5. Sean

Walking in and seeing Gabby crouched on the kitchen floor, breathing rapidly, with her knees up to her chest was beyond frightening. Sean cursed himself for leaving her. It had been the first time he'd left her in the house alone, and he should have known better. He should have taken her with him to run to the office.

It only took a moment to realize she was having a panic attack. He knew the signs as his mother used to have them when he was growing up, and he would often help her through them even though he was only a kid. He was aware that panic attacks are terrifying for the person having them and could be just as scary for the person trying to help the person through one. It was torture watching someone you care about go through something so awful.

When she screamed out to him not to hurt her, his heart had felt as though it was being torn into a million pieces. Never in his life would he hurt her or any other woman for that matter, and he wanted to murder whoever had hurt her in her past and caused her so much fear.

It was hard not to touch her even after she shook her head no, but he knew that it could make things worse. Especially if she was scared that he was going to hurt her. Instead, he sat down on the floor, only a foot or so away, and quietly whispered to her.

"You're safe here, Gabby. I will never hurt you. I'm sitting right beside you if you need me."

With each soft word he spoke, she seemed to breathe a bit easier, so he continued to talk.

"You're okay, baby girl. I'm right here. You can touch me if you want to, but I won't touch you. I'll just sit here with you in case you need me. That's it, baby, breathe slowly."

Sean wished he could get her stuffed dog for her, but he didn't dare leave her alone, so he pushed that thought away. If she asked for Patches, he would get him for her, but otherwise, he wasn't leaving her side.

It seemed like an hour when in reality, it was only a few agonizing minutes before her breathing slowed and her crying turned to quiet whimpers, and then the whimpers turned to the occasional sniffle. He watched her as her body relaxed little by little until she was softly snoring. Sean knew panic attacks were exhausting and could completely wipe a person out for hours or even days afterward. There were times his mom wouldn't leave her bed for two days after a severe attack.

Wanting to pick her up and carry her up to her bed but not wanting to go against his word that he wouldn't touch her, Sean continued to sit next to her while she slept. She leaned towards him and rested her head against his arm at one point. He tilted his head back against the cabinet and closed his eyes, trying to think of ways to help her. Even though they barely knew each other, he cared about her, and he felt very protective over the scared young woman.

He wanted to care for her and make her feel safe and wanted. He didn't know if their age gap would bother her or even if she found him attractive, but he felt a pull toward her that told him that she was meant to be his little girl. Whether she wanted that or not, he had no idea. Hell, she barely even trusted him, so there was probably no way she had even thought about him being her Daddy.

Over two hours later, Sean felt Gabby stir next to him. He didn't want to startle her, so he stayed quiet and let her naturally wake up. When she sat up, he looked over at her, hoping she wouldn't be frightened, and when he saw her big brown eyes, he knew she was more ashamed than scared.

"Hey, baby girl, you're okay."

She lowered her eyes from his and fidgeted with her hands.

"Have you been sitting here the whole time?" she asked quietly.

"Yes. I didn't want to leave you."

Even though she didn't look up at him, he saw her expression change, and she looked like she was going to cry. He resisted the urge to reach out for her even though everything in him wanted to pull her into his lap and rock her.

"I ruined one of your towels by accident. I was trying to clean, and I didn't know the countertop cleaner had bleach in it," she whispered.

Sean looked back over at her with confusion before the meaning of her words hit him.

"Was your panic attack brought on by that, Gabby? Because you thought I was going to be upset?"

She nodded and slumped her shoulders.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to ruin it."

This time, he couldn't resist reaching out for her hand. He moved slowly, making sure she knew he was reaching for her and when his hand wrapped around hers, he gave it a slight squeeze.

"Baby girl, you don't need to be sorry. Accidents happen, and material things can be replaced. I'm sorry you felt so scared about that. I will never get mad at you for an accident like that. And even if I were ever to get mad at you, I would never scream or hurt you in any way."

Tears slipped down her cheeks, "Do you think I'm a freak?"

Sean turned his body so he was facing her.

"Look at me, sweet girl."

She hesitated just briefly before looking up to meet his eyes.

"I don't think you're a freak. Not even close. I don't know you very well or what your past was like, but it seems like you've been through a lot in your life and are doing what you can to cope and get through. I see a strong, sweet, smart, beautiful woman when I look at you and the last thing I'd ever think was that you're a freak."

Her bottom lip trembled, and more tears fell down her cheeks at his words. Gabby used the back of her hands to brush them away.

"I know you have a lot of fears, Gabby, but I hope one day you will realize that you can trust me and that I would never hurt you."

