19: ONYX

"...to create growth and jobs in challenging times for a new era. As we look at the changing climate of technology, human capital, financial resources, and the demands on companies in the industry, we have to be at the forefront leading the change that we want to see."

My eyes drift away from the speaker to my phone. My fingers hover over the message, wondering if she will respond or not.

Meadow called me last night when I arrived at the hotel I'm staying at.

The memory of that call floats back into my mind.

"You brought your ex into our lives, flaunting her in my face as if that was okay. You actually allowed her to invite me to work on the mural at your office. What was that her peace offering? And you knew who she was all that time, was probably already screwing her, and what? Were the two of you laughing behind my back the entire time?"

"I had every intention of telling you who she was, but I feared that you'd be angry."

"As if I didn't have a reason to be."

"I wanted to prove that we could work together first."

"First before what? Before you fucked her? That's wild, Onyx!"

"If you stopped running away from our problems, then I would have a chance to explain everything. I swear that I was going to tell you, MJ! I planned to tell you everything, including about what happened in Vegas."

She chuckles. "What happened in Vegas? As if that was an incident and not a choice that you chose to get between another woman's legs while you were married to me!"

"I'm sorry. Yes, it was a choice that I made, and I have no one to blame but me."

"Damn right!"

"Please come home so that we can work through these things. If we just get counseling—"

"I don't need counseling, Onyx, just like I don't need you. I'm not coming home, so do what you feel you must. I put up with your indecisiveness for far too long. Indecisive about whether you want a child or not, or whether you want her or not. I needed you to either shit or get off the pot, Onyx! I needed you to man up and tell me how you really felt about everything! You couldn't. So, I did what you couldn't do."

"Fuck! I still love you, MJ!"

"Do you love her?"

"What? What kind of question is that? I love you!"

"Answer my question."

"No!"

"Is she the reason you changed your mind about having kids?"

"You're out of your goddamn mind, MJ!"

"No, I'm not! You wouldn't get tested to find out what was wrong with us. Did you ever want to have a family with me, O?"

"You know that I did, MJ. I just didn't want it to make or break us. It couldn't be our only focus day in and day out. If we never have a child, that won't stop me from loving you, but I needed to know that you feel the same."

"Did I really have to express that to you?"

"Yes. Things were good for us."

"No, they weren't. There was always the issue of conception between us."

"Something we were working through. But after the assault, you began to make me feel inadequate because I couldn't impregnate you. And you were always telling me to leave you, that you didn't need or want me. That, paired with your demand for us to get tested, only compounded the feelings of inadequacies. I didn't think we needed to bring a child into our current environment filled with hostility, anger, and depression."

"Why? Because then everything wouldn't be about you? Were you scared that you'd have to compete with a child for my attention?"

"Of course not. You're it for me."

"Really? You dare to say that knowing that you were with another woman?"

"I'm not with another woman!"

"You were!"

"One time, MJ! I fucked up!"

"I don't believe that you would have told me. My daddy was right. All rich men aren't to be trusted, hiding shit from their partners and others to sway the narrative in their direction! You couldn't even speak up and tell me you didn't want a kid! You hid that from me."

"I don't hide shit from you! I told you that after what you'd been through, it wasn't the right time. You didn't accept that."

"What I believe is that if that woman hadn't entered your life again, you wouldn't have been so quick to dismiss our efforts to start a family. I think that she's the reason behind everything that you have been doing lately. I think that you wanted to be like all the other rich men out there, including your father at some point I'm sure, and have a wife and a mistress."

"Fuck your daddy and fuck your theory!" I grit back.

She'd hung up the phone. I'd sent her a message of apology this morning as I was rushing to the elevator for this morning's conference. I'd called her first thing, and she'd sent my calls directly to voicemail; the same as she had done after hanging up on me last night.

There's a round of applause, and people are beginning to stand up. Looking around, I stand, too, and button my suit coat.

"Well, my friend, are you ready to get ahead of things?" Angie Davis, my CEO of capital markets, asks.

"As if we aren't already," I reply, smirking and glancing at my phone again.

"Is everything okay? You've looked at that thing no less than fifty times in the last half hour," she says, nodding at my phone.

"Yeah. I just need to check on Meadow."

"Tell her I said hello. I'm grabbing a bite to eat from the breakfast setup in the conference room across the hall. I didn't have time to grab anything on my way down."

"Okay," I mumble.

"Oh, and Onyx?"

"Yes?"

"I know that you weren't paying any attention, but we're heading to our breakout sessions in individual rooms in the next twenty minutes. Our names and groups are posted outside of each door," Angie says.

Looking up and meeting her knowing gaze, I smile and say, "Thanks, Ang."

"Any time," she replies, dashing across the hallway to grab something to eat.

I head out to the main lobby and take the elevator back to my room. I call Meadow again and finally reach her this time.

"Hey, I've been calling all morning."

"I didn't get much sleep last night and overslept," she mumbles.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Yeah, well...maybe you need to take this time to get your shit together, O."

Pulling my hands through my hair, I exhale loudly. "Look, I didn't call you to argue. I called to apologize and see how we work through this."

"We can't, Onyx—"

"So, that's it. You're just done?"

"You made that decision the moment that you cheated. I refuse to be someone's second."

"You're not my second. I chose you to marry, MJ!"

"And yet, you've chosen her because obviously, I wasn't enough, Onyx!"

