21: ONYX

"What do you mean she's gone?" Shep asks.

"This!" I shout, throwing the divorce papers at my cousin, but they fall to the floor.

He stares at me in confusion, bends down and picks them up before he shakes his head.

"What the hell is this about?" he asks, reading it. "Why is she divorcing you?"

"That's what I want to know."

"No, you don't get to take the easy road out on this, Nyx. She's a good girl, and the two of you love each other. You've been very close and good to each other. How do you get from that to this?" he asks, shaking the papers.

Shep is the only one who's ever understood me, and that I could relate to.

I wasn't sure what to do when I returned home with those divorce papers in hand. I couldn't believe that she'd actually gone through with it. So, I called Shep and told him that I needed him.

I didn't have to explain. He showed up within fifteen minutes.

"We've been having problems," I say, dropping down onto the couch. "I'd moved into the guest room, and eventually, she moved out altogether. We haven't had sex in almost a month, and before that, it was a couple of months."

"Damn, dude. That is pretty bad."

"I know. I just didn't think they were this bad."

I drag my hands back and forth over my head.

"What kinds of problems, O? You and other women?"

He knows the man that I am because he's always been the same way before he announced to the world that he and Mak had been married for six years. After that, he became a changed man.

There were no more trips to Club Prestige in North Carolina, and if there were, he was making them with his wife and not me. There were no more nights spent club hopping and taking home random women.

We went to clubs and bars together still, but always with our wives. The only thing that had changed for him, and not for me, was that he didn't flirt with the women anymore. I still do.

It's almost like I need it. It's an addiction that I can't break; the giving a woman my full attention and receiving hers in return. The admiration, the thrill of the chase, and the unspoken promises that aren't kept on my end. Not anymore, anyway.

"She's it for me, Shep."

"Are you sure? Because from where I'm looking, when you go out, you still act like a single man. Your woman never should have to come up and remind you that you're married to chase off other women."

Scoffing, I reply, "Look at the pot calling the kettle black."

He slants his eyes at me and says, "I fucked up more than a time or two. I lost her for several years of our lives. But when I got her back, trust me I knew not to do it again. I got my act together, and Mak is the only woman for me. She, those two little girls, and that little boy are my entire world. I don't need admiration from a woman other than my wife."

"Our marriages aren't the same, Shep."

"Clearly not, or your wife would still be here."

"It's not the same!"

"Then tell me what the hell is going on. You didn't call me halfway across town to sit and watch you mope."

"We're having trouble conceiving."

"Oh shit," Shep says as sympathy fills his eyes.

"Don't, man. Don't do that shit. I don't need anyone feeling sorry for me."

"Not feeling sorry for your dumb ass. I'm feeling sorry for Meadow because I know what an asshole you can be. If she wants a kid and you're out acting the way that you are, I can see how you might come across as insensitive. That's the last thing that she needs right now. I remember what my kid sister went through with Bryan, and as much as she tried to hide it, she couldn't. Poppy was miserable as hell."

"Yeah, but hers wasn't solely because she couldn't get pregnant. It was also because of Bryan."

"That's true. But still, this can't be easy for Meadow. I knew she wanted kids and that she'd been going through something over it, but I thought it was because you two weren't on the same page."

"I'm sure that she's shared it with the ladies. At least I know that she did with Poppy she told me once. I got on her because I didn't want the world to know our business."

Shep shook his head. "I don't get you, dude. How the hell are you the owner of a multimillion-dollar company, and you're still living most days like you're a single man who just got his own place and career?"

I roll my eyes at him.

"You're judging my lifestyle. She wasn't. The only issue that my wife had with me was our inability to conceive."

"You sure? Because Meadow was a loving and patient woman, and I don't see her being pissed and leaving you because you can't give her a baby."

"Why does it have to be me? Why the fuck can't it be her?" I explode, standing and heading to the bar.

"That's exactly what I'm saying," he says, pointing a finger toward me. "You're insensitive. This isn't about whether it's your fault or hers. It's no one's fault. It simply isn't happening right now."

"And that's what I've been trying to tell her!"

"Have you even gone to the doctor to see what might be causing it?"

"Fuck! You sound just like her. I've told her that she's taking the fun out of everything; sex, conversation, marriage, living. All she talks about is having a goddamn baby and nothing else. That shit sucks the life out of me!"

Shep stares at me so long that I can't help but tell the truth.

"That wasn't it alone, Shep. I cheated, and she found out about it before I could tell her."

Shep lifts his eyebrows knowingly.

"Who?"

"Sharla."

"Sharla Watson? As in your ex who broke your heart?"

"Yes. She works for me now."

"Damn. I can see why she'd want to divorce you."

"What?"

"Dude, you're fucking heartless."

"Me?" I ask, pointing a finger at myself.

"Yes, you."

Scoffing, I reply, "Fucking irreconcilable differences; that's what she's basing it on. But we have to live apart for at least one year for it to be granted."

"And you're going to give that to her without a fight?"

"I don't know how to find her. I want to go to her and make her feel my love, but I have no idea where she's at."

"If it's meant to be, it will happen, someday, somehow.

***

"Mr. Maxwell, I've searched all over, and I haven't been able to locate your wife," Craig Baumgartner, the investigator that I hired, says.

