14. Chapter 14

Chapter fourteen

T he next few weeks had gone by smoothly enough. Emilia barely came out of her room, feigning illness. Bastian refused to talk to me, let alone look at me. Callum was beginning to worry not only for Emilia but for Bastian, which was a surprise. Soren was begging me to make another deal with him, but I couldn’t dive back into his memories. As much as I wanted to see more, it hurt too much knowing that I would never see them for myself.

I had spent the time reviewing the books on curses just to see if I missed anything. The curse was meticulously worded, and no matter how hard I tried, nothing worked. I spent years doing everything I could until the loneliness and insanity started to weave its way into me. Not just breaking down my will, but beating it out of me.

You’ll never rid yourself of me. You would miss me too much. I am your oldest friend, after all.

“I don’t have friends. Even if I did, you definitely would not be one of them.”

There’s no need to be nasty.

I ignored that comment, knowing full well that I could be nastier if I wanted to. It was quiet long enough that I thought she went away when she hummed with pride.

My curse really is a work of art.

“That’s one way to put it.” I knew that talking to myself always put everyone else in a state of unease, but she was all I had. No matter how much I didn’t want to admit it. As much as I hated her, I needed her.

My mind created her, of all people, to not leave me completely lonely in this isolated world that my ancestors created. A tomb of their own making. Deep enough into the Forbidden Forest that one would get lost if they didn’t know the path. A labyrinth of trees that would turn you around, the environment killing you before any creatures had a chance to rip you to shreds.

I am your constant.

I didn’t know why that comment made me pause because it was true. She would be with me forever, but today, the knowledge broke something within me. I had been walking back into the castle to find Soren in the library, but I hadn’t wanted to see him, knowing that he would continue his assault of questions. Instead, I diverted my path to the cellar.

The door to the underground tunnels and rooms was down a long, narrow corridor that led to a dead end, or so it would make you believe. There were heavy drapes at the end and behind that was a secret door with a corridor so long that you couldn’t see where it led. There was a torch sitting in its metal hatch to the right of me.

I lit the torch and began my descent. The path curved around various twists and turns at least a few floors down until I finally stepped off the stairs onto soil. No one had ever bothered to bring enough stone to cover the floor. The narrow stairwell opened into a large circular room with even more corridors leading to different parts of the castle. Some went another floor down meant for prisoners who would never see the light of day again.

I took the corridor directly to my right, which led to a wooden door, and opened it to find a large room full of alcohol of all kinds imported from across the world.

We had a wine cellar, but these were the bottles that were used for only the most elite guests. There were so many that even after all the time I had been here, I had yet to go through half of them. Of course, I only used them for special occasions: when my emotions started to become a little too much, and I wasn’t ready to use my venin .

I slid my fingers over the dusty bottles and sang one of my mother’s favorite songs under my breath. As the song ended, I stopped and picked up the bottle my finger landed on. I uncorked it, took a long drink, and hissed at the taste. Aloxinum . It was so strong that it made me want to spit the contents all over the ground. I had never tasted it without first mixing it with something else.

I took another swig, and it burned some more. Good enough.

I went out of the room, shut the door, and began to ascend the winding steps. I was almost to the top when I heard a roar off in the distance, loud enough to reach me down here. I groaned, not wanting to find out exactly what trouble they had found themselves in now.

I thought it would be fun having them here to play with, but it had become the complete opposite. I reached the door and took a deep breath in. One. Two. Three. Deep breath out. One. Two. Three. Then, I opened the door in time to hear another roar, but this time, I knew exactly who it belonged to.

Callum.

Surprise and intrigue wrapped around me, so I followed the roar. To my surprise, the roaring erupted into laughter at the same moment I found Emilia staring at something in disbelief.

Bastian and Callum were standing in the middle of one of the walkways of the parapet. There was a large piece of wood leaning against the parapet with circles drawn on it. Something for target practice.

They were concentrating so hard that neither one of them saw us. Bastian held a goblet of what I could assume was his desired choice of drink. He held the cup in one hand and his dagger in the other. He bit down on his bottom lip as he swayed slightly, brought his hand back, and sent the dagger flying through the air. They both cheered as the dagger found its mark on the red dot in the middle of the wood. Even in his drunken state, he was an excellent shot.

