Chapter 25

25

HAWK

W innie had a fire in her soul that I really enjoyed seeing and getting to know. The little girl was as firm in her beliefs as Sutton had been at her age and just as funny and loyal too. I could see why my nephews had become such fast friends with her.

When we arrived at her school, she surprised me by throwing her arms around my waist, giving me a quick hug and grinning up at me. “You can’t come to my class, but I might ask my teacher if you can visit one day.”

I laughed, returned her hug, and touched a palm to my chest like I was injured. “That’s cold, Win. You’re not even going to let me see the chairs? I bet I’d know just by looking at one whether it could take my weight.”

She giggled, shaking her head, and walked backward away from me. “They’re for first graders. Bye, Hawk! Thanks for walking me.”

Spinning around, she grabbed the straps of her backpack at her shoulders and raced to catch up with the rest of the kids converging at the entry doors. I chuckled and watched until she was swallowed up by the crowd before turning to leave—and I ran smack into Emery.

Her eyebrows arched as she looked at me, a slight smile on her lips and one of her hands pressed to her hip. “You have some explaining to do, mister.”

“Where are the boys?” I asked cautiously, glancing around but not seeing them.

Emery chuckled. “They’re waiting for Winnie inside. When we got here, they wanted to come grab her but it looked like you two were having a moment, so I told them to go ahead. Why are you walking Sutton’s child to school, Hawk?”

I fell into step beside her as she spun to go home. “I spent the night with Sutton. Winnie was with her grandparents. Don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried about Winnie,” she said softly, sliding her hands into the pockets of her coat and glancing up at me. “I am worried about Sutton, though. I don’t want her to get hurt again. What happened to giving her some space?”

“Yeah, that didn’t work, but I wouldn’t dream of hurting her. I’ve done it once and neither of us have forgiven me for it yet. I’m definitely not going down that road again.”

Doubt clouded my sister’s blue eyes as they held mine. “I wish I could believe that.”

I stopped walking and turned to face her on the trail that led from the school to our neighborhood and downtown. The sky was gray today, the clouds heavy and ominous, stretching from the horizon over the water and as far as the eye could see.

All around us, the trees were either bare or completely covered in fall colors. Leaves carpeted the path we were standing on. I could feel winter in the air, and it was exhilarating. One of the things I’d missed most about home had been the seasons. I inhaled deeply, wondering how best to explain to my sister that I was committed to all this.

To them. To Dad’s business. To the town. To Sutton and Winnie. I didn’t blame her for doubting me, but I was getting tired of it.

I noticed the dark smudges under her eyes and the obviously unbrushed hair she’d thrown into a bun just to walk the boys to school, and I suddenly realized that Sutton wasn’t the only person in my life who needed time to learn how to trust me again.

In the years I’d been gone, I’d made a much bigger mess of things than I’d realized, but I was determined to make up for it. Even though a part of me wanted to rage at her for constantly needing me to convince her of one thing or another, I shoved away that instinct and simply held her gaze.

“You can believe it, Emery. When these leaves turn green again, I’m still going to be here and then when the green starts turning orange next year, maybe you’ll finally start admitting that you can rely on me. Because I’ll have spent a whole year proving it to you.”

“What happened to only moving back part-time?”

“I’ll have to commute for a while,” I conceded. “At least at first, but my plan is to be based here and to go to LA only when I really need to. I’m going to help you with dad, and with the boys, and you won’t have to worry about the business.”

A slow smile spread on her lips and a soft light went on in her eyes. “That sounds really good. Let’s do it. Let’s talk to Dad.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Yeah?”

“Yes.” The smile kept spreading wider and she let out a long, relieved breath. “I know he’s not going to like it, but we need this. All of us, and that includes you, it seems. I’m done trying to protect everyone from you. I’m not sure I need to do it anymore, but Hawk?”

I grinned. “If I leave again, you’ll hunt me down and kick me?”

“In the balls,” she warned playfully, wagging a finger and narrowing her eyes at me. “So hard, you’ll be bruised for the rest of your life.”

I laughed, wrapped my arms around her shoulders, and pulled her in for a giant hug. “You got it. I’m going to hold you to it, even. If I don’t keep my promises, I know you’ll hold me accountable.”

“You bet.” She hugged me back, seeming a hundred pounds lighter. We broke apart and walked home together.

“Can I make you some coffee?” she asked, unbuttoning her coat as we walked into the house. “I want to hear more about you and Sutton, the 2.0 version.”

I chuckled, passing her to go to the kitchen while she hung up her coat and scarf. “Sure, but I’ll make the coffee. What do you want to?—”

Dad was already in the kitchen when I got there, and seeing the state he was in made me forget what I’d even been saying. Completely frozen as he clutched the counter, he seemed dazed and confused, swaying but not moving a muscle.

“Dad?” I raced over to help him. When I felt how rigid his body was when I put my hands on his arm and back, my extremities went cold. “Dad? Are you okay? Can you walk?”

A tremor passed through him, but then Emery was there, tears in her eyes. “Call the doctor, Hawk. We need to get him over there. The number is stuck to the phone. I’ve got this.”

I pulled in a shaky breath and jogged over to the landline, then called the doctor’s office and quickly explained the situation. The receptionist was kind and understanding, thankfully, telling me to bring him right in.

Reeling, I raced back to the kitchen. Emery had managed to get Dad to the breakfast nook and was giving him sips of water. I looked at her. “We can go now.”