"What about her parents?"

"I've had a team of men on her parents for the last three weeks, and they haven't led us to her. I haven't gone as far as tapping their phones because that's against the law..."

"No. I don't want you to do that. I'll have a conversation with them myself."

"That's fine. I have one other option in mind if all else fails."

"What's that?"

"I don't want to make promises that I can't keep. So, let me see what I can work out, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. I haven't given up on finding her, though."

"All right. Talk to you later," I say, ending the call.

I rest my head against the steering wheel for several minutes before I finally push the door open and get out of the car.

I walk up the cobblestone sidewalk and onto the front porch. This is one of the hardest things that I've ever done.

I know that going into these people's house and admitting that I've screwed up with my wife is just what they've been waiting for. I know that they'll rejoice that she finally left my ass and will probably be on her side to stay hidden.

But this is my last resort. I don't know what else to do after this.

I push the doorbell, and it opens within seconds.

"Come on in. I was wondering how long you were going to sit out there," Elyse Holloway says, holding the front door open for me.

"I was wondering how much longer it would take before he finally came over here and admitted that he screwed up," Marc Holloway Sr. says.

I groan internally to keep from rolling my eyes.

"Based on that comment, I guess you already know that she's left me."

"And divorcing you too," Mr. Holloway says.

"But you haven't signed the papers. Why not?" Mrs. Holloway asks.

"I needed some time to figure things out. That's what she said she was giving me. I don't want to walk away from my marriage."

"Son, I don't know that you have a choice. Meadow's not happy, and she's gone. I doubt that she plans on coming back," Mrs. Holloway says.

"Look, I know that I haven't been perfect, and I've made my share of mistakes, but I love Meadow. I won't sign the papers. At least, not until we have a chance to discuss what's wrong between us."

"Seems to me that you've had all the time that you need to discuss that. Almost three years of marriage, if you haven't figured it out by now, you probably never will," Mr. Holloway interjects.

"Mr. Holloway, I respect your views on the subject. I know that you've never been a fan of mine, and that's okay. I also know that you didn't want me to marry your daughter, but it was her life to live. The only thing that I'm asking is that you please tell me where she is. I want to check on her and make sure that she's okay."

"We can't do that," he says.

"Have you ever made a mistake in life that you regretted more than anything? And you would do anything, including giving up your life itself, to right the wrongs?"

He looks away from me and bobs his head subtly. "I have, but this isn't the same thing. My daughter is not from your world, Onyx. We've taught her the value of hard work, staying in her lane, and being true to herself. She could never sell out who she is. People like you don't understand the real world."

"The real world?" I ask.

I'm about to explode. I remind myself that this is Meadow's father, and the last thing that I want is to create more beef between us and give her more reasons to stay away.

"That's what I said. People like you have always had things handed to them and never had to work hard for anything. You don't know what the word ‘no' means, and you have people waiting on you hand and foot. Because of that, it's impossible to value what's most important. It's hard for you to not take things or people for granted."

"Mr. Holloway, with all due respect, you're wrong. I worked my ass off to build my company, Maxwell Property Management. No one gave me a dime to start that company. I worked throughout high school and college to save money. I didn't work for any of the family businesses, but I worked in the industry that I wanted to start my company in. When I graduated college, I worked for another two years still saving money.

"I took out two loans to start my company and worked hard to build what I wanted. I didn't use my name or connections to do any of that. I paid the loans back with interest from my hard work. My father and mother offered many times to provide what I needed and an easy path. I never wanted that. So, before you judge me, Mr. Holloway, maybe you should get to know me. In the five years MJ and I have been together, you have never sat down and had a one-on-one conversation with me. You were never interested in getting to know me."

I turn and head out of the door, knowing that I won't get answers here. I believe that it was a waste of my time to come here until the front door opened, and Mrs. Holloway stepped out.

I've just started the car when she comes walking down the steps. She holds up a hand to stop me.

"Onyx!" she calls.

I lean out the window. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Holloway. I meant no disrespect to you leaving out of there the way that I did."

"It's okay. I'm glad that you finally stood up to him. I just wanted to tell you that the reason that we can't tell you is because we don't know where she is. She refused to tell us where she was going because she knew that I might tell you."

"Would you have?"

Nodding, she says, "Although it might not seem like I'm on your side, I am. I know that you love my daughter, and I know that she loves you. There were too many things going against the two of you. She told us about what happened to her and what that man said to her. She's her father's child. And it's hard for her to stray from the way that we raised her. Fight for her, Onyx. Make her see that you're worth it, and so is she."

I nod. "Thanks, Mrs. Holloway."

My thoughts on the drive back home are full of what I could have done differently to keep Meadow from leaving me.

I think about the decision to hire Sharla. I think about the child she so desperately wants. I think about all the traveling that I do. There's only one thought my mind keeps returning to. I have made her insecure by flirting with other women.

Meadow has always felt intimidated by my wealth which is why she hates for me to do anything for her, and why she insists on paying half of all the bills. She hates that I take her money and place it into a special account that only she can withdraw from.

I would give it all up if that meant that she would come back into my life. Everything that I've inherited, amassed, and created means nothing without her.