21. Chapter 21

Chapter twenty-one

T he clouds above were dark as the wind whipped around me, I shielded my eyes from the onslaught of the rain beating down. I wiped a drop from my cheek and brought it up to my face, it wasn’t rain. It was blood.

I looked down and found that I was dressed in a white nightgown, the picture of innocence as I looked out and found a battle waging before my eyes. Faceless men and women ran around in front of the castle, fighting each other, and murdering each other. I tried to move, but it was as if my feet were rooted to the stone steps. My body paralyzed with fear.

“It is all your fault. How could you do this to us?”

I looked up and saw my father standing in front of me, a look of pure contempt written clearly across his features. “Father! Please!”

“Look! Look around at the carnage that you have left in your wake!” His voice boomed over the roar of the battle.

I screamed as a head rolled to my feet… Mother was staring right up at me.

No no no no! I fell backward and crawled away. This can’t be happening. Tears ran down my face as I looked up to find everyone on the battlefield standing and staring at me, all of their eyes the milky white color of death. They were horrified of me, of the monster I had become.

I looked to my right and found Annabelle’s body slumped against a stone wall. I rushed to her, and fell to my knees, screaming at the top of my lungs. Her eyes were open–lifeless. This can’t be real. I hugged her to me, rocking back and forth. “This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real.”

This wasn’t supposed to happen. This didn’t happen!

Father tore me away from my tormented thoughts when he yelled, “Enough!”

He grabbed my shoulder and shook me vigorously. I tried to push him away, clinging to Annabelle, when my hands went through her body. I looked around for her, but my surroundings had changed.

We were in the tower. The windows were knocked out, the wind whipped my face, the chill biting into my skin.

I ignored the cold as I pleaded with Father, begging him to listen to me. He gripped me so hard that his hands were leaving bruises on my skin.

He suddenly stopped, hands still on me, his face slowly contorted into something inhuman. Animal. It was utterly terrifying. I tried hard to pull myself away from him, but his grip was too strong, and overpowering.

He brought his face so close to mine that our noses were touching, I could feel his staunch breath, as he said with deadly accuracy, “You should have died, witch. Not them.”

And he pushed me out of the tower window.

I sat straight up in bed, screaming at the top of my lungs. Sweat dripped off of every inch of my body, the sheets sticking to my skin, the pain in my stomach secondary to the nightmare.

“Your grace… Your grace!” I was still screaming and thrashing about when I heard, “Calathea!”

I stilled.

My name.

Breathing rapidly, I looked up into the eyes of the hunter, and in this light, they were too similar to my father. His hands were placed on my shoulders, and his face was inches from mine. Callum was standing by the door, looking between the two of us. I looked back into the hunter’s eyes as my breathing started to slow when it finally clicked that he was here, witnessing whatever this was.

“Traitor!” I pushed his hands away and yelled, “Get the fuck off me! Get out!”

Tears appeared again, I was so fucking tired of crying, but I couldn’t stop them. I remembered the dream again and doubled over on the bed, screaming from the pain of the nightmare. It felt so real that it was nauseating. I had never felt a nightmare as real as that one.

I couldn’t breathe.

The room felt like it was closing in on me. I started clawing at myself, if I could just rip open my chest that would help bring air into my lungs. I was in a frenzy. I couldn’t focus on anything that was going on. The only thing I felt was hands all over me, and it burned.

“Breathe, your grace. Come on. There you go. Breathe.” Callum was next to me, rubbing

my back in what he thought were soothing strokes.

“What is wrong with her?” I heard another voice ask Callum.

“I don’t know. She has never done this before.” Then addressed me. “I am here. I have you. You are safe.”

They were treating me like a fragile doll. A glass vase ready to shatter at any moment. I was not that girl. Their touches were burning a hole through my skin. The same skin that Father just bruised, I tried to look at my shoulders to see if he had left a mark. It was too dark, but the pain was still there, still sore.

I grabbed one of the hands and tore it away from my body, scrambled off the bed and as far away from them as I could. I finally got a good look at the room. It was in total shambles. My magic was swirling around the room, destroying everything in its path.

Had I done this? Was my magic back?

I planted my body firmly against the wall as Soren and Emilia came into view. “I told you to get out,” I said with deadly calm. The same calm as Father had before he pushed me out the window. A sob broke past my lips before I could stop it at the thought of his face. “Get out!” I waved my hand, threw them from the room, and slammed the door behind them.

