10. June 20th

10

June 20th

M y mouth is dry, tastes disgusting, and my head is pounding to a drummer's beat. Ugh. Those are my first thoughts as I wake up.

How did I get here ? Is shortly after.

I am back in my bedroom, but I have no recollection of how . The last thing I remember is the party.

The party.

Maxwell. William. The room, the drugs, and then Axel.

Grayson driving us. Darius's comfort and warmth.

My cheeks heat in embarrassment. What was I thinking?

I have no clue what time it is, my bedroom is shrouded in darkness but that means nothing with my curtains currently drawn. I reach out a hand and find my phone. It's on the charger. 12:05 PM.

I expect the texts from both Veronica and Carrie. It's the one from Axel that I don't, he sent it around an hour ago.

You have a few hours. Get packed.

What the fuck does that mean?

Banging on my door distracts me from the cryptic message.

"Sunday, get dressed and come downstairs. We need to talk." My mother's voice is toneless, teetering on exhausted.

This isn't going to be good. I shoot texts to Veronica and Carrie. The one to Carrie is challenging because what exactly should I tell her about Maxwell? Would she even believe me? I'm beginning to suspect his last girlfriend, Tiffany, left this town to get away from him.

I allow myself a few more moments of peace before pushing up from my bed. I blink as I spot something. Next to where my phone sits is a red velvet cupcake—my favorite—wrapped in plastic. On top of it is a note.

Happy Birthday

My parents must have left it. Happiness flushes my system; I didn't realize how much it hurt that my parents hadn't wished me a happy birthday. I know they have been just as overwhelmed as me, but forgetting my birthday? Well, it hurt.

Exiting the bed with a bit more enthusiasm now, I take a short period to refresh and get dressed.

When I leave and go to shut my door behind me, I instinctively look to Auggie's room. The door is sealed firmly now. Odd, I could have sworn yesterday that it was left open.

Another memory pierces me: my graduation present, the one Victoria mentioned at the party last night.

They returned the items in his pockets but nothing from the car, not even his phone. What if it is just sitting there, in the vehicle? I shake the thought away, first I need to talk to my mom then I can go into detective mode.

The sight that greets me in our dining room has my anxiety boiling over.

Both of my parents are sitting at the table but so is Grayson.

What the actual fuck.

My mom gestures for me to sit. The Narcan Axel gave me the night before sits on the table in front of them.

A beacon of betrayal. I have never done drugs, why would they give that to my parents? Other than to paint me in a bad light.

What the fuck?

I pull the chair out slowly, dragging it against the hardwood floor, and try my best to discern what in the ever-loving fuck is going on. From the look on all three of their faces, it isn't good.

"Sunflower," my mom starts, the nickname has me even more on guard, she uses it only when relaying bad news. Pain pierces my heart, the nickname is one Auggie gave me and, even worse, the last time she used it, I was learning of Tripp and Auggie's deaths. "I know this hasn't been easy for you, for any of us."

My eyes flash to Grayson, he refuses to make contact. Looking pointedly above my head. "Yes," I agree. Because of course it isn't easy. They lost their favorite and I lost two people that truly cared about me.

"We forgot your birthday, sweetie." This time it's my dad's rough voice that pulls my attention.

"The cupcake?" I ask.

Confusion ripples across both of their faces, but Grayson's is coated in understanding. "Darius," he states.

Something bubbles up in my gut. A mixture of anger and guilt. Of happiness and misery. "Oh," I expel the word.

It hurts more than I expected it to, that neither of my parents remember me in the absence of their son. I don't blame them; my brother was larger than life. He casts a shadow even in death.

"Sunflower, we were already planning this," she pauses, "before everything happened we were assigned travel contracts. We thought it would be okay to leave you here alone, but after what Grayson told us, and what we found, we think it is best that you stay under his roof. Grayson has been an upstanding man over the years doing his best to watch over his family, he's even helping Axel get his life back on track. He can keep watch over you, so you stay out of trouble."

I fall back in my chair. The text suddenly makes sense. Get packed. Axel knew, but why would they want me there? Besides the memorial and the party last night, we haven't ever exactly been close. But here is Grayson, sitting in my dining room. Telling my mother whatever he did to have her concerned. He may have lived next to me all my life, but he was Auggie's friend, not mine.

"I can take care of myself here." The words sound flat even to me.

"Sweetie," my dad says, brushing his curly hair from his eyes. They're sunken in. Listless. "We don't want you to be alone. We need to have someone to look out for you. We trust Grayson, he is a good man, he will keep you safe. And if you need anything you can always call us, too. The other option is we can send you to your grandmother's."

