20. Benny

CHAPTER TWENTY

benny

“Weeee!” I chuckle as I hold onto Christian’s little body and spin around outside. The kid just giggles in my arms, but when I stop myself, feeling a little dizzy, his dad doesn’t look too pleased.

“You know if he pukes, you’re cleaning it up,” Dallas says, but he’s smiling because the guy is always smiling these days. It’s almost hard to get used to, but I’m more than happy for my friend.

He wasn’t sure about fatherhood. He thought for sure he’d mess it up, but watching him now with his almost two-year-old, he’s happier than he’s ever been, and he’s a fantastic father.

He raises Christian with his boyfriend/Christian’s uncle and Christian’s mom. Chloe and Dallas were never in love. They never dated. It was one hookup where Dallas was pushing away his true self with everything he had, and they made a beautiful baby boy. Then Dallas went and fell in love with Chloe’s brother. Messed up? Maybe. But they’ve all worked it out. There are no hard feelings. Chloe was never in love with Dallas, and the few times I’ve been around them all together, somehow their odd family dynamic just works.

Chloe is in love with someone else now, though, so throw him into the mix, and I think Christian is actually one of the luckiest kids in this world—he has four parents who love him more than anything and worship the ground he toddles over.

“He’s not gonna puke,” I say, tucking Christian’s little body into mine, and he giggles away.

“Again. Again!”

I spin around again, making myself dizzy as hell, but I hold onto him. I wasn’t expecting them to come over today, but I guess Colt got called out of town for work, and Dallas had Christian, so he thought he’d stop by. I’m glad he did. My mind is a little bit of a wreck this afternoon.

I knew I was falling hard for Rowan even before last night, but when he was inside me—taking care of me and putting me above everything else, including his own comfort and pleasure—making sure I went over first and that it didn’t hurt...

Yeah, I lost every last bit of my heart to the man.

I tried to keep things light this morning and not get too clingy, even though that’s exactly what I was feeling. I didn’t want to let him go, but I forced myself to. My parents weren’t all that surprised when I walked through the door right around sunup, and my dad told me not to worry about chores until later today.

I was grateful and passed out on my bed until my mom knocked and told me Dallas and Christian were here.

“You okay?” Dallas looks a little worried as I try to regain my bearings, but I know he’s not talking about me being dizzy.

“I’m fine,” I say, hoping to reassure him.

I put Christian down, and he toddles toward the fence where some cows are waiting to greet him. Dallas and I follow behind as Christian goes over and rubs one of the cows’ noses.

I chuckle when Christian grimaces. “Slimy.”

Dallas laughs too, but Christian goes right back to petting the animal. “You sure you’re okay? I mean, our conversation last time I saw you...”

Right. When I asked him how he knew he was gay and pretty much told him I wanted Rowan.

And then I hear the rumble of a familiar truck before I can reassure Dallas I’m fine, and the goofy ass grin on my face probably tells him just how fine I am anyway.

Rowan looks slightly uncomfortable as he parks his truck and sits there for a moment. I’m a little worried he’s just gonna drive off and lift my hand to wave to him.

“Is that Rowan Kincaid?” Dallas raises his brows at me, and I nod, unable to remove the grin from my face.

“Yup,” I say, popping the p . Not at all playing it cool.

Rowan slowly climbs out of the truck and heads for us. God help me, I think my heart is coming out of my chest this time. He’s so hot but also just... mine.

I know Dallas sees it, but he doesn’t call me on it. He nods his head in Rowan’s direction as he reaches us. “Rowan, hey. Good to see you.”

Rowan’s jaw is set hard, but he’s not angry. I think he’s nervous. Probably because of all the shit he gave Dallas back in the day and maybe because he thinks Dallas knows. “Hi. Sorry. I didn’t know you’d be here.” He looks unsure as his eyes meet mine. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“No biggie,” I say, picking Christian up to face Rowan. “You haven’t met Dallas’s son yet, right? This is Christian.”

Rowan smiles, though, when he looks at little Christian. “Hey, little guy.”

“Christian, this is my friend, Rowan,” I say.

“Hi!” Christian waves and then wiggles his way out of my arms and goes back to his animals.

“He’s cute,” Rowan says to Dallas.

“Yeah. And spoiled rotten.”

“I bet,” Rowan says with a smile, grabbing onto the back of his neck with his hand. “I should go. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had company.”

