11

Chris pulled into Olivia’s driveway and turned off the car, cutting off the music that she’d been drowning herself in to forget what had happened.

“Look, I’m sorry,” he said with a sigh. “I shouldn’t have invited you in.”

Olivia bit the inside of her cheek to keep in her scoff. She shouldn’t have been surprised by how quickly his tune had changed when Paige had infiltrated their bubble. He’d been willing to be something close to a friend to her until his sister-in-law had reminded him of the hate he’d used to feel toward her.

She shouldn’t have been shocked that he hadn’t argued when Paige told her their family wanted nothing to do with her. She shouldn’t have been hurt that he hadn’t said anything in her defense but had rather agreed it had been a mistake to ask for her help.

Olivia should have expected it all, but hope made fools of everyone, and she wasn’t an exception.

“Yeah,” she finally replied, bitterness leaking into her tone. “Next time, I’ll just get the fucking Uber and leave you and your family alone.”

Chris let out a sharp exhale. “Look, I know Paige was a bit harsh, but you have to understand where she’s coming from. You can’t be that surprised by how she reacted.”

Olivia nodded, her eyes aching and her chest burning. “Sure.”

“Come on, Olivia,” he said, sounding tired. “You can’t hold it against her.”

“Right, because you both still blame me for the accident,” she said, her hold on her anger breaking. “For Lucas’s death.”

“Yes,” Chris snapped back.

Olivia couldn’t look at him. She couldn’t face what his words meant and the repercussions they would have on their relationship.

“I shouldn’t even be hanging out with you,” Chris continued. “Fuck, I’m meant to hate you. I want to hate you.”

Olivia felt a tear drop to her cheek, but she left it to roll down her face and into the material of her jacket. It was on her right side, so luckily, Chris couldn’t see it. She swallowed past the painful knot in her throat and nodded.

“Let’s just go back to the way it was before then,” she said, her voice flat and thankfully devoid of any warble or hint of her emotions. “You can hate me again, and I’ll do my best to stay out of your way so you can have a clear conscience.”

“Olivia, that’s not—”

“It’s better this way,” she cut him off, reaching for her door handle and opening it. “And don’t worry, I won’t ask for your help again.”

She got out of the car and walked through the gate leading into the backyard without looking back. She was already embarrassed enough without letting Chris see the way her face had crumpled and her tears had started falling with earnest.

Olivia was grateful for the privacy that the pool house offered as she slammed the door behind her and a sob tore through her tight throat. She felt so stupid and na?ve.

Chris is right , the voice in her head whispered. The accident was your fault.

“No,” she said aloud, her head shaking in denial.

You can’t keep lying to yourself.

Olivia yanked her jacket off and threw it to the ground before storming into the bathroom. She turned the shower on and tore off the rest of her clothes. The scorching water did little to wash the humiliation and guilt from her skin. Eventually, her tears dried up, and Olivia sat down on the tile and wrapped her arms around her legs, not wanting to leave the warmth of the shower.

She knew Chris was right. She shouldn’t have been surprised by Paige’s reaction, but that didn’t mean Olivia wasn’t hurt by Chris’s complicit silence.

He’d agreed with everything Paige had said. He’d been ashamed that he’d let Olivia into the house and had put Luke in her arms. He’d regretted all of it. He hadn’t even been able to own up to the fact that he’d spent the morning with her at the climbing gym.

Chris would never be her friend, and he most certainly wouldn’t ever want more than friendship with her. She’d been living in a delusion for the past few weeks, and this had been her wake-up call.

It’s your fault.

The voice in Olivia’s head was right, and after she’d stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a towel, she opened the bathroom cabinet below the sink. She took out the bottle of painkillers and stared at it as water dripped from her wet hair onto the cold tile beneath her feet.

You need to pay.

Olivia opened it and tipped a handful of the pills into her palm.

You know this is the only way to escape the guilt.