"You chose to not be the woman that I married, the one that I fell in love with, and become a stranger. I didn't choose that for us."

"Low blow, Onyx."

"You didn't do anything anymore, MJ. When you did go to the studio, it took hours to get yourself together to do it, only with me pushing you, and then you returned home two hours later. You need help, MJ. It doesn't have to be the end of us. I just don't think either of us should keep living like this."

"Then don't, Onyx."

"Look, I'm sorry we're going through this in our lives right now. It's a very bad patch."

"The only thing that I'm going through is you ruining a perfectly good day."

"It's not what I was going for, MJ."

"Yeah, well, you've done a great job of it anyway."

"Look, I still love you, okay."

"Yeah, sure."

"MJ?"

"MJ?" I repeat after several seconds.

Pulling the phone away from my ear, I glance at it and see that she's ended the call already. I drop my head, shaking it.

***

"Let's get drinks," Heather Foxworth says to our group.

When we broke into small groups earlier this week to work on an agenda for the clean air initiative, our group bonded so strongly that we've been gravitating towards each other in every small group session all week.

Today is the last day of our conference, and I'm thankful that I've survived.

"Are you coming?" Angie asks.

"Yeah. I need something to take the edge off. It's been a long week."

"Everything okay with you and Meadow?" Angie asks as we walk behind the rest of the group down the hallway of the hotel towards the bar.

"Yeah, everything is fine. It's just this baby thing. It's driving me crazy because it's all she can think about day and night. Ang, it's driving a wedge between us."

I haven't told anyone the truth. They don't need to know that my wife has already walked out on me and told me that it was over.

Most importantly, they don't need to know it's because I cheated with one of our staff.

"Well, you know how I feel about all that. I've told Jack that we're not having a baby for at least three years from now. I have too much to accomplish in my career before I settle down with kids. They take a lot of time, energy, and attention. I never want to short my kids on love."

"I'm sure that you'll make an excellent mother when you do decide, Angie."

She smirks at me, and we step into the bar.

"We've got a table over here," Andre, one of the men in our group, waves us over.

There are four other people at the table besides Andre. Blair, Heather, Mitchell, and Sonia are there as well.

Once Angie and I are seated, we place our drink order, and the chatter begins. The conversation moves from the conference, that just concluded, to sports, to vacation to our plans when we return home.

Everyone at the table is married except for Blair who just started a relationship with a man she met online. She regals us with tales of online dating before we move on to reminiscing about our college years.

Looking around for the waitress, I see that she's busy, so I head to the bar to request another round of drinks.

As I sit at the bar waiting for the bartender, a beautiful woman brushes up against me.

"Excuse me," she says coyly, biting back a shy smile. "I thought you were someone else."

"Who?"

"Have you ever heard of Darien Martin? The actor?"

Shaking my head, I reply, "I can't say that I have, but I admit that's the most unique pickup line I've heard to date."

Laughing, she says, "You've got me. I couldn't help but notice you over there with your friends."

"Business constituents."

"What?"

"I'm here on business. They're not my friends. Good people, just not...never mind," I say, shaking my head as she smirks at me.

"It's all good."

"And you? What are you doing here alone? It's not good for a lady to be in a bar by herself."

"I think I'm fully capable of handling myself."

"Oh, you are, are you?"

"I have to be. I have three older brothers who whooped my ass on a daily when my pops wasn't around. Being raised in a houseful of men, you have no choice but to be tough as nails. There was no room for tears and breakdowns."

"I hear that. I'm sure your mom is proud, too."

I find the woman attractive, but I'm not interested in anything other than good conversation. We'll talk, maybe share a few laughs, and I'll buy her next drink. After that, I'll leave here and head back to my room where I'll hopefully get a good night's sleep and then return home.

My empty home.

A home where my wife should be waiting for me.

My wife.

The woman who holds my heart but whose heart I've broken.

"My mother died when I was seven from a stroke."

"Sorry to hear that."

"Don't be. I'm good. My pop is a good man, and he surrounded me with lots of love from him, my grandmother, and my aunt. Though my brothers were rough on me, it was because they loved me."

I nod.

"Sorry, didn't mean to be spilling my life story here."

"You're good. Sometimes, we need someone to pour out our heartache to."

"And you? What's your heartache?"

Smiling, I reply, "I can't complain. I've got a damn good life."

"That's saying a lot. Most people aren't happy about something or other in their lives. You must be doing something right."

"Maybe."

"I'd say more than maybe. You're married," she says, pointing at my left ring finger.

"I am. Speaking of which, I've got to go. It's been a pleasure talking with you..."

"Reyna. Reyna Jackson," she says, extending her hand.

"Reyna, it was a pleasure to meet you. I'm Onyx. Onyx Maxwell," I return, taking her hand in mine.

Winking, she says, "Onyx, it was a pleasure to chat with you also. I believe this belongs to you."

Grabbing something from her handbag, she passes a sheaf of papers to me just as Andre walks up to us.

"What's this?"

"You've been served."

"What?" I ask, staring at the manila envelope in my hand.

"It was a pleasure chatting with you. Oh, and you do look like Darien Martin. You should Google him sometime."

She hops off the barstool and walks away in a whirlwind of hips, tits, and ass.

"It's always the ones that leave you panting for them that makes you wish you'd never cross paths with them. How does that song go? Never trust a big butt and a smile," Andre sings in a drunken off-key tone.