I could faintly hear their shouts of protest, but I couldn’t have them around me. Too many emotions were wreaking havoc on my mind, body and soul. I clutched my stomach as I fell to the ground, expelling all the emotions that I felt in that nightmare.

Anger swept through me. Rage so potent that it was almost palpable in the air. Thick and heavy. I threw the closest thing to me against the wall. Shredded the sheets. Shattered the table. Broke every single glass surface until I was numb.

I stepped back until my back hit the corner of my room next to my bed and I slumped down. I was breathing heavily, looked around at the carnage that I had just inflicted upon my room, and knew in my heart that this was how I was supposed to live. A life of loneliness. Scaring off every person who ever tried to care for me. Never deserving of anything good and pure.

I couldn’t trust myself around anyone.

I climbed onto my bed, in the town sheets, and stared up at the feathers floating above me, slowly descending, with no care in the world.

And just laid there.

Empty.

Cold.

Alone.

I sat at the dining table, waiting for my pets to arrive. I had not even bothered to change out of my wine-stained dress, straps falling off my shoulders, hair in disarray. What a vision I must have looked like when they finally entered.

I raised my bottle to them as all three of them entered and I laughed, widening my arms to the side of me. “Oh, you’re all still here? Didn’t I send you two away? And Emilia, didn’t you promise to leave as well?” I brought the bottle back up to my lips, took a swig, and waved my hand in their direction. “Nevermind all that nonsense. Sit. Dine with me.” They all stopped and gaped at me, none daring to say a word. I then laughed some more at the horror and confusion mixed on their faces, which made me laugh even harder, that I almost fell out of my chair.

Callum moved forward to help balance me, the wine splashing all over the ground and on our clothes.

“Your grace… Are you alright?”

I brushed him off and leaned against the table for support. “Of course, little bird. Does it not look like I am the vision of perfection?” I used my hands to scan down my body, as if that made my entire point.

Soren had moved to the table and Bastian had disappeared off to the kitchens. He returned with a bowl full of soup and set it down in front of me.

He said, “You missed a few meals. You must be starving. I have made you a vegetable soup as I am not sure your stomach could handle much more than this.”

I grabbed his chin between my fingers and drawled out, “Oh, Bastian darling. You have no idea what I can handle.” I touched his face, licked his lips, and said, “Feed me.”

He sucked in a breath and dipped the spoon in the soup and brought it to my lips. It tasted heavenly. He was right… I was starving. We all sat there in silence as he fed me every last drop. When it was finished, I got up, brought my bottle of venin to my lips, and drank deeply.

I could see Soren out of the corner of my eyes as he stared at the bottle. I walked over to him and sat on his lap. Running my hand through his hair and the other brought the bottle up to his face. “No no Soren. You can’t have any of this.” I then whispered in his ear, “It will kill you and I can’t have that, can I? Your brother might try to kill me again.”

I took another swig from the bottle. Laughing when a little more fell down my chin, licking the juice from my fingers. He was staring at me, so I asked, “What’s wrong with you?” When he still didn’t say anything, I pouted. “You’re no fun.”

I set my eyes on Callum and he sat up a little straighter, ready for whatever I was going to throw at him. “My little bird. Always there for me. Always ready to please.” I slipped my dress down my shoulder until my breast was out, making a show of it. I always loved the way he looked at me. Like I was the main course and he would never tire of me. Just like he was now, roaming his eyes up and down the length of me, slightly moving forward, his cock straining in his pants. “After all these years Callum and yet you still are so ready for me when I haven’t even touched you.”

“Your grace, I will want you until my last dying breath. Nothing you could do or say would change that.” He always knew what to say.

“So smooth.”

I stood up, sat on the side of the table, and ate a few grapes, my stomach recoiling from it, having not had anything of substance for quite a long time, and spit it back onto the platter.

“How about you hand me that glass so I can feed you more soup.” I looked over to see Bastian reaching his hand out, ready to take away my cup.

I narrowed my eyes on him. “If you think I haven’t forgotten your treachery, then you would be sorely mistaken.”

“Your grace…” He stopped moving for a moment before resuming unfaltering, “I am sorry, truly. I wasn’t in my right mind.”

“And you think that I care. You know what? Nevermind! I don’t feel like talking about that right now.” He was sullying my joyous mood!

“Your joyous mood?” Callum asked.

“Oops, did I say that aloud?” I looked around and every single face was scrunched in worry, concern, or a mix of both. “Enough. You are all stifling.”