“What are they doing?” I asked Emilia.

“The hunter called it a fun game only to be played amongst the men.” I rolled my eyes at that comment.

“Why are you here?”

“I became curious.” She shrugged. “And I am absolutely surprised that Callum could look so exuberant.”

I looked back over to them and noticed she was right. Callum looked so young, so carefree. He smiled with me and at times laughed, but this was different. Were all men like this only with each other?

I shook my head of those thoughts. Callum was my consort and nothing else, even if I hated the way he was with Bastian.

The boys were talking, and I could hear Bastian explain how to hold the dagger and then let go at the precise moment. After a little more explanation, he passed the dagger to Callum, taking another swig of his drink as he narrowed his eyes on my consort’s form. He assessed Callum, roving his eyes over every inch of his body.

Callum was talking to himself as he went over everything Bastian had just said to him. He bent his knees a few different ways until he settled on one he was comfortable with. Breathed in and out a few times until his body became less tense, and more relaxed. He raised his left hand slightly to steady himself and his right hand up to the side of his face. His full concentration was on the red circle as he moved his arm, but he let go too soon. The dagger went flying way too high and right over the side of the castle.

Callum hung his head as Bastian stepped forward and clamped his hand on Callum’s shoulder. “That’s alright. I have seen others do worse.”

“Oh?”

“Well, they were children…”

Callum laughed at Bastian’s jest. He pushed Bastian’s shoulder away as he walked over to the side wall and looked down.

“Someone is going to have to go down and get it if you want to keep playing your game.”

Bastian walked over to him and whistled as he looked down.

“It doesn’t look that far.”

Callum looked over at him in disbelief.

“I would beg to differ. Come on, we will go get it together.” Callum finally noticed Emilia and I. “Your grace.”

He bowed immediately.

“Is this how you’ve decided to spend your time? Throwing tiny swords?”

Bastian looked up to the night sky as though he were contemplating my question and then looked back at me for the first time in days.

“I can’t think of a single thing I would rather be doing.”

I wanted to remind him that there was at least one thing he was craving to do, but before I could say anything, he downed the last of his drink and threw it over the side of the parapet. The goblet clanged on the stone as it tumbled down. He braced his hands on the side of the crenel and hoisted himself up until he was crouching.

“Bast! Get down!” Callum’s eyes were wide, obviously nervous.

I wasn’t convinced. He wouldn’t do anything to truly injure himself. He wouldn’t leave his brother.

Bastian stood and was about to climb on top of the merlon, but he slipped. His hands shot out quickly, and he barely caught himself before falling over the edge. He chuckled and looked down again, then over his shoulder to us. “That would have been bad.”

I rushed forward. He was going to be the death of me.

“Get down now!”

He rolled his eyes. “Uh oh, the witch is angry.”

He tried again. This time, he succeeded in hoisting himself up and standing. “I can see for miles up here. Join me, Cal!” He screamed, throwing his arms out wide.

“Bast, come on. I’ll go get the dagger, and we can continue the game.” Callum had come up beside me and was trying to coax him down.

“If you don’t get down right now, I swear—”

“Oh, now what? Do you ever stop wanting to hear yourself speak?” He turned back around and started jumping from ledge to ledge.

I could feel myself growing more and more impatient with him. My shadows drifted around my body, and I could see the faint purple glow of my eyes casting a light hue onto the stone wall.

“He is out of his mind. He isn’t thinking straight.”

Everything happened in slow motion. I could see Bastian tripping over his foot and swaying toward the empty air. He screamed out while trying to catch his balance.

I pushed Callum aside and lunged toward Bastian, lifting a hand toward his body. His eyes were wide as they connected with mine and he reached out a hand toward me. I lept off the wall after him, not thinking twice about it. I wouldn’t make it; our hands reached for each other but were still too far apart by mere inches. Thankfully, Bastian’s shirt was untucked and billowing just enough for me to grasp. The moment I connected with his shirt, I transported us to the first place that I could think of.

The library.

We crashed against the floor in a heap as Soren yelled, “What is going on?”

