27. Rowan

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

rowan

Being just friends with Benny is pure torture. There’s no denying that, but it’s still better than watching him walk around school and practice like a goddamn ghost. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I’m glad he’s agreed to us being friends, even though his no touching rule is killing me. I’ve jerked off more these past two weeks than I have in my entire life, but if it means I still have Benny in my life, then it’s worth it.

I don’t care if it makes me weak. I can love him from a distance, but at least now, it’s an acceptable distance, where I still get to hear his voice and smell his sweet scent. Creepy—yes, I know, but I never said I wasn’t a little bit of a creeper. Especially when it comes to Benny.

My Benny—who’s currently flirting with a cheerleader when he’s supposed to be warming up for practice.

Friends.

We’re just friends. And Benny is a social guy. He’s a flirt. He loves that, and it’s good to see him coming back to his old self— for the most part. The other part of me wants to run my fist into the wall, thinking about the pretty cheerleader putting her pretty lips on my man.

I try to shake that thought away. Not. Mine.

He says something that has her giggling up a storm before he jogs back over to the team, just in time for Coach to walk out and bark orders at us to start doing laps. Fucking basketball.

It’s my least favorite sport, but it keeps me out of the house, and these days, with my anger simmering barely below the surface, it’s necessary not to be around my father as much as possible.

“Get her number?” I ask as Benny jogs next to me, giving me a teasing, knowing grin.

“Aw, don’t be jealous, Kincaid.”

He doesn’t bother keeping his voice low, since everyone around us is used to his teasing shit. It doesn’t make me nervous like it once did either. I’m warm all over, but not because of nerves. It’s because Benny is here, right next to me. His arm bumping against mine occasionally as we run around the gym. “Not jealous. Feeling sorry for the poor girl, having to put up with your ass.”

He leans in a little closer as we round the corner. “You love my ass.”

Heat floods through me for an entirely different reason now, blood flowing to my cock, which makes running really uncomfortable. “Knock it off.” But my tone holds no bite. He knows I’m not angry when he flashes that bright smile at me.

I’m so damn happy to see that smile again. I was afraid I wouldn’t. It seems us being friends works for Benny.

“I didn’t ask for her number,” he says casually, not even breaking a sweat, even though we’re running the fastest and heading up the rest of the team. “I’m kind of hung up on someone else.”

I nearly trip over my feet at his admission, my heart skipping too. But I recover—just barely. “That so?”

“Yup. Really messed me up, but we’re trying to navigate the whole friends thing, even though I’d jump right back into bed in a heartbeat.”

He’s going to kill me. I don’t trip this time, but I feel it just as deep. Me too. I want to say it, but I can’t. Friends. We have to be friends.

“Well, maybe being with someone else will help.” The words hurt to say. I mean actually hurt, burning deep inside because that’s the last thing I want. Mine. My heart screams it, but I don’t say anything. I don’t pull back my words.

He looks pale when his head turns my way, but he just shakes his head. “Nah. I don’t want anyone else.”

I almost stop running. Almost pull him into my arms and claim him right here in front of everyone, consequences be damned. But I can’t do it. I can’t make myself not care about what everyone would think.

A big hand smacks my ass, and I look at Vaughn with a growl as he runs past. “Keep up, man. You’re getting slow.”

“Fuck you, Montgomery.”

He just laughs, and then Benny does too, jogging off to catch up with Vaughn. Not one to be left behind, I easily catch up to them both and pass them. Benny races up to run shoulder to shoulder with me though. “Come over after practice.”

“What?” I hiss, looking over my shoulder, but no one is paying attention to us.

“You heard me.” He runs easily, still not even breaking a sweat. “Just come over for dinner. My parents miss you. My mom likes hearing all your over-the-top compliments.” I shove him, but he doesn’t miss a beat, his lithe body keeping pace. “My dad wants help with the chores. He’s getting up there, you know?”

I roll my eyes. His dad is perfectly capable of doing the nightly chores, but I can’t say no. I miss his parents too. Even though I’m pretty embarrassed about his dad seeing my bare ass, I still miss him. “Fine.”

“Yeah?” Benny stops suddenly and almost gets his ass run over but starts to run again.

“Yeah,” I laugh. “Friends.”

He frowns but recovers quickly and shines that bright smile my way. “Friends.”

Yeah, right.

“Well, Rowan. Hi, sweetie.” Benny’s mom gives me a great big hug, and I can’t help but close my eyes and lean into it, her motherly hug warming places in my heart I thought were long dead.

“Hi. Sorry I haven’t been by for a while.”

“It’s okay.” She waves me off and releases me. “I’m just glad you’re here.” And she really does look glad to see me. I’m sure she knows what happened with Benny and me—though I’m not sure how much she knows—and she still looks so happy that I’m here in her kitchen.

I take my coat off, and we sit down to a hot delicious dinner while they all talk about their day and include me in it. I think about dinners at my own house, usually just grabbing a sandwich and going to my room. Grunting a hello to my dad in passing.

What the hell am I even fighting for with my dad? Does he even love me?

A hand squeezes mine under the table, and I can feel Benny’s worry as he raises a brow in my direction. “You okay?”

I nod slowly, stunted because I’m really not. Not at all. I want this all so badly. I want to hold his hand above the table and kiss him. To hold onto him and never let him go.

I want to be here not as his friend but his boyfriend. And I think everyone at this table would be okay with that, but I’m still holding back my happiness because I can’t lose my dad.

“You know, Rowan, I found this recipe for a decadent cheesecake I was going to make, but these two don’t like cherry. What about you?”

“Cherry is my favorite,” I answer her honestly, and she beams.

“Well, I think I’ll make it Saturday then. Why don’t you come over for dinner, so it doesn’t go to waste with these two cherry haters.”

Benny laughs. “You take it so personally, Mom.”

“I do,” she laughs, and it’s so effortless and beautiful, that sound.

I nod my head. “Yeah. I could do that.”

“Great.” His dad smacks my back happily. “We have to fix a fence and could use the extra help.”

I chuckle, wiping at my mouth with a napkin. “Why do I feel I’ve been hustled?”

“Hey, at least you’ll get cheesecake,” Benny teases.

I don’t laugh though. I look deep into his pretty eyes, my heart stuttering and my expression going deadly serious. “I would have done it without the cheesecake.”

He smiles, but it’s a little sad, his eyes watery. “I know.”

His parents don’t call us out on the weird moment, and after dinner, we go out to the barn to close up for the night.

Before I leave, I want more than anything to pull him into my arms and kiss him, but I keep my distance. “I don’t really want you to find someone else.” I breathe in the cold night air when he walks me to my truck.

“I don’t want anyone else, Rowan,” he says softly.

But how long can that really last?

It’s not fair of me to accept that, but being a selfish asshole like I am, I just nod my head and climb into my truck, driving to my house.

My dad’s truck is here, and no part of me wants to deal with him tonight. Thankfully, when I go inside, he’s in the living room, zoned out with a beer in his hand, watching television, and I just sneak past him up to my room.

I lie on my bed and close my eyes, my thoughts going to where they always do.

My Benny.