21. Rowan

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

rowan

This thing with Benny is becoming a real problem. I mean, I can’t think about anything but him. It’s insane.

I’ve been inside him numerous times over the past week, and I crave it just as much every single time as I did that first time. Maybe more now that I know how incredible it is.

I’ve mostly been able to avoid my father, but I don’t miss the looks in my direction. The scrutiny. I wish I didn’t care. I don’t want to care, but something makes me continue to worry about him actually finding out.

There’s always that fear in the back of my mind, except when it’s just Benny and me. But times like right now, when we’re at practice and around all the other guys on the team, I worry that one of them will catch on.

I didn’t ask him if Dallas knew. And even though it seemed like he did, I didn’t want to know. I want Benny to be able to have that. To be able to tell his best friend about us. But actually knowing he knows—I can’t handle it.

I’m weak.

That’s for sure because that terror is always there.

Not scared enough to stop though. I can’t seem to let him go. We only have a few more weeks of football left, and then it’s Thanksgiving and Christmas. Winter break and then just one more semester.

What’s going to happen after graduation?

I don’t know if I can ever get over this gnawing fear and just be with him. In fact, I’m pretty sure I can’t.

After practice, I’m keyed up and want him so bad I can barely stand it. I’m shaking with it as I take my shower, all the other guys on the team messing around and taking their sweet time. I hope Benny is too because I can’t look over at him. If I glance in his direction once, I’m certain everyone around will be able to see how badly I want him.

Finally, the locker room clears out, and when it’s just Benny and me, both of us still in our towels, I press him against the locker and kiss him hard, not giving him a second to argue or me to overthink it. I just need to taste him.

“I’ve wanted to do this all day,” I breathe against his lips, and his hand goes into my damp hair as his mouth melds with mine.

I can feel his dick pressing against mine through the fabric of our towels, and I know this is dangerous. I know we need to stop this, but I can’t. My hands trail over his wet chest, dipping into every crevice of his defined muscles. He feels so good pressed against me like this.

“I need you,” I say, biting on his bottom lip and making him groan.

“Let’s go to my house,” he pants, probably recognizing just how risky this is, but he’s also not fighting me on it.

“Can’t wait that long.” I unhook the knot of his towel, and it falls to the ground.

“Coach is still here somewhere,” he says, but I can feel the need thundering through him so badly, he’s trembling with it. I fall to my knees, faced with his hard, leaking cock. I grasp it with my hand and stroke languidly. “Someone could come in,” he tries, but he doesn’t want me to stop, and I don’t want to. I want this with him. Right here and now.

“I guess we’ll have to make it fast then,” I say as I wrap my mouth around the tip and suck hard.

He groans loudly, too loudly, but I don’t tell him to be quiet. I think some reckless part of me wants to be caught. I’m tired of hiding, and it’s probably the lust running through my veins, but I push it all away for a moment, sucking him deep down my throat—I’m getting pretty good at this part. I relax my throat and close my eyes, my hands going to his firm, bare ass and encourage him to fuck my mouth.

He does, gently, in his sweet Benny way. My cock is aching with every sound he makes. “I’m close.”

I’m happy to hear that because only then do I reach down, flicking my towel open and grasp my aching shaft, beating off to the sounds of pleasure coming from him and the way he fucks into my mouth, hitting the back of my throat and choking me in the best way.

He comes on a shout, covering his mouth with his arm, and after I swallow his load, I come a second later, making a sticky mess but not caring. I need to care more.

I stand up and steal his mouth instead. I kiss him hard, curling my hand around the back of his neck. He smiles against my lips and then rests his head against mine, breathing heavily. “That was dangerous.”

I nod in agreement, but still, the panic doesn’t set in. I pull back to look into his shimmering eyes, his cheeks flushed and his lips swollen.

I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him.

How the hell did I let this happen? My heart slams against my chest with the realization, but again, I don’t seem to really care about how stupid it was to fall in love.

I can’t be upset about it with Benny.

“Are you okay?” he whispers worriedly.

I smile at him, a real genuine smile and kiss his lips softly before releasing him and cleaning myself up with the towel. “I’m good.”

He still looks a little concerned, but he gets dressed, and I do my best to do the same, trying to focus on the task and not stare at him in complete awe. It’s not an easy feat.

“My house?” he asks when he finally gets dressed.

I grin. It all feels so easy when we’re together like this. “What’s for dinner tonight?”

He lets out a hearty laugh, and we both exit the locker room, walking side by side to the parking lot. I want nothing more than to grab his hand, but I figure one reckless thing at a time. “I’m not sure, but I know it’ll be delicious.”

“Yeah, your mom definitely knows what she’s doing in the kitchen. You think she ever gets tired of it?”

He shrugs. “She likes to cook. Always has. But I’m sure she gets tired of it sometimes. She’s not a robot.”

“She’s a good mom,” I say, like I’m declaring something we both didn’t already know. “I’m glad you have a good mom.”

If anyone deserves it, it’s Benny. He turns to me just as we reach our trucks, which are parked right next to each other. “She likes you a lot.”

I swallow hard, already knowing that. And not because I’m an egotistical asshole, but because she shows it. His dad too. And I know that when I inevitably break Benny’s heart, I’m going to break theirs too.

“I like her too,” I say, my voice strained as I think about the pain and chaos I’m going to cause. “That was dangerous,” I say, nodding toward the school. It finally sets in how reckless we actually were.

Coach could have walked in on us. He was likely in the conference room in a meeting with his assistant coach and other staff. What if it ended early and he had to go to his office before he left? What if a teammate forgot something and came back?

I can tell Benny wants to reach out and touch me—comfort me, but he seems to have his wits about him and doesn’t do it. I mourn that fact because I want nothing more right now than to feel his touch.

“It’s okay. We didn’t get caught.”

“But we could have,” I say, my heart rate speeding up and my palms starting to sweat so much that I have to wipe them on my jeans.

“I know. We won’t do it again, okay? Don’t worry.”

I want to trust what he’s saying, but the truth is I don’t know if that’s something I can promise. I wanted it. So badly. I pushed away all my fear, and I took what I wanted. I’m getting bolder and stupider with my need for him.

It’s only a matter of time before it blows up, and even knowing that, I risk leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “Let’s go.”

He looks surprised but nods slowly, and we start the drive toward his house, where I’ll eat dinner with his family and try to desperately hold on to every single scrap of love and acceptance they offer before it’s all over.

Because one thing is for certain, it will all come to an end.