She did know, but Olivia shook her head and put the pills back into the bottle. She couldn’t do that to her family. She couldn’t do it to herself. She lifted her gaze and looked in the mirror. She wasn’t surprised to see Drew standing beside her, his eyes sad as they met hers.

“I love you,” he said, the imaginary words piercing through her.

“This has to stop,” she replied.

Drew vanished, disappearing into the steam from her shower.

Olivia was no different from Chris or Paige. Like them, she was stuck in the past and wasn’t sure how she was meant to move on and leave it all behind her. But maybe that was impossible.

Maybe they would all remain stuck in the past, haunted by that night for the rest of their lives and unable to find the closure they needed.

◆◆◆

“Is everything okay?” Noah asked.

“Yeah,” Olivia said. “Just tired.”

Her brother didn’t reply immediately, and she could feel his worried gaze on the side of her face.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

She turned her head and sent him a false smile. “I know. I just didn’t sleep well last night, that’s all.”

A part of her wished she could tell him the truth about that morning, but she couldn’t when Chris was one of his best friends. Her actions had already put a strain on their friendship, and she didn’t want to cause any more issues.

“Okay,” he said, though his concern didn’t dissipate. “How’s your leg?”

Though Olivia hadn’t told him what happened with Paige and her fight with Chris, he’d known that his friend was taking her rock climbing. He was probably ecstatic that his friend no longer seemed to be holding a grudge against her. She wondered if he’d ever find out how untrue that was.

“It’s good.” Olivia shifted on the sofa, stretched out said leg in front of her, and rested her foot on the coffee table. “It’s a bit sore, but the good kind of sore. I didn’t realize how much of a workout it would be.”

Noah leaned back into the cushions behind him. “It’s not easy, that’s for sure. Do you think you’ll go again?”

“I don’t think so.” She couldn’t lie to his face, so she looked down at the scar left exposed by her shorts. “It was fun, but I don’t think I can handle doing it again.”

Noah frowned. “I thought the whole point was to get over your fear.”

Olivia tilted her head from side to side. “It was more just to face my fear, so mission accomplished, I’d say.”

Her brother chuckled. “Sounds like a cop-out to me.”

Olivia chucked a cushion at him. “Whatever.”

He threw the cushion back at her, and she put it on her lap.

“So, are you going to try to drive soon?” he asked, his amusement giving way to gentle concern.

She thought of how she’d freaked out when Chris had looked down at his phone while driving. “I don’t know. I think I need a bit more time.”

“Ella loves having someone to carpool with, so there’s no rush.”

Olivia started playing with the tassels of the hideous cushion her mother was so fond of. “I’m sure she’d rather carpool with you.”

Noah snorted. “She did that for a while and got tired of it very quickly. Turns out it’s hard to get up early just because your boyfriend and his friends have football training.”

“Ah,” she replied, her smile genuine this time. “I get that.”

“So she’s much happier going to campus with you,” he reassured her.

Olivia still worried that Ella would be happier carpooling with Asher, considering the two of them were so close, but she shoved her concerns away. Asher still sometimes joined Ella and Olivia, but more often than not, he seemed happy to meet up with Riley on campus before classes started.

“Speaking of campus, how are all your classes going?” Noah asked.

“They’re tough, but I’m loving them.”

“Of course you are,” he replied with a shake of his head. “You’ve always been a genius.”

Olivia rolled her eyes. “That’s a bit of an exaggeration.”

Noah sent her an unimpressed look. “You and I both know that you’re insane when it comes to anything with numbers.”

She shrugged. “I guess.”

He hummed. “Fake modesty isn’t a good trait, you know.”

Olivia laughed. “It’s not fake. I just don’t think I’m that great compared to some people.”

Noah narrowed his eyes on her. “People like Riley?” he asked, hitting the nail on the head.

Olivia sighed. “Yeah.”

He sat up straighter. “Have you spoken to your mom since the big fight at the family dinner?”

