14. Alfie

Ididn't mean to be disobedient but I really, really needed to see Blaze. I had no idea why I was so sure that it would help but the need to see him got lodged in my throat somewhere and I couldn't eat and could barely talk around that desperate need.

I'd been in the castle for two days, trapped inside by the rest of the clan, who all gathered round and seemed suddenly to swarm all over the place. I couldn't walk down a corridor without someone popping up out of nowhere and spotting me.

It wasn't even that they were following me. I was sure they were just unsettled.

And why wouldn't they be? I was unsettled.

That was why I needed to see Blaze so badly. I needed—

I wasn't sure what exactly it was that I needed but I was absolutely certain that Blaze would give it to me.

That was why it was past midnight and I was wide awake, dressed in black and sneaking out of my room. I listened for the slightest sounds, straining to hear a breath or a scuff or footsteps, anything that would help me avoid another person.

Only once did I hear footsteps, and I hurried away from them before our bond even rose up, so I didn't know who it was. That was for the best, or they might have seen our bond too and realised I was up when I shouldn't have been.

My footsteps echoed around the kitchen and I had to walk slowly and carefully, placing my feet silently. I loaded a huge bag with food, not even caring that the chef was going to realise the stuff was missing. Blaze had been outside for two days and there was no way he had enough food to last that long.

Once I was outside, I hurried. I practically ran to the woods, across the large fields and prayed that nobody was looking out of their window right at that moment to see a black-clad figure sprinting for the tree line.

On the basis I didn't hear any shouts or other movement, I guessed I'd made it without being seen.

I stopped going carefully and just crashed through the trees. I was already calling, "Blaze! Are you there?" when I flung the door of our den open.

For a horrible second, I thought he wasn't there and he'd left, maybe never to come back, but then I smelled his familiar wood-smoke and ash scent and saw our bond, bright gold and orange, tugging in a straight line to the little oil lamp in the corner of the room.

Blaze rose from the little flame, growing, looking more humanoid by the moment. I stared, fascinated. He grew to his usual size and, as he did so, his arms and legs became clearer, I could make out his face in the flickering light, and then he smiled.

In an instant, I dropped the food and flung myself at him.

I completely forgot that I wasn't really a dragon and I would burn. I just needed to touch Blaze.

He shifted into his human form as I hit him, which was good because otherwise I might have rushed straight through him.

I collided with him heavily and he stumbled back against the wall of the den. His arms wrapped around me, maybe to steady himself.

I pressed my nose into his neck and breathed in, smelling his unique scent and squeezing him.

"What's wrong, Alfie?"

"Morgan's gone. He's never coming back."

As I spoke the words – the ones I'd been unable to say until that moment – my restraint burst and I dissolved into tears. It never occurred to me to be embarrassed about it. All I knew was that Blaze had his arms around me, he smelled of comfort and familiarity and affection, and he would stop me missing my brother so much.

He held me for a long time as I cried, until I hiccupped and drew back.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

He raised a hand to wipe away my tears from my cheeks. "Don't apologise."

"I got your coat wet," I pointed out. The coat I'd given him right at the beginning. He still wore it, almost always.

Blaze smiled. "I'm a fire spirit. I can dry tears no problem."

That made me smile back at him. "I knew you'd make me feel better. I've missed you for two days."

He pushed me back a bit and I thought he meant to make me go over to one of the wooden chairs, but he manoeuvred me onto the armchair and I sank into it. Then Blaze settled on the arm of the chair and leaned into my side, his arm around my shoulders and one leg touching mine.

I wanted to pull him onto my lap but figured that would be weird.

"So," he said, and stroked some of my hair off my forehead. "What did you mean that Morgan was gone?"

"He's- he's gone. He left."

"I thought he was only just coming back."

"He was. He did."

Blaze blinked at me, and I realised I wasn't being clear.

"I mean, Morgan was meant to come home for good and I was going to introduce you and we could sneak out here together and now he's gone and he'll never meet you because he's not allowed back inside the territory, ever."

"Why not?"

"Father dis- disowned him. It's the worst thing that can happen to a dragon. He's out there all alone."

I could feel my tears welling up again and blinked them back.

Blaze stroked my forehead again and it was actually comforting. I wanted him to keep touching me like that so I leaned into him. Sure enough, he kept doing it.

"I thought dragons were only disowned for the greatest betrayals. What did Morgan do?"

"He mated his instructor."

"The curaidh one?"

"Yeah. I thought Father might have been pleased. Morgan's obviously in love with him and I think he treats Morgan well. The curaidh are really strong, too, so they're a good alliance to have."

"You father didn't see it that way?"

I shook my head and buried my face in Blaze's chest. He patted my back.

"Morgan's not alone," said Blaze at last. "You said he's mated. He has a clan. A new clan."

I nodded. I'd known that, obviously, but somehow it didn't seem real unless someone said it and nobody had spoken to me at all, except for Mother and Aunt Silvia. They hadn't mentioned Morgan at all.

I could see Mother's bond with him go tight and brittle, as though it were on the verge of breaking, but it hadn't snapped. She'd kept hold of it. Tighter and tighter every hour. It was almost as if she were strangling it but really she was feeding it when it wasn't meant to be there.

Lord Somerville's bond with Morgan broke completely. I searched and searched for any sign of it but it was gone. Disintegrated.

Even Lord Somerville's bond with Alexander was still there. It still existed, even if his son was dead. Father still loved him.

The one with Morgan, though? Gone.

It made me feel cold and hollow in a way I'd never experienced before. I didn't like it. I couldn't understand it and I wanted to just bury my head in Blaze's arms and never come out again.

