15. Chapter 15

Chapter fifteen

I t was after dinner, and Bastian urged that we all gather in one of the many rooms in the castle, which has a large fireplace and lots of seating. Emilia had joined us for dinner for the sixth night in a row, and Bastian thought that it called for a celebration.

“Come on! Don’t be a baby and just answer the question.”

Bastian threw his arm over Callum as he teased Soren. Bastian apparently wanted to keep drinking as he had insisted we play a drinking game.

He had been unusually cheerful and drunk from sun up to sun down. I continued to allow his behavior, but was getting annoyed with how brazen he had become. It was something that I was intrigued about at first but I was not not sure if I could allow it to continue.

There was a long couch situated right in front of the roaring fire that Callum had lit and a few more chaise lounges placed around an oak table in the middle. I sat down in my chair that was closest to the fire, not wanting to sit next to any of them, not even Callum.

“I would rather not partake in this particular game. Please skip me,” Soren said while settling onto a spot on the floor, not wanting to be next to anyone, it seemed.

Bastian threw himself on the couch, taking Callum with him as he scoffed, “It is a simple game with simple questions. Nothing too rigorous. We wouldn’t want you overworking yourself now would we?”

Soren narrowed his eyes on his brother. They had not had a decent conversation since the night that his brute of a brother bashed him over the head and tried to escape. He took a sip of his hot herbal tea and looked toward the fire, not wanting to continue talking.

Emilia had taken up a chair next to me, still not talking to anyone, tense as ever. She was so tense that it was making me tense in trepidation of what she might do.

The silence was beginning to grind on my nerves, so to get the night over with, I decided to play along.

“I’ll go. Rules seem simple enough. Answer the question honestly or drink. The last person standing wins.”

Bastian indicated it was my turn to be questioned with a head nod in my direction.

“How old exactly are you?”

This again. “You are worse than your brother.”

“If you won’t answer the question then drink.” I rolled my eyes. “It’s not like it’s a secret. We can’t be the only ones to know about your sordid past.”

I placated him for no other reason than to get everything out in the open. I was growing tired of living the way we were. It was no longer entertaining me.

“Three hundred and seventy.” Bastian whistled.

My turn.

“Are you ever going to pull your head out of your ass and stop making everyone’s life miserable?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know, are you?”

Callum cursed softly and hit Bastian’s arm, saying something under his breath that I couldn’t hear while we continued to glare at each other.

Soren tried to cut in, but Bastian spoke over him and asked another question to the group, “How many men have you fucked?”

I rolled my eyes, but Callum was the first to answer. “Three,” he offered, smiling at me sheepishly.

They looked at me.

“I never kept track.” They didn’t know that it was only one before Callum.

“Oh, come on, if you could take a guess. How many dicks have you taken?”

Soren chastised Bastian, “There is no need to be so vulgar.”

“Fine, then how about you answer.” He raised an eyebrow, a challenge.

I looked at Soren. His face had slightly paled, and he was rather quiet. Was the number high? Or was that reaction because it was low? I forgot all about Bastian, as my focus was on Soren, needing to know his answer. Suddenly, this was my favorite game to play.

“None,” he mumbled.

“Speak up, brother.” He raised the hand with his drink in it and made a show of the room. “We can’t hear you.”

“I said ‘none’.”

Bastian began to laugh hysterically.

“You can’t be serious. What about Mary? Lucy? Emmy? You courted them, did you not?”

Soren was cool, but there was a look of contempt on his face.

I cocked my head to the side.

“So, you have never touched a woman?”

He shook his head, avoiding eye contact.

“Male?”

“No. I enjoy females exclusively.” He didn’t say it in a way that he found offense with the question, but rather simply stating the truth.

“Have they ever touched you?”

He swallowed, looked up at me, and shook his head—all that pent-up energy, just ready to burst. It was somewhat exciting to consider, but I dismissed the feeling with a blink.

“What are you? Twenty?”

“Twenty-four, your majesty.”

