13

As soon as Chris felt Olivia stiffen against him, he took a step back. He longed to keep his hands on her waist, but he dropped them to his sides after a brief hesitation.

Olivia’s eyes were wide as she stared at him, and he wanted to kick himself when he took in her expression. It wasn’t the look of someone who’d been enjoying themselves.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, guilt sitting heavily on his chest. “I shouldn’t have come on so strong.”

It hadn’t been his intention when he’d come over. He’d only wanted to talk to her and apologize, but once he’d had a taste of her, he hadn’t wanted to stop. Kissing Olivia had felt so different from any of the hookups he’d ever had. He’d kissed her simply to kiss her, not as a precursor to sex, and there was something about that distinction that made it all the more exquisite.

Every brush of her lips against his had felt charged with electricity. Every moan he’d drawn from her had felt like the sweetest reward. Chris had always known Olivia was special, but the way she kissed had sealed that fact in his mind. She’d always been too good for Drew. She was far too good for Chris as well, but if she would have him, he would do everything in his power to try to measure up to the man she deserved.

Olivia blinked, her eyebrows drawing together slightly. “No, it’s not that,” she replied.

Chris’s shoulders lowered in relief, but he still felt uneasy. “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Olivia was quick to assure him. She crossed her arms over her chest, and her gaze settled below his chin. “It’s just, is this a good idea?”

“What do you mean?”

“You. Me.” She shrugged. “Us.”

Chris’s lips tipped up, but he contained his smile. He liked the sound of that. “I think it’s a great idea,” he said, mostly meaning it.

Yes, things would be far more complicated than they should be because of their history, but he didn’t want that to stop them.

Olivia let out an amused huff. “I’m serious, Chris.”

He walked backward and took a seat on the edge of her bed. “Okay, tell me what’s worrying you.”

“What?”

“Tell me why you don’t think this is a good idea.”

Olivia uncrossed her arms and threw them up. “Oh, I don’t know. How about the fact that I’m not a friends-with-benefits kind of person.”

Chris frowned. “And why is that a problem?”

She sent him a look to say it should have been obvious. “Because you don’t date. I’d just be another notch on your bedpost, and that’s not the kind of person I am. It will mean far more to me than to you, and I’m not okay with that.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” She could never be just a hookup for him. He’d never risk hurting his family for something meaningless.

“Come on, Chris. We both know this won’t mean anything to you. I’ll just be another girl you slept with. Another line added to your tally. And some women might be okay with that, but I’m not. It will mean something to me, and I’m not prepared to be just another one of your hookups.”

He grimaced. When she put it like that…“Look, I get your reservations, but I haven’t slept with anyone in months,” he told her.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Really?” She pressed her lips together. “Not even with Anna or Kelce?”

Chris coughed. He hated that she’d seen the message from Kelce. He hadn’t lied when he’d said he hadn’t slept with anyone for months. Since the accident, he hadn’t seen the appeal of the empty interactions anymore. It just so happened that Kelce had decided to reach out after weeks and weeks of silence on the day Chris had picked Olivia up to go rock climbing.

“Not even them,” he said. “I swear.”

She didn’t look convinced, and he didn’t blame her. “Even if that’s true, that doesn’t mean you want anything more with me than just sex,” she countered. “And that’s not the kind of relationship I want.”

Chris nodded. He’d already known Olivia wasn’t one for hookups. She often came across as abrasive and cold, especially around her family, but she was a romantic through and through. He’d always known that.

“I can’t promise much, but I can tell you that it wouldn’t just be about sex. Not with you.”

“Which brings me to the next problem,” she said with a sigh. “It’s not like you’re going to want to tell your family about me. They’d hate knowing we were even hanging out.”

Chris’s jaw clenched. Olivia was right. His family, especially Paige, would hate it. “Do they need to know?” he finally asked. “If they knew, they’d just mess things up between us before we’ve even given this a proper chance.”

Olivia sighed and leaned back against the door he’d had her pressed against only minutes earlier. “Noah would probably do the same.”

