20. Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

Quinn

I was certain neither Lachlan nor I had slept a wink the night before. I'd stared into space, at the wall, at my fingers. Lachlan had stared up at the ceiling, in between nuzzling his chin into the top of my head and brushing barely-there kisses into my curls. It was something he did often, and I was becoming used to it, and beginning to adore it.

When my alarm had blared through the walls of my bedroom, neither of us had said a word once I'd silenced its annoying sound. We'd gone right back to our staring. Until I'd pestered him to call Finn and beg him to let us come to the clinic, at the butt crack of the sun barely rising.

I'd called my mom, and told her we'd had a last-minute errand this morning. No, it couldn't wait even though it was Christmas, and we'd be there in a few hours. To not wait breakfast on us. Just the thought of putting scrambled eggs or French toast in my mouth made me want to vomit. I may have hinted – flat out lied – that the last-minute errand was for a must have gift for her, that I just knew she would love. Now I had to come up with something , and stop and pick it up. If anything besides a convenience store was even open today .

Lachlan had listened, his eyes growing big as the lies had spilled from my lips, and I'd shrugged my shoulders helplessly. I was just glad my mom had answered my parents' landline, and not my dad. I'd never been able to lie to him. The man could sense a fib from me, before the words even left my mouth. Mom, not so much. Not that I made a habit of lying to my parents, but I had been a normal teen, doing normal teen things, that you just didn't need your parents knowing about.

Which was how I now found myself lying on a cold, padded exam table, shirt pulled up to my neck. Jeans open and folded over to the sides. My flat stomach exposed to the cold gel smeared across it, as Finn ran a hard bulb thingy over my tummy. I winced when he pressed a little too hard. My bladder was so full, I thought there was a high likelihood I might piss myself.

"Sorry," Finn apologized when he pushed harder, in a different spot. "Sometimes you have to press hard to get the right image."

I waved a hand in the air, brushing off his apology. I hadn't spoken since he'd started the ultrasound, my eyes glued firmly to the ceiling tiles directly above me. I didn't want to look at the screen, didn't want to see whatever image might be displayed. I swallowed down the hot bed of emotions clogging my throat, tightening my jaw sharply, teeth grinding together. My muscles were tense, every joint and ligament locked.

Lachlan was on the opposite side of me from where Finn was. I'd lowered my eyes once, to look at him, but his attention had been solidly glued to the black and white monitor. He'd tried to take my hand, when I'd gotten into position on the table, but I'd yanked it away. I'd hated the brief flash of hurt I'd seen in his blue eyes, before I'd looked away. I couldn't have him touch me right now, couldn't have him holding my hand, with his sweet brand of tenderness .

It would break me, shatter me into a million little glass pieces, that I didn't know if I would be able to put back together. I needed the distance to get through this. From him, from the screen, even from myself. I had to turn off all my feelings.

Once it was all over, I'd break down. Silently, alone, in my own space, away from everyone.

It's what I'd always done, and I didn't see a reason to change it. It was how I coped with things. Hard things. Heartache, sadness, grief.

"That bean looking thing is our pup?" Lachlan asked, leaning over me a little, to get a closer look at the black, white, and gray screen, where Finn must have been pointing to something. I kept my eyes glued to the ceiling, wanting to look but forcing myself not to. Counting ceiling tiles.

Finn moved the wand over my stomach, humming softly, clicking dials. "This little flutter right here, that's the heartbeat."

Heartbeat.

In my mind I knew that was probably true. I remembered enough about sex education from high school health class, to understand the gist of things. Being shifters, our gestation periods were shorter than humans. While our animals had much shorter gestation periods, most shifters nowadays carried for about seven months, on average.

Shorter than humans, but much longer than our animal counterparts. I wasn't sure what the period was for a wolf to carry pups, but a full black leopard usually only carried cubs for about three months.

Because of the shorter gestation period from humans, fetuses developed at a faster rate in the womb. Meaning we'd be able to see the heartbeat, or the sex of the pup, before humans.

I wouldn't look. If I looked it would be real. If I looked, I might not be able to go through with the termination. I needed to go through with it .

