24. Hellena

24

HELLENA

S witch, spin, turn.

Evan's hands trace on my waist. Down around my legs.

I bend back, hands behind me, flipping over, Nadia and Serrah catching me. They toss me back into his arms again. Evan hooks his elbows under my armpits, swinging me around, full circle, and again.

We spin all the way to the ground, our bodies entangled.

I flip over, whipping my hair along his chest, up into an arc and down my back. Right on the downbeat. The other dancers hit the floor in the same instant. Crumpled. Destroyed by my emergence.

The angels' games turned her into a demoness.

A dark goddess of sex and lust. That's our story. The corruption, the betrayal. The revenge.

He's left in her grasp, helpless.

In love.

It rings a little too close to home, but I'm too caught up in the moment to think about that. It's the last day and we've been practicing non-stop.

He finally told me what it is we're training for.

The Sinner's Ball.

It's the culmination of the city's entire structure, setting up alliances, conversations that would otherwise never happen between people who would never interact.

Additionally, the party allows for every participant to completely divest themselves of rules and social strictures for one night. Utter freedom.

It sounds ridiculous. And fun.

Almost as ridiculous and fun as the last two weeks. It's the hardest I've ever worked for anything . Every hour of the day is either devoted to rehearsal or to helping Evan plan the event, from food, to entertainment, to the shuttles that will ferry every guest to the secret location.

It's been somewhere different every year, always a mystery.

This time, Evan has pulled out all the stops. And the location is the centerpiece he is most excited about. Of course, it's also the one thing he won't even give me a hint about.

I can at least attest to the decadence involved.

Based on the mountains of requisitions, payments, and reports I've sifted through, and the amount of money that's gone into this event, it's going to be monumental. Unforgettable.

Especially our crowning performance.

I land on my knees, towering over him as he lies stretched out before me, defeated. Right before I collapse on top of him and the music crescendos to a shattering halt. I feel tears streamed down my cheeks as I lie across his chest.

This is the first time we've rehearsed it from start to finish.

Evan huffs a half-laugh, exasperated.

"What?" I giggle as I lift off him, fold backward in half, flipping my feet over to stand.

"You," is the only answer he gives.

He's right.

I can bend like I never have before. My moves are fluid, powerful, Evan's even more so.

And we are fucking awesome. Every single member of the crew.

It's the most amazing production I've ever been a part of. Not that I've ever performed in a production. But I've helped design them for my dance class. Assisted them from backstage at recitals and shows.

This one is mine, though.

"You're tremendous , Hellena." Nadia reaches for my hand, and I help her to her feet. She's a professional dancer from the Czech Republic, giving me compliments. Again, ridiculous. Talk about imposter syndrome, every damn day.

Danielle squeezes my shoulder as she passes by. "You're going to slay tomorrow night, girl."

"Only because you taught me how to do that Valdez."

"Says the woman with the impossible Spider Cartwheel," Adrian teases, halfway out the door.

They've all made me feel so welcome.

Each of the dancers, from the Australian troupe to the individual talent Evan brought in, have given me invaluable tips and listened to my suggestions in turn. It's the most incredible creative endeavor I've ever participated in.

And the sense of community I feel for them is something I've always craved.

"I need to run a few errands. Why don't you head home, Hellena?" Evan says offhand, a clear dismissal.

"I can come with you, if you want."

We usually stay after, either for paperwork or the favors and deliveries that seem to have doubled along with our training. It's become a routine. One I look forward to.

Which might have something to do with the fact that I keep hoping he'll make another move.

The last two weeks have been torturous.

He's doubled down on being a cantankerous jerk and an insufferable tease.

I am more sexually frustrated than I've ever been in my life. I mean, how is he going to give me the best sex of my life and then cut me off? I know he wants more.

And it's not that we haven't gotten close again.

Every time we dance, it's a raging sea of passion, lust, almost ending in the act every fucking time. At this point, I would just let him take me in front of the other dancers if he initiated it.

But he's still the boss, and we have an insurmountable pile of favors and side jobs, plus the monster of planning this ball.

"Not this time. I'm going to the venue . And you need to get as much rest as possible before the show."