Chris flinched. “He’d kill me before we could even finish explaining.”

His friend would punch first and ask questions later if he found out Chris was seeing his little sister. Even without all the ugliness that had happened in the months since the accident, Noah knew how much Chris had slept around. He’d want Chris as far away from his half-sister as possible. Not to mention Chris was two years older than Olivia, and Noah had just about lost his shit when Olivia had started dating someone only a year older.

Chris was screwed. There would be no way to sell it to Noah without getting the shit beaten out of him.

“So what does that mean?” Olivia asked. “We just don’t tell anyone?”

As much as Chris wanted to disagree and tell her they’d figure out a way to break it to everyone, he didn’t see that working. The depths of Paige’s anger would be impossible to overcome. Noah’s wrath would be catastrophic. They wouldn’t stand a chance.

Hell, Chris wasn’t even sure if he was fully on board with their relationship. He only knew that he wanted to give it a fighting chance.

“For now,” he replied. “While it’s still new.”

Olivia nodded, but Chris was sure a flicker of disappointment briefly marred her expression.

“Any other reasons why this isn’t a good idea?”

She looked down at her feet. “Just one.”

Chris stood and walked over to her, tipping her chin up with his fingers and forcing her gaze to meet his. “What is it?”

She gulped. “Drew.”

Of all the reservations she might have had, her old boyfriend hadn’t even been on Chris’s radar for some reason. “What about Drew?”

“He died only a few months ago.”

Chris dropped his hand from her face and took a step back. “And you still love him?” he guessed, the idea hitting him like a punch to the gut. He’d been jealous of Drew on the night of his birthday, but he’d never felt this kind of envy before—the kind that hurt.

Olivia surprised him by letting out a choked laugh. “No, it’s not that. My feelings for him ended before the accident.”

When she’d found out he’d been cheating, Chris guessed. He just wasn’t sure why Olivia hadn’t broken up with Drew then. Nobody could have blamed her.

“Then what’s the problem?” he asked.

Olivia ran her hands over her face and sighed. “The problem is that enough people already hate me because they blame me for his death. If I start dating again, how do you think those people will react?”

“You’re allowed to move on, Liv,” he argued gently.

“Am I?” she asked with a small shake of her head. “Some people won’t see it that way. Some of your teammates might not even see it that way.”

Chris scoffed. “Most of my teammates didn’t even like Drew,” he told her. “They wouldn’t judge you. Besides, if we’re keeping things quiet for now, they won’t even know.”

Olivia’s frown didn’t soften, so he closed the space between them again and palmed her face.

“I’m not sure what we’re doing yet, but I know that I don’t want to mess this up,” he told her. “I want to figure this out without the world getting in the way, and that includes the idiots who think you have to stay loyal to Drew forever.”

Olivia’s neck was craned back to look up at him, and her face looked so small beneath his hands. She’d always been so fierce, but something had changed in her, and the woman who stood before him now looked afraid. Chris hated it.

He brushed his thumb over her cheek, her soft skin feeling delicate beneath his callused fingers. “But if this works and we end up telling people, I’ll kill anyone who even looks at you wrong.”

That got a smile out of her. A small one, but beautiful nonetheless.

“Everyone around us would tell us this won’t work,” he admitted. “But I knew the moment I saw you walking into my party in that plaid skirt that I wanted you to be mine.”

Olivia’s eyes flared, and her lips parted. “What?”

He huffed out a self-deprecating laugh. “I hated Drew because I wished it was me by your side instead,” he told her. “The accident and my own stubbornness may have gotten in the way since, but I knew then that you were the only woman I wanted.”

Olivia bit her bottom lip, but her grin couldn’t be hidden. “I’m not sure I believe you.”

“It’s true,” he insisted. “I thought you looked like a sexy librarian, and I started wondering if I had a glasses fetish.”

She chuckled. “Now I know you’re lying.”

Chris shook his head. “I thought you were the most beautiful woman there.”

