Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

Rosie

W e won the next two windows.

Riding a high, the group met to discuss our final window, which would be put up this weekend. It also landed just two days before Christmas.

“I liked the enchanted forest more than the outer space one,” Cherise said. Today she wore a puffin shirt that read Here Goes Puffin . “But I’m partial to unicorns.”

“And the Highland coos with dragon’s wings were inspired,” I agreed. Both the windows had been so well-received that we had garnered more coverage in local media and the bookshop had been hopping. Between that and spending almost every night at Alexander’s, the days had flown by.

And, yes, I was spending almost every night at Alexander’s. I made sure I slept at the shop one night a week, just to make sure I was keeping some independence, but it was scary how quickly friends with benefits had evolved into whatever this was.

A situation-ship?

Neither of us spoke about it. It was like if we carefully avoided the topic then nothing would change, and we could just casually keep pretending that we were just friends who occasionally scratched an itch for each other.

Except it wasn’t occasional.

And it was starting to feel like a lot more than just friends. I’d never had a boyfriend that I’d wanted to spend every night with, not that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. But I thoroughly enjoyed his company. He was quiet, reserved, but incredibly attentive. A bonus from his career choice, according to him. Dinners were fun together. We talked as we cooked, and I felt as though I was learning just as much about Scotland as I was him. He was fascinating. Looking after Tattie was enlightening. My life just felt so…full.

Jessica was beside herself, threatening to fly over herself if we didn’t own up to the fact that we were, in fact, dating. I threatened to disown her if she did. I wasn’t ready to admit the depth of my feelings for Alexander, even to myself, and the last thing I needed was Jessica to be a wrecking ball in my carefully constructed fantasy world I was living in.

But, oh my, was Alexander an incredible human being .

I think my favorite was watching him with Tattie. Every morning he’d go out and take his coffee with Tattie, no matter the weather, and soon the puffin was coming to hang out by his side, taking the fish he offered. He talked to him the entire time, too, telling Tattie about the window competition or random current events. The puffin listened, I swear he did, and the two made an oddball pair that pulled at all my heartstrings.

But it wasn’t just his care with Tattie that made him so amazing, it was his care with everyone. The man was a natural-born nurturer, and even though he professed to have social awkwardness, he still managed to show up for the people in his life.

He started buying lemons when he discovered I liked to drink lemon water first thing in the morning. He moved my bookshelves for me whenever I wanted and was slowly helping me recategorize the shelves so they weren’t such a disorganized mess. He bought me bright pink gloves when he realized I didn’t have any. He complimented me constantly and basically had me convinced that my body was his own personal nirvana.

He bought Meredith an alien key ring.

He drove Esther two towns over to check out a bookshop that catered to romance-only books.

He helped Cherise when her computer broke.

Whether he knew it or not, Alexander was an integral part of this community, and the Book Bitches had even managed to bully him into letting them meet Tattie. Much to his horror, they were now threatening to hold their book club meeting at his house every Thursday night, just so they could check on the little puffin.

But he had made a fresh loaf of bread and homemade soup when they’d come by.

How any woman could have hurt this poor man’s heart was beyond me.

“What’s it going to be for the last one?” Esther demanded, referring back to her whiteboard. “Narnia might be fun.”

“I really like the Alice in Wonderland idea. It could be fun to dress all the characters in Christmas outfits instead of their usual. Think of the Cheshire cat with a Christmas bow tie,” I said. I could identify a bit with Alice, I supposed, going down the rabbit hole into an entirely new existence. Alexander gave me an approving smile, and I warmed inside. That happened pretty much every time I looked at him.

“I think it would be a lot of fun,” Meredith agreed.

“I don’t hate it,” Esther admitted, which was high praise from her.

“All in?” I looked around and everyone nodded. “Esther, will you draw this one up?”

“Of course, I’ll get on it right now.”

The rest of the ladies cleared out and Alexander helped me take the cups to the kitchen. I had to open soon, and I knew he had some end of term paperwork to deal with for work.

“Hey,” Alexander said, wrapping his hands around me from behind at the sink, nuzzling his face into my neck. “What are you doing for Christmas? ”

“Oh. I don’t have any plans. Probably just watching Christmas movies here.” I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t given much thought to how I would spend Christmas, but I never had been one to make a big deal of the holiday. With a non-traditional mother who barely remembered my birthday, it wasn’t like I’d grown up with the usual Christmas routine of presents under the tree.