Callum sat up and tried to change the subject for Soren’s benefit. “Where have you been in your travels?”

Soren was about to answer when Bastian stood, swaying enough that he almost tripped on the carpet.

He exclaimed, “This is boring. You’re all boring.” Then, he set his eyes on me. “You made me a wager, and I lost. Yet, you haven’t used me in weeks.” He strode toward me until he stood directly in front of my chair, his groin situated at the same level as my face. “Use me, your grace. Make good on your promise.”

I leaned back as he put an arm on the back of my chair and ran a hand down my face. He was pushing his limit with me, and I was just about ready to show him exactly who was in charge in this relationship.

“Bastian, enough. Sit down before she kills you. She has threatened it enough times that she might follow through if you keep pestering her.” Soren tried to reason with him, annoyed with his brother’s brazen behavior.

I could see Callum on high alert, ready to come to my aid if I called for him, but I wouldn’t. This was between Bastian and I.

“Listen to your brother, hunter. He seems wise for his years, unlike a certain male standing before me.”

Bastian laughed. “Relax a little, your majesty, and enjoy the ride.” And before I could make a move, Emilia had dropped her goblet on the carpet and screamed.

We were all shocked at her outburst, that such a strangled noise could come out of her.

“You,” Emilia said in a strangled voice.

Bastian had straightened and looked around, unsure why Emilia was looking at him like that. “What did I do?”

She tucked her feet under herself on the chair and began to beat the side of her head with her fists. I pushed Bastian back hard enough to make him fall flat on his ass as I rushed to her side and held her hands.

“Emilia, stop!”

Tears streamed down her face as she sobbed, then screamed again. “You did this to me! You and your family made me like this!”

“Get out!” I commanded the room, but no one moved, frozen at the sight of the scene.

“No!” She struggled against me and shot at Bastian, “I live with regret every day of my fucking life because of what your father did to me!”

I looked back to find Bastian, still on the ground, eyes widened. He was speechless.

Soren said calmly, not wanting to anger her further, “We know you’re one of the chosen. Our sincerest apologies—”

Emilia continued on and pointed to her throat. “I was only thirteen. Do you know what they do to the children who get chosen?” Complete silence. No one moved. “They treat them like kings. But not me… My aunt was given extra gold coins to allow a few of the men to use me because they found my body appealing. I had a very little body, then.”

“Oh my god.”

I couldn’t tell who said it as my attention was completely on Emilia.

Her entire body was shaking as she stood and screamed, “No! Look at me!”

I fell back on my heels as she took a few steps toward Bastian and pointed at him. She put her hand on her throat, doing her best to breathe. Failing, she continued, “The night that I was sacrificed, I was sent down one of the alleys where three men were waiting. I tried to run, but they caught me. They all laughed at me as my aunt sneered, saying that she couldn’t afford me anymore, that I was a burden she was happy to be rid of. That I should be thankful that I would be able to help more before being slaughtered.”

She looked at Soren, he was kneeling on the ground, horrified.

“I begged. I yelled. I pleaded. But nothing worked. ‘Relax and enjoy yourself’. That’s what they said to me. I was thirteen fucking years old!”

She began to hyperventilate, but I didn’t dare touch her. Not when she was baring her soul out to that man’s sons.

“No wonder you hate us,” Soren said barely above a whisper.

“I—I don’t know what to say.” Bastian had moved to sit on his knees. “I am so sorry, Emilia. I am so sorry for what happened to you.”

“When they were done, they beat me until they thought they killed me, punching my throat several times.” Her hand went to her throat. She looked down, not in shame, but in rage. “And now… I can barely speak for long without having to use my hands because my throat still aches, even after all this time.”

Soren stood and walked over to her cautiously. He seemed defeated. I could tell that he wanted to apologize, but no amount of remorse or groveling could undo what had already been done. The damage was irreversible.

“You look just like him. The monster from my nightmares!” She screamed before all hell broke loose. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore!”