“No. Stay,” I say desperately, and I don’t even try to hide how badly I want him to stay. “My mom is making a big lunch that will feed the entire town, so you have to stay or she’ll be sad it’s all going to go to waste.”

Dramatic? Yes. Do I care? Nope.

And it makes Rowan smile and nod in agreement. “Well, we can’t have that. I like your mom.”

I’m beaming with happiness and totally ignore Dallas’s imploring gaze. We go up to the house where my mom is, in fact, thrilled that Rowan is joining us, and we all sit down at her table.

After lunch, Dallas has to go, but my mom makes him promise to bring Christian by for Halloween and even locks in around Christmastime too. Dallas is more than happy to oblige.

I walk them out to the truck, while Rowan stays to do dishes with my mother. “It’s an actual thing, huh?” Dallas asks as he gets Christian into his car seat and then closes the door to face me.

“I...” I want to tell him everything, but I can’t betray Rowan like that.

Dallas seems to know, though, his lips thinning out and he looks concerned. “Be careful, okay? That guy has some demons.”

“Don’t we all?”

He cocks his head to the side, like yeah, right , and I laugh.

“Well, not me.” I really don’t. I’ve had a good life already with supportive parents. I know they might be surprised to find out I’m with a guy, but they’d be just fine with it. Not everyone is that lucky. “But I mean, my best friend had some pretty serious demons there for a while, and it all worked out.” I wink at him.

He rolls his eyes and shoves my shoulder. “Took me a while.”

“I’m not in a hurry,” I say honestly because, even though it hurts to hide this thing with Rowan, I’m holding out hope that it’ll be okay.

He nods, not looking all that sure but trusting me anyway. “Take care of yourself.”

“I will.” He hops into his truck, and I wave to him and Christian before I walk back into the house, happy to find Rowan still in the kitchen with Mom. She has her recipe book out, and I think she’s preparing to bake something.

“What’s up?”

“Oh.” My mom looks up at me from where she’s crouching down, looking at her recipes on the kitchen counter. “I thought I’d make you boys a pie for dinner. There’s leftover food from lunch, but a nice dessert would be good.”

“She’s already talked you into staying for dinner?” I ask Rowan, amused.

He blushes slightly, which is just too adorable for words and shrugs. “Don’t have anything else to do.”

“Well, we do.” Dad walks into the kitchen with my mom’s suitcase and a black bag he uses when we go on trips. “Woman, we need to get on the road.”

My mom waves him off and starts gathering ingredients. “Rowan, honey, can you grab the flour off the top of the fridge?” Rowan goes in that direction instantly, and watching him help my mother tugs at my heart. My mom looks over at my dad. “We have plenty of time, just let me get this on for the boys, and I’ll trust them to take it out of the oven on time.”

She stares at me, trying to be all threatening and shit, but it’s just funny. “We will,” I say with a laugh. “Where are you guys going?’

“Our anniversary is next weekend, but your father couldn’t take it off, so we’re going to the city tonight to stay in a hotel.”

“Thanks for telling me,” I say, teasing. My parents are still ridiculously in love after all these years, and honestly, it just makes me really happy.

She rolls her eyes at me, knowing I’m not at all bothered. “You’re eighteen. You’ll be fine for a night alone.”

“I suppose. I might get scared though,” I say, and she just laughs at me, starting on her pie crust.

“Well, I’m sure Rowan will stay and protect you then.” I know she’s joking around, but I don’t miss the way Rowan freezes for a moment. He hides it pretty well, though, and goes about helping my mother.

When she gets the pie in the oven, she tells Rowan the instructions on how to know it’s done and sets a timer. She kisses my cheek. “Okay, call if you need anything.”

“But don’t need anything,” my dad says, and Mom gives Rowan and me both a hug. Dad squeezes my shoulder and tells me not to burn down the house, and then they’re off, leaving Rowan and me in my house alone.

I watch my parents leave down the drive before I approach Rowan. “Hi,” I say softly.

“Hi,” he says, putting his hands on my hips.

“You know, if I knew my parents were going out of town tonight, I probably could have saved freezing my balls off last night for tonight.”

“Is that so?” His left eyebrow kicks up, and I laugh, shaking my head.

“Nah. Last night was perfect.”

He lets out a heavy breath, and I realize he was nervous. “Good.”

