that Az's neighbor—what was his name again? Dom?—was telling me about when we bumped into each other yesterday.

"Oh, that sounds wonderful. I'll buy a ticket!" As I pull out some cash from my shirt, a stack slips out and lands on the floor. "Oops!" As I bend over to pick it up, the demon grumbles under his breath, shaking his head at my clumsiness.

"Oh, that's so much money. I couldn't possibly take this much—" Noelle tries to push away the stack I'm trying to give her. Maybe I should shove it in her shirt like Az did to me.

"Please. Take it. As an English teacher who loves reading with a burning passion, it is my legal obligation to help your library. I'm sure they would take away my degree or something if I could help but didn't." I place my hand on my chest. "But seriously. Take it."

Noelle finally accepts it with a grateful smile. Since the demon keeps eyeing us, I lean over Noelle's lap and hand him the flier. I have a feeling he's jealous of our new friendship but is too proud to introduce himself. "Would you like to support the library too? She's raffling off a big prize."

Despite his stand-offish attitude, he perks up when Noelle mentions the giveaway will happen at the Truthfire Festival and promises to buy a bunch of tickets to the raffle as well.

Surprisingly, our new trio sticks together even after we reach town. Which I'm grateful for. The money Az threw at me is nice and all, but I don't have a phone, or a car, or even a bus schedule! What am I supposed to do, book a hotel (though I still doubt there are any vacancies), and wait for someone to dig my car out of the mountain and somehow miraculously find me to let me know?! I feel less panicky hanging out with Noelle and Sam. He introduced himself as Samite but when I accidentally called him Sam, he looked so revolted that Noelle and I burst into laughter at the same time. I decided to keep calling him the wrong name because right now, I need the comic relief.

We spend the rest of the day running errands using Noelle's car. Sam lost his phone too apparently, and when we stop at the phone store, I consider buying a temporary one as well. It's tempting, but at the last second, I decide against it. I'm sure I'm going to regret this decision later, but it's nice being disconnected from the real world. It's been a nice break. I don't have to stress about whether or not Melinda is trying to call me if I don't have a phone.

Along with crashing on her couch, Noelle agrees to let me use her laptop to rent a car when we make it back to her place. I don't know how long it's going to take them to excavate my car, and although I'm more likely to run into the Abominable Snowman than Az in town, I still don't want to take any chances. I feel weird sticking around here.

"You could stay and help me with the fundraiser," Noelle says from the front seat of the car. She's trying to convince me to stay and honestly, the peer pressure is starting to work. Helping someone else would be the perfect distraction I need.

"Oh! What did you get me?" I say as Sam opens the passenger door and climbs in next to Noelle. He jerks the plastic bag away from me and growls. He's actually really sweet, despite how much he tries to hide it. When we arrived in town, he demanded a bag from one of the rangers to stuff my money in so it would stop falling out of my shirt.

I want to say I don't believe in the saying, "Everything happens for a reason," but who am I kidding? Of course I do! Destiny. Fate. Whatever you want to call it; I believe in it. And after getting to know Noelle and Samite, it seems like the stars have aligned to bring us together for a reason. We're all dealing with our own broken hearts, and I'm grateful these two are here to help soften my fall.

After dinner at Noelle's apartment above the library, we drop Sam at the resort. I make sure to purposely call him "Sam" again before he steps out of the car, and the deadly look he gives me makes Noelle and I snort. So worth it.

Noelle sets up a makeshift bed for me on the couch at her place, asking me one last time, "Are you sure you don't want to stay? With the big New Year's holiday coming up, I know buses won't be running on a regular schedule until next week. Maybe they'll excavate your car, and you won't have to waste your money on a rental. The rangers said they could have the road clear any day now."

I think over her question, touching the small scorch mark in the flannel. I want to stay. There's nothing waiting for me in Boise besides an empty apartment. I don't have anyone to spend the New Year with. "I don't want to be a nuisance," I say quietly. I don't want you to get sick of me like Az did.

"Never." She smiles warmly. "If you stayed, you'd be the opposite of a nuisance. I could use some help with the fundraiser if you're up for it." I know she's only saying that because she can see how much I really want to stay. I don't want to be alone; I'm not meant to be by myself. I've never been good at hiding my emotions. I blame my big, expressive eyes.

So, I agree. "Sure. I"d love to help." How can I say no to her?

The holidays aren't over yet, and I'm going to spend the rest of my trip how I want. This is my vacation, and I refuse to spend it alone.