19. Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

Lachlan

I watched Quinn lean down to scan his eyes over my vast CD collection. I realized I was unconsciously holding my breath, and I let it out.

Finn had sent me a text telling me he was going to be later than he'd estimated. The snow was coming down harder, and the roads were a slick mess. He'd gone to his clinic to grab a pregnancy test to bring over. I felt like we could have gotten one at the drugstore, but when your brother is a doctor and an OB/GYN, you just let him do his thing.

I didn't want to take the time to try to find any place that was open this late on Christmas Eve, and I didn't want to wait.

I was glad for the extra time the winter storm was causing. It gave me a chance to get a grip on my thoughts. Could I have gotten Quinn pregnant? He hadn't had a heat in the few short weeks we'd been together. With him on birth control, he wouldn't have a heat except about once a year. We hadn't even had a chance to talk about when his heat would hit, but I knew he hadn't had one in the short time we'd been together.

I had knotted him, more than once, and the first time the condom had broken. After that, we hadn't bothered using one. I'd assumed his birth control would take care of any issues that might arise from that. He'd thought the same thing. I was waffling between being absolutely over the moon excited, to freaking out, to heart broken.

Quinn had made it clear how he felt about having kids. I had to respect his wishes, even if it wasn't what I wanted. It was his body. He was the one who ultimately had to carry the pup, and give birth. If I could do it for him, I would in a heartbeat. I was terrified of what this test was going to say, and I kept cautioning myself not to get too attached to anything. We didn't even know if he was pregnant.

The results of this test could change everything for us.

His scent had changed. I'd first noticed it when he'd had the flu, but I hadn't given it a second thought. I wasn't lying when I'd told my mom I'd just assumed it was our scents mixing. That happened when people mated. Even though we hadn't taken the final step yet and claimed each other. I assumed the mingling of our scents was because we were fated mates. I was done tiptoeing around the possibility. I knew it in my heart, and my soul, and every cell of my body, that we were fated.

Add the scent change in with all his other symptoms….and two plus two was equaling a strong possibility of him being pregnant.

I'd hardly given him a chance to see my house before I was ushering him into my library slash family room. It was my favorite room in my house; warm and inviting, with a fireplace, and all my favorite things in it. It was where I could relax and be me. Just Lachlan. Not the oldest brother. Not the head of the family. Not the CEO. Not anything that people expected of me, just me. It was where I could relax, put my feet up, and breathe. I needed to relax now, because my omega was anything but relaxed. I could feel his stress level peaking with every second that passed, while we waited for Finn .

I tried to see this room through his eyes. What did he see? Did he even like what he saw? Other than our one official date, with his work schedule, we hadn't been out again. I'd never brought him here. We'd spent all our limited free time at his house.

I watched him, still bent over looking at my music collection. I'd brought him in here to divert his mind as much as possible, until Finn showed up and reality crashed back into us. It seemed to be working. His shoulders were looser, and he seemed less likely to bolt out the door, and I could feel the tension easing from him.

My tastes in music were wide and eclectic. I loved music, always had, and it showed in my CD collection that took up two whole bookcases in the room. I'd recently started collecting vinyl, having treated myself to a record player. I loved the sound of vinyl, and had come across a secondhand music store that had original, used vinyl albums. Yeah, I'd probably paid more for a couple of the albums than was sane, but I regretted nothing.

Quinn side-eyed me. "You have a surprising, and alarming, amount of eighties hair bands."

"What's an ‘alarming' amount?" I asked, my eyes wide. Most people would be surprised that I had any in my collection. It somehow didn't fit into my three piece, buttoned up, number loving persona.

"Any," he answered, straightening up to his full height. He perused the shelf above, and by the wrinkle of his nose, I knew he found it lacking.

I was horrified by his response, and didn't try to hide it. "Don't knock the hair bands."

I tried to sound menacing, but I found it fun to spar with him, and it was taking our minds off of things we didn't want to talk about. Yes, we were clearly ignoring the big blue elephant in the room, but it was also a good way to find out the little things about each other .

