15. Blaze

Icouldn't wait for Alfie to come back. He'd been gone longer than usual and even though I tried to tell myself not to worry, I couldn't help but imagine all sorts of scenarios in which he needed my help and I wasn't there. I needed to go and see him.

Waiting for Alfie to sneak out to me was always the longest part of the day. As soon as he left, I wanted to see him again.

I'd never wanted to be around another person this much before. It was driving me a bit mad, actually. I couldn't think straight. I'd written it off as lust, since he'd kissed me and I'd burned hot with arousal, like I was being consumed by my own flames, even though I was in my human form. I'd never felt anything like it.

It had taken all of my control to stop and give Alfie the space he needed. I'd wanted to slide down and take his dick in my mouth and make him come down my throat so I could taste him. His mouth was sweet and I was desperate to taste the salt of his come, too. The perfect combination.

He'd needed time to get used to it, though, and I'd given it to him. Luckily, my moods flared up and vanished just as quickly. I'd been able to rest against Alfie and just enjoy the feel of him holding me tightly.

He'd been so funny, talking about his swelling. I'd really thought for a moment that he'd never had an erection before and he didn't know what was going to happen when he came. Then I'd realised he meant something else, but I wasn't absolutely certain what he meant. Something inside him swelling? I had a little theory in the back of my brain but I wasn't sure. Alfie didn't even seem to feel his dragon inside him, usually, and I'd even wondered whether he had one.

The annoying thing was, I didn't know anyone else who could help me work it out. Everyone I had once known was probably dead by now. I'd been in my hibernation in the heart of that fire for far longer than I'd realised.

Luckily, Alfie let me have his laptop and I watched it while he was gone. I scrolled through history websites, read the news, watched films and absorbed all of the information I could. Today, though, I wanted to actually talk to a person more than I had before. Instead, all I could do was pace around the little hut restlessly.

Alfie had made it look surprisingly homely by now. I had everything that I needed. Except Alfie.

I wandered the wood and peeked out at the field beyond. I scanned the skies overhead to make sure that the Guardian wasn't there and then I slipped out from between the trees and began to walk. I was hidden from sight of the castle by the woods and only someone patrolling the borders would see me.

When I reached the boundary, I was careful not to touch it. I didn't want the Guardian coming back, thinking someone else had got in. Alfie said the rest of his clan had written off the intrusion as a small animal or a disturbance, but Glimmer was still unsure and he patrolled regularly.

The boundary was thick with spells. So thick that I couldn't even see through them.

If I'd come to the territory now, I'd never get in. It was amazing, really, that one dragon could make such impenetrable protections. Normally, it took a whole clan to do that or at the very least a clan elder.

I shivered. I'd never seen Lord Somerville and I wanted to keep it that way. I didn't want him to know I was here at all.

I'd never told Alfie but I'd always planned to flee if Lord Somerville ever found me. I'd escape the territory and then he'd not pursue me. He wouldn't leave his clan without his protection. If I could get out, I'd be safe.

Of course, that was before I'd met Alfie.

Before we'd kissed.

I ached inside in a way I couldn't describe if I thought about leaving now.

Behind me, I heard a shout.

"Blaze? Blaze!"

Turning my back on the borders, I rushed back towards the woods where I could hear the voice. Alfie burst out of the trees and I could see the redness of his eyes even from this distance.

As soon as he saw me, he started babbling.

"There you are! I thought- I thought you were gone. Or dead. I don't know what I thought but I was worried. Where did you go?"

I was rushing towards him and we met half way, crashing into each other. It nearly winded me but I didn't mind. I had Alfie in my arms and he was still talking, his words coming faster and faster.

"He's gone too and I don't know what to do about it. He's weak and he shouldn't have been sent out alone but I can't ask Father to keep him because he's betrayed the clan, even though I can't believe it."

"Shush, my darling. Come on, let's get back inside."