“Would you like to do that at my place? Tattie mentioned he has a gift for you.”

Wiping my hands on a cloth, I turned in his arms.

“Is that right? Tattie has a gift for me?”

“He does.”

“Not his father?”

“Me? I mean…” Alexander bit his lower lip, holding back a laugh, and I grinned.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I know. I just…” He looked around to make sure Esther wasn’t going to pop her head in and interrupt us. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us.”

“Is that right?” A thrill of excitement tugged at my heart. “And what have you been thinking?”

“That I like you.”

A smile split my face. “Well, I like you too, Alexander.”

“I mean more than that. More than our arrangement.” His look grew serious, and I stilled, tilting my head in question.

“I didn’t think I’d ever be here again, Rosie. Truly. And I know it seems a little fast, but I’m just … I don’t know.” Alexander shook his head and laughed. “I feel good, you ken? About us. I feel like this is right. I don’t want to dance around and pretend like I don’t or keep it to just friends with benefits.”

“What are you saying?” I asked, my heart thumping in my chest.

“It’s wild to me, that I’ve been so resistant to even the possibility of dating. And then suddenly, poof! There you are and now you’re all I can think about. I want this to be real. Boyfriend and girlfriend. Partners. A couple. However you want to say it.” Alexander looked at me hopefully.

“Well, sir,” I said, surprised to find I was equally as thrilled at his words. “As an early Christmas gift to you, I will say yes. Yes, I will be your partner.”

Alexander sealed it with a kiss so hot that I almost forgot Esther was there until she called out.

“Do you need me to leave? I’m getting all heated just from the fumes off you two.”

We jumped apart, guilty.

“I’ve gotta run. Catch you later?” Alexander gave me another lingering kiss and I shoved him off me.

“See you later.”

Alexander pretended to tip a fake cap to me and then disappeared. Grinning, I gave a big sigh of relief. He’d articulated what I’d been thinking. What a breath of fresh air it was to be dating an actual adult who was direct with his feelings toward me.

Humming, I wandered back out into the shop and found Esther sitting at my front table, sketching out the window design, a fancy box of markers at her side. And by fancy, I meant an actual wooden box with flowers burned into the outside, and the markers laid out neatly inside.

“That’s pretty,” I said, running a finger over the box. “Where did you get that?”

“Get what?” Esther stayed focused on her drawing, steadfastly not looking up from her paper.

“This.” I tapped the floral box and waited.

“Nowhere.” Esther’s face was a mask. I gave her a curious look. That was odd.

“This pretty box? That happens to look handmade? You just got from nowhere? It just showed up one day?” I wasn’t sure why I was pressing this issue, but Esther was acting weird, and something niggled in my brain.

“So you and Alexander?” Esther began, still not looking up at me.

Grabbing the box off the table, even as Esther made a soft sound of protest, I lifted it above me.

“‘Create beautiful art. Love, Daniel,’” I read out loud, my mouth dropping open. “You little sneak.”

“I am not a sneak,” Esther declared, rising from the chair and grabbing the box back from me.

“You told us you weren’t interested in him.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Clearly he’s interested in you.”

“Of course he is. Who wouldn’t be?” Esther looked at me like I was out of my mind.

“And you like him,” I said, not answering her question.

In response, Esther shrugged.

“Oh, come on,” I groaned. “He seems really great. And he’s handsome too.”

“I suppose.”

“Esther.” I widened my eyes at her. “What gives? Are you embarrassed of him?”

Esther rose and walked to the other side of the room where the tea tray and biscuits had been set up by the statement wall I’d been working on. She picked up a biscuit, dropping onto a chair, so I joined her.

“I’m not ready to share it with everyone yet,” Esther admitted in a rare moment of vulnerability. “Right now, it’s this perfect thing that’s just mine. Nobody can pick it apart or tell me why it wouldn’t work out.”

“Oh, Esther.” My heart twinged. “I so understand that.” It was what I had been doing with Alexander really. Keeping it just mine for a little longer, existing in this precious space of the unknown where if there were no expectations to be made, none had to be met.

“I figured as much, what with all the sneaking around you’ve been doing with Alexander.”

