Ryder

Chapter 50

I'm pacing the kitchen, scrubbing my hands together, when Dad strolls in. "What the hell's wrong with you?"

"Nothing!" I snap, then sigh. "I'm waiting for Jay to pick me up."

"I thought that was at seven?"

"It is!"

"Ryder, it's 5:30, mate. Come sit down. You'll wear a hole in the carpet." I plonk my arse in the chair. "What's going on?"

"I'm second-guessing everything. He's not gay; he's never thought he was gay, and I don't know if he's doing this for me."

"Ryder, that man would do anything for you. He loves you just as much as you love him. You'll figure it out. Whatever that looks like for you both."

"What if I've ruined it all, though?"

"Ryder, you've been in love with him since he was a boy. Have your feelings gone, lessened in any way?"

My eyes shoot to his, and he smiles. "Son, it's been obvious for years, and he loves you just as much, so even if it doesn't go anywhere, it won't go away. You've just got to be honest."

I nod and let out a shaky breath.

"It's cute you're nervous, though." He winks at me, and I laugh.

"Fucker." Mum walks in as I say it, and I get a clip around the ear.

"Oww."

"You look nice." She winks at me, and I smile.

We pull up at a nice restaurant, and I flick my gaze to his. We've barely spoken, it's been awkward as fuck since he picked me up. I bolted out of the house so he didn't come to the door. We're outside a fancy restaurant, and both in smart jeans and t-shirts, but not this smart. Well, Jay doesn't look smart. He looks fucking hot, and I've tried not to look at him so I don't have a raging boner and kill the mood, but then I realise the mood is fucking awkward, so maybe it could do with being killed the fuck off.

"Jay? Is this where we"re going?"

He looks at me and screws his face up. "God, no! We're going to the Chinese round the corner, but you can never get parked around there."

I sigh. Thank fuck for that. I take a deep breath and climb out of the car. I meet Jay on the path, and he stops in front of me. "You okay?"

"Nervous."

He reaches up and touches the side of my face, making my eyes close. "Me too." He kisses me, and my eyes fly to his.

"Second thoughts?" he asks, and I nod.

"And third, fourth and fifth ones."

We both laugh, and he reaches down and takes my hand. "One day at a time, okay."

I blow out a breath and take his hand in mine. "One day at a time." I nod and smile back.

Once we're seated inside and we've ordered, the awkwardness seems to dissipate, and I look at him while he animatedly tells me about a client he had at work today, and I'm mesmerised by every single feature.

"Hey."

I scan my eyes quickly to his.

"What's wrong?"

"Just thinking… how handsome you are and how lucky I am to have you, and if you don't want this"—I gesture between us— "then I don't want to lose you. I can go back. I will go back, just… don't leave me, okay?"

"Hey, one day at a time, no pressure, but we need to be really honest and see if it can actually be something. I'm fucking shitting myself, if I'm honest. I'm not gay. I don't think I'm gay. I'm definitely not straight anymore after that kiss and stuff last night, so just be patient, okay? You caught me off guard."

I nod, and he reaches for my hand across the table.

"We got this, okay? Whatever this is."

"When did you become the grown-up?"

"Since you clearly became the fucking girl in this relationship."

I bark out a laugh, and that breaks all the tension for now, but I look across at my best friend, who's been by my side through everything, and I know I'm right where I'm supposed to be.