It was a fair assumption that my mate had no taste in music, but I could live with that. I was sure I could bring him over to the dark side. I watched as he ran his fingers over several CD cases, and I saw his mouth moving silently. Brow knitted, I realized he was counting.

He shot me another side-eyed look. "Also, an alarming amount of The Doors CD's."

Pointing a finger at him, I growled a little. "Don't."

He opened his mouth, and I cut him off, before whatever nonsense he was about to spew could enter the atmosphere. "The Lizard King was a god. I won't hear a word against him."

He clamped his mouth shut with a snap. I could see a smile threatening, as he moved onto my DVD collection. I didn't even want to hear his opinions on my movies, as they were as varied as my music tastes.

He stopped, and shuddered. " ‘Top Gun' ? Seriously?"

I raised a brow at him, then waved my hands in the universal ‘bring it on' sign. "Let's hear it."

He sighed, and all the disappointment he felt for me was in that small sound. "It's like one of the worst movies. Ever."

I shuddered, an actual shudder ran through my body, at his review.

"Stop." I couldn't listen to this.

"It has like fifty inaccurate things in it," he pointed out.

"I don't care. No one cares about that. We are too busy basking in the hotness of Maverick and Goose. And Ice." Goddess, Val Kilmer, back in the day was hot . And he'd played Jim Morrison in a movie. Extra hotness points for that.

"The military probably cares." He snickered. "Anyone in the military probably cares. People with common sense probably care."

I once again shook my head at Fate, and wondered if she was drunk when she'd decided we were mates. I liked Quinn, a lot, probably more than that if I was being honest, but…how could he not love Top Gun ? I couldn't even right now. I decided to change the subject, to something safer.

"Aren't you hungry?" I waved my hands at him. "You really didn't eat anything." He'd barely eaten a few bites, before tossing it up in mom's kitchen sink. "Shouldn't you be eating, and not doing whatever it is you're doing."

"Mocking your tastes in movies and music?" he deadpanned.

"Yes, that," I say, trying to be just as serious, and failing. "I can't even look at you right now. This should be a question on those dating apps. What are your feelings on eighties hair bands, and ‘ Top Gun '? I didn't realize this was a deal breaker, but it might be."

He rubbed a hand over his stomach, and I wonder if it's an unconscious gesture, or he's feeling queasy or just nervous. "Don't forget to add Morrison, the God," he air quotes, "into your logical reasoning for a mate. Besides, if you've knocked me up, all bets are off. You're stuck with me now."

I couldn't help it, and I broke into peals of laughter, and he follows. I pushed my wolf's little zing of excitement down. Did he mean if he was pregnant, we would have a pup? He'd carry the baby? I chose not to ask, and focused on the teasing happening between us. I couldn't remember ever laughing with anyone as much as I did when I'm with him. Or sparring with someone, and putting up with a sassy mouth, like I did his.

I didn't mind it from him, I really didn't. I thought, maybe I'm even coming to love it a tiny bit.

Maybe I loved him a tiny bit. The thought startled me, as it hits me out of nowhere, and shakes me to my core. I can't take the time to analyze it, with the other big thing hanging over our heads. The thing we are doing our best to not talk about. It's almost like we think if we say it out loud, put the words out in the universe, they will be true .

Anything he or I might say is put on pause by the sound of my brother's footsteps coming down the carpeted hallway. His large frame enters my library, and both Quinn and I face him, our precious light-hearted mood forgotten. Tension instantly radiates from both of us.

"Sorry, I let myself in." Finn is holding his black doctor's bag. He sits it on the sofa, opens it and pulls out a box. It's exactly like ones I've seen at the pharmacy. I don't know why I assumed doctors would have some fancy, special pregnancy test.

He holds it out to Quinn, who looks at it like there is a live snake in my brother's hand. He makes no move to take the box from him. I take it, opening it up.