“I do not sneak,” I said, tapping a finger at my chest. “I walk confidently, like the strong woman that I am.”

“Speaking of strong women, have you found a match for Sarah yet?” Esther asked, diverting the conversation.

“No, I’m working on it, but the magick is failing me. I’ve gone through every past customer that I think could be a match, but when I use the quizzing glass, no linking word appears.” I worried my bottom lip as I thought it over.

“Matchmaking isn’t an easy business. Moira wouldn’t have trusted you with it if she didn’t think you could do it.”

“But isn’t the magick supposed to help? I should be able to make matches left and right so long as I keep using the magick. I should be able to match even the most difficult of cases.”

“Like fixing your own love life?” Esther asked, teasing.

“Oh, please. I haven’t done that.”

“You haven’t? You have the tools at your disposal. I’m not going to deny that Alexander was smitten with you quickly, but I did wonder if you’d helped it along a wee bit,” Esther said.

“I—”

“Aye, Rosie.” Alexander’s voice cut across the shop, and I jumped as I realized he was standing across the room, his eyes burning a hole through me. “Did you fix yours then?”

“I never…” I said, standing, worry coursing through me at the ravaged look in Alexander’s eyes. He looked like a wounded animal ready to flee.

“Esther, can you give us a moment?” Alexander asked, his voice low. Tension filled me, and I felt like I was a tightrope walker balancing on a very narrow rope.

“Fine.” Esther gathered her coat and her tote, tucking her box of markers and notebook inside it. “Don’t be stupid, boy.”

Alexander didn’t answer her, just continued to stare at me like he’d never seen me before.

“Alexander, please, let me explain.”

“You’re a matchmaker?” Alexander looked around the bookshop. “This is all a front?”

“It’s not a front. It’s really a bookstore, but it seems Moira was running a small matchmaking business out of it. One that I inherited.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me this?”

“I haven’t gotten there yet, no.”

“Because of the magick?” Alexander raised an eyebrow at me, and I tried to think of how to explain magick to my logical, pragmatic, software engineer boyfriend.

“I guess so. It’s something I’m still learning. I had no idea, you see? People kept coming in and handing me twenty pounds, asking for the Highland Hearts Special. I had no idea what was going on. Until I found a letter from Moira that told me about the history of the shop and the magick that came with it.” I stepped nearer, wanting to touch him, hug him, to lean into all his warmth and have him tell me it would be okay. But he stayed back, closed off to me.

“The Highland Hearts Special?”

“Yes. The magick allows you to pair people based on their favorite book.”

Alexander closed his eyes, his face falling, and he nodded once to himself, as though confirming his worst fears.

“Which is why you asked me what my favorite book was.”

“What? No, no . I was just making conversation.” I remembered now, asking him about his favorite book, but not for those reasons. I had just been interested.

“You know, it took me by surprise, I’ll admit.” Alexander shook his head and looked away, and the tone of his voice sent chills down the back of my neck. “Here I’d been more than happy to be alone. I was happy. Content in the life I’d built for myself. Happy with my peace, you ken?”

I nodded, my heart filling with dread.

“And then boom! There you are and, all of a sudden, I’m feeling things I haven’t felt in years. In years. Just out of nowhere. Bam! And you’re like an addiction. I think about you constantly and can’t get you out of my head. I was genuinely starting to fall for you.”

Tears pricked my eyes as I began to understand where he was going with this.

“Alexander, I didn’t?—”

“But it makes sense now. If what you say is real about this magick of yours, I was an easy enough mark, wasn’t I?”

My heart shattered.

The pain in his eyes was almost unbearable and I stepped forward to reach out to him, to make him understand that I’d never do that, but he moved out of my reach. Again.

“I promise you, it wasn’t like that at all. This was all a surprise to me as well.” I pointed between the two of us.

“I think it’s best if we stop seeing each other,” Alexander’s voice rasped in the silence of the bookshop. “I refuse to be a plaything in your toybox.”

“Excuse me?” Shock had my mouth dropping open. I brought my hand to my chest. “Plaything? You seemed just fine with friends with benefits, didn’t you? Weren’t you the one who also didn’t want something serious?”

“And I’m also the one who admitted my feelings first, wasn’t I? How long would you have carried on with the friends with benefits ruse when we were clearly falling into an actual relationship with each other?” Alexander demanded.