I brush my hand over his cheek. “It was, Rowan. You know that, right? It was perfect.” I brush my lips over his, and his eyes close.

“It was.”

“You okay?” I ask as I pull back from him to look at his pained expression. “Was your dad there when you got home?” My concern starts to rise. He looks physically okay, but he definitely looks drained.

“He was.” He presses a kiss to my lips and sits down at the kitchen table. “But it was fine. He was his normal asshole self, but I wasn’t around him much. I went back to sleep, and he was gone when I woke up.”

I sit down at the kitchen table next to him, taking his big hand in mine. “You gonna stay the night here?”

He doesn’t think about it too long. “Yeah. That sounds good.” He looks over at the kitchen timer. “But don’t distract me. I’m not messing up this pie.”

I chuckle. “Afraid of my mother?”

“She’s tiny, but I have no doubt she’d lose her shit if I messed up her hard work.”

I grin at that but don’t argue with him. Instead, I tell him about the Thanksgiving where Dad and I distracted her with a game of Phase 10 and she burned the turkey. She was livid, but we still had a good Thanksgiving.

“Come on, just get inside me already,” I pant, and Rowan just chuckles, smacking my ass playfully.

“Patience.”

“No. No patience.” I wiggle my ass at him, and he groans, which pulls a wicked smile from me. I know he wants this just as badly. We’ve spent the last hour making out in my bed. Stripping and torturing each other with slow, sloppy blowjobs, but all I want now is his dick in my ass.

Is that really too much to ask?

We didn’t burn the pie and had a pretty great afternoon, taking care of the animals and going on a walk through my parents’ land. We haven’t eaten dinner yet, but I want this first.

I want to feel him inside me again, stretching me out with that big cock of his. It’s all I can think about since the last time he was inside me. I’m needy and desperate for it.

He’s already used three fingers to push lube into my hole and get me ready, trying to make sure I’m not too sore from last night. I am sore, but I still want this—him.

“Please,” I whine.

“Relax. We have all night,” he says as his condom-covered cock presses against my hole but not inside.

“So we can do it again and again, then.” I squirm some more, trying to push him into me, but he places a firm hand in the middle of my shoulder blades and holds me in place.

“I won’t hurt you.”

I look at him over my shoulder, my eyes sliding over his naked torso and up to his beautiful face. “I know that, but I’m aching with need, so you kind of are hurting me.”

He smacks my ass again, and I moan at the sting, my head falling between my braced arms as he pushes into me. It burns, but it burns so good, I have to grip the sheets with my hands and close my eyes as I revel in the feeling of being filled by him.

It’s good. So good.

“Yes,” I pant when he’s finally fully seated inside me, pausing to let us both adjust. I want to move, fuck myself on his dick, but I let him have this moment as his hand brushes slowly over my spine.

He rests both hands on my hips. “You ready?’

“Yes,” I nearly whine, but struggle to control my voice. “Please, Rowan.”

He pulls almost all the way out and then pushes into me, stealing my breath away and nailing my prostate, making me call out his name and grasp the sheets tighter.

I push back against him with every thrust, nearing the edge just as we get started, but he doesn’t let me fall over it yet. He switches from fast, sure punches of his hips to slow, dragging pulls and thrusts inside me over and over, building that delicious burn.

I’m humping the bed, seeking relief, but he toys with me for what seems like forever before he pulls out altogether. “Rowan, no,” I whine this time, and I don’t care how needy and desperate I sound.

He flips me over, though, his mouth going straight for mine in a devastating kiss and pushes back into me with one sure thrust that makes my head fall back on a deep moan.

He kisses my bare throat and thrusts into me, one hand going to my cock. It’s still slick from lube, and he starts to jerk me off in the rhythm of his thrusts. It’s not long before all my muscles pull tight, and I’m gripping his tight biceps, crying out, and shooting cum everywhere.

He shouts, his body going stiff, his cock jerking inside me as he releases. I hate the condom blocking him from coming deep inside me, but I don’t push it. I just lean up and kiss him, squeezing my ass around him and milking every drop.

He collapses on top of me like he does when he’s totally sated, and I brush his sweaty hair from his brow and hold on tightly to him.

That familiar ache starts to settle deep in my bones.

Knowing I can’t have this forever and also knowing it’s the thing I want the most out of life.

I’ve searched for this feeling my whole life, it seems, and now that I found it, I can’t have it.

Life really can be a bitch sometimes.