Emilia jumped on Soren so abruptly that they both fell backward. She wrapped her hands around his throat, sinking her nails into his skin.

“Emilia!”

The spell was finally broken, and everyone was up and trying to get them away from each other. Emilia was scratching him, gripping and trying to pull him back to her so that she could keep attacking him.

“How dare you!” She screamed at the top of her lungs.

I took a few steps back and used my shadows to push them apart.

I commanded Bastian, “Take your brother and leave! Callum, make sure they don’t come back!”

I waited until they were all gone before looking into Emilia’s eyes. She was holding onto the back of the chair that she had vacated and looked ready to go after the brothers.

It wasn’t until the doors had closed that I turned back to her.

“Breathe Emilia. I need you to slow down and take deep breaths.”

“I–I can’t. I want to rip them apart!” Her body was shaking so badly that I had to grip her firmly to try and steady her.

I started to hum a spell that always relaxed her and set her at ease no matter how volatile she became. After a few moments, her body shook less and less until she was limp in my arms. We sank down on the ground, and her head landed in my lap. She was so out of it that she didn’t notice and I didn’t want to move her, worried that she would start hyperventilating again.

I hesitantly placed my hand on her head and slowly stroked it. I looked down at her frail body. She had lost a considerable amount of weight in the past few weeks. That wouldn’t do.

As always. Paying attention to boys when there are others that need your attention. What would Belle say?

I gritted my teeth together.

I told you not to speak her name. You don’t have the right, I growled.

Circe laughed. You will always fail those who depend on you. Best to give up now.

I breathed through her words and tried my best to focus on Emilia, staring off into the distance. I needed to bring her back to the here and now, not the past.

“If you allow the rage inside you to stay and target two people who had nothing to do with what happened to you, then you will turn into me. You are good. Pure light.” I sighed. “You can go.”

She blinked a few times before sitting up straight and staring at me.

“What?” She winced in pain.

“I see now that bringing them here is causing you nothing but pain. You barely leave your room. You haven’t been eating. I can’t watch you suffer anymore.”

Her shoulders slumped. In relief? I couldn’t tell until she looked back up at me and signed, Thank you. Thank you so much. She dropped her hands to her lap and began to cry again.

We sat there in silence for another moment until I helped her up and back to her room.

I tucked her in and said, “I will have Callum take you to the cottage tomorrow.”

She nodded and signed, I am sorry.

“Don’t be.” I blew the powder in her face to ensure she got an entire night of rest.

I immediately left Emilia to sleep and went in search of Soren. His injuries weren’t life-threatening, but they still needed to be tended to. He wasn’t in his room, so I checked the library, the only other place he ever was.

Nothing.

He was known for being in places where he had no business, but I was too flustered to search for him. Not wanting to stall any longer, I conjured my ball of light and thought of him. I scoffed when I saw where he was.

The door creaked open, and I found Soren sitting in the front pew directly under the stained glass window casting beautiful patterns on his body.

He turned around at the noise. “Your majesty?”

I walked to him, our eyes not leaving each other. The closer I got, the easier it was to see that his eyes were red, dried tear streaks ran down the length of his cheeks, and his hair looked like he had run his hands through it for hours. He looked remorseful for a crime that was not his own. But I knew better than anyone that the children can’t be blamed for the faults of the father.

I placed a single finger under his chin and rubbed my thumb along his jaw. “You can feel sympathetic to her plight, but not pity and definitely not regret.”

“Do I not have anything to be regretful of?”

“Were you in charge of the Reaping? Choosing her? Selling her?”

He dipped his head low, but I gripped his chin between my thumb and forefinger and brought it back up to me, “Were you?”

“No, but—”

“But nothing. It wasn’t you. The only one to blame is your father for allowing this to continue,” I paused for a moment, and thought of Bast. His words were fresh in my mind. “And mine, for not finding a way to end it long before now. There are things I could have done.”