I opened my eyes to find Bastian underneath me, arms wrapped tightly around my narrow waist, eyes boring into mine. My long hair hung around my face, shielding us from Soren’s curious gaze. I sat up until I was straddling Bastian, and as he lifted himself up onto his elbows, I reared my hand back and slapped him.

“Ask your idiotic brother. He’s the one who almost got himself killed!” I was livid, my heart racing.

“Bast?”

I pushed up from Bastian as he cradled the side of his face in his hand, his face beet red, and began to storm toward the door.

“It’s not like I meant to.”

I whirled around on him. “Didn’t mean to? Didn’t mean to!” My voice got higher and higher. “You got up on that merlon alone despite our protests.”

“The merlon?” Soren asked, not following our conversation.

Bastian looked to Soren, “Cal and I were just playing a stupid game. And I may have almost fallen off the side of the castle.”

“Almost!” It wasn’t a question of whether he did or not; it was a fact. “You did fall off the side of the fucking castle, you idiotic, dalcop, pathetic excuse for the male species!”

“You did what?” Soren was next to his brother, looking down at him. “You could have died.”

“ Would have died if it wasn’t for my powers that you loathe.” I couldn’t help the sarcasm dripping from my mouth.

Bastian cursed to himself and stumbled out of the library without another word to either one of us. I looked at the youngest brother.

“If he dies, do not come blaming me for his moronic decisions.”

I stormed into Callum’s room, nearly knocking him over with how aggressively I threw myself at him. I ripped his shirt open, accidentally using a bit of my magic, shredding the material.

Callum matched my speed and licked my shoulder, nibbling as he quickly undid the lacing of my dress. My fingers were shaking as I tried but failed to unbutton his trousers. I could hear him chuckle slightly as he took over and freed himself.

He sat on the edge of the bed, grabbed my ass, and pulled me into him. I closed my eyes and tried to get lost in this moment. To revel in the way his grasp always left me breathless. To never want his cock to leave my aching pussy.

My brows knit together as images of Bastian’s face when he realized that he would never be able to leave assaulted my mind. No… Not now. I squeezed my eyes shut and crushed Callum into my body, my hands snaking into his hair as I forced his head into my neck, demanding him to suck on the delicate skin.

I felt him smile against my skin and almost smiled until my thoughts went back to Bastian and I felt…empathy? A sadness had overtaken me because I had cursed him just like Circe cursed me.

Callum’s hand slid down to my slit and as his fingers penetrated me, it hurt. It only took a moment to realize why; I was dry.

“Stop.” I pushed away from Callum and turned until my back was to him. I had never not fucked Callum, had never said no. Until now.

What were the brothers doing to me?

I wracked my fingers through my hair as I heard Callum ask, “What did he do?”

My body hummed with rage I hadn’t felt since I found Emilia. My entire body was on fire. I couldn’t sit still, so I paced.

“What did Bastian do?” Callum asked once more, this time more insistent.

I turned back toward him. “I’m going to kill him, Callum. I am going to fucking kill him.”

“You can’t kill him. He didn’t fit the criteria which is why you kept him in the first place.”

“You think I don’t fucking know that!” I snarled.

“Is this about what he did on the battlement?” Callum asked. “I promise that I will keep a closer eye on him.”

“It’s not about that. He can kill himself if he is so inclined.”

Once the words left my lips, I knew they weren’t true. The thought of him never glaring at me, never calling me witch, or the constant barrage of insults made something within me shatter.

Callum sighed and stepped forward, hands reaching for me again.

I took a step back. “I said not tonight.”

He shook his head, giving me a small smile. “I know.”

He walked back toward the bed and put his trousers back on. I cocked my head to the side, unsure of what he planned next when he sat down on the edge of the bed and beckoned me.

I narrowed my eyes and slowly walked toward him, and he gave me a small reassuring smile. I stood in front of him.

“Arms up, your grace.” Not necessarily a demand, but I obliged him all the same.

I lifted my arms and he slid his shirt over my head and through my arms, the bottom of the shirt stopping at my knees. His smile grew wider as this was the first time he was seeing me wearing his shirt. He spun me around and pushed me down until I was sitting on the edge of the bed between his legs.