"How does this work?" I'm busy pulling out the contents, and end up with a white plastic thing that looks like a magic marker with a plastic window in it.

"It's very complicated." Finn's voice is dead serious, and I glance at him. "Quinn pees on this end." He pops off the top, exposing an absorbent end. "Five minutes later, this nifty window is going to say ‘pregnant' or ‘not pregnant'."

I glared at him. "That's it?" I don't know what I was expecting, but my mind had it built up in my head.

Finn rolled his eyes at me. "It's a pregnancy test, not rocket science. It's pretty hard to fuck up."

Quinn still made no move to take the test from me. His eyes were wide, and his breathing had picked up again. Reality had just come crashing back down on us. I rubbed his arm with my free hand, calming him. His wide eyes met mine, and slowly I felt a calmness come over him.

"All kidding aside, these are better to do first thing in the morning," Finn warned .

"I can't wait until morning," Quinn muttered, taking the test from me, and staring at it.

Finn nodded. "Yeah, I figured no one would get any sleep tonight if you waited. If it's negative, we can do a blood test to verify what mom thinks she smells, but let's start here first."

"What…" Quinn took a halting breath. "What should I do with it…after?"

Finn gave him a kind smile, and I glimpsed the doctor in him. He may be an uptight, frowning faced grump most of the time, but he seemed to have a softer side when it came to dealing with patients. Probably why he was one of the most popular omega baby doctors around.

"Just put the cap back on it, and lay it flat on the sink. I'll take it from there. It will take a few minutes, so you won't see anything when you're finished."

Quinn took another deep breath, his green eyes locked with mine. He let his air in his lungs out in a rush. "I guess I'll be back in a minute. Uh, where's the bathroom."

I showed him to the half bath off the hall and left him to it. I paced back and forth in front of the closed doorway, listening to the toilet flush and the water running, while he washed his hands. I could have gone back to the library and waited, but I felt like I needed to be here. I was as anxious as he was.

The door opened, and I could tell he was startled to see me waiting outside the closed door. He turned the light off in the small bath, and then leaned against the wall, opposite of me. We both had so much to say, but neither of us could seem to find the words.

I needed to know, though. What was he thinking? If I needed to prepare myself for heartbreak .

"What…" I started, and his eyes locked on my face. "If it's positive, what do you want to do?"

He bit at his lower lip again, and this time I let him chew on it. I felt like chewing on mine too. He shook his head. "I don't want children."

There it was, then. Okay. It wasn't like I hadn't expected his answer. I'd heard him that day in my office, I had. I'd be lying if a part of me hadn't secretly thought, if we worked out somehow, that he would change his mind. Somewhere, down the road. Years down the road.

But Fate, damn her, had stepped in again, and thrown another curveball our way.

"I know." I was shocked at my calm, steady voice, because it wasn't how I was really feeling. I knew with everything in me, it was what Quinn needed from me now, though.

"This," he waved a hand at the space between our two bodies. "It's been a lot to deal with."

"It has." Words quietly spoken.

"You…this…" He was searching for the words. "You make me feel things I've never felt. You make me feel vulnerable, and it overwhelms me. I'm not used to it, and it scares me."

I knew those words were hard for him to say, and to admit. He didn't like feeling weak. Not in control. My feelings for him were so much more intense than I'd ever felt with anyone, too. I didn't think I'd be able to put words to all the emotions I was feeling, had someone asked me to.

"Everything seems to be moving at lightning speed with us." He chewed on his thumbnail, a habit he did when he was feeling anxious and unsure. "I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, holding on for dear life, and I can't catch my breath." His eyes glinted in the light of the hallway, glassy green. He swiped at them. "God damn, this fucking crying! I'm over this bullshit! "

I waffled between scooping him up in my arms and cuddling him, and grinning at his flare of temper. His moods had been all over the place since we'd met, with a large number of tears. I was sure he wasn't someone who normally cried at the drop of a hat. Or, at all.