I hurried Alfie along and breathed a sigh of relief when we ducked under the thick branches of the trees overhead. Now we couldn't be seen from the air.

We went back to the little hut and I was going to make Alfie a hot drink using the little camping stove he'd bought me, but his grip on my hand was strong and he pulled me straight over to the armchair. He sat in in with a grunt and yanked me towards him.

I found myself in Alfie's lap, curled into him and his arms around me tightly. He buried his face in my neck and breathed deeply. I could feel his heartbeat under my hand and it gradually began to calm.

"Is this okay? I didn't ask."

I snuggled closer. "It's more than okay."

"Thank you. I like this. I like holding you. It makes me feel better."

"I'm glad. You take your time, okay darling?"

He sniffed and spent a few more minutes with his nose pressed against me and his lips grazing my skin occasionally in a silent little kiss. I don't think he realised I could feel it.

"He's gone," said Alfie at last.

"Who's gone? Morgan?"

"No, Seren."

"Is that your cousin?"

Alfie nodded. "He was banished. I wasn't even told about it. They only told me afterwards. That's not fair! I should have been there, they should have let me be there and then I could have—"

"Could have what?"

Alfie didn't answer, so I pushed my head up a bit, trying to meet his eyes. He avoided them.

He sighed, "I couldn't have stopped them even if I was there."

"You wanted to stop them?"

He nodded. He looked so miserable that my heart ached. I wanted to comfort him but I didn't know what else I could do.

"It's not fair that I'm not allowed to protect them. I want to protect Seren. It feels right."

"But you can't?"

"I know it's silly. I'm not even a proper dragon. I can't even shift, even though Morgan had shifted by the time he was my age. I couldn't protect Seren anyway."

"You are a proper dragon, Alfie. You just haven't met your dragon yet."

"Do you really think so?"

I spoke tentatively, hoping I wasn't saying the wrong thing. "Have you ever tried it?"

Slowly, Alfie nodded. "Yes. I've tried. I tried when Morgan's tutor was teaching him. Morgan said he could feel his dragon inside him, but I can't feel anything inside of me. Maybe I don't have a dragon at all."

"That was a while ago, though."

"I- I've tried it since. I just want to be able to protect my clan. I feel useless all the time, and now Seren's out there all alone and nobody can help him. Do you know anyone on the outside, Blaze? Anyone who could help find Seren?"

I shook my head, hating that I had to let Alfie down when he really, really wanted my help. I just didn't know anybody. I basically didn't know anybody but him.

"Never mind."

He patted my back and then pulled my body closer to his so that we were pressed together tightly. Normally, when we were pressed this closely together, we were both hard. We usually kissed a bit, until Alfie got freaked out by whatever was swelling inside him. He thought it was a sickness and I didn't think he was ready to hear my theory about it.

I wasn't sure I should ask about Seren, either, but I wanted to know and I thought it might help Alfie to talk about it.

"Why was Seren banished?"

"I don't know. Nobody would tell me. I hate it when they don't tell me things. I know I'm not a proper dragon- I mean, I haven't shifted yet but I'm not a baby, either. I want to know what's happening in my own clan. That's fair, don't you think?"

"Yes, I think that's fair."

"Exactly! It can't have been that bad. A dragon has to do something absolutely terrible to be banished from his clan and Seren can't have done that. He's too nice. Did you know he used to sneak me and Morgan chocolate when we were little? Well, he used to do it until a few years ago, actually, even though I was getting old. Then he got sick."

I sat up straighter. "I thought dragons didn't get sick?"

Alfie barely met my eyes as he answered.

"They don't. Except Seren did. That's why I wondered if it was something… I could catch. Or maybe it's genetic?"

"What kind of sick?"

My stomach began to roil inside me at the mere thought that Alfie would be ill.

