35. August 13th

35

August 13th

T he pavement is cold, scratchy, painful.

I try to move my limbs. I can't. I can't feel anything.

I'm lying face up, staring at the stars. I use my eyes to search my surroundings, the only thing that I can move. About ten feet away in my periphery, I see a black shape. It appears to be a person, but I can't tell in the darkness, and I can't really look at it.

There is one lone street light. It flickers above me. I try to rasp in air, nothing happens.

My attention drifts downwards, I can see the color red, but I can't make out where it's coming from.

"Here she is. Help me with her." The voice is comforting, warm.

I can't feel anything when I'm lifted up, at least not physically, but something in my chest heats. An emotion unravels.

"I've got her." Tripp's soothing voice floats to me. "Oh, Sunflower, please stop meeting us here."

"Lil sis, you read the letter? I'm sorry about the dramatics, I was afraid that I would go missing too. I didn't expect this." Auggie squats before me, he's wearing his hoodie from college, he ruffles my hair. "It seems you're doing okay, I have a good feeling, but you need to listen to me."

Tripp leans me a bit more forward, my eyes catch on the crimson. The blood seeping out of my white shirt. I want to scream, but I can't say anything, I can't move.

"It's okay, you're okay." Tripp's palliating voice in my ear is the only thing that keeps my mind from crumbling.

"Sis, Sunflower, you need to listen to me. You need to be careful. The next twenty-four hours are going to come at you fast. Whatever you do, keep your head down. Don't follow any leads. Don't go anywhere without telling the O'Briens. If you get an idea, you need to call Grayson. Do you understand me?" Auggie is shouting the words at me. It's the most aggressive he's ever been.

I don't understand anything.

"Lighten up, she's not going to remember this anyways." Tripp's voice is still mollifying, it settles my nerves. "It's going to be okay Sunflower, no matter what happens we will be here for you."

Remorse presses against my chest, my vision blurs. It isn't from tears.

"Hush, I can feel you. Feel your pain, your guilt. There's nothing to be ashamed of, they always owned pieces of your heart, you just didn't know it. Who do you think always kept the bullies away? The evil of this town? Well, it was Auggie sure, but it was also me, Axel, Darius, Grayson." I hear as Tripp whooshes air out of his chest behind me. "You need each other. Now that we're gone, rely on each other. I would tell you to leave this town and never look back, but even if you remember this, I know none of you will listen. Too damn stubborn." Tripp chuckles.

Auggie offers a wistful smile. "It's going to be okay, Sunflower. Just keep your head down, and please, whatever you do, don't go off alone." He leans forward hugging me.

I can't feel anything and the scene fades into blackness.

I try to look at my surroundings as my vision disappears.

A flickering light. A bend. One side is a forest, the other side is an embankment. The guard rail is bent. A body lies in a puddle on the ground. I recognize them.

My heart drops into my stomach.

***

I wake up screaming.

"Come here, it's okay."

Grayson's familiar scent fills my nostrils, his body is pressed against my front. I wrap my arms around him as I tremble.

"Shhhh, it's okay. It's okay. Do you want to talk to me about it?" He speaks the words softly into my ear as I burrow my face into his chest.

His injuries have finally healed.

I haven't done anything more with the brothers since Grayson came home from the hospital, but I feel closer to them all, nonetheless. We have kept it platonic. The ball is essentially in my court—except with Grayson—but I'm not ready.

"Nightmare?" he asks into my hair.

"Yeah." The word is shaky, but gradually I am calming down.

"You've been getting them more and more, are you sure we should go today?" Grayson isn't wrong, almost every morning I wake up in distress.

Today feels especially unpleasant.

"You still can't remember anything from them?"

How do I explain the feelings that follow me. The terror, uneasiness, the dread. It wouldn't make any sense, I would sound crazy.

"Work?" I ask, finally extracting myself from Grayson's safety now that my nerves have calmed. A bit.

"Not today, you have been going nonstop. Today we both are going to play hooky." Grayson sits up, heaving me into his lap and wrapping his arms around me.

Platonic.

He nuzzles his face into my neck. His breath skirting down the column of my neck.

Friendly.

His cock hardens against my ass as his grip on me tightens.

I try to roll against it, gain some type of relief. My desire is quickly outweighing the anxiety I woke up with.

He pushes me out of his lap, I startle enough to fall, but he catches me. I'm past the point of embarrassment. This is now a common ritual. Stringing me along.

He doesn't say anything as I go to the closet and get dressed.

Today is the day we are going to go to the space center.

I push the desire to jump back on Grayson down. I feel guilty enough bringing him with me today. I don't want to add anything to it. Changed and back in the room, my focus catches on the box of Auggie and Tripp's things. I walk towards it mindlessly and pull out a hoodie.

"Auggie loved that thing, he was so proud of his acceptance there." Grayson's voice is wistful.

Sometimes I forget how close they were, that they were all best friends. "For some reason I want to wear it, but it will be too hot, won't it?"

Grayson is dressed now and leaning against the wall, he pushes off it and walks toward me. He steps up behind me and reaches down, he takes the hoodie from me and pulls it over my head.

"Wear it. I know you haven't been there without them. We will make new memories together, but that doesn't mean you need to replace the old."

Sometimes it feels like Grayson knows my deepest fear and lays it flat on the surface in a way that it is no longer so scary.

"Thank you," I murmur.

"Breakfast!" Darius's shout echoes around and I offer Grayson a small smile before he takes my hand and leads us down the stairs.

For the first time in a while I find that I am excited. Happy for the day. I love the space center and maybe I won't be there with Auggie and Tripp, but I will carry them with me. As pieces of my heart.