Honestly, his moods had started to worry me. But now, if he was pregnant, it was like a lightbulb went off. All his crazy mood swings made perfect sense.

Finn took that moment to poke his head out of the library. "I'm just going to squeeze past you guys, and take a look at the test."

When Finn moved into the bathroom, flipping the light on, I did what I wanted to do a few minutes ago. I scooped Quinn up in my arms, and stroked his back, his hair, nuzzled my lips into his tangled curls. I breathed in his scent, and let my alpha pheromones wash over him. Soothe him. Calm him. "No matter what, it's going to be okay."

He sniffed into my shoulder. "How is anything going to be okay ?"

I pulled back, tipping his chin up with my finger, and looked deep into his eyes. "It's going to be okay," I repeated. He needed to hear what I was saying. Really hear the words.

"I don't want kids, Lachlan!" he wailed. "I have a bakery to run! I don't even like kids! I mean, I like them, but I like the ones I can give back to their parents. Who do I give them to if I'm the parent? I can't. I'm sorry. Even if I am, I…you're going to end up hating me, resenting me, and I can't."

"Quinn, whatever you decide, it's your choice. It's your body." He wasn't making a lot of sense right now, but I understood what he was trying to say, what he was thinking.

"You don't mean that!" He paced the hallway in agitation. "I'm not who you wanted! You want an omega who is going to stay home, and clean your house. Cook you dinner and have it on the table when you walk in the door. You want kids and I don't, and…I can't take seeing that look in your eyes. The one that says I took all your dreams away from you. We should just end this now, before…." His hands fluttered in agitation. "I can't."

I grabbed his hands tightly, stilling his jerky movements. "Hey! Listen to me." I put my face close to his, forehead to forehead. His eyes were big. Filled with sorrow, tears, and something else I couldn't identify. "I meant what I said. I won't resent you, and I won't hate you." I really hoped I'd be able to back those words up if it came down to it. "This is your decision. Your body. I don't know what it is you think you can't do, but I'm going to make this easy for you and spell it out. I'm not walking away, no matter what that test says. No matter what you decide. I want you. I need you. You make me crazy, in the best possible way. You are running scared right now, and that's okay, but know this," I breathed onto his skin.

I stepped back, giving him space, and making sure he could see my face. "You can run all you want, as far away as you can get, and I will chase you. I will chase you every time. You're all I think about. You're everything to me. I know it's been a quick, crazy few weeks, and you don't know which way is up, but I don't care. When I say it's going to be okay, I mean it."

I knew Finn was hanging back in the bathroom, giving us the time and space that we needed. It didn't take that long for him to read a word on a plastic stick.

"Finn," I called, and he appeared in the doorway. I put my arm around Quinn's shoulders, pulling him close to me. "What's the verdict?"

Finn smiled gently at Quinn. I had no doubt he'd heard every single word we'd said. With our wolf hearing, it was virtually impossible for him to have not. We hadn't been quiet, and the door had been wide open.

"It's positive."

The words hung in the air, neither of us speaking. My wolf howled in glee, and I shut him down. I didn't want to think about anything that might come after this, not yet. I wanted this tiny second, minute, of feeling nothing but complete joy at hearing those words.

I felt Quinn tremble, and wanting to lighten the mood, I said, "Thank fuck. I was beginning to think you were bi-polar. Turns out, you were just pregnant."

Quinn, being Quinn – my Quinn – flipped me two birds, one for each hand. "Oh fuck right off. Haven't you heard omegas are emotional creatures?"

"Not my Sass Ass. He's tough as steel." I grinned at him.

He grinned back, for a very small second, then his face fell. Turning to Finn, he asked, "When can I terminate?"

And just like that, there it was. My heart sank, but I wasn't about to let Quinn see my reaction to his question. Not after what I'd just said to him. I did believe it was an omega's choice. It was their body, their decision. The words were easier to back up when it wasn't my omega, my pup. Did that make me a hypocrite? Probably. Was I going to force the issue? Absolutely not. That wasn't what Quinn needed right now.