Before I could ask any questions, his hands squeezed my shoulders in a way that made me sigh.

“This is called a massage. Please just relax into my touch and let me take your mind off of everything.”

I didn’t answer him, and I tried to do what he requested, forgetting about Bastian and his stupidity. I closed my eyes to focus on just his hands, and in a matter of moments, I could feel myself relaxing, leaning into his touch. Rested my head against his front as I felt his hot breath against the side of my face.

I don’t think I had ever had a moment with Callum that didn’t lead to sex. Except for the other night when I found him sitting on the battlement. Or before that when I found him in slumber.

When did I start caring about anyone’s needs but my own?

Without opening my eyes I said, “Bastian needs to understand that this is all he has now.”

“If I may…”

“Yes?” I answered without opening my eyes.

“His entire life has been turned upside down in more ways than he could have imagined. Emilia and I chose you.” He sighed, pausing. “He simply needs time.”

“It seems like he and his brother are not on the best of terms. And Emilia won’t be near him. You are the only one left he has to turn to.”

He nodded. I knew he wanted to say more, but decided to continue massaging my arms.

I sighed. My anger and contempt over what Bastian had done had finally passed and all that was left was worry. What if I hadn’t gotten to him in time? He would have died, and it would have been all my fault.

In the end, it was all your fault.

Shit.

I squeezed my eyes shut. “Go away.”

I opened them to find Callum’s eyes had widened, and then I realized I wasn’t, in fact, talking to him. The pity in his eyes angered me as the shadows swirled around me.

“Get out, Callum.”

He sat up and tried to take my hands in his as he pleaded. “Don’t shut me out. Please, I am here. I want to be here for all of it. The good, but also the bad.”

“I don’t need anyone, Callum. He flinched hearing those words, but I didn’t care. “Leave.”

He nodded once, looked down, and left without another word.

The moment the doors closed, I felt my lap moving. I looked down and saw that my hands were shaking. I gripped them hard together and realized that Callum saw. He always saw and never said anything, instead he always tried to stay. To take care of me.

Well, I didn’t need him.

I went to take a bath and then headed down to the dining hall in time for breakfast.

I was usually the last to arrive, but that wasn’t the case this morning. Soren was seated in his chair, no one else in sight.

“Where are the other two?”

Soren shrugged. “Your consort takes his job very seriously. He was at Bastian’s door at sunrise and didn’t leave his side. Not even when Bast stormed past him, right before I came down here.”

At least Callum was with him.

As I neared my chair, Soren stood and pulled it out for me. I was confused by the action, but didn’t say anything as I sat down. I gazed down at the empty table and rolled my eyes when I remembered that Bastian was in charge of the meal. I was about to fetch something from the kitchen when Emilia walked up the stairs from the side of the room with a tray full of food.

“Emilia?” I questioned.

Soren stood with me. I could see her slow down when Soren turned toward her. It was obvious that she couldn’t stand being in the same room as him, but her eyes landed back on me, and she smiled as she approached the table, setting a small bowl in front of me.

My heart skipped a beat. I opened my mouth to reply, but nothing came out.

“I thought I would make this for you to apologize for my behavior in the last few weeks.”

I wanted to say that she didn’t need to apologize, but I didn’t want the boys seeing me too soft. So instead, I asked, “Are you going to join us this morning or take your meal elsewhere?”

Emilia took one look at him, looked back at me, and nodded. She had started to turn from the table to bring up the rest of the plates when Soren jogged past her, calling out from behind him, not giving Emilia a chance to refuse. “Please sit! I will bring up the rest!”

Emilia’s face burned red, and she walked around the table to sit in her designated seat. “Is he always like this in the mornings, your majesty?”

I huffed out a breath, as much of a genuine laugh that I could muster, and replied, “He is rather chipper today, isn’t he?”

I knew this had taken a lot out of Emilia. For her to share a table with the brothers after knowing everything couldn’t be easy. I commended her for it. I was about to say something else to try and get her mind off of it when Soren was back carrying the rest of the food, carefully balancing everything in his hands.