I left the room without another word.

I needed the fresh air licking and caressing my bare skin. I wholly enjoyed being naked, reveled in the feeling it gave me. Especially under the rays of the moon, though the moon wasn’t currently out. I guess the fog would have to do.

I stumbled out of the back doors, and stopped only to take a swig out of the bottle, but found it empty. I tossed the bottle down, shattering at my feet. I looked down at the beautiful broken pieces of the glass glistening. Without thinking I brought my foot down on top of the pieces.

Nothing.

I stretched my arms high above my head, giggling at the tingling sensation the poison gave me. I had never had this much in my system before, maybe, it would finally do its job and kill me.

I wriggled my feet, laughed at the shards shredding the bottom of my feet, and took off, running around to the side of the castle. I passed by the greenhouse, past the treeline, and into the woods. I didn’t have to walk long before I saw the archway made naturally by the forest over a millenia. Flowers lined the arch, and the petals would fall during the spring, casting a soft pink on the floor bed. Like something out of a dream.

I slowed my pace and walked through the arch leading to my paradise. The sounds of the waterfall lapping at the water below it, causing a constant rippling effect along the top of the water. The pond was large enough that it would take a few minutes of swimming to reach the other side of it. The water had an ethereal color to it; a beautiful blue-green hue. There were large boulders surrounding parts of it around the cliff.

I could never reach the top or get a glimpse of what was beyond my confinement. It was part of the border of my lands.

I cast those thoughts away and focused back on my paradise. My skin had bumps running along it from the cold, frigid air; the fog made it seem even colder. I was still high from venin’s effects, my head spinning, my skin singing.

I climbed up one of the boulders and looked down. I stretched my arms out and fell.

I hit the surface of the water hard and the wind was knocked from me. I closed my mouth and opened my eyes. Stared down into its depths, wondering exactly how far down it went. I had never tried.

No matter, I could stay here forever. I started running out of air and swam up, taking a deep breath when I reached the surface. I laid back and floated, loving the way the water felt against my skin. I could always depend on my little pond to stay at the perfect temperature year-round, having spelled it years ago.

The floating feeling is what I can only imagine what death is like. Maybe that is why I loved coming out here. It was the closest thing that I could get to actual death. The elusive minx. How much had I screamed for the release of ending it? How many times had I been on my knees crying out and praying to a false god? Because if he were real, he wouldn’t allow me to suffer as I had. I was a devoted follower and if he were real then he wouldn’t do this to me.

They say he only puts his children through the worst of it if they are the strongest and it was just a bunch of bullshit. My last time talking to him was also the last time that I would get on my knees for a man.

I am now my own god.

I shut my eyes and cast all those thoughts out of my mind, and Venin was still doing her job of getting rid of anything that displeased me. I watched as flowers floated above me, dancing in the soft breeze. Flowers? I laughed at the absurdity, but didn’t want to move and have them go away.

I moved my arms back and forth in slow rhythmic movements until I could make out the moon. How long have I been out here? Did I go down for breakfast or was it dinner? Oh well…

Part of me knew I should get out, but I didn’t want to. My thoughts led me to staying in this pond. I didn’t need any possessions. I would sleep in the waters’ warm embrace, forgetting about everyone and everything.

Would they even notice I wasn’t there any longer? Would they care? Or just miss what I gave them?

I moved until I was treading water, reached around, and grabbed the blade that was tucked tightly in a holster cinched at my thigh.

Whoever had brought this to me must have heard my prayers. Maybe there was a merciful god after all. I couldn’t remember the amount of times I have tried to end it. And every single attempt failed. But, this time it would work.

I brought the blade up to my face. I was so tired. So very tired. The thought brought a little bit of peace to me, I looked at my other hand, still swaying, water flowing through my fingers keeping me afloat.

If I—If I ran out of air…

I don’t know if it was the effects of la venin or if I was just done. Done with living this way. Being this way. Living in a waking nightmare. I couldn't do it anymore…

You win, Circe.

I expelled all the air from my lungs, slipping under the surface of the water. Down down down down down.

I took the knife and, stabbed it into my stomach and floated there for a few moments before a burning sensation spread throughout my chest. The need to take a breath was overpowering, so I did. My body spasmed at the air that was unable to enter my body. Then there was nothing.

I felt at peace.

This is it. I was going home.

I will see you soon, little sister.

Sleep. Successful.