“I…I don’t know. I’m sure I would have brought it up at some point?” Of course I would have. We wouldn’t have continued calling each other just friends but basically living together.

“Like you did with your ex-boyfriends? The ones who you moved quietly into your life and never made a change until they did?”

Ouch. Wounded, I glared at him. “It wasn’t like that. This is not like that.”

“Isn’t it though? You keep letting everyone else make the choices for you, but when are you going to make your own?”

I gasped. “Wait, so you’re accusing me of not making choices yet at the same time using magick to influence our…whatever this is?” I waved between us.

“Even now you can’t say it, can you?” Alexander looked at me in disbelief. “Unbelievable. This is a relationship, Rosie. Or it was.”

“Don’t act all high and mighty because you just changed the nature of things like, ten minutes ago,” I seethed .

“I’m upset.” Alexander’s hand was on the doorknob. “Trust is important to me. And this…well, it just feels wrong. All of the magick and matchmaking. You had an entire life, a business, that you were running underground that you never breathed a word of to me. And on top of that, you used this supposed magick to influence me.”

“Alexander, I swear to you that’s not how it went down. I never?—”

“You can say what you want, Rosie, but don’t you see? Once trust is broken, it’s hard to get it back. I don’t want to be a part of your big life. Your big new adventure. I don’t want big adventures, Rosie. I want a simple and satisfying life. A small life. But a good one. One that doesn’t make me worry if I can trust my partner. I…I have to go.”

With that, Alexander left the shop, an icy blast of wind slapping my face before he firmly closed the door. I’d taken the bells down from the door earlier this week to fix them, and now I berated myself for not having them up. If they had been, I would have heard him enter the building and none of this would have happened.

You still wouldn’t have told him about the magick. Yet.

Berating myself, I locked the door and flipped the sign to closed, not caring if the women were coming back to decorate. I needed a moment, just one moment, to myself to lick my wounds in private. Flipping the lights off, I crawled into bed and buried my face in a pillow, the tears coming fast and hot.

“And I’m also the one who admitted my feelings first, wasn’t I? How long would you have carried on with the friends with benefits ruse when we were clearly falling into an actual relationship with each other?”

Was he right? Would I have let things go on as they were? Yes. But also no. Because Alexander was a truly good guy. He’d stopped my “pattern” in its tracks and took our relationship to the next level as soon as he realized what was happening. The man was validating me, and I’d been just quietly floating along on this river that was taking me directly toward love.

And on top of it, I’d hidden something very important from him. He was wrong about me using magick on him, but he was right about me not being honest. I didn’t even know that it had been an intentional choice, so much as instinctive. The world wasn’t always kind to those who practiced magick, and so I’d hidden it.

From someone I cared deeply about.

Hell, someone I was even falling in love with.

The tears fell harder, and I started when a hand fell on my back. Turning, I saw Esther with a worried look on her face.

“I screwed up,” I said. “Also, how did you get in here?”

“Moira gave me a key years ago.”

I waited for Esther to say something snarky, to tell me to put my big girl pants on and move on, but instead she did something surprising.

She hugged me .

“Don’t worry, Rosie. We’ll fix this. I promise we’ll fix this.”

“I don’t know that it can be fixed.”

“Och, you kids are so dramatic. Everything can be fixed. If you want it badly enough. Do you?”

“I think that I do,” I cried into her shoulder, realizing that for once, I wasn’t ambivalent about my life at all. I wanted all of this. The shop. The magick. The new friends. The man.

“Then we’ll make it work.”

It was a promise I’d have to hold on to, because in the moment, I just couldn’t see how it would. Alexander already had a wounded heart, and I’d just inadvertently stomped all over it due to my carelessness.

“I don’t know if we can.”

“Och, lass. Do you want this?” Esther pulled back and gave me a stern look. “Really think about it. Is Alexander the one you want?”

Is he? Yes. The answer came immediately. We just…fit. He nurtured when I needed it, gave me space to breathe when I craved it, and matched my quirkiness perfectly. And I’d probably shared more with him about my mom than I had anyone else. I felt like our souls completed each other. I’d found my place— and my person— to put down roots. I’d found…home.

So, yes, Esther, Alexander is the one that I want.

“He is.”