I watched Finn's face closely. Whatever I thought I might see there – shock, anger, astonishment – it was missing. All I saw was compassion and kindness, and not for the first time, I wondered if I knew any of my brothers as well as I imagined I did.

"First things first, we need to verify the pregnancy, and how far along you are," Finn said, motioning for us to move back to the comfort of my library. "Tests can give false positives."

"About four weeks," Quinn and I answered together, moving to the sofa in the library. Quinn sat forward, elbows on his knees, muscles tightly coiled. I rubbed a hand down his back, soothing, and because I needed to touch him .

Finn quirked a brow at us. "That was specific. Either you've only had sex once, or something happened four weeks ago."

"About four weeks," I reiterated. "Give or take."

"I've never had my birth control fail." Quinn breathed out. "Never."

Finn sat down on my coffee table, in front of my mate. "These things do happen, for various reasons. Were you in heat?"

Quinn shook his head. "No, my heat isn't due for a couple of months."

Finn nodded. "I've heard of…" His eyes shot to me, and I shrugged at him. I wasn't sure what he was asking me. "I'm sorry, Lachlan shared that he might have met his fated mate. I assume that he was speaking of you?"

Quinn nodded, his fingers digging into his thighs so hard, I was afraid he was going to leave bruises. I took one of his hands in mine, and squeezed it tightly, trying to be comforting, or reassuring, I wasn't sure which. I just needed him to know I was there, that I had him. Whatever happened, we were in this together.

"I've heard of cases of fated mates that have heats triggered at their first meeting. Sometimes it's been described as a mini-heat. Not a full heat, with all the signs, but enough to allow a pregnancy to take hold. Did you experience any symptoms of your heat, even mildly, after meeting Lachlan?"

Quinn rubbed his free hand over his face, thinking back to our first time, in his bakery kitchen. His head swung up, and I could tell he remembered something. "I was hot, sweating. The first time we met, when we were arguing, and then we touched hands. I remember being overly hot and sweating. I thought it was because I'd been in the kitchen. I own The Sweet Spot," he tacked on for Finn's benefit.

"I love that place!" Finn gushed, a goofy grin on his face. "Your muffins make me happy. "

I shot my brother an annoyed look. "Don't talk about my mate's muffins."

Quinn rolled his eyes at me. "You're a dork."

Instead of answering, I placed a soft kiss on his temple.

"Did anything else happen that was out of the norm for you?" Finn got his mind off Quinn's muffins, and back to the matter at hand.

I felt my cheeks heat up. "I knotted him."

God, this was fucking embarrassing. My brothers and I, well Finn and I, didn't talk about our sex lives, at least not in detail. Or at all. I kept telling myself he was a doctor, but he wasn't Quinn's doctor, and he was my brother. "Our first time…ummm…when we had…"

Finn held up a hand to stop my stammering. "I get it. Not unusual for an alpha."

"It was for me." I kept my eyes focused on Quinn, and our entwined hands. "I've never…ah, I'd never knotted anyone before."

"Ever?" My brother couldn't hide his astonishment, and I felt my face grow fiery with heat.

"I popped his knot cherry," Quinn snarked. Finn started laughing so hard, he ended up wiping at tears in his eyes.

"Kill me now," I muttered.

"I'm sorry," Finn gasped, trying to catch his breath, "But, really, Lach? Never? Damn! That makes me a little sad."

I rubbed at my heated face. "Can we just move on, please? I knotted him, and the condom broke, because I didn't have a knotting one."

"Because you'd never popped your knot?" My brother rubbed it in some more.

"Oh. My. God. Please stop."

Quinn laughed along with Finn. "Popped his knot. I love it. I bet that's what all the cool kids are calling it these days. "

"I hate you both."

Finn finally sobered up, and so did Quinn, yawning into his hand. "Sorry, it's been a long day."