"I can't call him," I said.

"Don't you have a phone?"

"Yes. But Morgan's number has been wiped from it. All my records are gone. I didn't learn his number and now I can't find it."

I was kicking myself for that. Why hadn't I learned that number? Why hadn't I written it down somewhere? Then at least I could call him and find out if he were alright. As it was, I couldn't even find a single Hoskins' telephone number in any directory or on any of the records I was given access to. Morgan was officially cut out.

I snivelled for a while longer, but Blaze kept talking to me in a soft, sympathetic voice. It warmed me more than any fire would.

Eventually, I raised my head and looked him in the eyes. They were warm and kind and so, so pretty. I found myself leaning forwards. I didn't even realise I was going to do it.

One moment, I was looking into Blaze's eyes, with his arms wrapped around my shoulders and his scent surrounding me, and the next I was pressing my lips to his in a brief, perfect kiss.

I gasped and pulled back.

The shock of it pinged through my body.

Blaze's eyes went from sweet, mellow amber to fiery orange and red. The gold flecks in them stood out as his flames began to consume him.

He slid from the arm of the chair onto my lap, and the warm weight of him was perfect. Too perfect. It made me want to rub myself all over him until I orgasmed.

Blaze's hands held the sides of my face and he brought our lips together again. His kiss was hot and passionate, and I was startled by the slide of his tongue into my mouth. It felt incredibly good. I wanted more of it, all of it, and something inside me swelled at the sensation, rising up at the taste of Blaze, who wriggled on my lap as he tried to get closer to me.

The physical feeling of Blaze on my lap, pressed against me, should have been my only concern. I was surprised it wasn't because I'd been desperate for exactly this kiss for days. Weeks, even.

But Blaze's taste did something to my insides. They were squirming inside me just as much as Blaze was squirming on my lap. In fact, they felt like they were going to burst out of me and I'd explode all over my friend.

Quickly, I yanked my head back and tried to breathe, to calm myself. My insides kept shivering inside me. It was like they were vibrating and I didn't like it.

Blaze looked into my eyes and his were still that fiery red, so pretty and passionate. And worried.

"Alfie? Did I do that wrong?"

"No."

"Was it too much? Should I stop?"

"Um, I don't know. It's not that I don't want to do it because I really, really like you and I definitely want to kiss you again please, if you don't mind. It's just that I feel really funny. I might be getting sick. My stomach is doing weird things and I'm swelling up and I'm a bit worried I might explode."

Blaze gave a soft little laugh. "I don't think you're getting sick. You're a dragon, right? You don't get sick. I think it might be something else."

"What is it?"

"Your swelling… is that… in your pants?"

I could feel the blush rise up my neck and spread across my cheeks.

"No," I said.

"Are you sure?"

He wriggled a bit on my lap again, which rubbed his little ass right over my erection, and I realised my arms were still wrapped around him, stopping him from sliding off me. I flexed them, making sure they were tight enough. I didn't want Blaze to get off me, I just didn't want to burst all over him in a spray of intestines and organs, that was all, and that's what it felt like I would do if we kept kissing.

"I don't mean that. I know what that is. It's, um, you know."

Seriously, I wasn't that na?ve! I knew what an erection was. I was nineteen – I knew all about those. It was just that I'd never got them with someone else before. I'd never felt someone press against it. I wanted to moan with how incredible it felt to have Blaze pressing down on me.

For the first time, Blaze's brow crinkled with a frown.

"Are you serious? You feel sick?"

"I feel… I don't know. I'm going to burst."

"You're not talking about your dick, are you?"

"No, I'm talking about my stomach. Or maybe my chest."

He tried to slide off my lap but I gripped him tighter. "No! Stay where you are. The bursting feeling gets worse when you put space between us. But it also gets worse when we're kissing."

Blaze studied me closely for a while, and I was getting nervous about what he'd say about the way I was behaving, but then he nodded and leaned his head on my shoulder. In fact, he snuggled up against me and I felt suddenly strange and my insides twisted as I got the feeling of being responsible for this sweet man, who snuggled up to me so trustingly. I wasn't used to that feeling at all.

I stayed still and waited for the bursting feeling to subside. It took ages, but eventually it faded.

Even then, I stayed still and just held Blaze against me.

"Do you mind this?" I asked him.

He sounded sleepy and content when he answered. "No, I don't mind. I like this. How does your bursting feel?"

"A bit better, thank you. I don't know what that was. Do you think I'm not meant to kiss you?"

Blaze raised his head at that and looked me in the eyes. His had faded back to an orange and I was fascinated by their changing colour.

"No, I don't think that's what it means. I feel good when I kiss you. It feels right. In here. At my wick."

I raised an eyebrow at him, trying to lighten the mood. "You're not talking about your dick, are you?"

He laughed, and I felt proud that I'd done that. Smug, too. And then the swelling inside me got worse again and I was sure my heart was compressing with how much it was being pressed aside and I was actually really worried that I'd die of heart failure right there, just because Blaze had laughed and my insides had gone weird about it.

"I'm not talking about my dick, no. I'm talking about my core. The centre of me. It's the part that stays solid while the rest of me burns. I guess it's my soul or something."

"And it feels good to kiss me there?"

He fluttered his eyelashes at me, which made my dick perk up again, just when it had been starting to go down. Blaze noticed, but I didn't feel embarrassed about it.

"It feels good to kiss you everywhere."

I wasn't sure whether he meant me to read so much innuendo into that simple sentence.

"Can we stay like this for a while longer? I don't want to go back to the castle."

Blaze rested his head on my shoulder again. "Yes, my darling. We can stay like this a while longer."