Gabby sniffled, "I feel safer with you than I've felt with anyone else. But I'm just so fucked up that even though I feel safe with you, I'm still scared of you. My… my past is… it's like a horror movie, and I don't know if I will ever be normal or be able to trust anyone completely."

Sean wasn't sure what to say to that. It was the most she'd ever told him about her or her life, and he felt thankful that she shared it, but he also felt angry that she was so afraid and hurt. He wanted to know her whole story, but he knew he would have to take it in whatever bits and pieces she offered up because pressing her for information might upset her.

"Baby, I don't expect you to trust me overnight. I will earn your trust. I want to help you with whatever you are going through and see if we can figure out things to help you heal. But only if that's what you want. And, Gabby, baby, there is no such thing as normal. I had a full-on nursery designed upstairs, so I'm pretty sure I'm not normal either."

She smiled at that but didn't look up at him, "I love your nursery. It's the prettiest room I've ever seen."

"It's your nursery now, baby girl. As long as you want it, it's yours."

Gabby peered up at him under her long dark lashes, and he saw the hope in her eyes.

"I mean it, Gabby. I'm enjoying you being here, and as long as you're comfortable and happy here, the room is yours."

He wasn't prepared when she leaped into his arms and hugged him so ferociously that a lump formed in his throat. Wrapping his arms around her, Sean stroked her back and settled her into his lap. She sobbed in his arms for so long that by the time she stopped, he wasn't sure how she was even still awake.

"I've never had a room of my own," she said with a shaky voice.

He rested his chin on the top of her head and smiled.

"Well, now you do, baby. Now you do."

It made him feel warm inside that she didn't try to wiggle off his lap. He would have let her if she tried, but she seemed content being snuggled up against someone. He wondered how long it had been since she'd had something as simple as someone holding her.

"What do you say we get up off this hard floor and go watch a movie. You can snuggle up with me on the couch if you'd like."

She nodded but didn't move right away, so neither did he. When she finally started moving, he helped her stand up and then stood up as well, and for the first time since he'd met her, she seemed relaxed.

"I need to go to the bathroom," she whispered as she danced from one foot to the other.

He smiled down at her, "Okay, baby, you go potty, and I'll get a movie started. How about The Secret Life of Pets 2?"

Gabby nodded and rushed toward the hallway bathroom. Sean turned toward the sink and saw the bleached towel that had caused her such distress and tossed it in the garbage can before heading to the living room to start their movie. He had just sat down when she walked into the living room, and he hoped she would come to sit with him. He figured she could use as much comfort as possible because it was apparent that she had been attention-starved for her entire life. At least starved for positive attention.

She only seemed to hesitate briefly before she came and sat down beside him on the couch, close enough that they were touching. Lifting his arm, he wrapped it around her shoulder as she snuggled into his side. He wanted to ask her a million questions so he could understand her better, but instead, he started the movie and just held her as they watched it. Secret Life of Pets was one of his favorite animated movies, and she seemed to love it too if her giggling was anything to go by.

"How about I make some dinner? Do you want to go grab Patches and keep me company while I cook?"

Gabby nodded and went to find her stuffed friend. He planned to ask her some light questions while he cooked dinner and hoped having her stuffy would help comfort her. When she returned, she climbed up on a barstool and watched him move around the kitchen.

"Do you have panic attacks very often, Gabby?"

Her big doe eyes studied him as though she was unsure if she wanted to answer his question.

"Sometimes more than others. But I have them regularly."

Sean nodded, "Is there anything I can do in the future if I see you having one?"

"Like what?" she asked.

"Like get you a drink of water or a cold compress or Patches?"

She shrugged, "I'm not sure. I've always been alone when I've had them, so I just do what I know to do to get through them."

He thought about that for a moment and carefully chose his following words. He didn't want to upset her or make her feel like the freak that she already assumed she was.

"Have you ever talked to anyone about your panic attacks? A counselor or anyone?"

Gabby hugged patches to her chest and shook her head.

"No. I don't have insurance."

Right. He should have known that. He made a mental note to check with Zane to see if she could get health insurance since she was employed with the club.

"Would you be interested in having someone to talk to? I know a lovely woman named Savannah. She's a therapist, and she is also into the lifestyle."

He turned to look at her reaction to his question, and he was pleased to see that she didn't look upset but rather intrigued. Then her expression turned sad.

"I can't afford to do something like that. Maybe one day, but not now."

Sean stopped chopping the vegetables that he would add to their stir-fry and walked over to the island where Gabby sat.

"Gabby, I would take care of all of that. If you would like to talk to Savannah, I can arrange it and take care of the cost."