She nodded, holding in her wince at the reminder of the huge hissy fit she’d had in front of her family, Ella, Asher, and Chris. “She’s apologized a few times since then.”

“And did you accept her apology?”

“I mean, kind of.” She lifted a shoulder. “She explained some things to me, and I understand things better now, but I’m not sure if I can forgive her for all of it.”

“I don’t blame you,” Noah replied. “And how are things with Riley?”

Olivia took a deep breath in and let it out in a long exhale. “I don’t know. She’s trying hard, but I’m still mad at her, too.”

He considered her words for a moment before asking, “How do you feel about inviting her over for our movie marathon?”

Olivia let out a scoff. “Unbelievable,” she muttered.

She’d been looking forward to spending time with her brother, but clearly she wasn’t interesting enough anymore. He was happy to have movie days with Riley without feeling bad that Olivia had been left out, but God forbid he had to hang out with just Olivia.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“If you want to hang out with Riley so badly, fine.” She stood up and threw the tasseled cushion back on the sofa. “I’ve got some calculus problems to work on anyway.”

Noah grabbed her forearm. “Olivia, wait. I was just suggesting it because I know she wants to talk to you about something.”

“It’s fine,” she said through gritted teeth. “I know you and Riley are super close now, so I wouldn’t want to get in the way of your sibling bonding.”

Noah sighed impatiently. “I was the one who suggested having a movie marathon with just the two of us, remember?”

Olivia bit the inside of her lip. She did remember. She was acting like the bratty teenager she’d used to be. “I know,” she admitted grudgingly before sitting back down and clutching the pillow to her chest.

“I’m more than happy to spend the day just with you,” Noah told her. “But I’d also love it if we could hang out with Riley at some point. We’re family.”

Olivia nodded, unable to get the words of agreement past her throat.

“Besides, weren’t you the one who invited Dad?” Noah pressed with a smirk that said he knew he was winning the argument. “I’d say if anyone is getting in the way of our sibling bonding, it’s you.”

Olivia pressed her lips together. Annoyingly, the man had a point. “You’re such a smartass.”

“Speaking of Dad, where is he?”

“He’ll be here soon. He just had to drop off that new dining room table at the store.”

Their dad had a store in Old Town, but most of his time was spent in their garage restoring old furniture and making his own pieces. Olivia just wished that his working from home actually meant being able to spend more time with him, but that hadn’t really been the case.

After she’d knocked over some paint while trying to help him when she was a kid, she hadn’t stepped foot in the garage. She was too embarrassed to after he’d snapped at her. She’d probably overreacted to him getting annoyed with her, but she’d felt like a nuisance afterward and didn’t want to go where she wouldn’t be wanted.

Of course, Riley hadn’t had that problem, and since moving in, she’d spent more time with Olivia’s dad than Olivia probably had.

“I’m glad you invited him,” Noah said after turning on the TV and getting the first Jason Bourne movie set up.

“Well, you two are the only ones I’m not currently fighting with, so it made sense,” she half-joked.

Noah grinned. “So what you’re saying is we’re your favorites?”

“For now,” she said. “But you could secure that spot permanently by going to the kitchen and making some popcorn.”

Noah sighed but stood up. “Fine, but I better get the number one spot if I do.”

Olivia grinned. “You’ve got a deal.”

But once she was alone in the living room, her smile faded, and her enthusiasm waned. She’d always felt like second or even third-best in their family, but it felt like a shift had finally taken place. The only problem was now that her parents were making changes to make her feel like more of a priority, Olivia was no longer sure she was worthy of it.

If Noah and her dad ever found out about what she’d been hiding from them, there was a good chance they’d never want to have a movie day with her ever again. She’d given and was still giving her family so much grief over their actions, but she’d done far worse than any of them.

She was a hypocrite, and when Noah returned with a bowl of popcorn, and her dad arrived back home with a bag of her favorite snacks, she knew she didn’t deserve them.