“Wow, Emilia, this smells amazing! I am sure that it will taste just as good, if not better.”

Emilia was staring, not knowing how to respond to him being so kind after her not hiding her apparent hatred toward him and Bastian. Her eyes squinted, and then her hand came up and rubbed at the side of her head to relieve some of the tension that was obviously causing her pain.

“Scholar, how about you eat before the food gets cold.”

“What about the others?”

I snapped, “Then their meal will be cold. It is their fault for taking so long.”

Soren took the hint and focused on me. “Are you ever going to call me by my name instead of ‘scholar’?”

“Why would I do that?” I asked, as I leaned forward and grabbed my cup, sipping its contents.

His lips thinned, and he nodded more to himself, focused on eating his warm porridge.

We sat in silence. No one cared to say anything. I wasn’t even paying attention to where I was as my mind wandered, moving my spoon absentmindedly around the bowl, not taking a single bite.

“Why aren’t you eating? Do you not like porridge?”

“What?”

He pointed with his spoon. “You haven’t touched your breakfast.”

“I guess I am not very hungry this morning.”

He went back to eating, but his eyes kept looming, wondering. He was thinking—about what, I couldn’t say. Silence filled the space once again until I heard yelling on the other side of the doors.

Here we go.

The doors burst open as I heard Callum calling out, “Get back here! Sober up before you go and see her!”

“Ah! Get off me!”

Bastian stumbled through the doors, shouting, “Your grace! Apologies for my tardiness. Uh–oh. I’m in trouble, aren’t I?”

“And what would you be in trouble for exactly? Besides not doing the one job that I gave you, forcing Emilia to pick up your slack. Doesn’t seem fair, does it?”

He lifted his hands up in the air, irritated. “All you do is nag. You know that?”

He was halfway to the table when my nose scrunched up. He reeked of alcohol. I narrowed my eyes. This was incredibly vexing. I could understand his need for release, but this was starting to become a nuisance for everyone involved. However, I knew that adapting to change took time. As long as he wasn’t completely harming himself, then I would allow him this small reprieve.

“And you need to take a shower. Save all of us from your musk. I can smell you all the way over here.”

Soren rubbed a hand down his face, cursing under his breath. He got up and walked over to help his brother out of the room, but Bastian pushed him away.

They were speaking in hushed tones that I couldn’t quite make out until Bastian grabbed Soren by the collar and asked, words slurred, “What do you want from me? I came down didn—” Bastian had turned around to make his way to the table when he cut himself off by tripping over his feet, landing hard on his face. He laid there, not moving, but groaned as Soren rolled his eyes and bent down to check on him.

Could I have stopped him from slamming that perfectly chiseled face into the solid flooring? Yes.

But did I? No, because the consequences of his actions were of his own making. And possibly because of that comment he made about me nagging him.

“Damn it, Bast.”

Soren’s hand lifted, and because it was covered in blood, he proceeded to faint at the sight. I walked over and saw that Bastian’s nose was broken. Blood gushed down his clothes onto the floor. Teeth stained red as he spit more of the blood onto the ground at my feet.

Both brothers were still on the ground, Bastian fully unaware of what just happened to Soren. I didn’t say a word as Soren’s eyes fluttered open, disoriented. I stood there waiting for him to come to his senses when Soren sat up and looked at me, complexion pale.

He tried not to pay attention to the blood and said, “I think we both need to lie down. May I please have assistance in taking him to his room?”

Bastian laughed and winced from the movement.

“Now you’re reasoning with the beast? Are you fucking her now, as well?”

He had already asked Soren that a few days ago. I wondered why he was so curious if we had or not.

“Enough, Bast!”

“Little brother, don’t try to speak to that thing as if it were still human. Didn’t you hear her? Oh wait, you were unconscious,” He spat. “She reminded me that we are supposed to be grateful that she hasn’t killed us—be grateful for this hell .”

“I don’t think that I put it in those words exactly.” I bent down to him as he tried to back away and grabbed hold of his nose before he had a chance to escape. I slid his nose back in place. He screamed out in pain.

“Can’t let that pretty face of yours get disfigured; what good will you be then? Scholar, take your brother and sober him up.”

