12. June 21st

12

June 21st

M y alarm blaring at 12:00 AM startles me awake. Right on time. I shut it off as quickly as possible. I have managed to avoid the brothers thus far, even going so far as to skip dinner.

But I woke up for a specific reason; I am going to sneak out, go to the police station, and demand my brother's items. I am so focused on my plan for tonight, that it takes me longer than it should to realize I'm not alone.

" Sunday ." An admonishing voice cuts through the room's darkness.

I jump in the bed. Using my phone's light, I locate the source. Axel is seated on the end of my bed, a knowing look gracing his features. I'm not sure if it's my freshly woken state, or the lighting, but he looks so much like Tripp in this moment that I choke on my next breath.

"What exactly do you have planned at this hour?" His lips lift cruelly, knowingly.

The mirage vanishes. Axel. I reach over to the lamp beside me, clicking it on. I am acutely aware that this is the monster under my bed I was always warned of. Except all the light does is cast him in eerie shadows, it does nothing to dispel him.

I blink a few more times. "Why are you here?" The question leaves my lips softer than I intend.

Axel's gaze openly peruses my body, slowly navigates my form. Until settling on my chest. He licks his lips.

My nipples pebble in the silky white shirt I fell asleep in. I suddenly feel on fire, the weight of his attention is causing me to combust and I need a reprieve. I open my mouth to tell him to leave, but he jumps forward before any words escape.

He pins me to the bed, my arms above my head, his hips pressed into mine.

His chest pushes into my sensitive nipples and I let out an accidental moan.

"Fuck!" he expels the word. "This is earlier than last time, but the hundredth time is the charm," he says before his head is bending to mine, his mouth capturing mine. His soft lips are unexpected compared to his hard, chiseled form. His body pushes me further down as his mouth claims mine. The passion and deep sadness in the kiss are unmistakable.

I want to blame my sleep deprived state, my endless grief, my need for comfort. But I can't. In this moment with Axel pressing me firmly into the mattress claiming my lips. Heating my body. Controlling my movements. I begin to come undone. When his tongue slips into my mouth, fighting mine, I allow myself to fall into the feelings.

My backup alarm has us both jumping apart.

Axel propels himself off the bed as if burned. I turn the alarm off, again. My lips are throbbing, desire is coursing throughout my body, but most of all…

My guilt.

What the fuck did I just allow him to do? Why did it feel so comfortable?

Because he reminds me of Tripp. The thought is jarring and accompanied by the familiar sting of tears.

When I finally gain the courage to, I meet Axel's gaze.

He is an impenetrable mask. "Whatever you were planning on doing tonight, don't do it. It's not worth it."

My earlier guilt is driven out as my anger peaks. How dare he! How dare he tell me what to do! How dare he invade my space! How dare he kiss me! "Who are you to tell me what to do?!" The words come out as a hushed scream.

Axel steps forward to the bed and bends down so he is inches from my face, for a moment I think he is going to kiss me again, but instead he smiles snidely. "Little girl. You have no idea what you are doing. You can't play with monsters unless you're willing to become one yourself." This time when he looks me up and down, it is mockingly. "And all I see in this bed is a Little Lamb." I try to turn my head away, but he catches my face, his calloused fingers gripping my cheeks. Tightly. He leans until his voice is directly in my ear. "Now listen, Little Lamb, I may not be a monster, but for you? I will wear its skin."

The hot air from his breath tickles my ear and causes me to shudder. Before I can even begin to unpack how I am feeling or what he is saying, Axel drops his grasp on me and leaves the room.

He turns back right before shutting the door behind him. His large size takes up the entire doorframe, his dark hair a ruffled mess, his sharp eyes swirling in chaos. In this light he looks exactly like the monster he promises to be. "You think you know who I am? But you have no fucking clue."

My heart pounds in my chest. I can hardly breathe. I need to get out of here. Out of my head. Axel's words echo around my brain. Why is everything these brothers say so confusing? And how did I allow him to kiss me? How did I permit myself to enjoy it as much as I did?

I won't be able to go back to sleep like this. My eyes catch on the window. More specifically, the stars shining through it. My plans will have to wait until tomorrow.

I step out of the bed on wobbly legs, allowing a moment for them to steady, before I head to the window, pushing up the frame.

Success.

There is a place to step out on; I should be able to do this. I lift out and up and climb very carefully until I reach my intended destination.

Finally on the roof, I lie back carefully and simply watch the stars. I allow myself a moment of peace, forgiveness, and reprieve.

It has been exactly twenty days on this planet without Tripp and Auggie. How long will I feel this soul sucking emptiness? Will I always walk around with two heavy plates in my heart? With the crippling guilt that anything I do would hurt the two? My fingers drift to my lips and I feel that they are still swollen.

How dare I kiss Axel? I can't believe I allowed myself to get caught in whatever that was. I am a horrible person and it's not even Axel's fault. He didn't know my connection to Tripp. To his twin.

Tripp and I kept our relationship hidden from our families. We knew if they found out it would only cause unwanted drama.

Fuck.

I focus on the stars in an attempt to quell my racing heart and it must work, because I don't even remember falling asleep.

***

I am not sure how I got there, but when I wake up, I'm back in their mom's room. I guess it's mine now.

This time, fully rested, I have formulated a more solid plan.

Calling Veronica, I get dressed as the phone rings. "Hey Sunday." Her voice is coated in sleep.