I put on my best pout as I gather up my things. "Like I'll be able to sleep at all."

"I promise, the surprise will be worth it."

"Except I hate surprises."

"Tough. Be ready for me to pick you up at five tomorrow. We need to get there early."

"Yes, Mr. DeSante."

"No wonder you've always worked for yourself. Any other boss would fire you for insubordination." He stalks toward his office.

"Maybe you should ‘subordinate' me, then." I can't help myself as I skip out of the room, spinning ahead of him like I know he loves.

"That's the opposite of resting. I can't have you?—"

"Can't have me?" I echo from our night together. "Can't have me what?"

He bites the tip of his tongue, refusing to look at me.

"I can't have you fatigued or injured. Everything needs to be perfect . I need you at your best." His voice is calm, less imperious than usual. I can tell how exhausted he is. He doesn't even have the energy just to verbally spar with me as often lately.

More often, he just cuts off the conversation and walks away.

Fortunately, I've gotten a bit of my angst out the two times I've seen Tell this week for… coffee . It's never enough, though. We haven't gotten there again, where I really want to go. I don't want to force it, either.

Interruptions seem to be in ample supply whenever I see him, making it impossible to find the right time and place. Apparently, it's a busy season for info brokers and PIs, too. It really has me wondering if he knows about the ball, the Sinful.

The few times I've come close to asking, I backed down.

Maybe I don't want to know if he knows or is involved with them.

Additionally, I feel bad for not telling him that I'm not only going to this huge gala event, but I'm planning it and performing at it. Frankly, I wouldn't mind inviting him.

But Evan made me swear not to say a word to anyone. Not even Rachelle, who is supposed to be getting home tomorrow.

My phone rings as I'm on my way home, and I push the button on my car controller.

"Hey! I was just thinking about you!" I answer.

"Hi, sweetie. I'm getting back into town right now, a little early. Where are you?" Her voice still feels like home.

"I am heading back to Gavin's right now. To shower and pass the fuck out. "

"Easy, sailor! That sounds like a good idea. From the sound of things, you've been working pretty hard."

"Unbelievably."

"What are you up to tomorrow?" Any doubts I had about her knowing about the ball have flown out the window. She's oblivious.

"My boss has… a really big meeting he wants me to sit in on. I don't think I'll be able to come see you until Sunday, if that's okay?"

"No worries, honey. I have so much to do the next couple of days, getting the house back in order, reestablishing our lives! I'm just glad to be home, all thanks to you."

"And my fault to begin with."

"But you're past that and on to bigger and better things. If Gavin says we're in the clear, I'm sure it's fine. You'll be home and back where you belong in no time."

"You are infinitely awesome, Rachelle. I love you and I can't wait to catch up."

"Love you too, dear. I'll see you Sunday."

I'll have to keep the line drawn and carefully consider what I tell Rachelle. I usually tell her most everything, but that was before Evan and our work.

If she's removed from the situation, it keeps her safe. Safer, anyway.

Which is precisely what Gavin suggested. I need to keep things compartmentalized.

The same way he never presses me for details about the jobs I go to or the nature of what Evan does. And I don't press him for details about his gruesome work.

Not that I haven't experienced it firsthand.

Even so, that wall coming down and our not discussing our work have made things around the house way more fun. We can be our most relaxed selves, aside from the physical limitations of his injury. Two weeks have helped a lot, and he's healing nicely.

I know it's driving him nuts that he can't get back to work, even just in the garage fixing his truck or building something.

Speaking of fixing things…

Pulling into our driveway, I notice the new gate, the discrete fence leading off around the property in the distance.

"Dammit, Gav, you better not have done this yourself!" I grumble.

Storming into the house, I throw my gym bag down on the floor. "Gavin Rorshack! Were you doing manual labor ?"

His cranky rumble comes from the kitchen before I have a chance to pursue my tirade. "Chill out, Lena! I haven't been doing shit. I paid to have some of Clive's guys come out and install it. All hush-hush."

"Why?" Red flags shoot up, alarms in my head. "What happened?"

"There've been some… unwanted visitors snooping around."