Soren and Callum wrapped Bastian’s arms around their shoulders and half carried him out of the dining hall. Bastian must have been heavy if it took both of them.

I thought for a moment about compelling him to forget about his fears and anxiety. Compel him to never drown in his sorrows again. But that wouldn’t fix the overall issue— me. It wouldn’t fix his disdain for me.

It shouldn’t be surprising that he hates you. It seems that everyone that you come into contact with either dies or—

I squeezed my hand and shattered all of the glasses on the table, screaming in frustration. This had to end. I ran my fingers through my hair and stormed out of the room, leaving Emilia to eat by herself.

The garden. I could go to the garden, but she wouldn’t be able to find me.

I rushed out to the greenhouse as fast as I could, trying to beat Circe from saying another word.

I wrenched open the doors and practically hauled myself inside, slamming the door closed. My body was overheating, my mind was swimming, and I couldn’t seem to catch my breath.

Not again.

I doubled over, wrapping my arms around my knees, and put my head between my legs, taking unsteady breaths.

Deep breath in. One. Two. Three. Deep breath out. One. Two. Three.

I sat in a ball on the wet ground and didn’t move until my eyes grew heavy. Was my lack of sleep finally catching up to me?

I blinked slowly as my body relaxed slightly, but I knew I would be accosted by images of all the people who had died because of me. Remembered their faces even after all these years.

I hadn’t heard her voice for a while. I think I had effectively cast her far enough away into the recesses of my mind that she wouldn’t be able to bother me for the time being.

I left the greenhouse, made my way up the steps, and found a hunched figure peeking through the keyhole of one of the windows, with a head full of blonde hair.

“For a scholar, you aren’t very bright.”

Finally, it was my turn to scare him because he jumped straight into the air and banged his head against the glass.

“Shit!” He cursed, rubbing his head. “Please, do take care and not sneak up on a trained hunter.”

“A trained hunter? You?” I scoffed.

“Just because I would rather have my head in a book doesn’t mean that I wasn’t trained just as rigorously as Bast.”

I raised an eyebrow, skeptical. “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be finishing up cleaning.”

“I am finished cleaning, and well, I thought this was, uh, this was another—”

“I’m sorry. Do you need a moment to think of a lie?”

He rolled his eyes, and I reached out, grabbing his jaw tightly.

“Do I need to take you up to my chambers and teach you some manners?”

He stared up at me and, without missing a beat, replied, “Will that suffice you enough to answer more of my questions?”

His response made me pause, so I brought his face closer to mine.

“Would you really go that far for me just to answer a bunch of meaningless questions?”

“For knowledge? Always.”

I stared at him for a few more moments.

“Want to know what I really want from you? Right now?” I dragged my hand up his chest and then flicked his nose. “I want you to clean.”

Which effectively changed the subject.

I was about to walk inside when the sky started to turn gray—a storm was coming.

I stood as Soren opened the door for me and said, “Don’t bother me tonight. I won’t be down for dinner.” Then, I headed back inside, leaving him even more confused.

My breathing started to shorten, sweat beaded my brow, and a rising sense of panic surged through my body. The panic I felt earlier crept its way back in. I needed space. I had no destination in particular and stopped the moment I heard voices.

Fuck! Was there anywhere in this goddamn castle that I could get a moment's peace?

I was about to confront them when I heard Bastian say, “I can’t stand her, Callum. And there’s nothing you can do or say to make me change my mind.”

I heard Callum reply, “Bastian…” I heard him sigh. “As I have told you, numerous times, your life could be so much better if you gave in.”

“If I give in, then I lose myself. And that’s the last thing that I have.”

Another pause.

Circe was right; I had brought nothing but misery to all who had come into my life.

I pressed my back against the wall and shook. It was too hot. I needed to get away, but there was nowhere to go. Nowhere to run. My castle was still a cage, only with a handful of voices to remind me of all the things Circe often did.

I needed to be outside. I quietly walked away from them and prayed I didn’t run into anyone else. Something wet hit my face when I stepped outside the back doors. I looked up to see the clouds had fully rolled in, thick and dark.

I slowly crept back inside.

I had nowhere to go.