I glanced at my watch and saw it was almost eleven. Quinn had been up for almost twenty-one hours, if he kept to his usual schedule today, which I knew he had. He had to be running on straight adrenaline and nerves. It was almost Christmas day, and we had breakfast at his parents' in a few hours. Oh Goddess, I was going to meet his parents for the first time, knowing Quinn was pregnant. This was going to go well. If my mom had smelled it, I would bet money his mom would be able to also. Or Gigi. That terrified me the most.

"What's our next step here, Finn?" I needed to know, and I wanted to wind this up and get my mate into bed.

Finn stood up. "I can give you the name of my partner, and you can make an appointment with her if you want. Or the names of several other good doctors."

"Why?" Quinn asked. "I mean why those people, why not you?"

Finn eyed me, and then turned to Quinn. "I just thought it might be uncomfortable, since I'm Lachlan's brother."

Quinn shook his head. "Uncomfortable for who? I like you. You have a calmness about you. I want you to stay my doctor. For as long as I need one," he tacked on at the end.

"The first appointment is pretty thorough. I will need to do an internal exam." His eyes shot to me again, and I stunned even myself when I heard the growl coming from the back of my throat, directed towards my brother. "Yeah, that right there, that could be a problem."

"Ignore him. My body, my choice of doctors. I want you."

Finn gave me a questioning look, and I nodded. "Whatever he wants. "

"I mean it, Lach, you'd better keep yourself under control." The warning hung between us.

"I'll be fine." I wasn't at all sure I would be fine. I was trying very hard to not think about where my brother's fingers might end up in my mate. I had enough to deal with at the moment, I didn't need that image stuck in my head too.

"When can we do this?" Quinn picked at an invisible thread on his pants. "Verify how far along I am, and all the rest?"

Finn looked at my mate, then at me. I wasn't sure what my brother saw in my eyes, but whatever it was, he seemed to understand all the things I was feeling.

"Since you are thinking of terminating, and you both seem…anxious, you can come by the clinic tomorrow. Whatever time works best for you. I know it's Christmas, but this way there won't be anybody else there. It will be quiet. We can do some tests, talk over your options, and go from there." I appreciated Finn's wording, and soft voice.

Saying the word in my head made my heart hurt, and set my wolf mournfully howling. Quinn looked at me, silent, everything there in his green eyes. I squeezed his hand. "We have breakfast with your parents. It's up to you. We can wait a day if we need to."

"No, let's do this. The sooner the better. We can make an excuse to slip out for a few hours after breakfast and presents."

"Okay," I whispered, then brought his hand up, and kissed his knuckles. It was all I could manage right now, to keep myself from losing it.

"Text me a time. I'll be home or at mom's." Finn stood and gathered his things. I walked him to the door.

"Thank you," I told him sincerely. "For this and for not saying anything. About any of it. "

"You're my brother." As if that explained it all. "Is he serious about terminating?"

"He doesn't want kids. We haven't really talked about it beyond that. We weren't planning on this."

"You could order him not to, as his alpha and his mate." Finn's reminder of an old, seldom used law, hung in the air. He was right, I could. I wouldn't, though.

"We haven't claimed each other. It's his choice, even if we had."

Finn cocked his head at me, looking me over. "You surprise me. That's very modern of you."

"I'm surprising myself lately."

"I'll see you tomorrow. Try to get some sleep."

"Thanks." I shut the door against the cold, then leaned against it, my head hanging. I just needed a minute. Everything was moving at hyper-speed, and now this. I just wanted to enjoy the thrill of being a dad for a few seconds. Before it got taken away.

I wanted to curse Fate, scream, and yell and throw things. If Fate believed Quinn was my mate, and I did believe he was, why would Fate choose someone so different from myself? Who felt so differently than I did? About something this important?

I didn't understand any of it, and it wasn't fair. Because I was starting to fall for Quinn. He made me feel alive. He made me laugh, he made me think, for just a minute, that I was safe to be me. That he would accept me for the person I knew I was, deep down inside me. A person I'd pushed down and away, until I'd almost lost myself.