I wanted to look. For just a second, I wanted a tiny peek, just to have the memory. Even if it would make it a thousand times more painful. I just needed something to hold onto, to remember in the times I would be alone, with just my memories.

Lachlan leaned farther across me, and I batted at his big shoulders. Between him and Finn on either side of me, I felt like I was crowded and suffocating. Like I couldn't get enough oxygen in my lungs, couldn't take a deep breath in.

"You were correct." Finn continued moving the hard wand over my belly. This side than that, turning it every which way, until I wanted to snarl at him. "You're a little over three weeks along."

"Why are there two bean things?" Lachlan's question had my head swinging sharply in his direction.

"What?" My voice rose two octaves. "What do you mean, two bean things!?"

My crazed eyes locked onto Lachlan's equally wide ones. We both turned to Finn, a silent question hanging in the air.

Finn finally took the wand off my belly, clicking on buttons on the keyboard and freezing the screen. He turned to us; with a look I couldn't even begin to decipher on his face.

"Congratulations, it's twins."

Stunned silence filled the room. My brain was buzzing with nothing but white noise. I gulped, made a wheezing, garbled sound. Tried desperately to fill my lungs with air, and make sense of the words.

Lachlan's short burst of gleeful laughter disturbed my freak out. I swung my wild gaze to see him doing some kind of dance , for lack of a better word. His knees were going wonky, arms flailing, butt wiggling, a huge grin on his face .

I pushed myself up on my elbows, scowling at him. "Stop that! What are you even doing? Don't ever do whatever that was again. It's just…no."

He tossed me a besotted look, grinning, and still shaking his ass. Throwing one fist up, he pumped the air in what could only be a sign of victory.

"Are you proud of yourself?" I hissed, teeth clenched. "You are!"

He pounded his chest with his fist. "I did that. Me. I made two babies! Whoop!"

I turned to face Finn, ignoring Lachlan. "When can I terminate?"

Lachlan's crazy movements stopped, his entire body tensing, the joy on his face vanishing, mouth turned down in a frown. Finn looked troubled, his eyes roaming from my face to Lachlan's before a mask of professionalism replaced it.

"You have about another three weeks to make a final decision."

"I've decided." My voice was firm, and I made sure to keep any trace of emotion from it. Instead, I clasped my hands together tightly, fingers digging into my flesh to the point I was sure I was going to leave bruises on my pale skin. I closed my eyes against the burning wetness I felt there, once again locking my jaw tightly.

The room was silent, the only sound my harsh breathing, Lachlan's harsh breathing. The air was thick with tension, all of ours. I was sure Finn was warring between wanting to comfort his brother, and wanting to comfort his patient, while offering the best possible care.

I don't know what passed between the two brothers, probably never would, before Finn quietly murmured, "I'm going to give you guys a few minutes of privacy."

The sound of the door clicking shut made me blink my eyes open. Lachlan grabbed some tissues, and then sat down on the narrow exam bed, hip bumping me. There wasn't any extra room for me to move over for him, so I stayed where I was. He silently, and ever so gently, wiped off the goo on my belly and pulled my shirt down. I would fix my jeans in a minute. I didn't want to admit they'd felt just a bit snug this morning, the snap digging into the tight flesh under my belly button.

"You said it was my choice," I huffed, my eyes locked with his. Daring him to deny his words. His eyes were locked on mine, their blue depths giving nothing away.

He nodded his dark head, tossing the tissues in the trash. "It is."

"Then what was all that?" I indicated his little happy dance.

He shrugged those broad shoulders of his, standing and shoving his hands into the pockets of his tight jeans. Pacing at the end of the exam bed. The movement caused the material to pull tightly across his plump, delectable ass cheeks. Despite everything this morning, all of it, my mouth watered at the sight. I had the crazy urge to bite that lush flesh, sink my teeth into that bubble butt of his, and mark him as mine.

He seemed to be gnawing on something in that brain of his, and I let him. I owed him that much. Even if I was feeling impatient in my own skin. Fighting the urge to get up, and go and run and hide somewhere, alone with all the feelings that were overwhelming me.

