16. Alfie

Just when I thought everything was settling down again, something else bad happened.

I didn't think it was anything too bad at first because it was only Rhod, coming into my school room and staying there when I wanted him to leave so I could sneak outside and see Blaze.

When he sat down and began to work in my schoolroom, though, I found myself getting annoyed.

He wouldn't tell me what was going on and I was fed up with being treated like a child. I was a man now and I didn't see why I should even be stuck sitting at my school desk all day, especially since I didn't have a tutor any longer.

I wanted to go out and see Blaze but, with Rhod watching me closely, there was no way I'd manage to sneak out.

What made it worse was that my stomach knotted inside me. I had worked out a pattern about that. It happened when I was worried about Blaze, and that was mostly when I wasn't with him. I wanted to always be by his side and have his scent in my lungs and his hand in mine and then I'd know he was perfectly safe.

The only problem was that kissing Blaze made me feel like I was swelling and I'd burst. I wondered if it was just what happened when you did sexy things with another person but that didn't seem right.

It wasn't as though I could ask anybody.

The only person I'd even consider talking to about something like that was Morgan and he wasn't here. I couldn't contact him.

Turning back to my book, I tried to concentrate. The squirming inside me was bearable. I didn't think I was going to be sick, so that was something. Maybe that's what all my stomach trouble was. Maybe I was just sick.

After all, I had never been sick before. I didn't know what it felt like.

I considered going to Glenwise to get him to give me a check-up but cringed away from the thought. Glenwise was very stern and I always felt like I was bothering him when I went to visit. The last time I'd gone to him with the sick feeling, though, he'd given me a pill that had made me feel better for a while. Maybe I should go and see him again.

Even when Rhod left, I was watched. There always seemed to be eyes on me and I sulked as I slunk around the castle, wishing that I could sneak outside.

I didn't know why people were suddenly so restless but I didn't like it. Glimmer's bonds with everybody went brighter and flashed with protective instinct.

It took me all afternoon to be able to sneak away from my schoolroom.

When I reached the den, I was already calling, "Blaze, are you there?"

I knew he was there, but I wanted him to answer me so I could hear his voice. Our bond was bright and orange-gold like fire and it led me straight to him. He stood and rushed towards me as I opened the door and in an instant I had my arms full of sweet, woodsmoke-scented fire spirit.

I barely managed to shut the door behind me by kicking it with my foot.

Blaze reached his hands up and tangled them in my hair, dragging my head down to his so he could kiss me. We stood there for ages, his lips playing against mine and his taste bursting across my tongue and my insides swelling and swelling until they cramped and twisted and I had to pull back with a gasp.

"You're getting sick again?" he asked.

"I don't know."

The way he looked at me was strange. He always looked at me like I was the one person in the world he wanted to see but I had to remind myself that I was the only person he knew. Everyone else he'd known was long gone.

It made me sad to think that Blaze didn't have a family.

"Do you want to share my family?" I asked.

He was surprised. "What do you mean?"

"You could- could be part of my family. Join our clan. Then we could always be together."

I'd been about to say that Mother could adopt him but that would make us brothers and I didn't feel very brotherly towards Blaze. I felt… different about him.

He blinked at me. "I've never had a family."

"Not at all?"

He shook his head. I saw the sadness flicker across his face before he smoothed it away, but even when his face was impassive, I saw the coolness of our bond, the way he burned less brightly than normal.

I hated that I'd made Blaze sad.

I swooped down and dragged him onto my lap on the chair, sitting the way I liked best, with him tucked tightly against me. I liked to wrap my arms around him and not just because it stopped my insides from battling with each other. I don't know why my kidneys suddenly decided to wage war against my liver when I kissed Blaze, but holding him like this rarely made me feel like I was going to tear myself apart.

His body was so small and delicate. Sometimes, I could hardly believe that he liked me enough to… do the things we did together. Blaze always offered me his lips or let me touch his skin, as though it were mine to touch. I liked that. I liked that he trusted me. Something inside me grew fierce and hot at the realisation that he trusted me and it was my responsibility to look after him.

I kissed his neck gently, just because I could and because he had the softest skin right below his ear. I was obsessed with it and he angled his head so I could reach it easily, brushing his flaming red hair aside.

"I didn't mean to make you sad," I said at last.

"You didn't. I don't know what it's like to have a family, so I don't know if I'd even like it."

"It's nice," I said.

"Is it?"

"I think so."

"What good does it do, to have family?"

"Well, they're… they're your family."

I couldn't explain. They just were. They were there, and we had a bond, and I hated the thought of them getting hurt. That's how I knew I loved them. Our bonds were strong.

"Maybe fire spirits aren't meant to have a family. That's why I'm alone."

"You're not alone! You have me."

"You're not my family, though," he said, and my stomach gave such a massive wrench inside me that I actually looked down, expecting to see a spray of blood from an open wound.

When I established that I wasn't bleeding, I held Blaze tighter.

"I am your family. You're- you're my- my favourite person."

He twisted his head to look at me. He looked a touch disbelieving.

"Am I really?"

"Yes."

"Oh. I suppose that does make me family, then, in a way. If we're- if I'm your favourite."

"Yes, you are. We're family. You'll like being a Somerville."

Blaze looked doubtful.

"Your father scares me."

"He's a dragon elder. He has to be scary, to protect us."

"He doesn't have to scare you."

I thought about it and I couldn't articulate what I wanted. Something inside me told me that a dragon elder did have to be scary. Or at least, they had to have immense power. And anyone with that much power would be scary by default, surely?

"Morgan told me about the Hoskins' elder," I said at last. "She sounds really scary. Morgan says she's tiny but she's really fierce."

Blaze grinned and his eyes burned suddenly red and hot. "I can understand that."

"Really?"

He raised his hands and made claws with his fingers. "Yes. I'm small but fierce."

I laughed and kissed his neck again. "You're small and sweet."

He giggled as I kissed the ticklish spot at the base of his throat and he squirmed with laughter and joy. I was incredibly hard with him on my lap like that, but I didn't want to draw attention to it. Blaze had never asked to do anything other than kiss and I didn't want to rush him. Or burst all over him, if doing more than kissing made my insides go to war again.

At least he couldn't smell my arousal, I reminded myself.

When we stopped and sat together, panting and calming down, I felt Blaze curl in on himself a bit more.

His voice was quiet and I had to listen hard to hear the words.

"I need to be small to protect myself out there."

"You're not out there. You're in here. In our territory."

"Yes, but I'm not meant to be here. If I have to go again—"

"No! No, you won't have to go again. Father will let you stay. When he meets you, he'll love you and want you to stay. Everyone will. They have to! I'm not letting you go out there where it's dangerous."

I hadn't realised that I'd been so loud but my voice rang out and reverberated round the tiny den. Blaze put a hand to my cheek and murmured, "Hush, my darling. I'm not leaving."

"You're not?"

"No."

"Not ever?"

"I don't need to leave while I'm safe here," he said, and something about it sat wrong with me. I didn't like that. I wanted him to promise to stay forever.

"I'll protect you," I said. It was a promise, and even though I had no idea how I would keep it, I meant it. I would do anything to protect Blaze.

My insides stopped feeling like they were tearing in half as I made that promise and Blaze pressed his lips against mine. He kissed me sweetly, slowly, and I tried to pour my certainty into that kiss. I'd look after him. I would.

It would be the greatest pleasure of my life to protect Blaze from every evil he wanted me to protect him from. I'd fight anyone, anything, any time. As long as he was safe, I would be satisfied.