He might tease me, and push me, annoy me, and make me nuts, but I enjoyed it.

But to throw a baby at us, when we were still on shaky ground with each other? I still felt like it was one step forward, and three steps back with Quinn. Sometimes it felt like Quinn had one foot in and one foot out, and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I guess it had.

Fate was offering me everything I'd ever wanted. A mate, a pup, and it was all going to get taken away. At least the pup part, if Quinn stuck to his decision. I'd stand by him, I'd be there for him, whatever he needed. What I truly didn't know was if after, when it was all over and said and done, if I'd be able to look at him the same way. Without resentment clouding my judgement. Knowing he'd taken away one of the things I desperately longed for.

I heard his quiet footsteps on the carpet, slow and tired. I straightened up, opening my eyes. He looked exhausted and haunted, and so fucking beautiful it made me ache. He looked how I felt. He swayed a little and I sprang forward, wrapping my arms around his thin frame. He sagged, then seemed to catch himself.

"Sorry, I'm just really tired. Can you take me to my place? I just want my own bed."

"Of course. Let me get your coat." This wasn't at all how I'd planned it in my head, for him to see my home for the first time. He'd seen my foyer, the grand staircase leading to the upstairs rooms, the hallway and library. Really nothing at all. But if he wanted to be home tonight, in his own bed, with his own things around him, I didn't blame him.

The drive took longer than usual with the weather, and I drove slower than I normally would. I had precious cargo in the car, and I wanted them safe. My alpha protective instincts seemed to have tripled with the knowledge of Quinn's pregnancy.

I ushered him straight into his bedroom when we made it safely to his place. I stood in the doorway, as he started undressing, almost on autopilot. Not sure if I should stay or go, or what I should do. We'd left Quinn's car at my mom's since he'd not been in any shape to drive when we'd gone to my house. I didn't like the idea of leaving him alone with no vehicle. But if he wanted me to leave, I would.

Quinn seemed to finally wake enough from his half-asleep state to notice me. He frowned, tossing his shirt in the general direction of the bathroom and the hamper. "What are you waiting on? Come to bed."

"I wasn't sure if you'd want me to stay." I took a step fully into the room, and then another.

He shot me his annoyed look, which I was quickly getting used to seeing, and secretly starting to adore. He was so cute when he was trying to be pissed off. "Don't annoy me. I'm too tired for it tonight. Come to bed."

He slid beneath his blankets, his order issued and expected to be followed. I ducked my head so he wouldn't see my smile. I quickly shed my clothes, slid in next to him, and turned out the light. If I'd thought there would be distance between us tonight, I was wrong. Quinn wrapped himself around me like the octopus he was in bed, his head tucked under my chin.

I stroked his back, and wished we could stay like this forever. I stared up at the ceiling in the darkness, willing my muscles to relax and sleep to come. Knowing it was probably a hopeless dream.

Quinn's unexpected voice in the dark made me jump. I'd thought he'd drifted off to sleep.

"Aren't you going to ask me?"

I closed my eyes, for just a second, then opened them. My fingers never stopped their petting of his lightly muscled back and his silky skin. "Ask you what?"

"If I've made a decision."

"I thought you already had. "

The silence that filled the room was as thick as fog on a dark country road, late at night. I didn't want to pin any amount of hope on his words, but I couldn't help the little flare of joy, deep in my soul, that took hold.

"I…" He seemed unable, or unwilling, to finish his sentence. I was willing to wait him out. I didn't think this was the time that I should push him. "I have. It's what I want."

He didn't sound as sure as he had before, his voice wobbling. Hope flared inside me, but I refused to allow the joy to burn bright in me. Not yet.

Instead, I kissed the top of his curls resting under my chin. "Only you can make the choice. But I want you to know, whatever you decide, I'll be with you. No matter what. We'll get through this."

"Will we?"

I let the whispered words hang in the air, not answering. I just tightened my arms around him, and held him closer.