He turned to me, finally, and stood at the end of the bed. From my prone position, he towered over me, his body wider than the width of the exam table. He could easily overpower me, but I'd never felt afraid of him. Not once.

Not even at our first meeting, when he'd been all kinds of a jackass. I'd never been afraid he would turn his anger on me. I still wasn't. If Lachlan had proven one thing to me in the few short weeks we'd known each other, it was that he possessed the gentlest of souls.

He was kind, attentive to my needs, gentle, sometimes extra gentle as if making up for his size and strength. He was funny, a little nerdy and shy, and very unsure of himself. All of these things just made him more enduring to me. He was nothing like the image I'd developed in my head of him, surprising me more often than not with his actions, more than his words.

I would admit he'd put up with more from me in the last weeks than most people would have. I was self-aware enough to know I could be a handful. My mouth was a cesspool of swear words, and sassy attitude, and I used my words like weapons. To get what I wanted, and to keep people at a distance.

Only this man, this alpha – my alpha – wouldn't stay away. No matter what I tossed at him. I knew, though, that everyone had a breaking point, and this decision of mine was probably where his was. Despite him assuring me of the contrary, I was fully prepared that once this was all over, not only would my body be empty of our baby - babies I amended - but also of him.

Yeah, this was going to hurt like hell. But I'd get over it. In time.

"Why are you so intent on terminating?" he finally questioned. Before I could answer, he continued. "I get you don't want kids. I hear the words, but I need you to explain it to me. You readily admit you like kids, but I need you to explain it to me. I need to understand this. Please."

It was the ‘please' from him that did it for me. Broke me. Made the silent tears that I'd been holding in oh so well, finally break through the dam. One slipped down my cheek, then another, unstoppable.

"I can't do it." My voice broke and cracked with anguish. "I like the kids I can give back when there's a dirty diaper. Or when I have cookies to bake. I put everything I had into making the bakery a success, and I don't want to put that on hold to take care of a baby. Babies, because there are two of them, and that is just double… everything . I'm sorry, I just can't."

It sounded like a shitty, selfish reason, but I wasn't going to feel bad about how I felt, or what I wanted .

Lachlan looked down at the floor, hands still stuffed deep in his pockets. I could see them flexing in his jeans, opening and closing. "What if you had someone to give the babies to when they needed changed, or even when they didn't? What if you could still run the bakery like you have been? Would that change how you feel?"

"What?" My voice was shaking. What was he saying?

"I'm right here, Quinn. I've been here all along. You're not alone, but you keep acting like you are. Like you're in this thing by yourself. I'm right fucking here ."

I opened my mouth to say what, I had no clue, but he held up a big hand, shaking his head. "No. I'm talking now, and you are going to shut up and listen for once in your life."

That shut me up, and turned me on at the same time. I'd examine that feeling later. It definitely turned me on if the slick rushing out of my ass was any indication.

"Did I think Fate was crazy for pairing us? Yeah, at first, but then I started to get to know you. As much as you've let me, because you are a hard person to get to know, Quinn. You have this wall around you, and I've been trying like hell to climb over it. Each time I manage to make some progress, I feel you pulling away, pushing me right back down. I've let you because I figured it was what you wanted. But I'm done with that bullshit. It may be what you want, but it's not what you need."

I gulped, because it was as if he'd seen into the very depths of my soul, and all the fear I'd always felt came bubbling up to my surface and boiling over. I wanted to jump off the exam table, and run out of the room. I wanted to jump off the exam table right into his arms.

My hormones had me riding the hot mess express. I closed my eyes, to block him out, to block it all out. "I'd have to give up the bakery. "

"No one has ever said that but you." His voice was tinged with sadness. "I'd never ask you to do that. Hire help, yes. Get more sleep, yes. Give up your passion, your dream, your business? Never have I said that to you. You are the only one who keeps saying that. Don't confuse me with Leo, or any other asshat alpha you may have come across. I don't deserve it."