Olivia searched his eyes, and her grin slowly faded, giving way to something that looked like wonder. “I’ve had a crush on you since the day we met,” she told him, her cheeks turning rosy at the admission.

Chris smiled. “I know.”

She’d been less obvious after the first year or two, but she’d basically had a flashing neon sign on her forehead before that. He’d just been too stupid to reciprocate that crush, but he’d blame it on him being a dumb teenager.

“So what do you say?” he asked. “Want to give this idiot a chance?”

Her lips curved up. “I thought you’d never ask.”

“And you’re okay keeping it a secret for now?”

Her smile dimmed, but she agreed with a nod. “Yeah.”

It was obvious she didn’t like it, but Chris couldn’t see another option. It was either explore their relationship in secret or risk the wrath of everyone they knew.

“So I’ll see you at the library tomorrow?” he asked. “At our usual table?”

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “If that’s your way of asking if I’ll stop avoiding you, then yes.”

“Good,” Chris replied before lowering his head to kiss her again.

Olivia’s lips parted beneath his, and just like that, he was hard again. His fingers sank into her hair, the soft strands like velvet against his skin. She had no idea how intensely she affected him. With just a single brush of her tongue against his, Chris was ready to burn the world for her.

With that kiss, he knew he was in trouble. Despite everything telling him he shouldn’t have sought her out, he wanted her so badly that he never wanted to stop.

With the next sweep of Olivia’s tongue, the last thread of Chris’s restraint broke. He groaned into her mouth and pulled her toward the bed. They landed on her mattress in a tangle of limbs, their arms wrapped around one another and their legs entwined.

Chris shifted, keeping his mouth pressed to hers as he placed himself on top. Olivia’s legs wrapped around him, drawing him in closer, and he knew she could feel how hard he was for her. He moved his hand down the curve of her waist, letting it come to a rest on her hip. Wanting her to feel in control of how far this went, he was about to flip them over, but Olivia went still beneath him.

A new kind of tension had stiffened her body, and Chris ended the kiss and lifted himself up. He noted the way she was looking over his shoulder as though she didn’t want to meet his gaze.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

Olivia shook her head and placed her hands on his shoulders. “Nothing. I’m sorry.”

Chris frowned. “Liv, what’s going on?”

She chewed on her bottom lip. “Maybe we should take this slow,” she eventually said.

“Of course,” he replied, moving off her to stand at the foot of the bed.

Olivia sat up. “It’s not that I wasn’t enjoying that,” she rushed to say.

Chris smirked. “Good to know.”

“It’s just that I’m not ready to go further yet,” she explained. “It’s, uh, been a while.”

Chris stepped forward and knelt in front of her. He reached out and smoothed a messy strand of her platinum-blonde hair.

“I wasn’t expecting to go further today,” he told her, and it was the truth.

He hadn’t even intended to kiss her, and when he had, he’d half-expected her to reject him. The fact that she’d kissed him back was miracle enough for him.

“And I never want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with,” he said, needing her to understand that. “You set the pace, okay?”

Olivia nodded, a grateful smile tipping up her lips. “Thank you. I’m sorry for freaking out.”

“Never apologize for having boundaries. I want you to be honest with me because the last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

Olivia’s smile turned bemused.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she said. “I just didn’t expect womanizing Chris Hartley to be so understanding and…sweet.”

Chris didn’t think anyone had ever called him sweet before, and definitely not for something that was just human decency. “You have a very low bar if you think a guy is sweet for not pushing you into having sex with him.”

Olivia let out a small huff. “I guess you’re right.”

“Damn straight.”

Olivia shook her head. “Is this real?”

Chris’s eyebrows drew together. “What do you mean?”

“You. This. It seems too good to be true.”

“I could say the same,” he replied. “I was surprised you even let me in.”

Olivia let out an amused huff. “I was surprised you even showed up at my door.”

“Touché.” He leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to her forehead before standing. “I should go home, but I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

Olivia smiled and nodded, a pink hue gracing her cheeks. “At our usual table.”