"Hey sorry, didn't mean to wake you. I just had a couple questions." I lock my bedroom door and find my suitcase. Locating the giraffe, I use my fingers to undo the zipper on the back and pull out the picture and flip phone. The phone is dead, and the charger type is something I don't have.

"Of course. You can call me anytime." Veronica's tone is a bit more steady now and her words swell in my chest. She was always good to my brother and I know first-hand the pain of tragically losing your first love.

I weigh my options. Would she know about these items? Auggie was last home only a month ago and he could have left them then. I start with the easier question. "You said Auggie got me a graduation present? Do you know what it would have looked like?"

"Yes," she murmurs softly. "It would have just been in an envelope. I hope you can find it."

I hope so too, and I know just where I am going to start my search. "Do you… do you know what happened to the car?"

Her breath hitches. "My guess would be the impound lot, but Sunday, I doubt it's there. The insurance company probably took it."

The words don't feel right, but I can tell she's crying now. I don't want to question her.

"I'm sorry Sunday, is it okay if I text you later? I didn't realize how hard this would be. You just—" she pauses "—you talk exactly like him, you know?"

My heart sinks. I didn't even think about that. But I understand. "I get it. You don't have to apologize, I appreciate you. And if you need someone to talk to, you can always reach out to me too." I realize, once again, that I may not be the only person feeling incredibly alone right now. I trace the picture with my finger.

Veronica hiccups. "I really appreciate that Sunday. I'll talk to you soon, promise."

While some of my questions have been answered, there is still one weighing heavily.

Why does my brother have this picture?

I don't recognize the girl that is laid flat on a bare bed, but she is clearly not conscious.

The angle of the picture makes it so the man on top of her takes up the remaining frame, but it's just the back of his shirt. Just plain black, nothing discernable.

Squinting closer, I find his hand is also visible. My blood goes cold. On the man's hand is our high school class ring. I can't make out the year, but the clunky item is unmistakable.

Steps outside my door have me hastily stuffing the items back into the giraffe and burying it into the bottom of my suitcase.

My bedroom door opens only moments later.

I was sure I locked that.

"Breakfast?" Darius's kind voice is a distraction from my train of thought.

Meeting his eyes I watch as an indecipherable emotion flashes across his face, before his typical easygoing smile is back in place.

"Sure." I shrug my agreement and follow him. "I have a question," I state as we walk to the kitchen.

"Okay." Darius doesn't turn back.

I find myself tracing the line of his shoulders, the way his lean muscles push against the fabric. While he is the smallest of the brothers, he still towers over my frame. His hair is the darkest and longest of all the O'Briens and it falls in soft waves stopping just above his shoulders. I'm so mesmerized by the way it moves as he walks that I almost forget my question.

"Why did you drop out?" I finally get it out as we step into the kitchen. I am thankful neither of the other brothers are to be found.

Darius gestures for me to sit at the kitchen bar. I drag the stool out slowly and it's not until he is setting a plate in front of me that he answers, "Money."

The word isn't what I expected.

Darius settles on the other side of the counter leaning back and gesturing for me to eat.

I find myself studying my food. Eggs, salsa, bacon, and a pecan waffle. My favorites. Weird, but I shrug it off as a coincidence.

"When our grandmother passed, we no longer had her monthly income to help with bills," Darius continues.

I swallow a few bites before looking back up. Darius is staring at me intently. He seems both pleased and exasperated.

"I think you know, but we own the old marina. The money is okay, but Grayson needed the extra help. Axel and Tripp weren't available. I was."

"But…" I start, I'm suddenly annoyed for Darius. He is my age, but already he's forced to take care of himself, of his family.

I suddenly feel incredibly small. My parents may be sending money, but would it be enough? Should I be contributing in some way?

I am so self-absorbed. They just lost their brother and here I am in a full-blown pity party because I was forced to stay here. No, because I decided to live here instead of my grandmother's. They owed me nothing and it was my own anxieties making me look at these men in a bad light. What have any of the three actually done to me?

My stomach sours, and I carefully set my fork down.

"No, you're going to eat the rest of that." Grayson's voice cuts through the room causing me to jump in my seat.

"Gray," Darius acknowledges. "We agreed–"

"Talk to Axel," Grayson cuts him off, turning to me. "Eat your food and for fuck's sake don't try to sneak out in the middle of the night, and then fall asleep on the roof. It isn't safe. I have to work, but Darius is going to stay to keep an eye on you." Grayson and Darius exchange an unreadable look.

Feeling properly admonished, I pick up the fork and continue picking at my food.

Grayson takes another step until he is in my space. His tall frame towers over me, and he unexpectedly reaches down and softly tucks a curl that has escaped behind my ear as I chew. I find myself leaning into his firm hand. The feeling so incredibly familiar, and something inside me ignites.

The fork dropping to my plate has us both breaking from the moment.

He steps back and adjusts his shirt over his jeans. The jeans are sculpted to his thighs and I have to turn away from the intoxicating image.

"Be good for Darius. Please," Grayson grumbles before exiting the room.

I don't acknowledge him, he's treating me like a child and I don't like it, but I am beginning to suspect that is just who Grayson is. Controlling, overbearing, stern.

Some of me hates it, but the other part?

Guilt slithers up my spine as I try to refocus my attention on the breakfast ignoring how, once again, I reacted to another O'Brien brother. I am a horrible person, and nothing is making sense. How dare I lust after these brothers. How dare I feel this way. I let my hair fall back around my face as I finish my meal, using it as a shield between myself and the remaining O'Brien that watches me with his eagle eyes.