He was correct, even if I didn't want to admit it. But one huge thing kept nagging at me, pushing at the back of my brain, when I wanted to get lost in all the gooeyness that Lachlan made me feel.

"You want a good little house omega. A traditional omega, to be home at your beck and call," I whispered. "I can't be that."

Lachlan snorted at me, blowing out air loudly through his mouth. "Do you honestly think I hadn't figured that out, five minutes after meeting you? After we touched that first time? I'm still here, Quinn."

I blinked, because…well, he was just full of logic this morning, wasn't he? Still, I wasn't convinced I could ever be what he wanted. "What are you saying?"

He sighed heavily, then came over to sit at my hip again. This time I moved over about the half inch of room I had to spare on the small bed, and swiped angrily at the tears that were still falling from my eyes. Damn these hormones!

He pushed my curls back from my forehead, then gently wiped at my tears with one long finger. "I've learned a lot about myself these past weeks."

"Yeah?" I whispered.

"Yeah." He nodded. "Being the oldest Sinclair heir kind of sucks."

A laugh bubbled up from me, because he was so miffed by the whole thing, and it caught me by surprise. He raised a dark brow at me, and I muttered, "Sorry. "

"My dad was a lot older than my mom," he continued, and I stayed silent. Not because he'd asked – ordered – me to earlier, but because he was so serious. And talking about our feelings wasn't either of our strong suits.

I'd always held myself a little back from him, and I was beginning to realize he might have been doing the exact same thing. "I didn't realize how much older until a few weeks ago. My mom and I had a really…adult conversation, I guess. I don't know, but it felt more like I was talking to a friend, and not my mom, if that makes any sense."

I nodded because it did. We always look at our parents as well, our parents, which was how it should be. I think we tended to forget that parents were actual people, before becoming parents. They were men and women, with dreams, and problems, wants and needs, the same as ours. It was mind boggling and confusing, but made sense.

"My dad and I were pretty close when he was alive. Looking back, I remember him spending a lot more time with me than the other boys. To him, I was the heir, so my brothers didn't matter as much. He would always take me aside from them, and make sure I understood that as the oldest, certain things were expected of me. Certain behaviors were expected from me, not only because I was the firstborn, but because I was a Sinclair. I needed to be aware of how my behavior would be perceived by people in this town. Brendan, Finn and Jamie could run wild, and he never said a word to them. If I laughed too loud, he would just give me a look, and remind me how I was expected to behave. It all sounds so ridiculous, but looking back, my dad was old school in much of his thinking."

I had so many questions I wanted to ask, but I didn't. This was a time for me to listen. I was getting more of a glimpse into what made my alpha tick. My cat was telling me to sit up and pay attention, even as I shushed him .

"I was ten when my dad died. Massive heart attack on the golf course. He was there at breakfast, and then he was just gone. I didn't realize until talking to my mom recently, how much his words had ingrained themselves into my brain even at that young age. They stayed there, all these years, in the background but always present. I let his words mold me into the man I was. Even if it meant burying any part of myself I didn't think my dad would approve of."

My hand reached out to smooth the frown lines that had taken up residence between his black as night brows. He grabbed my hand and pushed it against his cheek. His barely there, constant five o'clock beard scratchy against the flesh of my palm. He turned his head and brushed one of his soft kisses against my skin, and my whole body reacted to just that touch from him, lighting up.

"I think – I know – what I was looking for in a mate, was what my dad had told me was acceptable. And I would have been happy with that. A quiet mate, who took care of my house, cooked, and cleaned for me, took care of our pups. I would have been happy, and probably a bit bored, honestly, but I would have been fine. Until you. Meeting you was like a tidal wave crashing over me, and cleansing all of that away from me."

"What is it you want?" I swallowed hard around the words, my heart hopeful, my brain not willing to hope for a second.

He gave me his shy little smile that I loved almost as much as his bright, brilliant one. "I want…" He hesitated, looking away from my prying eyes, and down at the sparkling linoleum of the floor. I turned his chin towards me with a strong finger, forcing him to look at me.

