36. August 13th

36

August 13th

" B e safe, and don't keep her out too long." I try to figure out where the typical bad boy Axel has gone, because in his place is a worried mother. Instead, I focus on my breakfast. Darius is on my right eating silently, Axel to my left, and leaning against the sink facing us is Grayson.

"You know that I'm older than you right?" Grayson laughs and reaches over the counter lightly punching Axel's shoulder in the semblance of comradery.

"And you know that today is—"

The smile drops, he whips back, Grayson's eyes flicker to me. "Today is going to be a good fun day."

A thought courses through me. "Tomorrow is your twentieth birthday, Axel!"

And Tripp's. I don't voice that part.

I drop my fork and look to him.

He swallows his bite and swings a leg over the stool, facing me. "You going to give me a lap dance, Little Lamb?" He raises his eyebrows suggestively.

Darius reaches behind me and this time the punch that lands on Axel's shoulder sounds painful.

Axel grunts. "I'm the birthday boy, stop beating me." He inches forward pressing his shoulder to mine and leans down, nipping my ear. "Be good ." He presses his lips to mine in a devastating scorch before jumping off the stool and retreating to the garage. A moment later, I hear the unmistakable sound of his motorcycle.

The brothers have been playing this game with me for the last several weeks. They have me on a length of rope and they keep pulling, pulling, pulling until I am on the cusp of giving in and then they drop it entirely to restart the process again.

I am frustrated, teetering on the edge of anger. But I realize what they're doing. They're making me decide. Giving me the choice to push things further.

Darius pecks me on the lips in a quick burning kiss. "Have a good day, Wildflower." His words are soft, calm, but his smile is fractured. Fake.

"What's going on?"

Grayson looks over my shoulder watching Darius leave before refocusing on me. He shrugs a shoulder. "Who knows?" He appears happy, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

I'm annoyed, but I don't say anything else and I finish my breakfast in silence.

***

The space center isn't as packed as it usually is. It's an hour outside of our town and something about being so far away has brought me peace.

We make it inside and through the ticketing area, we have a few hours before the planetarium show.

Now that we are here, the grief I expected to weigh me down has been replaced with excitement.

I take hold of Grayson's hand and begin dragging him to my favorite exhibits.

We stop in the space comic books and novel section first. "Do you see this? This was the first time space travel was put into a comic book, isn't this the coolest?" I continue my explanations as we make it through all the exhibits. This is one of my favorite places and my heart fills with warmth as Grayson listens intently to me jabbering on and on.

There is nothing better in the world than being able to gush over your interests without being made to feel bad about it.

"Did you know that even when they peed it was recycled into water?" I point to the sealed cups. "So, gross."

Grayson laughs. "I can't say that I did." He reaches down, ruffling my hair affectionately and I smile up at him.

This is the most fun I have had in months and I never want it to end.

Part of the center is outside and when we make our way out there, I take the hoodie off. For some reason the action seems to put Grayson on guard. "What's wrong?"

Again, I can see his anxiety. It's palpable. His furrowed brow forming a wrinkle, his hold on my hand tightening, his lips flattening. "Nothing." He casts a look around. It's as if he's expecting someone.

Usually I would want to know exactly what is going on, but I promised myself today I would just let loose. Enjoy myself. So, we continue, following the circuit until at the very bottom I see a sign for the restrooms.

Before he can fight me on it, I throw the hoodie at him and take off down the ramp to the restroom. I don't want him following me there, too, and I am half convinced he will.

"I'll be right back," I yell over my shoulder before making it through the door. I expect to come right into the bathroom, but instead it's another hallway. Straight ahead is the women's room, and to the right is an exit door to a different area. With the hood no longer blocking my periphery, I can see movement. I turn to look, and my breath stutters.

"Julia?" I haven't seen my best friend in months, but there she is. I know it's her, going through the door to the exit.

I chase after her.

I can hear Grayson calling my name, but I don't stop.

When I make it through the door, it clicks behind me and I am on the side of the space center property. In front of me is an eerily familiar hill and then just the woods. To my right is a storage shed, in the other direction is a pile of barrels. Past it, I see Julia getting into a car, I can't see the driver and I don't recognize the vehicle.

"Julia!" I call again. I go to chase after her, but a hand stops me.

"Sunday." Grayson is out of breath, but even still, his hold doesn't waver. "Stop."

When I look for Julia again, she's gone, along with the car. "It was Julia. Why did you stop me?" The adrenaline of the chase and seeing her has given way to anger. "What is wrong with you?"

Grayson whips back as if I have slapped him. The open carefree person he had slowly let out today is replaced with the guarded man I am used to. "It wasn't safe. Why would she be here?"

"Maybe you all were wrong, maybe she isn't gone. Maybe this has all been a mistake."

"Oh, baby girl." Grayson puts a sturdy hand on my shoulder the other he uses to brush my curls behind my ears. One side at a time. He presses a soft kiss to my forehead.

It's soothing, and I find my anger dissipating. He's right, she couldn't have been here, I must have been confused. But even as I think the words, another part of me knows that they're not true.

Grayson puts the hoodie back over me and offers me a quick hug. "Come on, let's go back inside, please? It's time for the show."

I offer up a soft reassuring smile. "You're probably right." Except in my gut, deep down I know that he's not. But even more than that? I know that, once more, an O'Brien is hiding something. Except, like I promised myself, I am not going to let it ruin today.

He seems to believe me and lets it go. We can't get back in from where we came, so we are forced to circle the building to the left, towards the parking lot, as we do so I get a better look at the bottom of the hill. Of the path down it.

"That looks like it would hurt to roll down." The words leave my lips unexpectedly. I can't pinpoint exactly where the thought even came from.

Grayson freezes, but then he chuckles softly. "Yes, I would imagine so."

It's the middle of summer and I am wearing a hoodie, but I can't stop the full body shudder that pulsates through my body as we pass the barrels.

The disgust that crawls up my throat. Long, slimy, tendrils.

I don't understand that I am bending over to puke until Grayson's sturdy hand is rubbing comforting circles on my back, his other holding my hair.

"It's okay, I've got you." His voice is soft, calming, grounding.

I continue on until there is nothing left in my stomach except bile. After I dry heave a few more times, I am finally able to pull myself together enough for Grayson to lift me up and carry me away. The déjà vu is getting worse, but I won't think about it today. That will be tomorrow's problem.

Only when I am in the security of his arms does the nausea leave me. Neither of us mention the incident for the rest of the day.

And I don't look at the barrels again.