20: MEADOW

"It's so beautiful out here," I say, sitting side by side with Claire on her porch.

We occupy two of the four rockers out here, and we're watching the sunrise. Yesterday, when she'd seen me walking back to my cottage from the beach, she'd called out to me.

She'd said it was good to see me looking healthy and happy, and so different than the first time she'd seen me a week ago. She'd also informed me that Matt, who apparently is her son, had mentioned seeing me leaving the store.

They both have made it their mission to check on me daily. Whether Matt is bringing pies his mother baked to my front door, or fruit that he handpicked and brought to me. They haven't missed a day in the last week.

"It is. That's why I invited you to join me and watch the sunrise this morning. Twenty-two years and I've never missed a sunrise on this beach."

"That's how long you've lived here?"

"Yep. Moved out here after my husband, Clyde, left me for a younger version of me."

"What?" I say, jerking my head from the dazzling golds and reds magnifying the sky.

"Yes. She looks just like I did at her age. Looks more like me than Matt ever did."

"I'm assuming he has his father's looks."

"Just as dashing, charming, and handsome as he is. But he's a good man," she says as if I'd inquired.

Smiling, I say, "Well, that works out perfectly for some lucky young lady. As for me, I'm not in the market."

"Mm. Divorced," she asks, glancing at my finger where there's a tan line from where my wedding band used to be.

"In the process."

"It can be a difficult time. I would have done anything to save my marriage if I could have, but he just didn't want me."

"Mm. Same here."

We rock silently as the brilliant sun continues to rise and takes over the night sky.

"It's going to be a scorcher today. I imagine there will be lots of people out in the water."

After several more minutes of silence, I finally broke it with something that had been plaguing me since the first time that I saw her.

"I wasn't going to do it. That first day, you know?"

"Never said you were. Just wanted to make sure that you were aware that those waters have a powerful lure and can be a bit misleading."

I nod. "I can see that."

"Especially when someone is weighed down by life's troubles."

"I can see that too."

"Good. Just so you know."

We rock some more in silence.

"How do you know that your husband didn't want you, if you don't mind me asking? Was it because he cheated?"

"No, it wasn't that alone. Some men cheat, and others don't. Some men love their wives, and others don't. A man can cheat and still love his wife, just like a man can be faithful and still hate her. He told me, ‘Claire, I don't want you anymore. I'm not happy, and I don't love you.' It was just as simple as that. Nothing too complicated or fancy. Besides, he'd made sure that I felt it long before he said it."

"That was cruel."

Shrugging, "I guess you could say that it was. But it was beautiful and honest."

"How so?"

"Beautiful because he didn't keep me tied to him when he knew that he didn't want me. He let me go free so that I could discover the beauty that life held for me and discover myself. He didn't lie to me but was honest about his feelings so that I wasn't living a lie. He could have done a lot worse and kept me tied to him in a loveless marriage."

"Wow. You must have been mature about the whole matter. Not sure I could have."

"I wasn't either. That revelation came with time. At the time, I was devastated. My entire world was falling into shambles, and we had a teenage son who was watching both our actions. I had a choice to make. Let him see the weakness in me and how broken I was by his father's actions, or allow him to see my strength and how I could rise above my limitations and still pursue greatness."

"Wow. That takes a lot of strength in the midst of despair."

"It does. I don't regret a single day of it. Don't be fooled, though. There were many nights that I was in bed crying my eyes out. Many days where I didn't feel like climbing out of bed. Several evenings, I didn't want to cook, clean, or listen to how Matt's day went. But I did. I gave myself fifteen minutes every evening to decompress from my day and to cry.

"When I left my bedroom, my face was washed, I had on relaxed clothing, and I wore a positive attitude like it was a new dress. It wasn't until last year that he shared with me that he'd seen my sacrifice and that he appreciated it."

"I love that he was able to share that with you."

"Mm," she says. "Make sure that you choose the path that works best for you. I don't know why you're getting divorced, but make sure that it's what you both want. People always have an opinion about what you should do and what they would or wouldn't do. No one has ever walked in your shoes. Even if they've been in a similar situation, they haven't walked your exact path. Every situation is unique to that person because each person has different personalities, experiences, and backgrounds. No two situations are ever the same."

"Did you love your husband?"

"Still do."

"Did he love you?"

I tilt my head sideways and ponder that. I think about her words, and I think about Onyx and how he begged me not to divorce him. I haven't spoken with him since he was served those papers.

I also think about how he tried to be there for me during my darkest days, but I pushed him away.

"Yes, he did. He always made me feel it until we came across a particularly rough stretch in the road."

"Then he stopped making you feel loved?"

"No. I stopped loving him, and I intentionally worked hard to hurt him because I was hurting."

"Mm. Do you want your marriage to work?"

I turn to look into her assessing gaze. "I did at one point. He cheated on me, Claire. It's hard to get over something like that."

She nods and rocks with her hands clasped at her midsection. "It can be. But a marriage can still be salvaged, even after something like that. But only if both people really want it and are committed to owning their responsibility for the destruction. Do you think the marriage could be salvaged?"

"If I wanted it to, yes, but I'm not sure that's what I want anymore."

She smiles at me and says, "Take your time, honey. If it's meant to be, you two will come together again."