"Meaning you walked out to the trailer to check the surveillance gear?" My voice rises again. "Gavin, you are supposed to stay in bed."

"It's a short walk. And you're not supposed to know about the trailer!"

"Don't turn this around on me, mister!" I'm leaning over him, trying not to laugh at the look on his face, looking up over my cleavage. He's losing the battle of maintaining eye contact.

"I was careful. I'm going insane here with nothing to do, Lena."

"Be that as it may, you're not going to heal from your bullet wounds and get back to your dangerous job if you don't let yourself get better."

The irony is not lost on either of us.

The smirk growing on his face nearly shatters my stern resolve as I stand glaring down at him with my hands on my hips. "What?"

"You're something else, you know?"

"Don't start with that."

"You're fucking sexy," he drawls, resting his powerful hands on the dip of my love handles. "I love the way you fuss over me."

"Don't start with that, either." Because I'll lose my head completely and rip his stitches open by mounting him right here in the kitchen. That tension hasn't let up between us at all.

If anything, it's worse, but his injuries have kept things tame.

Alternately, almost every other night, I've snuck into his room, crawled into his bed to snuggle.

Neither of us has said a damn thing about it.

We snuggle. We sleep.

We get a little handsy.

It's perfect . And then in the morning, we move along and about our day, batteries fully recharged.

Like he's reading my thoughts, Gavin's brow knits together in a frown. "Are you… alright?" His tone drops low, serious.

"I'm great. Just tired."

"I know that. Evan's working you too hard, nothing new there. I meant…"

"Oh. That." The other reason I keep crawling into bed with him. The nightmares. "They're getting less horrifying."

"Damn. I'm sorry, Hellena." He pulls at me, settling me on his good leg. It's sturdy, stable. Unshakable, like him.

"You have them, too." I swallow, meeting his eyes. It's not an accusation or judgment.

"Yeah. Too many." Pain. So much pain .

"How do you live with them? The ghosts… the faces?" My voice is barely a whisper.

"Those ghosts almost always mean that someone else lived. It doesn't make them go away. It doesn't wash away the guilt. But it loosens the noose, lets me keep going."

"What would you do if the only person you saved was yourself?" I've never told Gavin exactly what happened in my past life. Davi. The reason I can't ever hold a gun again.

A warm, callused hand brushes my jaw, cupping my face.

"Oh, Lena. I've been there, too. When it's you or them, you always have to choose you."

Tears well up, spilling down my hot cheeks. He pulls me close. "Then you live harder. Make it matter. Because you matter."

I sniff, nodding. "You matter to me. So much." Stupid Hellena. Stupid words.

Just tell him.

Gavin smiles sadly, taking it in stride. "I think I feel like I finally do, too."

We sit like that for a while, holding each other, carrying each other's demons. Until hunger drives us to make dinner clean up the kitchen, all in companionable silence.

The air feels lighter.

When it comes time for bed, I find that despite my nerves, I'm exhausted . Good, too, because I can't go into Gavin's room tonight. With all the built-up angst and sexy thoughts of Evan and Tell, I may lose my shit and do something foolish and stay up all night taking out my frustrations. Risking having to re-suture Gavin's wounds in the middle of the night is the worst idea.

I need to stay focused like Evan said.

Or unfocused? Sleep is the opposite of focus, sort of…

Thinking in circles has me drifting off before I can finish the thought.

My outfit is… not a lot.

The box arrived earlier, dropped off by courier. Of course, Evan would make it mysterious and save the surprise for the very last minute.

It's the last thing left to do before I'm ready to go. I have no clue how to put it on.

Most of the day, I spent relaxing, trying to keep myself occupied, distracted from the nerves. So, I took a bath. Drank a bit of wine. Not too much, though.

After that, I took my sweet time on my nails, my hair, and my makeup. Nadia and I compared notes on painting our eyes and the rest of our faces to go with our costumes the past few weeks. We must have gone through a dozen kits, testing out colors and blending. I've always loved the smoky eye, a wicked flick of mascara. But I never really had many opportunities to go all out until I started working for Evan and dressing to the nines every day.