"Um, I'm not sure. Nobody would tell me that, either. But his dragon vanished. Like, poof! Just vanished. All his magic went. He used to have a lot of power to protect people – his talent was for defensive magic and he could layer up protections. When I had a nightmare, I used to go to Seren's room and get into bed with him and he'd put more protections on me. I could feel them there and it made me feel safe. Even the nightmares couldn't get through them. They all vanished when he got sick, though."

Normally, when I felt a strong emotion, I'd burn hot. I was a fire spirit. Heat and flame was my natural state.

That's why going cold felt so unnatural to me. But I felt cold right then.

My mouth was dry as I said, "I didn't realise anyone could lose their dragon."

"Neither did I. But I can't feel it inside Seren. He's empty."

I tilted my head. "You can feel people's dragons? How?"

"I don't know. I just can. Like everybody else."

"I can't feel people's dragons inside them," I pointed out.

"No, but maybe that's because you're not a dragon. Maybe only other dragons can sense it."

A bit of my heat returned and I was a bit snappy as I said, "I'm a fire spirit. I can sense the fire in dragons."

"Can you? Can you sense any in me?"

Sheepishly, I had to admit, "I can only sense it in dragon form."

"Oh." He sounded so disappointed and it nearly killed me. "I just wondered. Mother keeps saying I'll shift when I'm older, but I'm nearly twenty. Most dragons shift years earlier than me. I just wondered- never mind."

"You must have a dragon, my darling, or you wouldn't have healed so quickly when I burned your hand."

"Yeah, I guess. I just feel really useless sometimes. I can't do anything to help. I didn't even know Seren was being banished."

"Maybe he did something terrible and that's why he's been banished."

Alfie fiddled with the cuff of my coat sleeve. I still wore that coat, even though the weather wasn't as cold recently. I just liked to wear his coat because it reminded me of him. It was almost like getting an extra hug from him while he wasn't there.

He mumbled, "I don't think it's that. I think it was a mistake."

I nearly fell off his lap in shock. I'd never heard Alfie question his elder before. Never heard him say something like that and not slam his hand over his mouth and look around as though he expected his Father to appear out of the walls and shout at him.

"A mistake? You don't think he should have been banished?"

"He can't have done anything that bad! Our bond is still too bright and that means he loves me just as much as ever. And if he didn't do anything that bad, he should be here, where he's safe. It's not right to send him out when he's so weak. Anything could happen to him."

"Maybe he loves you but not your elder," I suggested.

Alfie squirmed and it jostled me on his lap.

"Yeah, he doesn't really like my father that much. Their bond was a really nasty colour. I think Seren was afraid of him but he still obeyed."

"You said you still have your bond with him?"

"Yes, that's right. Just like I still have my bond with Morgan. That's why I don't think it's right. If they were meant to be banished, surely their bonds would all break. That makes sense, doesn't it?"

I nodded but I wasn't sure. I couldn't see bonds the way Alfie could. I thought it was something only he could do.

"Can you tell anything else about your bond?"

"The one with Seren? It's still bright. He's weak, though. It went a different colour when he got sick. It used to be silver, like his eyes, but now it's got a green tint to it. At least I know he's alive, right?"

I grasped at that cheery thought. Or the thought that might be cheery if it didn't imply that Seren might die out there because he didn't have a clan to protect him.

"Yes! Yes, that's a good sign. At least you know he's alright."

"Blaze? Can we stay here like this for a bit longer please? My arms don't want to let you go."

"Yes, I'd like that."

He lowered his head until his nose was pressed into the crook of my neck and inhaled deeply. I knew that I smelled of smoke and ash because I'd been told that before. Normally, the shifters who could smell me wrinkled their nose and said ‘ash' as though it was a bad smell. I couldn't really tell if it was good or bad because it was just normal for me.

The way Alfie breathed me in, though, was something else. He made me feel like I was the best thing on the planet.

I was just glad I could be here for him. He made me feel so safe, tucked up here in his arms, and I treasured that fleeting feeling. It felt good to be able to give him something back.