11. June 20th

11

June 20th

T his day is dragging on forever.

My suitcase bumps behind me down the sidewalk, the sun blazing down and causing my hair to stick to my neck. Grayson left before I did to allow heartfelt goodbyes with my parents.

They both patted me awkwardly on the shoulder and told me to stay out of trouble.

It's hard to be angry with either of them. They were never bad parents. They did what they could to raise us. I was never hungry, never lacking in anything, except maybe their attention. But that seems to be the norm in modern society where both parents have to work overtime to make ends meet. Especially with a two-child household. I'm just mostly disappointed because, as much as I know I am alone with Auggie and Tripp gone, their actions have solidified the feeling.

Except I'm not alone. Physically at least. I am about to be surrounded by the remaining O'Brien brothers.

I push through the anxiety and approach the front door. It swings open before I can knock, and I am looking up at the youngest brother.

He graces me with a soft, apologetic smile. "I know this isn't what you want, but I promise it's for the best."

Darius isn't the one that sold me out to my parents, he hasn't earned my wrath. In fact... "Thank you for the cupcake, it's my favorite flavor." I ate the entire thing in three bites, but I don't relay that information. "And for last night." My cheeks blaze, it's not from the heat.

A gentle, knowing look shifts across his face. "I aim to please. Come on in, we have you in our mom's room."

I'm immensely grateful. Part of me was terrified they would put me in Tripp's room.

Stepping into the house, the AC hits me in a blast, and my sweat turns to a cold sheen as I take in the surroundings. I haven't been in this house except when I snuck in through Tripp's window.

I'm happily surprised by the cleanliness and warmth. It feels comfortable, lived in, and obviously well taken care of.

"Here." Darius gently takes my suitcase from me and begins leading the way.

I follow carefully behind, on the lookout for the other two brothers. My eyes perusing the walls. A picture of Tripp has me jerking to a stop. His arms are around Axel's shoulder. I can't exactly explain how I know which is which because they're both young boys in the image that look identical, but I inherently know that Tripp is the one on the left. He's smiling at the camera, while the other boy is frowning and appears to be bouncing out of his skin trying to stay still.

"So young," I whisper.

Darius turns back, sees what I am looking at, and pauses. "They were," he agrees. His attention catches on my fingers tracing the smiling boy. He opens his mouth as if to add more but shuts it, shaking his head.

My fingers unconsciously stroke Tripp's face. "I miss him." I'm not sure what compels me to speak the words, but here with Darius, I don't feel so alone. I don't feel like I need to carry my secrets.

"I know," Darius responds softly. His eyes are closed and he whips back around so quickly—leading the way—that I almost question if he spoke at all.

As we make it up a flight of stairs and to the door at the very end of the hallway, we pass Tripp's room and I can't help but allow my gaze to linger. Water wells up in my eyes again.

"Home sweet home." Darius pushes the door open at the very end, and I am surprised to see that the room looks incredibly comfortable and nice.

The bed is neatly made and covered in soft colorful pillows. There is also a dresser, desk, and TV that all look brand new. So new in fact that the plastic protector still covers the TV's screen. I had never been in their mom's room before, but I doubt she had it this carefully set up, doubt she bought furniture recently and just left it behind. From the few times I met her in passing, she was the epitome of chaos.

Foreboding flashes in my subconscious, threatening to take hold. Just like at the memorial, I recognize the feeling: apprehension .

Ever since the memorial I have had this inexplicable sensation. As if something bad is about to happen. As if there are memories pressing against my brain that aren't my own, and for some reason the feeling is always exacerbated when I am around the O'Briens.

Darius clearly sees something shift in my body language. He turns in the door and gestures around the space. "Our grandmother taught us to always be prepared for guests," he explains. He places my suitcase just inside the door and steps back allowing me to squeeze by his bulky frame into the room. "Make yourself comfortable, bathroom is through that door. Dinner should be ready around seven when Grayson and Axel get back, but if you're hungry before then feel free to make something. The fridge stays stocked."

My heart softens. They lost their grandmother not too long ago and now their brother, too. He is just trying to make me feel relaxed; he knows what I am going through. Because he is going through very close to the same thing.

I sit carefully on the bed and meet Darius's amber eyes. Darius again seems like he wants to say something, but he pauses as if re-thinking. "I know this isn't what you want, and nothing seems like it makes sense, but I promise we just want to do right by your brother. And you may not realize it, but Sunday, we do care about you."

"But you don't even know me." I realize how harsh the words are as soon as I say them, but I can't help it. This is so incredibly confusing, and they haven't really told me anything. They just keep showing up. Pushing their way into my life. Albeit thankfully so when it came to Maxwell and William.

"Don't we?" On that cryptic note, Darius turns and leaves me to my own devices.

I'm tired of all three of these brothers.

Tripp, if only you could see me now.