“I’m not going to that doctor,” Dad said, his voice rough and a little hoarse. “I need to get to the office.”

I shook my head. “That’s not going to happen today, Dad. Emery will go to the office and I’m taking you to the doctor.”

My sister’s brow puckered as her eyebrows rose, her gaze questioning on mine. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” It was about time I got involved with my dad’s care. I knew he was more comfortable having Emery take him, but that was only because she was always the one to do it. If I really wanted to pitch in with him, then I needed to start with his medical visits. “I’ve got this.”

“Sure, because I’m not going,” Dad said stubbornly, glowering at me. “That’s final, Hawk. I’m your father. You can’t make me?—”

“I can and I am,” I said, looking him right in the eyes. “You’re going to the doctor, even if I have to carry you to the truck. What’s it going to be, old man? Am I carrying you or are you walking?”

Finally, he relented and got up, making his way to the car with my help. The doctor’s visit didn’t go well. Dad was in a horrible mood, refusing to do any testing or try any new medications to aid his worsening symptoms.

“None of it works anyway,” he spat at me as we climbed back into the truck. “I’m dying. Almost to stage three. You heard him in there. It’s all downhill from here.”

“What I heard him say is that you’re still stage two, and sure, it’s progressing toward stage three, but it’ll take years to get there.”

After helping him into the passenger seat, I shut the door and went to the driver’s side, still struggling to process how helpless he’d been when I’d found him in the kitchen. My teeth gnashed together and I dragged in a few deep breaths, knowing that I needed to keep calm for his sake.

As I drove us back to Portsmouth, Dad stared out the window, his face pale and the wrinkles etched into it seeming so much deeper than they had just yesterday. From the research I’d done, lying in my bed at night and reading up about his disease, I knew he was probably struggling with his own mortality.

Hearing that the disease was progressing had been scary as fuck even for me, and I wasn’t even the one who had it. I glanced at my father, taking in his slack-jawed expression and the haunted hollowness of his eyes, and pain seared through me.

This was real. It was happening, and we needed to have that talk. I needed him to know that he could stop worrying.

“You can retire now, Dad. I’m going to stay for a while. Your business will be just fine. I’ll merge it with Gold Star and?—”

“I’m not retiring,” he snapped without turning to look at me. “I should be out at the port. I should be on the boats. I should?—”

“You shouldn’t be worrying about any of that right now,” I said as gently as I could. “I don’t want to fight with you, Dad. You’ve worked damn hard your entire life and I should’ve come home earlier. I accept that, but I’m here now and you and Emery won’t have to worry anymore. You can retire and?—”

“Pull over,” he insisted suddenly, his voice firm and angry. “Pull over the fucking truck, Hawk.”

Slowing, I pulled over on the shoulder and frowned at him, wondering what was going on. The doctor had mentioned nausea, but Dad didn’t look sick to me right now. He looked pissed.

As soon as the truck rolled to a complete stop, he threw open his door and climbed out. He paced up and down the grass at the side of the road. I watched him for a moment, just marching this way and that. His hands constantly tore through his hair as he muttered under his breath and stomped around.

Eventually, I followed him out, leaning against the hood of the truck and folding my arms. I arched an eyebrow at him. “What’s the problem? You don’t think you deserve to retire? To take it slow and spend some time with the boys and your friends while you get healthy?”

At first, he didn’t say anything. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.

I let out a soft sigh. “Talk to me, Dad. What’s going on?”

“It was awful when your mom was sick,” he finally ground out, the fight draining out of him. He stopped pacing and brought his gaze up to mine. “I had to watch the love of my life suffer and die, and I don’t want you kids to have to watch me waste away. I don’t want the boys to see it either.”

A deep, sharp ache took over my chest. “Dad, it could be years before?—”

“You’re better off going back to California and taking Emery and the boys with you,” he said, his voice ragged and tired, those eyes swimming with pain as they held mine. “Take them with you, Hawk. You have a big house over there, right? Get them into a good school and tell them all not to worry about me.”

“Nope.” I pushed off the truck and strode to a bench off a bike trail overlooking the water.

Dad came to sit down beside me. Exhaling, he shook his head at me. “Nope? What do you mean ‘nope’? You have enough money to?—”

“It’s not about the money, Dad,” I said softly. “I’m staying right here and so are Emery and the boys. I’ve already put my plan in motion for Gold Star.”

In the distance, I watched as a tugboat belonging to Meecham pulled a barge in the port. I blew out a heavy breath, hating that fucking mustard yellow on the hull. “Soon enough, the port will be back in the hands of the townspeople, where it belongs, and I’m going to be here to make it happen and to make sure it stays that way.”

Dad finally turned, his own gaze hardening as he looked at the tug. “It’s already in motion?”

I nodded. Despite having to wait for Emery’s answer regarding my dad’s business, I’d taken some other steps to get the ball rolling.

She and Dad would never hurt for money again. The port would be returned to its rightful owners, and hopefully, I would get to be with Sutton. Most importantly, I wasn’t ready to lose my dad.

That was the one thing I couldn’t fix or change, and I hated it, but there was no way I was running from it anymore. Emery, my nephews, and I would be here for him until the last, and when he went, he would know that his family and his legacy were safe and going strong.

It didn’t seem like much, but it was the best I could offer in terms of giving him peace of mind.