“Not without giving yourself away,” he reasoned. “The fear of the castle, the forest…the beast… Well, it all keeps you safe.”

“All those children ripped away from their families to keep me safe?” I asked him, wanting him to see fault in me—to hate me. Somehow, still, the fascination and wonder never left his eyes.

“I don’t think the truth would have stopped my father. Fear is powerful, and he uses it to control the village. Even if you were dead, he’d find a way to keep the beast alive.”

“It sounds like your father is the real problem, then,” I countered, waiting for a response—a quip.

Just silence, lingering and heavy between us. I sat next to him and lifted his chin so that I could assess the wounds that Emilia had inflicted. She scratched him all over, down his neck, over the top of his chest. His clothes were ripped and there were deep fingernail grooves marked into his skin. Blood had leaked down from his neck and onto his shirt, but nothing was life-threatening.

I pricked my finger with the tip of my fingernail and brought it to his lips to heal him. He put his hands over mine, stopping me.

“Scholar, don’t fight me on this. Not now.” He squeezed my hands before letting them fall onto the wooden pew between our bodies.

Neither one of us spoke a word as he wrapped his lips around my bloody finger. I never knew why my blood healed, never understood the layers of Circe’s curse. I only knew that I could save a life just as quickly as I could take one.

Once his skin healed, I didn’t know what else to say to him. I was never one for small talk and quickly grew uncomfortable with how close we were sitting, all too aware that our knees were millimeters apart and if I moved, we would touch. I looked back at him and found that we were leaning toward each other.

I swallowed at the closeness. My breathing was heavy, and I could feel my core getting wet for him, preparing itself to take him.

“You wish to ask me a question, don’t you?”

“Many.”

I slumped even further into the pew. “I do not have the patience to deal with your questions tonight.” I got up to leave, but he grabbed my hand and pulled me back down.

He pressed my hands against the sides of his head. “Enter my mind again. I’ll think of another beautiful place for you to visit.”

I pulled my hands out of his grasp. “I don’t wish to do that again.”

“I will be quite forward with you since you seem to covet that trait. I have so many questions that I am yearning to find out.” He moved off the bench and kneeled in front of me.

I was nervous, and I didn’t understand why.

“Scholar, what are you doing?”

“That’s the first thing I want to end. I have a name. Please, you use Callum’s… Use mine.”

He hesitantly placed his hands on either side of my ankles and rubbed them up and down, finding courage to do what exactly? But then it hit me.

“Soren…” I breathed. “You don’t want me to be your first time. All I know how to do is break everything and everyone around me.”

“If you think I was whole to begin with then you would be mistaken. But that’s not what I am after right now.” He slid his hands up my legs and up to my thighs, lifting my dress in the process. “This isn’t about me.”

“Then what is this about?” What else could it be about other than him wanting to fuck me? Here. In the chapel. My mind reeled with memories of my mother forcing me to my knees to pray away my uncertainties over my father’s war.

“I want some questions answered and I know that you are exhausted.” I was about to argue, but he was right; I was too tired to think straight. Especially not when my dress was so close to baring myself to him, his face close enough to feel his hot breath. “Answer five of my questions and I will help you to relax a little.”

I laughed in his face.

“I have Callum.”

“And yet, your desires have changed since my brother and I arrived, haven’t they? I don’t hear you two in the middle of the night anymore.”

I swallowed, and my face hardened. “My desires are the same.”

“They aren’t,” he said, as if he could see the lie in my eyes.

“What makes you think that you can get the job done when you have never even kissed a girl?”

I knew I was taunting him, but it was ludicrous to think he would be able to pleasure me so thoroughly that I would be able to relax.

“Then what do you have to lose?”

I shrugged, feigning nonchalance, though I felt anything but. I spread my legs a little wider for him. “Do your worst.”

The moonlight hit the windows just right so that our bodies were lit up in shattered fragments of light. Broken pieces of a whole. The dust in the air added a sense of fragmentation to the way that Soren was looking at me.