Now, it's like second nature.

The body paint, on the other hand…

Evan's guy will have to give me my ‘accents' when we get there.

"Hey, will you give me a hand with this thing?" I yell out the spare bedroom door. Gavin pokes his head in, his cheeks immediately going pink.

"You're naked."

"Not completely." I argue, bobbing my eyebrows over my shoulder at him and pulling my arms closer to hide my exposed chest from him.

His eyes nearly bug out of his head when I shake my ass, only hidden by a thin pair of no-show boy shorts. After a deep drag of air through flared nostrils, he edges into the room, his limp barely noticeable.

I stifle a laugh at the tent in his jeans.

"Don't act like you didn't cause this." He shrugs, quirking a half grin.

"Mmm. Proudly. But if I'm the cause, then you can be the effect… "

"Wow!" He bursts out laughing. "That was terrible."

"Ha! Tell's sense of humor is rubbing off on me, sorry." I giggle, leaning back toward him, resting my back on his chest, eager for his body heat.

"Maybe I should rub off on you instead." His arms hang in a half moon around me, holding the strips of sheer red fabric.

"You can rub me anywhere you want…"

He starts low, dragging the satiny material up the sides of my thighs. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. As long as it gets me into this outfit in the next five minutes."

"I'll take what I can get." He sorts out the ups and downs of the skirt, slipping it around my waist, looping the sash to hold it in place.

"I'm not the one limiting what you can take," I mutter, almost imperceptibly.

Two long bands of red cup my breasts, where he takes his time, letting them rest in his palms, easing up and over them, drawing the ends together behind my neck. As he ties them off, I feel his stubble against my neck, his lips grazing my skin into goosebumps.

"I'm having trouble remembering why I shouldn't, why we shouldn't."

"Your rules don't seem very important now, do they?" I'm relentless, ruthlessly teasing him with my ass brushing against his crotch.

"What rules?"

His hands spin me, one forearm slipping around my waist, lifting me like I weigh nothing. Right into a gentle, sensually slow kiss. He takes his time, tasting my lips, his tongue grazing behind my teeth, pulling back, drawing mine into his mouth.

Just like us, the kiss is coy, filled with unspoken desires.

Yet it's grounded. Like an earthquake is grounded. Deep. Life-altering. It lights a fire deep in my belly.

And it's over way too soon, the doorbell ringing abrasively.

Gavin cocks his head to the side as he sets me down, licking his upper lip. "Mmm. To be continued?"

"That's up to you."

"Damon would kill me."

"I think you're looking at it all wrong."

"Oh?" He helps me into my long black coat, the only thing concealing my very exposed skin.

"I never knew my dad. But I think he would want you to protect me. That includes my heart." I blurt out the last part, opening the door before he can register the meaning.

"Hellena, you look astonishing."

"I'm wearing a coat."

"Wearing it well." Evan smiles, full and genuine. So. Weird.

Until I realize who's standing behind me, who his eyes glance to conspiratorially.

"She's not the only one. Where do you get those suits?" Gavin flat out scopes Evan from foot to head.

"Why, you want to get into one?" Evan croons.

"Maybe. If you're in it." Gavin grins like a wolf.

I'm fucking blushing . I can't tell if they're joking or this is some sort of competition to see who will back down first.

"Well. I don't think we have time to try on each other's—" I start.

"True. We'll have to?—"

"Explore some options?"

"Definitely. Soon." Gavin leans down, stealing another kiss, catching my eye as he pulls away. "Don't have too much fun tonight."

It's not a jealous warning. He's telling me to be careful.

"I'll make sure she winds up in the right hands at the end of it all." Evan squeezes his hand as they shake their farewell. "Do me a favor and don't wait up."

Gavin and I haven't come out and said that he knows where I'm going tonight, but I think he knows.

"Oh, I'll wait forever for Hellena." He smiles, pinning Evan with a stare. "No favors necessary."

I'm moving toward the car, turning back to wave a final goodbye when I catch them locked in an intense exchange. Something passes between them in the silence until Evan chuckles, breaking the standoff.

"I'll owe you one, all the same."