Why do they have so much trust in Grayson? And absolutely not, my grandmother lives on a farm in the middle of nowhere. She doesn't even have internet or anything except animals. If I feel lonely now, it won't be anything compared to out there. "I'm eighteen," I try again.

"Sunflower, you don't even have a job. Next year you'll go off to college, but you made the decision to stay here, to take a gap year, and if we are supporting you financially that means you will abide by our rules. Grayson was kind enough to offer to watch over you, don't disrespect him by being ungrateful." Her voice is final. There will not be a way out of this.

My fight leaves my body and I deflate further into the chair. "Okay," I huff out. Grayson finally tries to meet my eyes, but it's my turn to look pointedly away.

He sold me out.

"When?" I ask.

"Today, in the next couple of hours. Go pack up what you'll need, we will be back as soon as we can to check on you, sweetie." My dad's gentle tone does nothing to soothe the stifling dread.

I am used to them committing most of their time to their jobs, but I never expected they would leave me just weeks after my brother died. Before more emotion can well up, I jerk back from the table and stomp towards my bedroom.

I can hear Grayson and my parents discussing the details of my new home. They're promising to pay him, and tell him that if I am too much, they can ship me off to my grandmother's, that they'll answer if he ever needs to call. As if I am a dog they are putting up in an animal hotel.

I push down my simmering anger as I approach my bedroom. Before I enter, though, I decide to go into Auggie's. Maybe my gift somehow made it back there? Maybe he had it delivered here?

When I push into his bedroom, I don't expect the crippling pressure of sadness to weigh my feet down, but I persevere and shut the door softly behind me.

His room isn't right. It's too clean. As if someone had tidied up every mess he left behind. Did our mom do this? When Auggie went to college, he left his room in chaos, and I teased him about it.

It's almost as if every trace of him is already disappearing. For the hundredth time since I heard of his death, I am sobbing. Stepping to the bed, I fall onto it. It still smells like him, like the sheets weren't cleaned, the bed was just made. Why would our mom do this?

His oak desk sits within arm's reach of the bed and I find myself extending my arm behind it. We have a matching pair, except mine is painted teal. There's a spot on the backside of the drawer that he used to hide anything he didn't want our parents to find. He finally told me about it when I was in high school.

Sunflower, you better not tell our parents, but if there's ever anything you need to hide, put it behind your desk, one of the drawers has a false back.

I smile at the memory as I find my way and pop the back open. Feeling something, I sit up to get a better look.

There are only two items. A flip phone and a picture.

I have just a moment to look at the picture before a noise outside the room has me jerking them into my pocket, just in time for Grayson to open the door.

My heart is pounding loudly in my ears. I am in shock from what I just saw, but I don't have time to question why my brother had a burner phone, why he had a picture of a girl, why in the picture it looks like an unknown man is attempting to assault her.

Grayson is frowning. "Find something?"

I do my best to calm my nerves, to not show my emotions. "No," I mutter out, lifting off the bed. As I do, I reach back on my brother's pillows and grab his stuffed giraffe. It smells like him.

I try to walk past Grayson, but he steps into the room and shuts the door behind him. Unlike with William, there is no terror, just annoyance. And a very odd distant sense of déjà vu. It's just a feeling, but I can't shake it.

Why am I instinctually comfortable with Grayson, Darius, and even Axel? I trust them more than I should.

"What do you want?" Once again anger shoots out from a dark depth inside me.

Grayson's face is almost apologetic, but I don't want to hear it.

I push on his chest. He doesn't budge. Instead, he captures my wrist. His grip is gentle, careful, delicate. Even still, where he binds me leaves a fire in its wake. My other hand holds the giraffe as a barrier between us as he keeps me there.

"You may not understand now, but I did this for you. I am just trying to watch out for you," he growls the words into the top of my hair.

"You don't even know me! None of you do!" I snark the words out frustratedly. I want to scream the words, but I don't want my parents to come in here. For them to shame me for being ungrateful .

"You're wrong" is all Grayson says, before dropping my wrist and allowing me to pass. "Your parents want you to be ready to leave in the next thirty minutes. I'll be waiting."

I expect him to follow me when I leave Auggie's room, but he doesn't.

Once more I am confused by an O'Brien brother. How could he possibly know me? Why is he so gung-ho on infiltrating my life? And why did he seem to know I found something in my brothers' room?

The items weigh heavily in my pocket as I begin to pack up my life. I don't have time to investigate now.

But I have a plan in mind and the first step is to search his car, even if it breaks me to see the place where they both died.

Auggie, I wish you were here. I need you .