"Nope, none of that," I told him. "Now is the time for honesty. From both of us. Close your eyes."

He gave me a funny look and I huffed in annoyance, rolling my eyes. "Just do it," I ordered, and waited while he followed instructions .

"Now, I want you to answer my question, with the first thing that pops in your head. Don't think about your answer. Don't tell me what you think I, or anybody fucking else, wants to hear. Understand?

He shook his shoulders, loosening his muscles but he obeyed, then nodded he was ready.

I kept my eyes locked on his face. "What do you want?"

I left the question open ended and not specific. Not what do you want in a mate, or business, or even life. I wanted to hear every word that he wanted to tell me.

He didn't hesitate, and just opened his mouth and let the words spill free. "I want to stay home and take care of our babies, while you go bake all kinds of wonderful, mouth-watering treats. I want to learn how to cook, so I can have a hot meal waiting for you when you come home. I want to watch cheesy eighties movies while you make fun of me, and point out all the inaccuracies. I want to laugh with you, and have you make me laugh. I want to make love to you, and I want you to fuck me so I can feel owned by you." He opened his eyes, blinking in the harsh, fluorescent light.

"Wow." I breathed because it had been nothing that I was expecting him to say, and everything I had ever needed to hear from him. "Okay."

He tilted his head, his body vibrating with nerves I could tell he was trying to keep a tight rein on. "Okay, what?" Hesitancy clung to his words.

I waved a hand at him. "All of it. All of that. Okay."

My greatest fear had always been giving up control of my entire life to another person, an alpha. Someone who would want to tell me what to do, to ask me to give up things that I needed like I needed air to breathe. Who would try to change me into someone I didn't – couldn't – be. I'd never wanted kids, because I'd never dreamed I'd find someone who would want to take on the roles that were traditionally an omega's, so I could live out my dreams .

He shook his head, tapping the end of my nose with his finger. "You switch moods like the wind changes. I hope that's all because of the pregnancy."

I shot him a saucy look. "Yeah, don't hold your breath on that one, just saying."

My moods had been all over the place lately. It was a little exhausting keeping up with myself. I felt a bit bad for Lachlan. Just a bit though, he was the one that had managed to get me pregnant, despite all the precautions I had taken to make sure that didn't happen.

Suddenly I was pushing at his shoulders again. "Move, you big oaf."

I nearly shoved him on the floor in my haste to push myself up, and finally – finally – look at the damn screen on the monitor. When I was able to catch a glimpse of the screen frozen in place, clearly showing two bean shaped…well, things, for lack of a better word, because they didn't look one bit like babies yet, my breath caught in my throat. My heart ached with a fullness, a warmth I'd never felt before.

"Wow." My voice was filled with awe. Lachlan followed my gaze, a smile on his face. He pulled the monitor closer to me, though I didn't know why I was still laying on the exam table. It wasn't like I couldn't get up and move. He touched one bean, then the other, before turning his warm, gooey gaze to me.

"We made that." he whispered, almost reverently. "That's us, Quinn. You and me. We did that, and it's beautiful."

My eyes filled again with the tears I told myself I was just going to have to deal with, for the next couple of months. I'm not sure I would describe the jellybean looking images as beautiful just yet, but I understood his meaning. When he put it that way, that that was us on the screen, it hit me in the gut with all the feels. I'd been wrong when I'd often joked with Wade that I didn't catch feelings. I'd caught them in spades for Lachlan .

My hand reached out, trembling slightly, and I touched the screen with him. First one bean, then the other, then covered his hand over the images on that screen. "Lachlan?"

"Yeah?"

"We're having babies."

He swallowed, his eyes as glassy as mine, when he turned his head. "Are we?"

He was still giving me the choice, and I think I fell in love with him there and then, in that cold doctor's office room. I'd probably already been a little in love with him, even if I refused to admit it to myself – along with about a hundred other things – but the love just filled me up when he asked that question.

"We are." I took his face in both my hands, pulling him into me, my mouth covering his. Loving the feeling of his stubble against my skin, the taste of him on me. Loving everything about my alpha.