His eyes slowly roved down my body, drinking me in. He leaned his head into my leg and skimmed his nose along the inside of my thigh. Inhaling as his hands pushed the dress as high up on my hips.

“Lift,” he quietly commanded, gaining more confidence. I obeyed, lifting my hips so that he could bunch the rest of my dress up around my hips. “Fuck…”

I couldn’t help but look down at him and see him staring at my bare pussy. Heat flooded my core, knowing that I was the first woman that he had ever seen and that he would touch. I began to squirm beneath his gaze as he brought his hand over my clit and ran his fingers down until they stopped and spread me.

I couldn’t help but gasp. Callum had always worshiped me, but I had never had someone feel as though they were analyzing me—making sure to memorize every noise and movement.

“You are divine.” Soren laid me down on the pew and crawled above me, lifting one of my legs above his shoulder and setting one down on the ground.

“Soren…” I saw him dip his head down and run his tongue from my ass all the way up to my clit. “Soren!” His name left my lips as I closed my eyes and moaned, lifting my hips to get closer to him.

I needed more, my mind entering that foggy place.

He kept the pace slow and precise. I would expect nothing less, but I didn’t need his analytical side—I needed him to ravish me. I reached down and ran my hands through his hair, shuddering when he stopped at my bundle of nerves and sucked. I opened my eyes to find him staring at me, no–studying me.

He lifted his head as he inserted a finger into me, and I almost came right there, my inner walls clenched around his thick finger, refusing to let go as he slowly pumped into me.

He stopped, brought a finger up and ran it through my slit covered in my cum, and brought it to his full lips. Then he sucked on both of his fingers, eyes rolling into the back of his head.

“You taste so good. Oh my god.”

I narrowed my eyes. “ I am your god.”

He smirked at me from lowered lashes, licked his lips, and sucked more at my clit. He was fixated on it, relentless with it.

“Soren!” I screamed out as I came all over his fingers, and he didn’t stop until my body had stilled from shaking.

I tried to catch my breath as I taunted, “If you think that was enough to calm me down then—”

“Did I say I was done?” He interrupted.

Words wouldn’t come when his tongue was back on my sensitive pussy. I wasn’t used to him being so aggressive. No. Aggressive wasn’t the right word to use. I didn’t even have a word for what Soren was.

It wasn’t long before I had my second orgasm with just his tongue. And just when I thought we were done, he inserted two fingers, curved them up, and hit that spot that had me having another orgasm moments after the second one. Or was this the same one? A different one?

I could feel my eyes growing heavy more and more after every orgasm he pulled from me. I almost had to beg him to stop when his breathing on me made my legs tremble, anticipating his own form of torture. No matter how much my body craved his type of depravity.

Maybe he wasn’t so different from me.

“Sleep well, your grace.” I could barely hear him. He sounded so far away. I tried to open my eyes, but I was thoroughly fucked without the fucking. Then I remembered that I had yet to see all of him and I wanted to. I heard him laugh. “There’s time for that later. Sleep.”

Did I say that out loud?

More laughter, but it sounded even further away. I was being dragged underwater, and my body was thankful for the exhaustion finally taking over.

“What about your questions?”

“Tonight wasn’t about me. I have plenty of time.”

I had to shield my eyes from the light flooding onto my face. Strange. Even if I slept with my curtains open, my bed was back far enough that the light would never hit me.

It took another moment before I was sitting straight up. A blanket fell from my lap. I was in the chapel, sleeping on the pew.

Sleeping? I was sleeping!

I slapped a hand to my chest and thought back on last night. Soren promised to relax me and he succeeded. I had never slept through the entire night. And…and…no nightmares.

That wasn’t possible.

Right?

There had not been one night that I hadn’t had a nightmare. Was it truly possible?

I looked to see if he was around but found an empty chapel.

I scoffed and smirked toward the door as if I could see all the way to his room. He won this round, but the next time I got my hands on him, he would be screaming my name.

His god.